Reading the thread,
Films and TV Shows in the LnC Universe gave me this silly idea. I wrote this rather quickly. I hope you like it.
I've never been on a movie set, so forgive any mistakes describing that.
Superman is Hot! (or A Movie Called Superman) Clark just couldn't imagine why anyone would be interested in watching a movie about Superman. They were spending an absolute fortune on this thing. As he was sure it was going to be flop, he was aghast that this much money was being wasted. And somebody thought it would be cute for him to be in the movie. Imagine him trying to act in a movie. What a joke! The producers wanted him to do the bit part of Jimmy Olsen. They had to do some arm twisting, but they finally convinced him to do it. He had only agreed after the producers said they would donate a sizable portion of the ticket sales to the Superman Foundation.
Lois and Clark were also characters in the movie. What a hoot! Lois was going to be played by that sexy actress on 'Desperate Housewives'. Her name was Teri Hatcher. Lois just loved that show.
Clark was going to be played by Dean Cain, who had been on a bit of everything. Clark liked the two 'Gentle Ben' movies and liked to watch him on 'Las Vegas'.
Some unknown actor named Brandon Routh had been cast in the role of Superman. Clark really thought that it was funny that the guy playing Clark Kent looked a whole lot more like him than the guy playing Superman.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The premise of the movie would include a few major rescues including the Messenger and Nightfall incidents. It would also include something about The New Kryptonian Crisis. All of the facts about The New Kryptonian Crisis weren't known so they tried to get Clark to tell them, but he managed to convince them that he couldn't because it was against Kryptonian law. Good grief. What some people would fall for.
There was one thing he wasn't sure he liked about the movie. They had decided to give him secret identity. They reasoned that surely sometimes Superman would just like to walk around town or go to the theater without people watching him. His secret identity in this production was Kal-L, and he worked as a police officer. Clark rolled his eyes at the idea of Kal-El with an 'L' being his secret identity, but the producer explained that they did this because if they used a name a real person had then that person would be accused of being Superman. He hoped nobody else had that name.
They also had him involved with a fellow police officer - his beautiful partner. Yikes! That was scary. She would only be referred to as 'Sugar'. She was played by a lady named Kate Bosworth.
~~~~~~~~~~~
His bit part only consisted of about seven or eight lines, but he was on the set for two days. They had decided to make Jimmy a redhead for some reason. It was pretty funny when he was dressed as Jimmy and wore a red wig. While he was wearing this getup, he was able to hear what many of the actresses and even an actor said about him. They thought he was hot! He was hot? He knew women fell at his feet, but he thought that was because of the power thing. He was hot?
Not realizing who he was, one pretty little actress spoke to him the first morning he was on the set. She said conspiratorially. "I've heard he is supposed to be on the set today. Have you seen him?"
With raised eyebrows, he answered noncommittally. "Uhh... Well...."
She sighed and looked downhearted. "Oh, I guess you wouldn't have seen him, either. They are probably hiding him. I was really hoping to snag him and drag him off to my trailer." She batted her lashes. "To... You know.... So many things I'd like to do to him." She sighed dreamily.
He raised his eyebrows. "Well.... ummm.... You know, he.. he..."
"Oh, I know he wouldn't normally do that. But I can be very convincing," she said passionately
Clark was blushing profusely and gave her a kind of half grin. "I, uh... I gotta go... I hear them calling me." He walked off towards the assistant director.
"I didn't hear anything. How did you...."
She followed Clark. When he sat down in the chair that was labeled 'Superman', and the actress saw him do so, she was mortified. She ran over to him and touched his shoulder. He looked at her. "Yes?" He smiled.
She said a little shakily, "You... are him?" He nodded. "Ohhh... I can't believe I said that to you."
"Well, what had you planned on saying to me if you knew it was me you were saying it to?"
"Well, I hadn't *planned* on talking." She turned and pointed out her trailer. "That's where I'll be."
He looked over to the director. "Does this go on all the time?"
"Ummm.... Let's just say it's a lot worse than usual. What can I say? They think you are hot."
Perplexed, he answered, "I'm hot?" He shook his head lightly. "So, I'm supposed to be a policeman, huh?"
"Well, actually I imagine the only thing you do is be Superman, but it's making for a good story. And man, this is going to be blockbuster."
"Oh, come on."
"Superman, I just don't think you fully realize your hotness factor."
~~~~~~~~~~~
When he did his few lines, he performed flawlessly and naturally. The director and the producer were impressed. Now if they could just get the other actors to relax, they could get the scene shot.
After Clark made a couple of jokes they finally relaxed, and the scene was done.
Finally, he could get out of there and go back home to Lois. He wondered how they had talked him into this silly idea anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~
One year later....
The movie, 'Superman', premiered. It made more money that any other movie ever made.
Clark was so surprised, that he was in shock. Imagine that! Superman was *hot*!
~~~~~~~~~~~
*~Fin~*
