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Feedback thread for A New Hero: Part 29
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Joined: Jul 2006
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oooh, yay! a new part!  Trace's mouth was hanging open, and he said, "Wow!" He smiled then looked directly at the Purple Pixie. "Purple is my favorite color." He had a sappy, silly grin on his face. aaaw! how cute! someone's got a little crush... Claire was looking at him, too. She thought it amazing that she'd never realized how nice looking he was. And someone else does, too. This is just adorable! Good grief, I bet this is what happened the first time mom saw Superman. LOL! Yeah, it has to be!  "Will I see you again?"
The Purple Pixie flashed him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen. "I'll be around." hehehe - I sense some Superman Returns in this. I totally love that line, 'I'll be around'.  hey, btw, who is Jama named after? I forget... - she is named for 2 people isn't she? Or do I need an extra dose of coffee this morning? Cat turned to Jimmy and pulled him into the kitchen. "Now, let's talk about Clark... and Superman. Hmm.... Should we?" hehehe! Oh, that conversation has a lot of promise. I love that whole conversation with Clark and the twins afterwards, it's so cute. You really nailed it, Nancy, it's perfect. I always have a bit of a hard time trying to imagine Clark actually being a daddy and having this sort of conversation with his kids (he's being more adult with the older boys which isn't as hard to imagine), but in that scene, oh I can so totally see it. "He's smitten with the Purple Pixie, not with Claire Kent. Believe me, I know something about that kind of thing."
Claire said, "That's okay. I'll just make him see Claire." Oh boy, getting a sense of déjà-vu. LOL! This has a lot of promise, definitely! Clark smiled at her. "Lara, I'm Superman."
"Oh, that." Then she said simply and sweetly, "I know."
The entire room erupted in giggles. Clark was trying hard to keep a straight face. "And how do you *know* this, Lara?"
"Don't know. Just know." Aaaaawwwww!!!! I just plain adore her, you know! She's just so sweet and everything. That bit of conversation is absolutely precious!! Hummm.. ok, hate to say this, can't even explain why. I used to like Caitlyn. Seriously, I swear, I did. I don't really like her much anymore. How'd that happen? Don't get me wrong, though, I'm glad Lara is getting a mommy... that's not it, I dunno, I'm just getting bad vibes about Caitlyn today. Go figure. With that said... Great part! I really enjoyed it! I love starting my day like this with a little something nice to read. And now I'm off to the land of... uh... working to pay the rent...
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Thanks Lara. Don't worry - Most people have mostly hated Caitlyn all along. Maybe you are uspet because their relationship is taking another step forward? Or are you still upset because she wants to examine Los and K'al? I know you didn't like that part the last time.
Jama's name is Jama Peri - after Jimmy and Perry.
Glad you like my story!!
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Hi, Great part!  "And as for why Caitlyn is here, well, we are engaged."
There were lots of smiles, a troubled look, and a frown in the room, but nearly everyone said congratulations, and when Jon started clapping, everyone followed suit. Everything became very noisy.  Someone still jealous. More ASAP, please. MAF
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Dear Classicalla,  Best wishes, SNL
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Thank you so MUCH SNL. You made my day!!
And thank you, too, Maria. Yes, Ching got to be with Zara because of Clark, and some of this comes from my own dislike of Ching because he was so mean to Clark and even tried to kill him. I'm also going on the premise that he is angry because he wasn't born royalty and can never rule beside Zara's side.
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Well, Nancy, I am, as you know, one of those who are not so glad to see Clark get engaged to Caitlyn. But you know why, too. It is because I'm such an incredibly diehard Lois fan, pure and simple. Basically my impression of your story has not changed: I've always loved your way of writing the Kent kids and their girlfriends, fiancées and now, with Trace, boyfriends, too. Similarly, I've always loved your portrayal of Clark as a father. And I have always loved your vivid imagination, the sense that almost anything can happen in your stories, and I have always loved the warmth that you infuse in your portrayal of your characters, even including the feline ones (Meowoof!). Frankly I have just one big objection to your story, and it is the same one I've always had, namely the absence of Lois. However, Nancy, you've told me that you were inspired to write this story because an aquaintance of yours, a father of many children, is a widower. You haven't said so, but I'm just assuming that your widower friend has found a new love, who is helping him to get on with his life. And how can I say that you should not use what you see around you in the real world as an inspiration for your stories? How can I say that Clark could never become a widower? I can't say that. And how can I say that he wouldn't deserve to find another woman to share his life with if Lois died? I can't say that either, but I'm asking you to understand that ultimately, i can't be happy to see him put his life with Lois definitely behind him by moving on with another woman, no matter how well-deserved such a change of life would be. But let me say just two more things before I try to give a bit more specific FDK on this chapter: I'm really so glad that you were inspired to write this story in the first place, because it really is so good, and these boards benefit so much from your presence in general and from your story in particular. Second, I'm really glad that SNL has recently discovered your story and found out for herself how good it really is!  Okay, time for some specific FDK on just this chapter (and it's no use I even try to comment on Clark's engagement to Caitlyn, as I'll have nothing useful or helpful to say): The Purple Pixie was carrying Trace Alderbrant. The twins touched down at the home of Jim Olsen and Catherine Grant-Olsen. Trace's mouth was hanging open, and he said, "Wow!" He smiled then looked directly at the Purple Pixie. "Purple is my favorite color." He had a sappy, silly grin on his face. Hah!!! I love it when the girl gets to sweep the boy off his feet and carry him off!!! The Blue Fairy cleared her throat. "Umm... Well, Mr. Alderbrant, I know you need to call your mom and your step-dad, but do you think you could just tell them you're okay? Don't tell them what happened 'til they get home. Okay?"
It was obvious he was love-struck. "Uh-huh. Anything for the two of you." Then he turned to Claire and gave her another sappy smile. "Especially for you, Pixie. Can I call you Pixie?" Aaaawwww!!!! (Can I call you Pixie, honey?)  By the way, did I thank the two of you for pulling Caitlyn and I out of the water?" Both nodded. "Consid..."
Chloe interrupted. "We feel really bad, Daddy. We should have seen something."
Claire agreed and said, "Yeah."
"No, you did good. You can't see everything. And you can't *do* everything. Remember that, okay?" He sighed, "Now, consider yourselves grounded until I decide what to do with you." He is thanking them and grounding them at the same time. He is being nice and proud, but I don't entirely like him here, all the same. "Lara, honey, I need to tell you something. The rest of the family already knows, and I'd prefer you to be older, but because of the rest of what I have to say, I've decided that you must know this now. Now this is a secret, and it's a dangerous secret. You *mustn't* tell anyone. Do you understand?" She nodded solemnly. "I mean, no one, Lara. Besides the people in this room, there is only a three or four others who know, and you don't need to know who they are right now, okay?"
"'Kay. If this is 'posed to be so important, then why isn't Grandmother Ellen here?"
Clark's eyes got a little wide, but he answered calmly. "Grandmother Ellen doesn't know, and she can't find out. Okay?"
"But Gramma and Grampa Kent are here."
"Well, yes, but they've known longer than anyone. Okay?"
"'Kay." Sorry about the long quote, but you've got to love this kid. Clark smiled at her. "Lara, I'm Superman."
"Oh, that." Then she said simply and sweetly, "I know." Adorable!!! Wonderful!!!! The entire room erupted in giggles. Clark was trying hard to keep a straight face. "And how do you *know* this, Lara?"
"Don't know. Just know."
"How long have you known?"
"As long as I can 'member. You know when you rescued me that time? When I got lost in the snow?" Clark nodded. She gave him her most charming smile. "At least since then." Oh, wow. Clark threw his hands up in the air. That had happened when Lara had been twenty months old. That must surely be her earliest memory. "And you've never told anyone?"
"Nope!" She said matter-of-factly. "Not even Brook. She just found out, you know - last week." Yes, Brook found out last week, but Lara has known since she was twenty months old, and she has understood she must keep quiet about it!!! Clark nodded. "Yes, I know." Clark just shook his head. His children would never cease to amaze him. And I feel sorry for Lois, who never got to see and know this wonderful child. Jama said, "So you... had... relations with Lady Zara?"
Clark quickly looked at K'al and Los and wondered if they knew the truth. The both nodded to him and told him that they knew the truth. "No, I didn't. I *was* married to her, though, but that was a political solution. You all know about test tube babies. Well, that's basically what these three are." I'm glad he's telling them this. Claire was slightly shocked. "He's the ruler of New Krypton?"
"Well, Lady Zara is the regent, but he is the ruler and has been since he was born. If I understand correctly, he will not be the full ruler until he is the age of 25 Earth years." He looked at Los and K'al for confirmation. Both nodded.
K'al-El said, "Yes. But... be you ruler in truth." So Clark is the ruler of New Krypton, eh? Clark held his hand up. "Wait... So it seems earlier tonight that Chloe and Claire decided to make a hero appearance." He turned back to the twins and grinned. "Have you two thought about how the names Purple Pixie and Blue Fairy are going to sound when you are older?" Well, that's a good question. Maybe Chloe and Claire will look young forever. He looked at Jama, "Don't get any ideas."
"I'm no hurry, Daddy. I can't even fly, yet." That was funny. "Good. I like you a lot." Then she whispered in Caitlyn's ear. "I know you aren't my real mother, but can I call you Mommy? I've never really had a Mommy." This pains me, Nancy, I can't help it. Lara is Lois's child, and she's a wonderful child, and Lois gave up her life for her, but Caitlyn and not Lois will get her love. Oh, I almost feel tears welling in my eyes now. Isn't there any way you can make Lois a part of Lara's life, too? Ann
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Ann, You sneaked in here and left feedback!! Thank you! ~~ Thank you so much! And I have always loved your vivid imagination, the sense that almost anything can happen in your stories, and I have always loved the warmth that you infuse in your portrayal of your characters, even including the feline ones (Meowoof!). ~~ Yes, Ann, I'm well aware of your feelings. But I love how you care about and defend Lois. I can't say that either, but I'm asking you to understand that ultimately, i can't be happy to see him put his life with Lois definitely behind him by moving on with another woman, no matter how well-deserved such a change of life would be. ~~ Oh, Ann, you make my heart sing! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I'm really so glad that you were inspired to write this story in the first place, because it really is so good, and these boards benefit so much from your presence in general and from your story in particular. ~~ Second, I'm really glad that SNL has recently discovered your story. So, am I. And thanks again for all your wonderful feedback, SNL. ~~ I hate the idea of birth marriages, Nancy. Of course, that doesn't mean that some birth marriages don't lead to some very happy unions. If K'al stayed for a very long time in the Bridal Chamber with his new bride, then I guess he had a good time with his bride, and hopefully he will be happy with her. I don't either, but you know he'd have to have a birth wife. And they are quite happy - thus the early Ceremony of Union. More of that in the next chapter. ~~ It makes me a little sad if K'al has a roving eye if he is already married. I feel sorry for his bride, whom I fear will not have the same opportunity to console herself with the company of other men as K'al may have to play around with other women. A roving eye and noticing a pretty woman doesn't mean he'll stray. ~~ What 18 year old, married or not, wouldn't notice a pretty face? And no, he doesn't feel that a woman can't make her own decisions. I don't know, but K'al makes me uneasy. I wonder what he thinks about women? I wonder if he feels that a woman has the right to be her own person and make her own decisions? And he is going to be the ruler of New Krypton. Maybe Clark should have a little talk with him? ~~ Ah, you noticed the word Krypterran, eh? Clark is only aware of Hannah and one other "Krypterran" who is the product of rape. ~~ If he's Krypterran, Clark doesn't know. Nancy, are you going to show us this other person? Wait... it can't be Alex, can it, Claire's nasty boyfriend? ~~ <~She, nor her mother know, but her mother thinks it was Ran. And Ran is dead.~>
I'm just wondering... I would have told my students they should write "Neither she nor her mother knows". I don't know, but I think either is correct. I'll ask my favorite English teacher. ~~ Hmmmm... I feel you are working your way to a scenario where Ching is really a rather bad guy. Don't tell me he is Hanna's father, surely? Ooohh... No way! I did very briefly think about having Ching have a Earthly fling, but I quickly decided against it. He's not a bad guy. He just has a lot of angry feelings - just as he did in the New Krypton Arc. And he's very much a man of war - a warrior. ~~ More of this in the next part. Let's just say Jon got 'elected'. And remember, Clark was already looking for the twins. Hmmm. I don't entirely like Jon here, squealing on his sisters. Okay... I know that Jon is this inherently extremely good boy, and I don't mean that in a condescending way, honestly, even though I know it sounded like it. ~~ He wants them to fully understand that he isn't happy. Clark rested his elbows on his knees and steepled his hands. "Look, I'm not feeling especially patient right now." Then he said flatly, "I'm in pain. We still need to have a family meeting. And I need to go to S.T.A.R. Labs." He looked at them through narrowed eyes that appeared almost black. Then he snapped angrily. "Now speak!" I don't like Clark very much right now. I think he is being unnecessarily intimidating. ~~ Don't know yet. Sometimes this story has a mind of their own.... Hmmm, are you suggesting that Trace will be all star-struck when he's around the Purple Pixie, but he will be rather unimpressed by Claire Kent? ~~ Oh, gadfries, I hate it when I see a quote and I've screwed up the punctuation. And I'm not telling where, either!! ~~ "And don't have sex until you're at least 30 - no 60." Both of the girls giggled. "I'm serious!" Clark stood up. Yeah, right, you're serious, Clark! You may as well tell your girls that you forbid them to have children. Ahh, but he's their Daddy. He can hardly stand the thoughts of them growing up. And of course he didn't mean it. It's just Daddy-speak. ~~ Some children just inherently know these things. Yes, Brook found out last week, but Lara has known since she was twenty months old, and she has understood she must keep quiet about it!!! ~~ I actually struggled with this, but it is so real life that I chose to go ahead with it. "Good. I like you a lot." Then she whispered in Caitlyn's ear. "I know you aren't my real mother, but can I call you Mommy? I've never really had a Mommy." This pains me, Nancy, I can't help it. Lara is Lois's child, and she's a wonderful child, and Lois gave up her life for her, but Caitlyn and not Lois will get her love. ~~ I already have, haven't I? Lois will make more appearances, I promise. Oh, I almost feel tears welling in my eyes now. Isn't there any way you can make Lois a part of Lara's life, too?
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hi Classicalla, Thanks for your feedback to my comments. Just a quickie to correct Ann (TOC): and I'm not "Flaming"... Re: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Second, I'm really glad that SNL has recently discovered your story and found out for herself
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I was pretty you sure you were male, but I couldn't find the FDK where you said that. 
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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<~She, nor her mother know, but her mother thinks it was Ran. And Ran is dead.~>
I'm just wondering... I would have told my students they should write "Neither she nor her mother knows". I don't know, but I think either is correct. I'll ask my favorite English teacher. Yep, you're right, Ann. Neither and nor should be used togehter. (And we won't even talk about my bad punctuation. Argghh... That drives me crazy.) I'm fixing it now.
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Sorry for being so lax that I didn't notice you are a man, Stuart. Well, I'm really glad that you are, because it's very nice to have more male readers hanging around these boards! Oh, and... I'm sorry I didn't notice that you've been reading this story from the beginning.  Hope I won't put my foot in my mouth like this too many times in the future. Ann
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