Caroline, I'm so sorry I haven't posted sooner. I've been caught up in a personal battle in another folder on these boards, which wasn't very funny and which took a lot of time and energy.
As for this part of your story, I'm known for saying, when I'm getting enthusiastic, that something is brilliant. And I mean it too, when I say it. But this is beyond brilliant. The wonderful thing about this is not just the chapter itself, which certainly is stunningly good. No, it is the way this chapter is a part of the rest of your story. Perhaps because I spent twenty years of my life waiting for my childhood comic book hero Superman to get together with his sweetheart, Lois Lane, Superman/Clark Kent and Lois Lane make up the most romantic fictional couple I can think of. Also, again perhaps because I spent so many years waiting for Superman and Lois to take any kind of next step at all in their relationship, I love reading stories where Lois and Clark become intimate. I always feel a little unfulfilled when a LnC story ends with our two favorite reporters exchanging their first kiss and promising each other that, yes, they will indeed get married sometime in the moderately distant future, but until then, they will have a platonic relationship.
So I was very enthusiastic that Clark and "Wanda" fell so instantly in love they slept with one another on their first night together. Not everybody approved of this, of course. I don't think Terry will mind if I mention that he was perhaps the one who objected most strongly. Terry, I think you know that even though you and I feel differently here, I very much respect your views, and I can see the validity of them, too. Of course, that doesn't lessen my own enthusiasm at what happened in the first chapter at all.
But after the first chapter, things went downhill for Lois and Clark in a way I found almost shocking. Lois couldn't stand the idea that her lover from what was meant to be a one-night-stand would suddenly - indeed, immediately - become her colleague at the Daily Planet. So she used every dirty trick in the book to force Clark to leave. I may be known around these boards as the staunchest Lois defender ever, but even I found her behaviour towards Clark impossible to excuse. However, you did start to show us in the previous chapters how Lois's sheer panic at Clark's presence was beginning to turn into something else, a longing, a terrible pain at her inability to be with Clark, and even a wish to go to him and console him and find consolation in return.
And now you bring us this chapter, at Luthor's ball - what an ominous, ominous setting! - and Clark has the impossible audacitiy to cut in, as the third richest man in the world dances with his prize.
At this moment, Lois doesn't even have a clue that Lex considers her his prize:
Conquering Luthor had been child’s play; she’d simply thought in advance of the approach that was most likely to garner his attention and respect, and then she’d played her part to the hilt. Men like Lex Luthor saw so much bowing and scraping that they must surely become tired of it, she was certain. The way to gain his respect was by behaving as if she were his equal in consequence. So she had done so, making her own entrance and speaking the lines she’d prepared for herself with a confidence she hadn’t really felt. Had he snubbed her, it could have all gone very badly, of course, but once he’d asked her to dance, Lois knew she had him exactly where she wanted him.
Oh, Lois. You are so singularly bad at judging the characters of unusual men, such as Clark and Lex.
And then Clark came along, and all of the confidence she’d manufactured for herself evaporated into thin air. What was it about this man? How was it possible that she could have the third richest man in the world eating out of her hand within five minutes, yet a hack reporter from Kansas made her feel fifteen-years-old again?
Could it be because you are so overwhelmingly in love with Clark?
Luthor took the introduction as a sign that she was willing to change partners. “A pleasure,” he said, stepping away from her and giving Clark a brief nod.
“Likewise.” Clark responded with a cool nod of his own, and before she quite knew what was happening, she was in his arms, in the exact place she’d been longing to be ever since the last time she’d been there. She barely heard Lex Luthor’s parting words to her, so awash was she in the sweet feeling of homecoming.
I find the last sentence so moving that it's almost bringing tears to my eyes.
And then common sense asserted itself and she tried to pull away, fluttering against the strong circle of his arms like a trapped bird. “What are you…? I was trying to….”
I love the metaphor - she was futtering against the strong circle of his arms like a trapped bird.
“Lois,” he whispered fiercely. “Lois.”
Just the one word – her name – but the way he said it…the desperation she heard in his voice….
He said her name. Her
name. Her real name. Lois. Not Wanda.
Lois had been telling herself, over and over, that Clark loved Wanda, not her. Not Lois. But now he pleads and begs for
Lois. The fight went out of her, and she subsided into his arms. He felt the change and pulled her closer, not so close as to be unseemly, but close enough that she could feel the heat of his body and the whisper of his breath against her hair.
He wanted
her. Lois. How could she not relax and melt into his embrace?
“Thank you,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t have come over here…I know you were trying to get an interview with Luthor, and I shouldn’t have interrupted. But I’m not sorry I did.”
I love that he is telling her this, that he acknowledges that he understands the situation, but also that he is so happy, right now, to have her in his arms.
“I know what you’re going to say, so I’ll say it first. You were right – this isn’t going to work. Us working together, pretending like nothing happened…it’s just never going to work. I thought I could do it, but I realized today that I can’t. So I’m going to go…leave the Planet…leave you in peace. But just once I’d like to dance with the real Lois Lane.” His eyes searched hers. “Please?”
She stared up at him, saw all her own sadness and regret mirrored on his face, and nodded slowly.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
And Clark tells her that he is going to give her what she is most longing for - his departure from the Daily Planet and her life. All he asks for in return is a dance with her first. And she will give it to him.
She closed her eyes, left to the uncomfortable realization that she had fought very hard for something she didn’t actually want at all. Now that it had been handed to her, she perversely wished it undone.
But when Clark promises to leave her, she realizes that she wants him to do anything but that.
But how can she tell him that? She can't.
But she couldn’t find the words to tell him that – couldn’t find the nerve, really. Because Clark Kent had the power to turn her life upside down. She’d known that from practically the moment they’d met.
Why is it so impossible to tell him?
And admitting she was wrong, asking him to stay…it would mean changing everything. She might be brave when chasing a story, she might be able to stare down Lex Luthor without blinking, but when it came to risking her own heart, she was and always had been a coward.
Because... because she had had to build all these walls around herself. Like a mollusc in the sea which has to cover its soft innards with a hard outer shell. Where would she be if her shell cracked? If all her pain and weakness and softness and vulnerability started oozing out of her, leaking out of her into the outer world where people could see her weakness and attack it? And destroy her?
So she stayed silent in his arms, trying to store up the feeling for the lonely days and nights to come.
I find this so moving - Lois is resigning herself to eternal loneliness, and she is trying to soak up warmth and love from Clark's embrace and store it like a squirrel to survive the bleak eternal winter ahead.
“It’s just the same,” he said wistfully, almost as if he were talking to himself.
She knew what he meant. It was just the same. The setting precluded them dancing as closely as they had that night at the Stardust, but the incredible feeling of fitting perfectly with another human being was still there. She could hardly look him in the eye, but her body remembered his, remembered the clasp of his hand and the strength of his broad shoulder.
So wonderful.... You have me sighing and smiling and misting up, too, at least a little.
“I’m not her, Clark.”
“You’re wrong about that, you know.” He looked at her earnestly, as if willing her to believe him. “She’s not you, but she’s part of you. You’re just a lot…more. You’re complicated.”
I love that he is telling her this.
She didn’t really believe him, but she appreciated the effort he was making. So she stared very hard at his shoulder. Took a deep breath. “I just…I wanted to have some fun,” she said in a small voice. “That night. I wanted to be someone else. To not have to be…Lois Lane. I never meant for it to go as far as it did.”
“Lois,” he said softly, “you don’t have to explain.”
I love that she needs to explain to him, and that he loves her anyway, wholeheartedly, without her explanation.
“I do…I know you must think I’m crazy, and I don’t blame you. I just don’t want you to leave without knowing…without me telling you…I don’t do that. I don’t go home with men I’ve just met. And when we…I didn’t know how to face you afterwards. And then you showed up at the Planet, and I was afraid of what you’d think of me. I…panicked. I do that sometimes. I panicked and I told Perry that you were bad news and that I’d quit if he hired you.
I'm so, so glad that she is admitting this to him.
And I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No. You shouldn’t have.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
And I'm so glad they are saying these things to one another.
She hated saying those words. She avoided saying them as much as possible. But she owed them to Clark Kent like she’d never owed them to anyone else in her life. And not just because she’d tried to cost him his job – and ultimately succeeded, she supposed, since it was her fault he was leaving. She owed them to Clark Kent because she was a coward, and because as much as she hated saying ‘I’m sorry’, those words were still easier than the words that she was keeping back – words he had a right to hear.
Oh, this is
wonderful. Yes, she owes Clark Kent an apology like she has never owed anyone an apology before. But still she can't say the words she
really needs to say to him. "I love you"?
“It’s forgiven.” His thumb began to stroke gently over the skin of her hand where he held it clasped in his, a delicate touch that made her arms break out in gooseflesh.
And this... oh, you are giving me gooseflesh, too.
Forgiven. Was that really possible? Was it really that easy? Would she be as quick to forgive someone who had done to her what she had done to Clark Kent?
Not likely.
“It’s not that simple.” It couldn’t be.
Well, unlike probably everyone else here, I'm not religious, and I wouldn't for a moment feel myself forgiven if I tried to go to confession and had a priest telling me I was forgiven. Yet, this is exactly the feeling I'm getting here, except that all of what seems to me like "humbug" is gone form this scene. Lois confesses, and Clark forgives her. Completely. Just like that. And it is so beautiful.
“It is,” he said. “I’m leaving – I told you that – and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being angry with you. I don’t even want to spend this dance being angry with you. It’s probably the last one I’ll ever get, you know, and I don’t want to waste it.”
And that was maybe the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her.
And you are completely melting my heart, Caroline.
“If you want to spend this dance being angry,” she offered, “I’ll give you another one for free.”
She was rewarded by the beautiful smile that spread across his face. “Wait a minute! If I spend the rest of this dance being angry, I get another one? Well, I take it back then,” he teased. “You’re not forgiven, Lois Lane. In fact, I’m furious! I’m so mad that it might take two more dances to even things up.”
And
aaaawwww!!!! We see Lois and Clark bantering, in a flirtatious way!!!
Her heart fluttered in response to his smile and the delighted sparkle in his eyes. This was supposed to be harder, wasn’t it? He wasn’t supposed to be smiling at her and teasing her, and she wasn’t supposed to be letting him.
Oh, but Lois, this is what you and Clark are together. This is the two of you. This is one more reason why you are so perfect together.
“Do I still get the second dance?” he asked, the request sounding somewhat urgent as the last strains of the music faded away and the couples around them began to separate.
“Yes....” She swallowed hard, suddenly wondering if it was such a good idea. “But then we should...I should...this is really a work function for me, and I shouldn’t be....”
But again, reality, and Lois's insecurities, intrude on the sweet scene.
“Yes...no. I mean, it’s fine to enjoy yourself, as long as you don’t lose sight of your objectives.”
“And what are your objectives?” The music started up again, and he pulled her back into his arms.
“My objectives....” It was hard to think like this...hard to make sense when her body was so close to his and the music was swirling around them, seemingly cocooning them in their own little world. “My objectives are to get that interview with Lex Luthor, of course, and maybe with Councilman Wall, if I can corner him about that proposed commercial sewer line on the South Side.”
Clark laughed, and she immediately bristled, thinking he was making fun of her. “It’s called being a reporter, Clark. You should try it sometime,” she snapped.
Lois remembers she is a reporter. And talk about making a snappy comeback when she thinks that Clark is laughing at her.
“I’m sorry,” he said, not sounding particularly contrite. “It’s just kind of a blow to my ego to find out that the beautiful woman in my arms is thinking about sewer lines.”
“It’s my job to think about sewer lines.” She wasn’t going to think about the ‘beautiful woman in my arms’ part. It would just confuse her.
“Even at a ball?”
“Even at a ball.”
The more Lois is saying to him, the more she opens up, the more he understands her.
“I think I’m starting to understand Wanda Detroit a little better,” he said finally. “She didn’t have to think about sewer lines, did she?”
“No,” she admitted softly.
“Or reclusive billionaires.”
“No.”
“So what did she think about?” he prodded gently. “Smart girl like that, she must have been thinking something.”
She only thought about you, Lois thought. But she could never say those words out loud. She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
Wanda, Clark, is Lois in love. She is Lois daring to show her love.
“Lois, why did you give me this second dance?” His eyes held hers, his gaze gentle but insistent.
“I just...you said something about being angry...”
“I said I wasn’t angry, wasn’t going to waste my time on it. You knew I wasn’t angry. So why are you dancing with me?”
He keeps asking her this, gently insistent. And finally....
“It matters to me. I want to know why you let me cut in. I want to know why you’re still dancing with me.”
“I’m not!” she snapped, pulling away from him and snatching her hand from his. The separation was almost physically painful, but he’d left her no choice. “There. Are you satisfied?”
She fled the dance floor, feeling the tears gather in her eyes but determined not to let him see them. Why had he ruined their dance? Why hadn’t he let her just enjoy being with him for a few more minutes?
Oh, Caroline, this is like an echo of Lois's horror at discovering that Clark was going to work for The
Daily Planet. Why did he have to work there and ruin the perfect night they had had together? And now, why did he have to ask her uncomfortable questions and ruin their beautiful dance together?
“Whoa there,” Perry said, stepping in front of Clark and intercepting him. “What’s going on here, Kent?”
“I’m sorry, I just really need to....” Clark had momentarily lost Lois in the crowd, but he managed to spot her just as she disappeared into a door at the rear of the room. “Excuse me, sir,” he said, as he made to follow her.
Perry, however, had other ideas. “Not so fast. You know, I can’t quite decide what to make of you, son. You seem like a nice enough young fellow – a little green maybe, a little wet behind the ears, but not a bad sort. But it takes a lot to put Lois Lane in tears, and you’ve managed to do it twice in as many days.”
I love that Perry is protective of Lois, and that he wonders why Clark is making Lois cry.
“You know, in a lot of ways, Lois is like a daughter to me.”
In spite of his eagerness to be gone, Clark couldn’t help cracking a smile. “Are you asking me if my intentions are honorable?”
“Well...yeah. I guess I am.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight, Perry?”
There is one thing that I find just a little jarring - a moment ago Clark called Perry "sir", and now he is saying "Perry". Oh, well. Otherwise, I love their conversation.
“Maybe. But it doesn’t look to me like Lois feels the same way.”
“Well, she doesn’t want to – that’s for sure. But you know her better than I do, sir. Is she normally in tears over men she doesn’t care anything about?”
Perry snorted at that. “I guess not. Point taken.” He nodded in the direction Lois had gone. “All right, Kent – go find her and say your piece. But I’m going to check in on the two of you in a few minutes, and if Lois isn’t happy about you being there, you need to just back off. I’m forcing her to work with you, and I can’t do that in clear conscience if I know you’re making her uncomfortable.”
I have to repeat it, I love that Perry is looking out for Lois.
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” Clark assured him. “And I won’t ask her to. If Lois still wants me to leave the Planet, I’ll go. I’ve already told her as much.”
And I'm glad he's telling Perry about his decision.
“You know why,” she said finally in a low voice. “You know why I danced with you.”
“Yes,” he agreed. “Why can’t you say it though? Why can’t you admit it?”
And Lois is admitting to Clark, however obliquely, that she loves him.
“...but I can’t do this. It’s too hard and I’m not good at it and you’re...you’re...”
“I’m what?” he asked.
“You’re dangerous,” she said. “You’re gorgeous and sweet and funny and smart and...when you’re near me, I just...I...”
I completely, completely, completely, completely
love this. She is admitting it - she is panicking because she loves Clark so much. She wants him so much, and it scares her more than she can say.
Without warning, she launched herself at him, one hand going behind his neck as she stood on tiptoe to crush her lips to his. For a moment, he was frozen in shock, but then instinct kicked in and his arms went around her, pulling her close, pressing her body to his.
Caroline, if I were to quote only two things from this chapter, it would have been the previous quote and this one. They sum up this part so perfectly. Heck, they sum up
your story so perfectly. Clark's and Lois's incredible attraction to each other, and Lois's unreasonable fear of it.
And last but not least, Lois's confession. I guess this must be why anyone would want to be a Catholic priest and hear people's confessions - becasue every once in a while, you can make people open up and and unload such an incredible load of fear and guilt, and you can make them dare to walk a new, more hopeful path in their lives.
“I hate feeling like this...so...out of control. I’m supposed to be working, and instead I’m out here...and we’re...and I’m crying, and I never cry. How can I work if I’m crying, Clark?”
“Shh.” He reached for her, gathering her into his arms. To his surprise, she let him comfort her, let him wipe gently at the tears streaking her face. Between the kiss and the crying, her makeup was a mess, and though he didn’t care – he thought she was beautiful no matter what – he was struck by the contrast between his first sight of her that night and the woman he now held in his arms. The confident woman who had challenged Lex Luthor had disappeared completely, leaving behind this fragile, desperate creature. It had been an act, he realized suddenly. In a way, Lois Lane was as much of an act as Wanda Detroit.
And Clark sees more and more of Lois, and he realizes how much power he has over her.
He had a feeling, however, that he was beginning to break through and catch glimpses of the real woman. That her tears, as much as they pained him, were a good sign. He had promised to leave her in peace, and then he had pushed and prodded at her defenses until they had finally given way. He hated to see her cry, but he couldn’t regret the fact that she was allowing him to see her tears, allowing him to be the one to wipe them away.
“Lois...sweetheart...please don’t cry.”
Yes, you
are her father confessor as well as the man she loves with all her heart, Clark.
He continued to hold her, murmuring foolish endearments until she took a shuddering breath and stepped away, looking up into his eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” she told him, sounding so utterly lost that he thought his heart might break.
Help me, Clark. You have broken down the old me, and now I'm helpless and lost. Tell me what to do.
“I don’t either,” he admitted softly. “But I know I don’t want to walk away from this, whatever it is. I will, if it’s what you want, but I’ll always be sorry.”
I will be there for you, Lois.
“I don’t know,” she said again. “I think it could be a disaster.”
“I think it could be wonderful,” he countered.
“I’m difficult.”
His mouth curved a little. “I’ve noticed. For some reason, I like you anyway.”
She shook her head. “You’re crazy.”
“Probably.”
Lois: I don't trust myself.
Clark: But I trust you.
And she tells Clark about Claude.
“I haven’t been...since then. I haven’t ever been willing to take the risk again.”
“And now?” he asked softly.
She turned to face him, giving him a long, serious look. “I don’t know. I want to think you’re different from other men.”
He smiled. “If there’s one thing I can absolutely promise you, Lois Lane, it’s that I am different from other men.”
She eyed him with a glimmer of curiosity that chased some of the desolation from her face. “You told me that before, too. What do you mean, exactly?”
He shook his head. “Not telling. You’ll have to get to know me to find out.”
But this worries me. If Clark wants Lois to trust him, he should be honest with her. If he makes his Superman debut and saves her from the Messenger as Superman, and she does not recognize hm as Clark, that could cause an endless amount of more trouble.
Clark has seen how vulnerable Lois is. I so, so hope that he will not play his secret identity game with her.
“I don’t think we could ever just be friends, Clark. This...” she gestured between them, “...this isn’t friends.”
“No,” he said, glad, at least, that they were agreed on that. “But we need to be friends, too, in addition to whatever else we might be. What we did before...that night...it was wonderful, but it was a mistake, too. I don’t want just one night with you – or with any woman. That’s not who I am, and I don’t think it’s who you are either. I think that’s why practically everything since has been such a disaster.”
Again, I love their honesty.
“You say things like that, and I can’t believe you’re for real.”
“I mean every word,” he assured her. “So what do you say? Will you give me a chance?”
She nodded slowly. “I still think you’re crazy.”
He couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “I still think you’re difficult,” he told her.
She smiled back at him, a shy smile that tugged at his heart. “You don’t know the half of it.”
And this is so heartwarming, so adorable. Like seeing the ice of the Ice Age melting.
And Perry bursts in on the scene, presumably happy with what he can see. And Luthor - horror! - is about to make an announcement.
This is a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful part of a wonderful, wonderful story. I'm so looking forward to the rest of it, though I feel some trepidation thinking about all the possible pitfalls in the road ahead.
Ann
Great part!!!
It's just cause he's the single most wonderful man you'll ever meet, girl. Just go with it. 
(Though if you didn't and just haven't said so, you are most welcome to let me know.) Now I'm mentally making adjustments to the rest of the story, since it will be subtly altered by the events at the ball and the fact that L&C are in a slightly different place than I'd planned on them being at this stage. There will probably be a bit of a delay in posting the next part, since I'm still in the thinking stage, but I don't anticipate any major problems.
