Hi! Let me introduce myself. I'm Ann's inner Lois. I'm the one who sends Ann back here, day after day after day, to visit these boards, to read stories here, and to write feedback on them. Because she, uh, I, need to find out what her, uh, my, uh, Lois's, life with Clark is like.
And wow! You can't believe the kind of things that happen to Ann and Clark, uh, to me and Clark, uh, to Lois and Clark! For example, in The Girl Is Not Attractive, Ann/Me/Lois is fat, but Clark completely loves her anyway! How sweet! <sigh> And in The Girl Next Door, Ann/Me/Lois is Kryptonian herself, and she grows up to have superpowers herself! Wow! And in Faustian Bargain, the nfic version - ooooohhh, I can't even tell you what happens to Ann/Me/Lois in that one - this is the gfic folder, remember - but Ann and me liked it, believe me...
...except when we had a miscarriage...
Anyway, there is this other story on the boards, called A New Hero, and that story is the reason I've come to this feedback thread today. I started to read it - well, Ann read it too - and there was this absolutely adorably charming young man in it, Zared. Well, he was the one who was the new hero, you see. And guess what, he was my son! My son with Superman! You bet I was flattered. What woman wouldn't want to have a drop-dead gorgeous, devastatingly charming young man as her son? So okay, this boy was just a
little too charming for his own good... because he had made a girl pregnant before either of them was eighteen years old. Oh well, that sort of thing happens... and the two darlings loved each other, really and truly, so how can you
not find the whole thing just totally romantic? <sniffle>
Oh, but then I made two rather shocking discoveries. Zared, the darling boy, wasn't my son after all... he was the son of Zara! That Kryptonian bitch! Clark, what did you do behind my back???
All right... Clark came to me, with that puppy dog eyes, and told me that yes, Zared was his son with Zara, but he and Zara really, really hadn't... you know. He told me some cock-and-bull story about some Kryptonian leader "milking" him at night and then stealing a few eggs from Zara and... and I don't know why I believe him, but how can I resist him when he is looking at me like that? Honestly, people?
And he is not just looking at me. There was a story that described, quite thoroughly, what more he did to me...
....Ah, but Zared, the darling boy, happened to listen in. Telepathically, you know. He didn't know he was, uh, 'experiencing' what Clark did to me. He thought he was just, uh, fantasizing. Hmmm. Well, I've got to tell you, I was quite proud of myself, because I was not at all embarrassed, and I was even generous enough to lend Zared one of my books! Well, it was
that kind of book, you know?
Ah, but then there was that other, shocking discovery I told you about. Guess what? I was dead!!! Well, not me exactly, because I'm Ann's inner Lois, and I'm still alive, as far as I know. No, I mean the other Lois. The Lois who is me, except she lives inside the stories, not in Ann's head. So she isn't
completely me, but she is really pretty much me anyway. And here, you know, she who is me didn't live inside the story, she was dead inside the story! It's pretty heavy to find out that you are dead, don't you agree?
So I briefly toyed with the idea of giving up on the story right away... but you know, I couldn't resist reading it. Because it really was so fascinating! Because it turned out that I had
six children with Clark,
six, can you believe it? And they were all absolutely irresistible! And hey, even Zared, who wasn't actually my son, still thought of me as Mom, and if so, how can I complain? And the others.... Aaaaaah, there was Jon. JON!!! Darling Jon!!!! Amazingly good boy Jon!!! I'm so proud of him, I can't even tell you. How do you get a boy to be as well-behaved as that one? It must be my influence, you know. And my genes.
Oh, and not only is Jon an unbelievably good boy, but he is also dating
Batman's daughter!!!! Can you believe it? Well, you shouldn't, because it isn't quite true, because Hannah is half-Kryptonian, or Krypterran, so she, too, can fly!!! Isn't it amazing??? Isn't it wonderful?
And then there is Chloe and Claire! I'm not absolutely sure how old they are - fifteen? They are twins, isn't it adorable? Identical twins, too. Anyway, they just recently made their debut as superheroes!!! Fantastic!!! They made their own costumes, and then they called themselves Blue Fairy and Purple Pixie, and then they saved a sixteen-year-old boy from a forced initiation into manhood at a brothel, and then they saved a couple of underaged girls form that brothel, too! Oh, my girls!!!! Chloe and Claire!!! <sniffle> Girls, I couldn't be prouder of you. And I was sort of irritated at your father, who said you were too young to be doing any hero stuff. Hmmmph!!! Didn't you just show him that you can do your hero stuff just fine? Men, you know! Ah well, I shouldn't be too upset with your father, because he did have something to do with the, um, the actual "making" of you, my darling girls. (And I'm sure that it was adorably nice when I and your father, uh, made you....
)
Then there is a girl named Jama, and I'm sure that she's nice and all, even though I don't exactly know her. And then there is Brook. Named after me! Brook, my darling, they laugh at you and say that you babble! Well, hold your head up high, my daughter, and trust me, you'll go far. I'm proud of you!
And there is Lara. Darling, darling, darling, darling Lara. You are almost unnaturally smart and sweet and innocent at the same time, and I couldn't love you more than I do. And they say I died when I gave birth to you. Or right afterwards... it's pretty much the same thing. So we never got to know each other, my darling, darling baby daughter. And that almost breaks my heart, you know?
So. Um. Anything can happen in this story, and one of those things that has happened is that it turned out that when that Kryptonian leader "milked" Clark and stole a few eggs from Zara, he didn't just make one baby boy, but three. So Zared has two brothers. K'al and Los. Weird boys, if you ask me. Full of Kryptonian stuff and nonsense. K'al is the weirdest one, and I guess it's not surprising that Los is slightly more normal, because he was named after me, after all. Anyway, they are a pair of strange ones, and when and if they return to Krypton, I guess I won't miss them much.
Okay. So far so good, but here's the problem. You know it's a little, um, disquieting to read a story where you yourself are dead, but it was just lovely to get to know all of my children, and for the most part, it was really good to see Clark take such good care of my kids. But well, you know, there is a problem.
Caitlyn.
Well, the long and short of it is, Clark wants a woman to .... (insert proper verb here). So he has chosen Caitlyn. So she will get to raise my kids, love my kids and receive their love in return, and she will get to kiss and hug and do various other nice things with Clark. For years and years and years. And I don't get to do any of that! And I will have to watch Caitlyn do that!!! And I can't stand it, you know?
It hurts me so terribly to see her with Lara, because Lara never knew me. So Caitlyn will get
all her love! And she calls Caitlyn Mom! Just like that!!! And I never got to be her Mom! And I can't stand it. Really.
Well, you know, Ann entirely agrees with me, but every once in a while, she comes down with a bout of fairness, like the flu. Don't know where that comes from, I honestly don't. Anyway, Ann reminded me of a Biblical story where two women (Ann says they were harlots, but I really don't see what that has to do with anything) - well, these two women came to see King Solomon, and they brought two little babies, one living and one dead. And they both said that the living child was theirs, and both demanded that they should have it, but since they couldn't prove whose baby it really was, they had come to King Solomon, so that he could give the child to its rightful mother.
So King Solomon said, "Well, since it's impossible to tell which of you is the rightful mother of this child, I am going to have the child cut in two, and then both of you can have one half of it, and that is the fairest decision I can make." And then one of the women answered, "Yes, good idea, because if I can't have the child, she shouldn't have it, either." But the other woman said, "Please, oh King, give the child to her, and spare its life. Please just let my baby live." And King Solomon said, "Give the child to the woman who wants to spare its life, because she is its rightful mother."
The point? The point is that if you love your child like only a mother can love it, you would rather lose your own right to that child than see it suffer. So if I love Lara like only a mother can love her, I must be happy that Caitlyn is going to be her stepmother. Well, because I am dead, so I can't be Lara's mother, and the poor child deserves to have somebody she can call 'Mom', doesn't she?
Ah. So that proves I'm not Lara's mother, not really. Because I still just get jealous of Caitlyn, because she gets to be Lara's mother.
And then there is Clark, who wants somebody to warm his bed.... You know, I just heard a very faint whisper in my ear. A disembodied, wheezy voice said, "Be happy, Clark. Be happy. I wish you and Caitlyn well." That was the sappy Lois, you know? The real Lois. The dead Lois. I snarled at her to butt out, and she told me, holier-than-thou soulfully, that if I truly loved Clark, I must be happy about his happiness. I replied that last time I looked she was dead, so she had no say in the matter. She soared above my head, angel-wings gently flapping, and gave me a saintly frown. So I asked her, does she really, really want to see Clark go to bed with Caitlyn? Does she really want to see the two of them kiss... and get undressed... and... and do the stuff that you can't talk about in the PG folder? Does she really want to see that? Or does she even want to be around afterwards, when Clark and Caitlyn are all lovey-dovey and replay the same naughty images in their minds again and again?
Well, let me tell you, Angel-Lois squirmed slightly. Even she doesn't want to see Clark like that. She
is happy that Clark has found Caitlyn, she really is, because she such a Goody Two Shoes kind of woman that you wouldn't believe it. And she is happy for Lara too, and I think she even likes seeing Lara hug and kiss Caitlyn and tell her that she loves her. But when it comes to getting her angelself immersed in Clark's new love life with Caitlyn... well, that is where even an angel draws the line.
So Ann and me and Lois agree. We
adore my kids! We want to see a lot more of my kids! And for the most part, we like seeing Clark as the father of my kids, because he really
is a very sweet old lunkhead with them. Lois is okay with seeing Lara with Caitlyn all the time, too, but Ann and I are going to duck and cover whenever that happens. And as for Clark, well, if he's going to be with Caitlyn all the time I guess we are going to say, live and let live. Be happy, Clark. But, uh, don't expect us to keep looking at your happiness with Caitlyn. Because Ann and I are so darn jealous of Caitlyn, you can't believe it... and there are places where even an Angel-Lois fears to tread.
AIL (Ann's Inner Lois)
Liking her better again.
