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Part 14/20
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Clark entered the ER through the ambulance entrance with Lois in his arms. A nurse in a bright, multicolored scrub top caught his eye and he strode over to her. "Please, can you help her?" he asked.
"Superman! What happened?" the nurse asked.
"She's had a miscarriage," Clark told her. "I think it was caused by an electrocution."
"In here," the nurse beckoned him into an exam room and indicated the bed. "Set her down here."
Clark eased Lois onto the bed. It frightened him how pale and still she looked.
"Do you know her name?" the nurse asked.
"Lois," he said, his voice thick with worry. "Lois Lane."
"You said she was electrocuted? Was she unconscious when you found her?"
"No, she was conscious, but in a lot of pain."
"What can you tell me about the electrocution?"
"It was from an electroshock weapon, but I don't know the voltage. I, please, excuse me." Clark left the room, wanting to get changed and come back before Lois woke up.
He went to a dark corner of the hospital basement to change into his clothes. He realized the suit was smeared with blood. He stuffed it into a large red bin marked with a "Biohazard" sign, unwilling to keep it on under his clothes. He jogged back to the ER and was about to go into Lois' room when he was stopped by the triage nurse.
"Are you hurt?" she asked him.
"No, my… partner was just brought in by Superman."
"Your partner? We'll need you to fill these out first." She handed him a clipboard with several forms attached to it along with a pen.
Clark went to the far corner of the waiting room and sat on the other side of the fish tank. He took a furtive look around. No one was watching so he quickly filled out the forms as best he could. He came back over and gave the forms to the registration clerk.
"I'll be in room two if you need any more information," he told her and the left before she could protest.
He came in the room to find the nurse had finished her initial exam of Lois and was now making notes on a chart.
"How is she?" Clark asked.
"Are you her husband?" the nurse asked. Clark glanced at her ID badge and saw that her name was Pat.
"No. I'm the… I was the father," he corrected himself clumsily.
Pat gave him a sympathetic look. "We need to get her in this gown, can you help with that?"
"Yes," Clark said.
"You can leave her bra on, but take everything else off." Pat pulled a curtain in front of the door and stepped out of the room.
Lois blinked her eyes open and then slammed them shut. Wherever she was, it was too bright. "Clark?" She was certain she had heard Clark's voice.
"I'm right here," he took her hand and squeezed it gently. "Can you sit up for me? We need to get you changed."
In truth he raised her more than she sat up and she sagged gratefully against his shoulder. Her body felt like one large cramp. "What's going on?" she asked, feeling like her voice was coming from miles away.
"We're at the hospital. Do you remember what happened?"
"I went to meet Rachel and… Bad Brain was there. Oh god, the baby, Clark, I'm sorry…" Her voice trailed off and she let out a shuddery sigh.
"Shh, no. It's going to be okay, Lois, I promise. Can you raise your arms and I'll do the rest?"
"I've heard that one before," she muttered thickly.
Clark touched his forehead to hers, grateful that she was lucid enough to make a joke. He pulled the shirt off of her and put the gown on, tying it on her back before helping her to remove her pants and underwear. They were soaked with blood. Clark put her clothes into the plastic bag that the nurse had given him. "My Belongings" was printed on the side in blue letters with a space to write the patient's name and room number. Somehow he didn't think Lois would want to wear these clothes ever again. Like his suit, they seemed forever tainted now. Pat came back in as Clark was washing his hands.
"Lois? Can you hear me?" Pat touched Lois' arm gently and Lois nodded weakly. "The doctor is going to be here in a few minutes. He's going to do a pelvic exam and then we might need to do an ultrasound. I'm going to start an IV, we need to get some fluids in you. We'll be able to give you something for the pain through the IV."
"Is Clark still here?" she asked in a whisper, reaching out with her hand to find him.
"Right here." Clark took her hand in his again. Lois' fingers tightened on his as a small tremor ran through her. He desperately wished he could take this from her.
Lois had never before felt so cold and uncomfortable. Her entire body ached, but particularly her abdomen, which felt like it was experiencing the most intense menstrual cramps in the world. She had to take in short breaths to keep the pain at bay. She clung to Clark's hand, grateful that Superman had found him so quickly and brought him here. She could remember asking for Clark and then… Lois winced against the pain and the thought was lost. Something about Superman was wrong, but she couldn't for the life of her remember what it was.
"Lois?" A male voice, not Clark's, was talking to her.
"Yes?" She hated how weak her voice sounded.
"Do you remember what happened?" the man asked her.
"It was Bad Brain. He had a… gun, like a police taser, but without the wires."
"Did you lose consciousness?" Her eyelid was pulled open and a light was shone into her eye, making it water.
"Yeah, I think so. I don't know how long I was out."
The doctor looked at Clark and raised a questioning eyebrow.
Clark shook his head. "I wasn't there." That's right, he told himself. You always knew that someday you'd be too late. Today was that day.
"Why does it hurt so much?" Lois asked, her voice pitched higher than usual. Clark's hand squeezed hers again in reassurance.
"Your body has gone into labor and it's working to expel everything from the womb. We'll keep you here overnight since you've lost a lot of blood. You're going to continue have some discomfort and cramping for a few days. If you develop a fever you should go see your doctor immediately, it might mean that your body isn't able to cleanse itself and we'll have to do a D&C to make sure there's no tissue left."
Lois closed her eyes, wincing as another cramp seized her. When the cramp had passed she opened her eyes again and looked blearily at Clark. "Will you stay with me, here, tonight?"
"Yes, of course." He looked so tired, she thought. She really ought to tell him to go home instead. But the thought of having to be alone and in a hospital made her feel cold and empty.
"Of course," she echoed and almost smiled.
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Clark sat listening to the sirens outside as ambulances arrived at the hospital. He couldn't bring himself to leave her. Not tonight, he thought. The world would just have to get by on its own for tonight.
Whatever painkillers they had given Lois seemed to be working, she wasn't restlessly tossing back and forth in the bed anymore. If there was a hell, then he had found it - watching Lois suffer and being unable to help was the worst kind of purgatory.
Lois turned her pillow over, wanting to rest her cheek against the cool side. She looked at Clark and saw that his eyes were still open. "I didn't want this," she said softly.
"I know."
"No, I mean, I didn't want a baby. Or, I thought I didn't. Part of me thought it would be… I don't know."
"I know," he said again and she realized he really did understand.
"How can you miss something you didn't even think you wanted?" she asked wistfully.
"The same way you can miss something you never really had. Just because it wasn't tangible doesn't mean you can't grieve for it."
"Do you think I went there, knowing that something would happen? Do you think I unconsciously wanted something to happen?" Lois blinked rapidly to keep the tears away.
"Did you?" he asked cautiously.
"No. I didn't want the baby. But I didn't want this either." Guilt, heavy and insistent, weighed on her.
Clark heard the self-recrimination in her voice and his heart twisted. "No, Lois…"
"I'm not ready to be a mother. But I still… part of me wanted him. I know that doesn't make any sense." Lois turned away from Clark and pulled the bed's blanket higher. She wondered if she'd ever be warm again. Why were hospitals always so cold?
"Yes, it does. It makes sense to me," Clark said softly.
Lois bit her lip. He would say that. Even if he were angry with her, she doubted that Clark would say anything that might upset her. Not right now, anyway.
"It's for the best, really. I'd be a lousy mother," she said quietly, more to reassure herself than anything else.
"I think you'll be a great mother." Clark reached out, smoothing his hand over the blanket, uncertain if he should try to touch her.
"Obviously you haven't met my mother. She's an alcoholic control-freak." Was there any difference between a control-freak and being bossy? Clark had told her she was bossy before.
"You're not your mother." Even as he said the words, he knew that she wasn't going to find any comfort in them.
"Not yet," Lois said bitterly.
"Not ever. You can only be you, Lois. And, someday, you are going to be a wonderful mother. Look at it this way - you already know what not to do."
Lois sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "I have to, uh, go to the bathroom now." The truth was she just didn't want to talk about the baby anymore but she didn't know how to change the subject.
Clark stood up, ready to help if she needed him. "Do you want…?"
She flushed and shook her head. "No, really, I'll be fine." She wrapped her hand around her IV pole, pulling it along with her towards the tiny bathroom. She turned on the light and then looked back at him. "Actually, there is one thing you could do for me, if you wouldn't mind."
"What?"
"I need some clothes to go home in. Would you mind going to my apartment and bringing something back for me?"
"What do you want me to bring you?"
"Sweats? I think I have some old sweatpants in the bottom drawer of my dresser."
"I'll be back soon."
"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere."
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When he came back she was in the bed again, her face wet with fresh tears as she pointed the remote control at the television mounted above the door.
"There's just nothing on," she said to him, swiping her hand over her cheeks in embarrassment.
He set the clothes he'd brought for her on the small table next to her bed. "I know. Late night television sucks."
She gave him a watery smile. "It does, you know. It really does."
"I called Perry and told him that you'd had a run-in with Bad Brain. He said to take as much time as you needed to recover."
"Did you tell him about the baby?"
"No."
Lois sighed and clicked through a few more channels before stopping on a black and white movie. She stared at the screen, unable to recall if she had seen the movie before.
What else, she asked herself. You're forgetting something else. Something important.
"Why don't you try and get some sleep?" Clark suggested.
"I can't sleep. I just keep reliving it all in my mind, over and over." Lois frowned. Her memory always seemed to short out after Superman got there. He had said something - something that wasn't quite right. What was it? Or was it Bad Brain who had said it using Superman's voice? She shook her head, trying to shake the hazy memory into focus.
"What is it?" Clark asked.
"He sounded just like Rachel. Bad Brain did. When he called me on the phone and then again at the nuclear plant… he sounded like Rachel. And then he sounded like Superman. I think he can make himself sound like anyone. He said…" Lois took in a slow breath, fighting to quell the panic the memory reawakened. "He said he was experimenting."
"To what end?" Clark felt a prickle of fear shoot down his spine. What else was Bad Brain planning?
"I don't know. But it scares me that he's still out there."
"I won't let him hurt you again," he said quietly.
Lois reached for his hand and he took hold of her, squeezing her fingers gently. "I don't mean for this to sound ungrateful, Clark, but he can hurt you, too, you know."
"I don't care about me."
"But I do," Lois whispered. "I care very much what happens to you."
Clark lifted her hand to kiss the back of it softly. "I love you," he said simply.
"I notice you waited until I'm half-sedated to tell me that again."
He smiled and kissed her hand again. "You're on to me, if you ran off in a huff now I'd get a fantastic view of your butt."
"You and everyone at the nurse's station." Lois paused, swallowing past the lump in her throat so she could whisper, "Clark? I love you, too." She freed her hand from his so she could caress his cheek. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I was just scared."
"Of what?" Clark asked, his heart feeling immeasurably lighter. Yes, she had said the words to him earlier, but now she was fully cognizant of who she was saying them to.
"You," Lois breathed. "You have no idea how much you scare me. I never thought I'd trust anyone or be able to love someone like this."
"I scare you?" His pulse raced, equal parts excitement and fear.
"It scares me that I care so much about you," Lois told him, stroking her thumb along his lower lip.
Clark closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. "Try and get some rest," he finally managed to say, "because I care about what happens to you, too."
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By the time Clark brought her home the next morning Lois was exhausted. She hadn't slept much the night before and she leaned heavily against him as he led her into her bedroom. She sat down on the bed, staring at her hands. He knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his.
"What can I do for you?" he asked.
She shrugged.
"Can I get you anything?"
She blinked slowly and was about to shake her head, then she lifted her eyes and gave him an embarrassed look. "I'd like a bath."
"A bath?"
She nodded. "I just want a bath."
"Okay." He rose, kissed the top of her head and went in the bathroom. He started the water running and added in some of the bubble bath sitting on the edge of the tub. When the tub was nearly fully he turned off the water and returned to her room. She was sitting just as he'd left her. "The water's ready," he told her.
She gave him a tired smile. "If I raise my arms, will you do the rest?"
"Yes."
She raised her arms and he gently pulled her shirt off before helping her to stand so he could get her sweatpants off. Once she was naked he lifted her in his arms and carried her into the bathroom, carefully lowering her into the water. His shirtsleeves got wet but he quickly decided against taking his shirt off. He didn't want her to feel at all intimidated. He rolled up his sleeves instead and then grabbed a washcloth.
Clark lathered the washcloth and eased her forward so he could wash her back. Lois rested her forehead on her knees and closed her eyes. She sighed, her nerves enjoying their first pleasurable sensation since Bad Brain had lifted the gun. Clark rinsed her back and then gently urged her to lie back in the tub. She didn't open her eyes, just let him guide her until her head was resting against the rolled-up towel he had put on the back of the tub.
She wondered what his face looked like, but she was too tired to open her eyes. She relaxed under his ministrations, feeling herself drawn closer and closer to sleep. There was no one in the world she had ever trusted this much.
"I won't let him hurt you…"
Lois knew that was true. He had stepped in front of Bad Brain's weapon before to save her. She had a new appreciation for what Clark had done that night. She didn't doubt that he would do the same again, if he thought it would protect her.
"Are you ready to get out?" Clark asked softly.
Lois nodded and he reached into the tub and pulled the plug. He helped her out of the tub and dried her gently with a towel. He grabbed the blue robe hanging on the back of her door and wrapped her into it.
"Wait here," he said quietly and went back into her bedroom to bring her some underwear and the bag of hygiene products the hospital had sent home with her. "I'll be right out here if you need me," he told her.
When Lois opened the door she found him standing right outside. "Thank you," she said, reaching up to touch his cheek.
"Anytime you need a bath, you just call me." He gave her a soft smile and she ducked her head, letting it rest against his chest.
"I'll keep that in mind," she muttered into his shirt.
"Come on," he put his arm around her waist and led her to the bed. "You should get some rest now."
"Clark?" she asked as he pulled the covers over her.
"Yes?"
"Don't leave me."
"I won't."
Clark took off his glasses, setting them on her nightstand. Then he ran his heat vision over his shirt to dry it before climbing into bed behind her. He gathered her into his arms, burying his face in her hair. The nape of her neck was still damp from her bath and he found the smell of her soothing beyond words.
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Lois woke up slowly. At first she was only aware that she wasn't alone. Someone was behind her, his arm lying protectively across her. Clark, it must be Clark. And then the memories flooded through her. She saw Clark, kneeling next to her, his hand on her belly. She remembered kissing him good-bye and teasing him as he tried to leave his apartment. She saw Bad Brain pointing the ESW gun at her. For a moment she relived the excruciating pain and spasms the electro-shockwave had caused. She remembered waking up in a pool of blood with the terrifying knowledge that she had lost the baby. And Superman, he had been there. He had taken her to the hospital.
There was something wrong, though. Something about Superman. He had been… she closed her eyes and thought. Something he had said was wrong. He had said…
"Oh no, Lois, honey…"
That was it! Superman had called her 'honey'. Why? Was he just being tender because he knew she was in pain? And yet, in all the times he had rescued her before he had never done anything like that. Even Clark didn't call her 'honey'.
No, that was wrong. He had, just once.
"Just relax, honey. I've got you."
The last time they had made love. He had called her 'honey'. She remembered being even more turned on by his use of the endearment - if that was actually possible.
Clark and Superman had both called her 'honey'. And they had both said it in the same soft voice.
Why wouldn't they, the thought popped into her mind, when they're the same person?
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End 14/20
