Okay, Queen of the Capes listed the most insane challenge. I decided to give it a try. Since she listed 100 things that it had to include, it did turn out a little long, but I hope you enjoy this total silliness. For the most part, the list is 'in order'.
Here's the challenge:
The Great Grandmother Of All Scavenger Hunt Challenges! Here's the list:
1. Ninjas
2. An unusual pie
3. Rubber ducks
4. Penguins
5. Another Superhero
6. A man in a dress
7. A broom
8. A duel fought with vacuum cleaners
9. Bees
10. Canned peas
11. A small child with a lisp
12. A dog
13. Something else from Krypton
14. Flowers
15. A Turkish bridal gown
16. A Bollywood-Style Musical Number
17. Smurfs
18. The word "Leftindiary"
19. A giant mellon
20. Blue mittens
21. Canada
22. A person from the future
23. A family reunion
24. Jimmy doing something wierd
25. A lawn mower
26. A goat
27. A barrel of cider
28. A strange football game
29. Pigs
30. Love letters from a dead celebrity
31. Vampires
32. Ballerinas
33. A stage production of Oklahoma
34. Clark snoring
35. Lois gets new furniture
36. Something exploding
37. Confetti
38. Pasta
39. The phrase, "I should have known the pants would end up there."
40. A foreign word for "chair"
41. A monkey
42. Forty-Two
43. A robotic ligament
44. A scene on the roof of a tall building
45. A wild chase scene
46. A completely random and insane act of violence (not necessarily graphic or gorey)
47. A shovel
48. Temporary amnesia
49. Houseflies
50. A kid show
51. Lois and Clark at a gameshow
52. Lois in a costume
53. Lois punching a guy
54. Clark punching a guy
55. A guy punching himself (cannot count as #46)
56. A boy making funny faces
57. A girl screaming about her icecream cone
58. Cat Grant saying something wise
59. Jimmy quoting Yoda
60. A bellyache
61. Stick figures
62. A red car
63. A pickup truck
64. Elvis impersonators
65. Fish
66. A Pink Floyd song
67. Clark Kent dancing around Lois while singing
68. Eleven Forks
69. A trip to another country
70. An igloo in a strange place
71. An improbable use for chocolate
72. Cookies that tast terrible
73. A superstition
74. An unusual chorus line
75. An explaination for why the light goes on and off in the refriderator when you open the door
76. Someone getting drunk
77. Superman winning the lottery
78. Insomnia
79. A song about insomnia
80. Eggs
81. A poem about eggs
82. A strange phone call
83. An insane assylum
84. Sherwood Forrest
85. A woman named Mrs. Penelope Breadandbutter
86. A Greek restauraunt
87. A door with the number 13 on it
88. Firetrucks
89. A cute little puppy
90. Darth Vader working as a clerk
91. A retirement home for a particular type of people
92. A special guest appearance by someone you know
93. A crack-pairing (fanfiction definition of this phrase)
94. The Russian Circus
95. A bowler hat
96. Sour milk
97. Metal cake
98. Mrs. Cake
99. A glass of turpentine
100. Tank Ending
And here's the story.
One day Lois and Clark were walking down the street and encountered two NINJAS, one of whom was eating a most UNUSUAL banana-blue cheese PIE. The other one was playing with two RUBBER DUCKS. Happy Feet PENGUINS were intrigued with the RUBBER DUCKS and the most UNUSUAL PIE and were trying to take them away from the very irate NINJAS.
Lois shook her head thinking that was a strange sight indeed. She turned to tell Clark her thoughts on this when she saw ANOTHER SUPERHERO, Booster Gold, who just happened to be A PERSON FROM THE FUTURE. For some reason, Booster Gold had a DRESS on over his brilliant yellow suit.
Lois wondered what more could happen this morning. She had already encountered NINJAS, AN UNUSUAL PIE - who ever heard of a banana-blue cheese pie?, RUBBER DUCKS, PENGUINS, and ANOTHER SUPERHERO who also happened to be A MAN IN A DRESS.
Booster Gold, aka A MAN IN A DRESS and ANOTHER SUPERHERO had A BROOM in his hands. In his sometimes ‘off’ manner he shooed it at Clark. He stood up, manly stuck out his chest then said to Clark, “I challenge you to a duel, Superman!”
And thus, Booster Gold revealed to Lois Lane that Superman was Clark Kent. Her mouth was hanging open.
Clark couldn’t deal with that right now. He had to deal with the sometimes slightly crazy Booster Gold. “And why would you want to challenge Superman to a duel?”
Booster Gold smiled and swished his dress. “Why for ownership of these CANNED PEAS. Your choice: A DUEL WITH VACUUM CLEANERS Or BEES. Choose!”
“You want to fight A DUEL WITH VACUUM CLEANERS? Or BEES?”
Booster Gold screamed, “A DUEL FOUGHT WITH VACUUM CLEANERS. Yes, yes, I like it. You have made your choice!”
Clark scratched his head wondering how one was supposed to duel with BEES. Booster Gold promptly produced a Hoover and a Dyson vacuum cleaner. He chose the Hoover. Clark said, “I would have thought you'd want the Dyson. Since it’s yellow, you know.”
Booster gold pushed his vacuum towards Clark who had now become Superman. “Ah, but mine is red. So there!” And so began the DUEL FOUGHT WITH VACUUM CLEANERS. And just like the American Revolution, the British, aka Dyson, and the Americans, aka Hoover were at it.
And just imagine what would have happened if the American Revolution had been fought with vacuum cleaners? Something interesting indeed might have happened because this time the British… er, the Dyson won.
Superman held up the CANNED PEAS he had won and did a happy dance
A SMALL CHILD WITH A LISP came running through the middle of the scene, chasing A DOG. “Thop my thog. Thop my thog!!”
Lois reached out and grabbed the DOG’s leash and handed it to the SMALL CHILD WITH THE LISP.
Lois turned to Superman. “Now come with me. We have a lot to talk about.”
Clark nodded and grinned happily. He tried to open the CANNED PEAS only to find that the can was made of SOMETHING FROM KRYPTON. “Darn. It’s from krypton.”
Lois grinned, “Hmm… SOMETHING ELSE FROM KRYPTON? You owe me some FLOWERS. And since I know you aren’t hiding anything from me now, will you marry me? Look there in that window, A TURKISH BRIDAL GOWN. I like it, and I want it.”
“Lois, do you mean… You’ll finally marry me?” She nodded, they kissed, and then they broke into A BOLLYWOOD-STYLE MUSICAL NUMBER - complete with dancing in the air, shadows at their feet, and a very transparent Lois and Clark… er Superman dancing to disco music.
They went city hall to get married, but found that it had been infested by SMURFS singing,
”Lala lalalala….” The workers at city hall didn’t seem to mind though.
In the midst of it all, Classicalla entered the scene and said, “Now how am I supposed to write THE WORD “LEFTINDIARY” into this silly little fun piece. I thought I knew what it was, but when I looked it up to make sure, the online dictionary didn’t recognize the word. So I did an internet search, and it brought me right back to the LnC site with the Queen’s challenge. Hah! Now what?”
Clark Kent kissed her soundly, and she swooned. “Don’t worry about it. Just find me A GIANT MELLON. He held up some BLUE MITTENS. You see on Krypton, it’s traditional for the groom to wear BLUE MITTENS. And then I need to eat A GIANT MELLON." Classicalla smiled happily and skipped out of the story. She didn’t care about A GIANT MELLON. She’d just been kissed by Clark Kent, aka Superman.
Booster Gold then arrived from CANADA with the said item. He was the PERSON FROM THE FUTURE. He said, “Won’t you forgive me for being a fool?” He presented Clark with a one hundred kilo watermelon.
Clark smiled and said, “Okay, Booster, all is forgiven.” Then Booster Gold also skipped away.
Clark took Lois in his arms, and said, “The honeymoon will have to wait. We have to go to A FAMILY REUNION. We promised.”
At Jimmy’s family reunion they found JIMMY DOING SOMETHING WEIRD. He was standing on his head on A LAWN MOWER and was juggling A GOAT and A BARREL OF CIDER.
He jumped down and said to Clark. “Want to join A STRANGE FOOTBALL GAME? We play it with PIGS.”
Lois at down to watch the strange game and found Perry reading LOVE LETTERS FROM A DEAD CELEBRITY. Of course they were letters that Elvis had written to Priscilla.
Perry saw Lois and related to her what happened the time that Elvis, VAMPIRES, and BALLERINAS all starred in A STAGE PRODUCTION OF OKLAHOMA. It ended in SOMETHING EXPLODING - the VAMPIRES to be exact, when Elvis staked them Buffy style.
Finally, Lois and Clark made it to his apartment. She couldn’t believe it. She came out of the bathroom all dolled up for him and CLARK was SNORING. She threw CONFETTI at him. She’d just go shoping and GET NEW FURNITURE. That’s what she did. LOIS GOT NEW FURNITURE.
When she came home, Clark was cooking PASTA. “I’m sorry, Lois. I was just so tired. That DUEL FOUGHT WITH VACUUM CLEANERS just really wore me out. I hope the pasta will make up for it.”
Lois wasn’t interested in PASTA. She was only interested in getting Clark in bed. She’d waited long enough. She stripped him down in no time and his pants ended up in the pot of cooking pasta.
Clark rolled his eyes and said, “I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THE PANTS WOULD END UP THERE.” He grinned. “Hey, Lois, you got a silly SILLA, didn’t you?”
“Don’t be funny, mister. I know that’s A FOREIGN WORD FOR “CHAIR”.
At that point, A MONKEY ran into the apartment screaming, “I need A ROBOTIC LIGAMENT so I can find the answer to the universe.”
Clark smiled and said, “Why the answer to the universe if FORTY-TWO. Or so I was told when I was involved with Strange Revelations.”
The MONKEY got angry which involved A WILD CHASE SCENE. Clark chased him to the ROOF OF A TALL BUILDING.
A SCENE ON THE ROOF OF A TALL BUILDING:
The monkey started crying. “I wanted to find the answer myself.” Then in A COMPLETELY RANDOM AND INSANE ACT OF VIOLENCE, Meowoof, the cat, came running out of another fic, and hit Clark up the side of the head with A SHOVEL. The monkey just scratched his head and left.
Clark was able to make it back to the apartment, but he had TEMPORARY AMNESIA. He sat down and swatted at HOUSEFLIES as he watched A KID SHOW, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.
Lois screamed, “Snap out of it! We have a gameshow to go to.” He shook his head and was back to being himself.
LOIS AND CLARK were AT the GAMESHOW, Wheel of Fortune, so they could interview Pat Sajak. LOIS donned A COSTUME, and pretended she was Vanna White. Well, Pat Sajak didn’t like the idea that Lois should dub Vanna’s outfits as ‘costumes’, so he yelled at her. That resulted in LOIS PUNCHING A GUY - Pat Sajak to be exact. That resulted in CLARK PUNCHING A GUY - Pat Sajak to be exact. That resulted in A GUY PUNCHING HIMSELF - Pat Sajak to be exact.
A BOY MAKING FUNNY FACES in the audience stole an ice cream cone from A GIRL who then began SCREAMING ABOUT HER ICECREAM CONE.
Cat Grant came in and broke up the whole thing. “Now boys, is fighting really the answer?” Had CAT GRANT really SAID SOMETHING WISE? Hard to say.
Lois and Clark got out of there and went to the Planet where JIMMY was heard QUOTING YODA. “May the force be with you.” He complained of a BELLY ACHE and was playing with STICK FIGURES that were sitting in A Hotwheels RED CAR and A PICKUP TRUCK.
It seemed that everywhere Lois went today that things were crazy. Ah, now she understood. It was because there was an ELVIS IMPERSONATORS convention in town. She saw a sudden flash of her FISH tank and hoped it was safe from the ELVIS IMPERSONATORS who were singing, “Another brick in the wall….” Hey wasn’t that a song called ‘The Wall’, which was A PINK FLOYD SONG?
“Well, you sing it then Lois.” So CLARK KENT began DANCING AROUND WHILE LOIS WAS SINGING. He found ELEVEN FORKS and began throwing them at a map to decide on A TRIP TO ANOTHER COUTNRY.
The choice was Brazil, and when they got there, they found AN IGLOO IN A STRANGE PLACE - on the beach. And it wasn’t melting.
While they were in Brazil, the electric went off and Clark made a candle out of chocolate. That was definitely AN IMPROBABLE USE FOR CHOCOLATE, but hey, it does have wax in it.
Clark got hungry and found some COOKIES THAT TASTE TERRIBLE. Lois said, “Clark, it’s SUPERSTITIOUS to eat moldy cookies.”
“A SUPERSTITION? Don’t be ridiculous. Hey, look, the cookies are dancing. Should we join the UNUSUAL CHORUS LINE?”
“Okay, but not until you EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THE LIGHT GOES ON AND OFF IN THE REFRIGERATOR WHEN YOU OPEN THE DOOR.”
“Well, okay, sure honey. It’s because of the SMURFS.”
Clark was enjoying the moldy cookies far too much. He was getting tipsy. Who would imagine that CLARK could GET DRUNK on moldy cookies.
Lois giggled and said, “Is SOMEONE GETTING DRUNK?” Then she pointed at the TV. “Look, look. That’s your lottery number. Imagine that: SUPERMAN WINNING THE LOTTERY.”
Lois began singing. “I can’t go to sleep, I can’t go to sleep…” That was A SONG ABOUT INSOMNIA. Maybe it would cure her INSOMNIA. After all Clark was drunk. She might as well sleep.
When she woke up, she ate EGGS and recited A POEM ABOUT EGGS… or *an* egg to be precise:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.
Suddenly there came A STRANGE PHONE CALL from AN INSANE ASSYLUM. Lex Luthor was on the phone screaming that Superman had left him in SHERWOOD FORREST. A WOMAN NAMED MRS. PENELOPE BREADAND BUTTER, who was the administrator of the INSANE ASSYLUM got on the phone and apologized profusely. “Could I interest you in a free dinner at the GREEK RESTAURANT that is attached to the INSANE ASSYLUM?”
Lois agreed. “Well, of course, but only if it’s A DOOR WITH THE NUMBER 13 ON IT.”
Suddenly clark heard FIRETRUCKS. He was off to help, and he had to rescue A CUTE LITTLE PUPPY. He was very suspicious when he found that DARTH VADER had been WORKING THERE AS A CLERK.
He could hear JIMMY QUOTING YODA. “May the force be with you.” Clark sighed heavily and toted Darth Vader off to A RETIREMENT HOME FOR A PARTICULAR KIND OF PEOPLE - cyborgs.
Suddenly, Billy Ray Cyrus, who said author went to high school with, made A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE in this fic and began singing “Achy Breaky Heart.” But he changed the words, and was trying to explain what A CRACK-PAIRING was - the FANFICTION DEFINITION OF THIS PHRASE.
The author surely hopes that meant that Lois and Clark were on the heels of a great story about THE RUSSIAN CIRCUS. And just who was that man in the BOWLER HAT that was on the trapeze drinking SOUR MILK? Was that Herb? Nah… Couldn’t be.
Lois and Clark finally got to go home and begin their honeymoon. Lois baked a cake in a METAL CAKE pan. Suddenly MRS. CAKE showed up with A GLASS OF TURPENTINE and said, “You aren’t allowed to bake a cake Ms. Lane.” Clark was in mid bite. “And you aren’t allowed to eat it.
With that MRS. CAKE thrust kryptonite upon Clark. She used the GLASS OF TURPENTINE and transported them to Hawaii, where TANK ENDING style, she threw Lois and Clark into a pool of magma and watched them evaporate into nothingness. No more Clark. No more Lois. No more Superman.
Booster Gold smiled wickedly and pulled off his Mrs. Cake disguise. “I finally get to be the number one superhero in Metropolis."
~~~
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