Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic A Christmas idea.... (or in other words: A Round Robin)

At that point the real Mrs. Claus came bustling in. "Lois Lane, am I to assume that you have never heard of Mrs. Claus? How do you think we get future Santas?" She eyed Superman curiously. "Oh, dear. Kris has taken off again, hasn't he? He just so stressed you see, and... no matter. He's not here. You are. So for now you have to be Santa, Clark."

Lois looked between the two of them numbly. "Claarrk?"

"Oh, dear," Mrs. Claus murmured. "Haven't you gotten around to that yet?"

"Noo," Clark mumbled sheepishly.

"You didn't thinl it was important to know my partner is really Superman?!" Lois was nearly screeching.

"Can we talk about this later?" Clark pleaded.

Mrs. Claus stalked over to Doc, glaring down at the head elf. "And what is the big idea of trying to convince him that HE's Kris? It's bad enough my husband gets so stressed he runs away. Now you're starting in on civilians. Alien civilians?"

After having a go at Doc, Mrs Claus says to Clark...

"Well,to make good the trouble that you've just given Lois her early Christmas Present. Now lets complete it by getting you to the preacher and soon you too will be Mr & Mrs Claus until Christmas and then the perfect Mr & Mrs Clark Kent"

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Season's Greetings one and all!

"WHAT!" Again, the simultaneous screech from the two Daily Planet reporters.

"You can't be serious," Lois yelled. "I hardly know him, I mean, yeah he's Superman and that's great and I've had a crush on him, but . . .I'm not marrying a hack from Kansas!"

Clark looked at her with big brown puppy-dog eyes.

"Don't you do that to me, Clark Kent," Lois warned. "I am NOT going to become Mrs. Claus! And that's final!" She stomped her foot on the ice for effect.

Clark desperately hoped that Lois would open a rift beneath her feet that would mercifuly swallow him. But nothing like that happened.

Darn it all, she’d just found out he was Superman, and she still thought he was a hack from nowheresville. Softly he said, “Lois.. I…” Then he stood up and looked her in the eye. “You know I’ve told you this before, but you’re a *snob*.” Then he turned away from her. His eyes were sad. “Well, if I have to be Santa and Santa has to be married, I know someone who will marry me - Lana Lang.”

"That witch? That . . ." Lois sputtered. "How could you even think a thing like that?"

"Do I see a choice here?" Clark asked. "You refuse to marry a hack from nowheresville and apparently the rules are, if I'm going to be Santa, I have to have a wife."

"I forbid you to marry that woman!"

"Lo-is . . You can't forbid anything. You're not my fiancee, you're not my wife."

"Assuming I agree to this . . .That is just assuming for the moment I say yes, just to save you from yourself, mind you, do we have to tell anybody?"

"That you're Mrs Claus? Or that you're Mrs Clark? Ooohh---Mmmmmmph!!!" he spluttered. Lois had thrown him over her shoulder, using a Tae-Kwondo move, and now Mrs Claus held him face down, pressing him down into the snow.

"Don't you laugh, boy," she said menacingly. "I'm on Lois's side. If we Mrs Clauses don't stick up for each other, who will? And by the way, I'm the preacher.

"Yeah, but does that mean we have to keep it a secret? Or do we just have to keep it a secret that she's Mrs. Claus?" I looked up hopefully. "I mean when we go back to the Planet, can we tell everybody we got married?"

"Hmmm.... Let me think about flyboy." She patted her foot impatiently while she thought. "How about we tell everybody that Mrs. Claus married Superman?"

"No, I've got it, we'll just tell everybody that we turned you into Mr. Lois Lane to make you behave." She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Okay, Mrs Claus! Do your worst! Make him promise to cherish and obey me!"

"Cherish and whaaaaa? Lois, are you out of your mind?" Santa Clark protested.

"Well now... the way *I* see it, unless you agree to my terms, you're going..."

Lois was suddenly interrupted by the arrival of a certain 'probably-fake-blonde' assistant D.A.

"Don't listen to her, Clarkie, I'll marry you," she said. "No conditions! Well, just one..."

"And... what would that be Mayson?"

She batted her eyes at him. "Make Lois stay here. Let her be Santa Claus."

Clark rubbed and pulled at his long, fluffy, white beard in thought.

Lois wailed, "How could.. you.. even consider..."

"Well, Lois. If you don't want to announce our marriage properly..."

... I just might take her up on it," Clark replied with a wicked grin. He knew how jealous Lois reacted whenever she saw Mayson throw herself at him.

"Okay, I agree. Go ahead, tell everybody I married Super Claus."

"Not Super Claus, but Clark Kent!"

"Okay! Just get *her* away from here!" With a 'poof', Mayson disappeared.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

"Yeah, yeah, get on with it. The audience is falling asleep."

Three elves were dozing a few feet away.

"For richer, for poorer"..."I do."

"Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring...wait a second, where'd the ring come from?"

One of the elves replied, "We're at the North Pole. Magical things happen here. Lois will even admit how much she loves you - not just Superman." He looked at Lois. "Won't you, Lois?"

"I.. uh..." She had a dreamy look on her face. "Oh, Clark.. I do love you." Then she pouted. "But I've been hurt before, so don't you dare hurt me."

"Never, Lois. Never."

"You may now kiss the bride."

All of the sudden, Lois had a veil on her head, so Clark lifted it and...

"Wait a minute! You're not Lois!" Clark exclaimed, a few notches past stunned.

"Oh, Clark, don't you know... no matter what reality you're in, you never get to marry the real Lois, the first time around."

Tempus said with a huge grin on his face.

"Where do you come from?" Clark asked, annoyed. "And who in the Sam Hill is she?"

"Some reporter you are, Clark. I'm the richest woman in the world. I'm Alexa Luthor."

"And now you're Clark Luthor-Claus!" Tempus started laughing viciously.

As always, the Earth called for Clark's attention at the most inopportune time. Far below the range of human hearing, the low-pitched rumblings of an earthquake were unmistakable. He turned in desperation to Mrs. Claus. "I have to go. In my absence, Lois is in charge; she has full authority to act on my behalf."

"I'd better not get a beard, buster…" he heard Lois mutter as he left the North Pole behind.

"Don't worry, Lois," she heard a group tell her. "Tank can give you a shave if you need one."

When Lois turned around to see who had spoken, there was no one. Just smiley faces popping up on the great big computer screen in the sky.