Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic A Christmas idea.... (or in other words: A Round Robin)

Well there was a upside. At least he had caught her. As inebriated as she was, if she fell and hit her head, she could have woken up with amnesia. Waking up and forgetting something only to remember it later was certainly better than waking up with a bump on her head and total amnesia.

"I think you'd better leave the flying to me," Clark told her with a smile. "Come on, put your arms...err, hooves around my neck."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm," Lois murmured happily and snuggled into his embrace. She rubbed her rather large red nose against his face. Suddenly, he *felt* himself begin to change! His belly ballooned! The follicles of his chin began churning out a magnificent white beard! His splendid blue supersuit turned itself into a big, fur-lined Santa coat! And on his head was Santa's cap!

"There's Krystmas Kryptonite in Lois's nose!" Mrs Claus cried out triumphantly. "Santa, now we've got you!"

Santa said, "I quit! You get to be Santa from now on."

"Santa, I can't do that!"

"You've got the hat and you've got the suit. You *are* Santa Claus." And in the twinkling of an eye, Santa disappeared.


(note: I'm sure I'm not supposed to put in a note, but OMG, I so could not resist posting the beginning of the story again. LOL)

Alternate Tank ending.

Nobody noticed the gas leak in the air until it exploded, killing Lois.

Superman then melted the polar icecap in his anger, starting the destruction of the world.

However, it turned out that the Krystmas Kryptonite in Lois's nose was the most effective anti-dote to Tank endings in the universe, and it was also guaranteed to save and revive Lois. So Lois's nose gave itself nose-to-nose and made Lois breathe again. She got to her feet, or hooves, and began to sing Jingle Bells. Her song turned Superman into Bing Crosby, and Bing began singing White Christmas. The atmosphere, hearing Bing's song, drizzled snow over most of the world, and the Polar ice caps froze once again.

Krystmas Kryptonite also guaranteed that Lois' hair would stay intact. In fact, it grew and grew and grew...

Much to the chagrin of an elf lurking in the shadows, scissors in hand. Disgustedly, he threw down his elven hat and trampled it. A closer look at him would have told everybody that this was not an ordinary elf, but, in fact, a human. A human known as Tank.

Out of her splendid hair, and the scattered odds and ends of the broken Tank ending, Lois fashioned a sleigh (though it was a little hard to do it with her hooves).

"Get inside, Bing-boy," she shouted happily, and the sweet-tempered Bing Crosby complied. Lois then shot up into the sky, galloping only slightly drunkenly across the firmament. Bing sang 'White Christmas' all the time, creating a wonderful Christmas feeling for the world.

When they finally got out of the North Pole's realm of influence, Lois suddenly turned back into Lois... and started plummeting to the earth.

At the same time Bing Crosby turned back into Superman. Hoarse from singing 'White Christmas' repeatedly, he croaked out, "I've got you, Lois."

"You've got me! Who's got the sleigh?"

The laryngitic Superman was unable to answer...

"Oh, my God!" Lois gasped. "You've lost your 'super'! You are just Clark!"

And, hey presto! Her words transformed Superman! He was - oh, NOOO!!!! He was suddenly transformed into the unsexy old comic book Clark Kent!!! With boring slicked-back hair, horn-rimmed glasses, a blue suit and a discreet tie!!!

"Eeeeek!!!" cried Lois, horrified. "Who are you????"

Clark couldn't answer. They plunged towards the Earth.

Comic book Clark looked around and was quite amazed that he falling through the air. He removed the glasses and 'presto chango', he became Superman. Of course, he was the supremely campy Superman from the Silver age comics. He was appalled that some floozy was in his arms. After coughing, he found he could speak, albeit hoarsely. "Who are you?"

"Lois Lane!"

Indignantly he said, "Lois Lane is a 'proper' lady. She would never cavort around in a fur cape and a scarf.

Feeling appalled that he was holding a half-naked lady in his arms like that, Superman discreetly dropped her.

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!" Lois screamed. Suddenly, a flash of red appeared on the horizon. Thank God! Santa was coming to rescue her! The flash of red approached at lightning speed, and almost at once she was securely held in the arms of... the Flash?

"Flash? What are you doing here? And can you fly?"

"Eeeeehhh...no."

"I'm just moving so fast that it looks that way." He looked up at 'Superman'. "*Who* is that guy?"

"Oh, don't answer. I think he thinks he's Superman, right? Well, FYI, the *real* Superman loves Lois Lane and would never drop her!"

"This... lady... is hardly dressed so that I can carry her," Superman replied, affronted.

"Okay, Big Blue, you carry me, and I carry her! 'Cause me an' Lois are kinda sinking right now!"

"Prrrrrrrrrr," purred Lois. "Red boy is sure a flashy guy!"

Then the video guys broke their ropes and overpowered the old cartoonists plus the wacko that had created the floozy Lois, and the correct Superman and Lois Lane were back, but Flash and Lois were still...

... falling because now our brown eyed hero was totally confused. He was recovering from the distinct feeling of having been pressed between the pages of a magazine that had drawings in it - a comic? - that was stuffed in a plastic bag that was stuffed in a box with a bunch of other... comics? Finally coming out of his fog he noticed The Flash and Lois plummeting towards Earth...

So in a flash(!) of red and blue, Superman dived towards the plummeting red streakster and the lady streaker. As he caught them, Floozy-Lois began to wobble and look all blurry and pixel-ized.

"What's happening?" cried the properly-clad Lois that was held in Superman's other arm.

"Fake Lois can't look like real Lois in the face of real Lois," observed the Universe. "So she will turn into.... Lady Christmas-Godiva!"

As Lois stood there without a stitch, she shook her fist. "I am the real Lois! I never asked to be dressed in nothing but a fur cape. I'm not a floozy."

The universe politely replied, "Oh... my mistake." But alas, Lois was left naked as a jaybird.

She looked down at herself and was aghast. She was also shivering. "Warm me up, Flyboy. And while you're at it, give me your cape."

"Well, because you asked so politely..." Superman said and unhooked his cape. As he did so, an avalanche of comic books slid from his cape, forming a small mountain on the ice.

Lois swept his cape around her, toga-style. Meanwhile, the comic book mountain started quivering and rumbling. A veritable comic-book-quake had started! And out of the comic-book-volcano comic book Superman rose again!

"Who am I?" said comic book Superman.

"You are Santa Claus!" said the universe.

Our brown eyed hero was ecstatic. "Oh, goody!! Let the blue eyed boring guy do it. I'm out of here! Come on Lois... Flash..."

Flash winked. "No, problem big guy. I'll run home."