TOC Swear to God, This Time We're Eloping (3/4)
Clark decided not to fight a futile battle, so he changed the subject. "What other wedding themes did you find? The Elvis theme is definitely out. Even if we did invite Perry, I am *not* wearing skin-tight sequined pants."
"Yet you'll wear bright blue spandex?" Lois teased as she lovingly ran her fingers over the soft, silky material that covered his rock hard abs.
"Hey, that's not fair. I only wear the blue spandex suit because my mom made it for me." Clark's cheeks turned a deep crimson. Even though he'd been wearing the Suit for more than three years, he still found himself a little self conscious about its color and material.
Lois brushed her hand over his chest and said, "I think you look great in bright blue. And the spandex clings to your muscles and..." Her hand slowly and deliberately traced a path from his shoulders down his chest and stomach, tracing the outlines of his muscles.
Clark took a deep breath and tried to control his natural reaction to Lois's touch. She was going to have to stop soon if she wanted to get married before... No, she couldn't go any further down his chest. She was heading into uncharted territory.
Lois realized that his breathing had picked up. When she looked down, she realized that the spandex wasn't particularly effective at concealing certain parts of his anatomy. Normally, her simple touch wouldn't have caused such a dramatic reaction, but he was probably anticipating what was to come in only a few more hours. She quickly pulled her hand away from his stomach and grinned. "Not much longer, Clark. Then we'll have a whole week to do whatever we want."
He took a deep breath and tried to control his treacherous body. Again, he cursed fact that he was wearing the Suit. Stupid spandex showed everything! Lois was probably enjoying every second of his torture.
Even though Lois would have loved to continue teasing Clark, she knew they could take this much further as soon as they were finally married. It was only a few hours more. They could hold out until then. She wouldn't look at him in the stupid spandex. That suit showed a lot more than Lois needed to see.
She turned her head away, and decided to answer his question about the other wedding themes as Clark collected himself. She wanted to get his mind, and hers as well, occupied with something, anything, else, and this was as good a distraction as any. "There are a lot of themes we can choose from. What about Camelot? I've always loved the story of the romance between Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere."
Clark shook his head quickly. Lois was definitely making a valiant attempt to change the subject. He closed his eyes and pictured Lois in a low-cut gown that showed... No, he had to stop thinking like that or they'd never make it to their wedding.
He had to stop thinking about the night that was to come. They really had a Lancelot and Guinevere wedding theme? The thought was preposterous. "But they were never even married. They were having an affair behind King Arthur's back. Would that be the best way to start out our lives together?"
"Okay, maybe not. But it's still a romantic story," she argued. Her treacherous hand almost reached out to touch him again. If this continued, there was no way she would be able to contain herself until after their wedding. But the important thing to worry about now was the actual wedding. The sooner they were married, the sooner they could start celebrating in ways they never had before.
She tried to rack her brain, trying to remember some of the other themes that were available. One theme stuck out in her mind, but she wished that she had never seen it because of the horrible memories that it brought back. "Oh my god, they have Bonnie and Clyde costumes. We are definitely not getting married dressed as *them*."
Clark sighed deeply. He did not want to think about Bonnie and Clyde on such a happy day -- or ever again. They didn't need to be reminded of things that caused them such intense pain. "No, we are *not* getting those costumes." However, Lois had succeeded in quelling his amorous thoughts for the moment.
Lois smiled at him and decided not to rehash old memories today. Their wedding day should be happy, not burdened by painful memories. She changed the subject, "What about James Bond?" She touched his face as she pictured him dressed in a dark suit and driving a hot car. "You'd make a great Bond." Then she squeezed his rippling biceps. "You're much better looking than Pierce Brosnan."
James Bond? Wasn't he a huge womanizer? Why would Lois want to do a James Bond theme for their wedding? Sure, he liked Bond as much as the next guy, but he didn't want to get married dressed as James Bond with Lois as his fling of the week. "Lo-is, why do we need costumes. Can't we get married in what we're wearing?"
Lois rolled her eyes in mock frustration. "You were the one that brought it up, Clark."
Then she decided to continue their costume discussion, "Or you could just wear what you have on right now. You can always get married dressed as Superman. Now *that* would be funny."
"Only if you wear your UltraWoman costume," Clark countered. "Don't look at me like that. I know you still have it."
How did he know that? He couldn't know. She sputtered in feeble protest, "What, Clark, no I..."
His eyes twinkled in amusement as he watched her feeble attempts to deny the fact that she still had her costume. "I have x-ray vision. I've seen it in your closet. You're not even hiding it."
Lois sighed with mock exasperation. She kept forgetting that Clark knew things about her that no one else did. Actually, it wasn't a secret that she had kept her UltraWoman costume, but she was just surprised that he had called her on it. "Okay, fine, you caught me. I do still have my costume." Then her eyes lit up with a new idea. "Wouldn't it be interesting if we got married as Superman and UltraWoman?" Then she remembered something else that she had read on one of the web sites she had seen. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. It's actually a theme."
"We're a theme?" Clark wondered aloud, horrified. He shook his head with disbelief. Sure, he knew that people loved Superman, although he never knew why, but he never expected anyone to want to get married as Superman and UltraWoman. It was just too creepy.
Lois laughed loudly at the expression of utter shock on her fiancé's face. "Clark! Come on, it's funny. We're not going to get married as Superman and UltraWoman, but I'm flattered that other people like us enough to adopt our Superhero personas to get married. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
"Let's just wear regular clothes, Lois. I'm not sure about these costumes." He couldn't believe that anyone would choose to dress up as him for Halloween, much less their wedding. Now that he had been suitably horrified for the day, Clark decided to change the subject. "What else did you find our about Las Vegas?"
Lois shook her head and pulled a stack of papers out of her purse and unfolded them.
Clark looked at the paper with surprise. "You said this was spontaneous, Lois."
"I told you, it was spontaneous to do it today, Clark. I have been thinking about this since your mom gave me the idea."
"That's my mom's handwriting!" he exclaimed when he looked at the paper.
Lois shrugged and said, "Yeah, she gave me this the last time we were in Smallville. She said that it would be quicker to have all the details in one place."
Clark shook his head in amazement. He successfully fought the urge to say, "Go mom!"
Lois read the paper aloud, "Well, to get married in Las Vegas, they claim that 'all you need is a few minutes, a willing partner, and $55 cash'."
"Wow," he said. He knew that the wedding industry was huge in Vegas, but he hadn't realized that it was so easy to get married there. Although on second thought, he should have.
"We can choose to get married in one of over one hundred wedding chapels," Lois continued. "And the bonus is that we don't have to get any blood tests or medical exams, and there's no waiting period to get the license."
"But isn't that true in most states?" Clark asked. In Metropolis, they hadn't needed any blood tests or medical exams either. And he knew that most people didn't go to Las Vegas to elope.
If they had needed blood samples for their license, Clark knew that they wouldn't have been able to get a license. How would he have had his blood taken? Maybe he would have had to claim a religious problem with modern medicine.
Lois shrugged and said, "Well, we can never be too careful." Then she continued reading, "We just need one witness other than the officiator."
Clark remembered what he had said before. "So we have to choose either Wayne Newton or Elvis?"
"I think Wayne Newton is busy," Lois said. "I'm sure it's late enough that he's starting his show."
"Elvis it is, then," Clark proclaimed.
"I'm not joking, Clark. Every chapel has an Elvis impersonator that can witness."
He pointed out something on her paper. "We can even get married at the 'Graceland Wedding Chapel' or the 'Church of Blue Suede Deliverance'. Didn't Perry and Alice get married there?"
Lois shook her head animatedly. "Um, no. We already agreed to have Elvis as our witness. We are not getting married in a place called 'Graceland.' And we are *not* getting married in anything run by Perry's 'Blue Suede Deliverance' cult!"
"But, Lois, don't we want Elvis to preside over the ceremony and Pricilla to be our witness?" It was better than having them dress up as the King and his wife.
"Perry would kill us for not inviting him if we got married by Elvis," Lois argued. Having Elvis as a witness was funny, but having him preside over the ceremony was a completely different story. Lois flipped the pages of the Las Vegas info packet looking at the descriptions of the rest of the chapels. She had to find something better than Graceland. "There are so many chapels. How do we choose?"
Clark pointed at one description that caught his eye. It sounded interesting -- something that no one he knew had done before. "There's a drive through chapel."
Lois shook her head. That chapel had caught her eyes, too, but she had quickly decided against it. It would just take too much time. "We don't want to spend time renting a car." She shook her head at her next idea. "I don't think we could walk through the drive through. I wonder if there's a fly through window."
"Cute, honey," Clark said sarcastically. Then something near the bottom of the page caught his eye. It sounded absolutely perfect. "What about the 'Express Tunnel of Love'?"
"Express." She swirled the word around her mind. What could be better than something called 'express' for a couple hoping to get married quickly? "Let's do it. The sooner we get married, the better."
Clark continued reading the description, "It even has a 'romantic ceiling with cherubs and star lights. It's perfect for a unique, yet romantic ceremony.'"
Lois put her finger to his lips and said, "You had me at 'express'. Okay, let's go." She tugged on his arm hoping to encourage movement. "We have an exact destination now."
"Where do we get the license?" Clark wondered. He knew it was somewhere on one of the sheets, but he hadn't seen it.
Lois flipped the pages and pointed to the part about the license bureau. "We have to go to the Marriage License Bureau on the first floor of 200 South Third Street." She glanced at the information about the 'Express Tunnel of Love' and said, "Oh how convenient. It's right next door to the chapel."
"Perfect," Clark said. It seemed like they had made the best choice for a speedy wedding. It looked like the 'Express Tunnel of Love' catered to the really rushed, the really desperate, or the really drunk. It was good that he and Lois fit two of the three conditions.
"Let's get going." She tugged on his arm and quickly put the ring boxes into her purse for safe-keeping on the flight. "We've wasted so much time already. Did you want to stop in Smallville on the way?"
"As much as I would love to stop, I think it's better if we stop on the way home. Let's not waste any more time," Clark said.
"All right!" Lois exclaimed. They were finally on their way to Las Vegas. "Let's go!"
Clark scooped his future wife into his arms and said, "Okay, The first, and only, Superman Express Wedding Flight is ready for take off, destination, Las Vegas, Nevada. Approximate arrival time," he looked at his watch, "One minute."
Lois wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Then she grinned up at him to show him that she was more than ready to leave. This was it! They were going to get out of the city without any further distractions. It hadn't taken them that long to get ready to leave Metropolis. Lois had first broached the idea to him at about four o'clock and now it was a little after five and they were ready to leave.
He tightened his grip around her and asked, "You ready, Lois?" It was an unnecessary question, though, because he knew that she was just as ready as he was. He'd never been more ready for anything in his life.
"Let's do it," she said with a large grin.
That was all the confirmation Clark needed. Even as she was speaking, Clark had launched them out the window. Soon they were well on the way to Las Vegas. This time he wasn't flying leisurely, enjoying the feeling of holding Lois in his arms as he flew. That could wait.
In less than the predicted arrival time of one minute, Clark landed in an alley behind the Marriage License Bureau. He gently put Lois on her feet, checked to be sure no one could see, and spun into the suit that he had been wearing.
"We're here," Clark said. He couldn't mask his excitement. Here they were, in Las Vegas. They were going to get married in just a few minutes. Glancing over the Vegas skyline, he saw many popular sights, but the only two sights he was concerned with at the moment were the Marriage License Bureau and the 'Express Tunnel of Love.'
"Let's go, Clark. Now that we're here, I don't want to waste any time." It seemed almost impossible to believe that they had gotten out of work, away from Metropolis, and all the way to Las Vegas without anything stopping them -- no breaking stories and no disasters in need of Super-assistance. Their luck might be running out. Lois wasn't taking any chances.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they traversed the short path to the License Bureau. When they walked through the door, Lois broke free from Clark's embrace and marched up to the counter where a young woman filing her nails with a bored expression on her face was sitting.
Lois thumped her hands on the counter to attract the woman's attention. Even before the woman looked up at them, Lois said, "Hi." The woman still hadn't noticed their presence. "We're here for a marriage license."
The woman rolled her eyes and pointed to her left. "Line's over there," she said in a bored voice.
"But there's no one in line," Lois said, trying to stay calm. There wasn't anyone else that appeared to be working, so she couldn't even go to a different line.
"Stand in line and wait until I call you," the woman continued. "Can't you see I'm busy?" Then she pointed to a hand written sign on the counter that said 'I'm Busy.'
"No you're not busy! All you're doing is filing your nails!" Lois exclaimed in anger. This woman was the most incompetent, annoying, stupid...
The woman interrupted her angry thoughts by saying, "And if you would just go stand in line, I'll call you when I'm done."
It looked like Lois was going to claw the woman's eyes out, so Clark decided to step in to diffuse the situation. "Excuse me, miss," Clark said in what he hoped was a calm, good-natured voice. "We know you're busy, but could you please just do us a little favor?"
The woman looked up for the first time at the couple. Her attitude and demeanor changed significantly as soon as she looked at Clark. Lois cringed, thinking that the woman was trying to put the moves on her fiancé. It was typical.
Clark smiled at the woman, realizing that he had made a break through even though Lois was probably going to kill him over it. Sometimes annoying people on power trips just needed to be treated with respect rather than an acid tongue. "If you want, we'll go back into the line and wait, but we're sort of in a hurry here. We'd really appreciate it if you could do us one small favor."
The woman batted her eyelashes at Clark and said, "Sure, sir, since you asked nicely." She shot a glare at Lois. Then she directed her comment to Clark, "I'd be happy to help *you*."
"Thank you," Clark said as he put his arm around Lois's back to try to get her to settle down. "My fiancé and I are trying to get a marriage license."
Even though they were at the Marriage License Bureau, the woman looked genuinely surprised when Clark referred to Lois as his fiancé. She seemed genuinely surprised that Clark was attached. "Oh," she said dejectedly.
Lois looked at Clark and raised her eyebrows in disgust. Had that woman expected two people at the Marriage License Bureau not to be looking for a marriage license? Was she expecting Clark to see her and give up any ideas of marrying Lois? Yeah right. That was never going to happen. Was the *Marriage License Bureau* typically a great pick-up joint? Maybe since this was Las Vegas, it was.
Then the woman pulled some papers out of a drawer and thrust them onto the counter. "Fill these out," she said sharply. Then she continued, "I'll need to see proof of identification, driver's license, state ID card, passport, from each of you, and $55 cash. We don’t accept checks or credit cards." She glared at Lois angrily. Now that she seemed to accept that she had to give Lois and Clark a license, her demeanor became absolutely frigid.
"Can I have a pen?" Lois asked sweetly as she pulled her driver's license and the cash out of her wallet. Then she made a show of stepping closer to Clark and wrapping both of her arms around his stomach under his suit jacket. She was going to leave absolutely no doubt in that woman's mind that Clark was completely hers and definitely not on the market.
The woman handed a pen to Clark and then silently copied the information from their driver's licenses onto another form, probably completely fuming as she did so. Clark quickly filled out the other forms that the woman had given them and signed it. Then he offered the pen to Lois and she scrawled her name as well.
Once his hands were free, he hugged Lois close and planted a series of soft kisses on the top of her head. They almost had the license; their wait was almost over. In a matter of minutes, they would forever be husband and wife.
"We're almost there," he whispered as they waited, still unable to believe that they had come so close to the fulfillment they had craved for so long.
"I know," she answered softly, afraid to talk about it too much, lest she jinx the success they'd experienced thus far.
The end to this long, painful saga couldn't come fast enough. In fact, the wedding itself almost didn't even matter any more. It was almost a chore that they had to suffer through to reach the desired conclusion. Now the only thing that mattered to either of them was that they finally would be legally married. The thing they had learned from the long, painful months of waiting was that the longer they had to wait for something, they more they were able to appreciate it when it finally happened. Neither Lois nor Clark cared that they were getting married in Las Vegas at a place that boasted 'the shortest weddings you've ever seen.' All that mattered was the final consequence of their actions. Soon they would begin their happily ever after as husband and wife.
"Mr. Kent, Ms. Lane," the woman said. "You're all set." She looked at the couple again and sighed. Then she said handed Clark the marriage license and said sarcastically, like she knew that they were one of those couples that would get married in Vegas and then divorced a few days later, "Here you go. Have a happy marriage."
"Thank you," Clark said happily, ignoring the other woman's sarcasm, and quickly led Lois out of the building wanting to avoid any bloodshed. He had seen the look in the woman's eyes and heard her sarcastic tone. There was no way that Lois was going to let that go without some sort of angry comment. She was probably getting ready to rip that horrible woman apart. Maybe the excitement of getting the license had calmed her to the point where she wasn't going to act out. Or maybe not.
Once they were out the door, Lois finally snapped. "Clark! Who did that woman think she was looking at me like that?" She was completely fuming.
Clark shrugged his shoulders unsure if he wanted to get into this discussion.
"And she was looking at you like you're a piece of meat!" Lois exclaimed.
"I know," he said. Sure he had been uncomfortable with the way the other woman had been ogling him, it had expedited the licensing process. "But, Lois, who cares? We have the license, don't we? Isn't that what's important?" Clark wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.
Lois shook her head trying to clear away her anger. Clark always had a way of making her feel so safe, so secure in their relationship. He was the one man she could be sure never had a wandering eye. Clearly, he had eyes for her and her alone.
Of course he was right. Now they had the marriage license in their hands. In a matter of a few minutes, they would be married; their greatest desire would be fulfilled. She sighed deeply, knowing that any further argument was futile -- especially because they were now standing in front of the 'Express Tunnel of Love'.
Her demeanor changed instantly when they opened the chapel's front door and walked in. They had made it! It was like they had finally arrived at the Promised Land. The chapel's lobby had an almost ethereal glow. Could it be real?
No, it wasn't her mind playing tricks on her. They were really at the chapel where they would be married. The strangely bright, heavenly appearance was easily explained; the walls were composed of floor to ceiling mirrors, with more than 10,000 tiny star lights. They surrounded the mirrors, their reflections creating a heavenly atmosphere.
"Clark, we're here!" Lois exclaimed.
Clark grinned at Lois and said, "Yes, we are." He couldn't wait any longer. Now that they were inside the chapel, license in hand, he was becoming almost more anxious than Lois. "Where do you think we register?"
Lois had been surveying the lobby, and had found the registration window. "Over here, Clark." She grabbed his hand, and walked purposely towards the window.
He followed closely behind her, the license clutched in his hand. As each second passed, his excitement grew. Before they had actually arrived in Vegas, he had controlled his enthusiasm, but now he allowed himself to really believe that they were going to be married -- in just a few minutes! And that knowledge caused his mind to race with excitement. For a while, he had thought that this day would never come.
At the registration window, a grandmotherly woman smiled at them kindly. "Welcome to the Express Tunnel of Love. Legal marriages in 5 minutes or less, guaranteed. May I help you, dears," she said.
Lois grinned at her and deadpanned, "We're here to get married."
The woman patted Lois's hand and said, "Well, dear, this is a wedding chapel, so I'm glad to hear it."
Lois opened her mouth to argue with this lady, but she changed her mind. She didn't want to cause any trouble at the wedding chapel -- especially not when they were so close to actually getting married.
The woman smiled benevolently at Lois and said, "Okay, dears, do you have your license?"
Clark, who was slightly surprised that Lois hadn't responded to the woman's comment, obediently placed the license on the counter.
The woman behind the counter looked at their license presumably to make sure it was legal, and said, "We'll be with you momentarily." She pointed to a group of chairs in an alcove directly to her left. "Just wait in the lobby until we call you, Mr. and Mrs...." She looked down at the license and said, "Kent."
Clark looked at Lois, afraid she would take offense to the "Mrs. Kent" reference. The names were like music to his ears, but he had a feeling that Lois wouldn't feel the same way. However, he was pleasantly surprised to see her entire face light up.
"Did you hear that, Clark? Mr. and Mrs. Kent!" She squeezed Clark's hand and continued, "We're getting married!" She knew that he accepted her plan to keep her own last name, so hearing someone refer to them this way did not bother her in the slightest. In fact, it made her heart flutter with excitement.
He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he took the license back from the elderly lady. Then he looked at Lois and said, "In less than five minutes, we'll be Mr. and Mrs., uh, Clark Kent and Lois Lane."
Before Lois could respond to his last statement, they reached the waiting area and Lois suddenly began to panic. The day had been so uneventful! Of course there would be a roadblock in their way at the wedding chapel.
"Clark, there's a line!" Lois said. She couldn't believe it. There was another couple in the waiting room before them. What were they going to do? Wait? And were they expected to wait *calmly*?
They had waited so long and gone through so much to get to this moment, and now they had to wait again. Did someone out there really hate them? Were they just little pawns in some evil being's diabolically humorous game? She had the strangest sensation in her stomach. It felt like she had been *whammed* by a large tank.
Clark pulled her down onto his lap, as he sat down on one of the chairs in the lobby and tried to calm her down. "Lois, don't worry. There is only one couple in front of us, and the Chapel claims that their weddings last less than five minutes. We shouldn't have to wait very long."
"A lot can happen in five minutes, Clark." Lois shook her head slowly. As she studied the other couple, she said, "Clark, look at those two!" She moved her head to indicate a woman curled up in a man's lap -- both fast asleep with four bottles of what appeared to be vodka by their feet. "It's 2 pm here; they're sure hitting the bottle early."
Clark tried to protest, but only said, "Well, it is Las Vegas..."
An evil grin flashed over Lois's face when she said, "Maybe they'll bypass those two and let us go next."
Just as Lois spoke, the elderly receptionist's voice rang out over the room, "Lisa and Alan, we're ready for you."
Neither member of the other couple stirred as their names were called. As Lois had predicted, the elderly woman moved on to the next couple on the list. "Lois and Clark."
To Be Continued
