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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,636 Likes: 44
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,636 Likes: 44 |
Hi beethoven, this was better, seriously.  Unfortunately I found some parts of this a bit confusing and I wasn't always able to follow. You might blame it on my lack of knowledge when it comes to English... Beautiful...: It is the first time that I: Charlotte Louise Elizabeth Rachel Kent
Am faced with the reality of death…
And I AM SCARED
BUT for now I am loved…
So I will forget the future (sounds funny huh, don’t think Uncle Perry would like that sentence)…
I will focus on the present… because as I grow, I will undoubtedly forget some of my past memories through time… and have no memories of my NOW Present, to remember when it is too late, and those I love are not here anymore
It's never too dark to be cool. 
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
Baby, I learnt the hard way, family do stick together, no matter what. They may not always be there, they may not always be physically close to you, but there is one certainty to which you can depend when it comes to “family”, “Family” always care for you. They always love you, and always want nothing but the best for you. Very true. Yes, like bakasi said, this is better. I don't know how sad I thought it was though. But that is a lot for a kid to learn. And thanks for using 'mom' instead of 'mum'. And as for cherries... I have no idea if they grow in Kansas, but they do grow in Kentucky, and they are at close to the same latitude so I'd say it's entirely possible.
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
Not bad at all! This can be scientifically measured by comparing my gifts. hehe! brainy kid.  And some stocks and bonds in some mining company. Dad says not to complain about them, they are worth thousands… and what with dividends and market value, etc, in 5 years when I’m old enough to sell them, they should pay for college… and the yearly dividends will let me buy some really neat stuff, so no need for a summer job etc. BUT DAD, I said, hasn’t she seen my save the rainforest T-shirts… and I thought I made it pretty frank, when I wore the Green-Peace T-shirt to lunch today… He didn’t have a reply for that one… That's just hilarious! it takes more to fool a Kent!!! A Kent, maybe. But she's half Lane... she could be fooled by a pair of glasses. ROFL! Nice story - a lil bit more thought provoking than I expected at first, I thought it would be a bit more light and amusing - but nice. 
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292 |
Waaay better! Go on like this, and you'll win a Kerth within the year! To the readers of Charlotte Elizabeth Kent’s Diary,
I don’t know your names, but I know your name is not Diary, nor is it Journal… nor log… so, this address will do…, Great start! BUT DAD, I said, hasn’t she seen my save the rainforest T-shirts… and I thought I made it pretty frank, when I wore the Green-Peace T-shirt to lunch today… He didn’t have a reply for that one… Clark is speechless. I love it. I … I mean “Superman” could have easily flown to NY and then posted a card, he is also not below “borrowing” pens… … it takes more to fool a Kent!!! Mr goody two-shoes is not below 'borrowing' pens?   “You know, when she first made the scarves, your GRAMMAMA would say to me: Lois, wrap those scarves tight around those children’s necks, please! They are not Kansas Scarves, not GRAMMASCARVES, but Kansas/Gramma hugs in disguise…. I cant hug them every day, Lois’ she would say. ‘but Lois, my babies can wear their GRAMASCARVES. And as such they can wear my hugs all day, everyday… This bit had me in a puddle. Sweet, but sad because of the implications.
The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351 |
glad you all liked it i got the idea when my sister got two coppies of the same cd (from the same giver) this year, and I got a book, that my brother got last year... it started out not so serious, but i wanted more than just a list of bad pressies also i had to think of something bad that would be given by the Grandparents kent... It was written at 1am on Dec.26 So please forgive the grammer... Next time i will try and post at least one day after writing a story...   also i will do more editing... did anyone notice the girl's name was Initialed: CLERK (CHarlotte Louise Elizabeth Rachel Kent) I tried CLARK but then it screwed up the BERTHA AVERY link...
You can't have MANSLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER
The Neuroscientist: Eating glass makes you smart...do you want to see what you can learn?
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351 |
As for Grampus... I found that MSWord did not object to that word in my spell check... so i left it at that... The MOM in spell check was annoying though... At the time I had no idea what it meant according to dictionary (dot) com it is either a dolphin, or a killer whale or a "giant whip scorpion common to Florrida" http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/grampus[/URL] not really very relevant to my story
You can't have MANSLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER
The Neuroscientist: Eating glass makes you smart...do you want to see what you can learn?
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
I'm glad that this garnered so much feedback, since I tend to gloss down the list looking for the blue arrows to find stories to read. I wouldn't want to have missed it. I found this to be a poignant, bittersweet, coming-of-age story far deeper than the average Christmas fluff. (Although I lap up the fluff, anyway.) I suppose it touched a deeper chord with me since this was the first Christmas since my grandma died and I tended to get emotional at the silliest thing. (I got misty-eyed when I developed a hole in two pair of sweater-socks knowing that grandma had bought me them 20 years ago. They lasted this long because I never wear them, but she faithfully bought them every year because they went on-sale for 50 cents each the day after Christmas and she could afford to buy gifts for the whole family even on a fixed income.) I was a little confused at the thought of candy in a hamper. I think lollies are lollipops (I saw Chitty, Chitty, Bang-Bang.), but a hamper is a place where Americans put their unwashed clothing until laundry day. BTW, sweetie is a term of endearment and sweaty is a person with wet armpits. I was also confused how Charlotte Louise Elizabeth Rachel Kent could be named after Bertha Avery. Best line: BUT DAD, I said, hasn’t she seen my save the rainforest T-shirts… and I thought I made it pretty frank, when I wore the Green-Peace T-shirt to lunch today… He didn’t have a reply for that one… Best tearjerker lines: “You know, when she first made the scarves, your GRAMMAMA would say to me: Lois, wrap those scarves tight around those children’s necks, please! They are not Kansas Scarves, not GRAMMASCARVES, but Kansas/Gramma hugs in disguise…. I cant hug them every day, Lois’ she would say. ‘but Lois, my babies can wear their GRAMASCARVES. And as such they can wear my hugs all day, everyday…
“From the beginning they were symbols of her love for you baby. I think you know that… and so you must remember, darling, that Gramma will always be there for you, she will always love you… (whispered, while running out of the room crying) I will always love you baby” I also enjoyed all the different terms-of-endearment used for family members. Our little names of love. Truly enjoyed this one. Don't forget to archive this little gem. Let me know if you would like a beta reader before you send it in. Elisabeth
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
There were some typos in this fic, and it wasn't clear to me whether they were intentional or not. On the one hand, this IS a younger character, and realistically, kids these days don't worry about spelling much.
On the other hand, they could just be the usual 1 am in the morning typos that all of us get now and then.
Those are minor points. It think the core of the story was really nice and effective. The serious turn the story took was unexpected, but really lifted the story out of the run of the mill, average story and made it into something else.
The earlier parts were realistic depictions of the lane family dynamics, as well as the pettiness of children (and often adults). It's nice to know that not every child of Lois and Clark is a carbon copy of their father.
Kids are petty. Learning not to be is part of growing up. That's what this story is all about- the loss of innocence, and the coming of knowledge.
Nice work.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351 |
ok.
Hamper=Laundry Hamper in US
In Australia (and I presume England as well):
A Hamper can be a basket filled with small gifts (often rare food, or delicacies, sometimes baby surplies as in a mini-baby-shower in a basket/box)
And Christmas Hampers are especially common gifts... rare Jam/lollies (Candy), Christmas Pudding, gingerbread, butter-scotch biscuits... etc....
often given by employers as in Australia we don't do Christmas bonuses as part of salary packaging (I know that is a big american custom) ... as my dad is a doctor, we always got them from the hospital and some of his patients.... they were great time savers, as we then passed them on to aunts/grandparents etc. who are really hard people to buy gifts for...
Does that explain what I meatn...
and do you have a similar "American" word for this HAMPER that would replace it
You can't have MANSLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER
The Neuroscientist: Eating glass makes you smart...do you want to see what you can learn?
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
I just thought that you meant she was getting a laundry hamper filled with gifts. With what you describe, though, we would call it a Christmas or gift basket.
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I, too, found this story very moving.
Ann
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
It's hard to believe that a whole year has past since I read your story the first time. I find it as thought-provoking as it was when I first read it.
Elisabeth
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