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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221 |
Ann, this chapter was terrific! Clara's fear and confusion at being thrown in jail, her inner struggle with using her powers to break herself out (like father, like daugher ... ) and delving deeper into the diary were all superbly written pieces of this beautiful puzzle you're constructing for us. I love it when the Mad Dog Lane we all know and love comes out with metaphorical guns blazing: ”Yeah?” Mom purrs dangerously. ”You arrest a twelve-year-old little girl… MY little girl… for no reason at all? You arrest her on no charges? You keep her locked up all night? You don’t let her make a phone call? You don’t let her call ME, her mother? You don’t deign to call ME and tell me you’ve arrested my daughter? You don’t ask for my parental consent to lock her up?”
Mom has been slowly advancing on the sheriff while she was saying all of this. And the sheriff’s been backing away, until she’s backed into a wall behind her. And your Lois has an extra edge because she's Clara's mother — the protective, lioness instinct is out in full force: Boy, if looks could kill, the sheriff would be six feet under already. And then Jonathan Kent enters and — ahhh! Ann! Wait! What happens next?! What happened to D- er, Rick? Holy hiatus, Batman, do we really have to wait till the end of *next month* to find out?!
~ Crystal
"Not all those who wander are lost." — JRR Tolkien
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part! 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Sep 2006
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292 |
Thanks for this new chapter. Of course, I spotted that line at once. Seeing it in the story - and not just once, but even twice sure made my day. I'm still grinning from ear to ear. ”You’re locking me up in a cell!!! You can’t do that to me just because I’ve come here to see my grandparents!!”
”Try me, kid. You telling me you didn’t commit a single crime while you were running from Metropolis to Smallville? Want me to look into that?”
The warehouse, the trees, the car, the holes in the ground…. I’m staring at the floor and I’m not answering. Love that context you put it in.  ”Well, well, well! What have we here?” The voice makes me jump three feet up in the air. Since I’m holding Mom, I’m pulling her up in the air with me. And since I’m also holding the bars of my cell, I’m pulling a few of them clear out of the floor, too. This story gets better and better... Then she is looking at me and at the scrap metal that used to be the bars of my cell, and she’s smiling like one of those cherubs in church who’s being secretly kissed under his toga. Isn't this supposed to be gfic?  I know it has already been quoted, but... Mom has been slowly advancing on the sheriff while she was saying all of this. And the sheriff’s been backing away, until she’s backed into a wall behind her. Mom is shorter then the sheriff, but she is leaning in on Ms. Law Enforcer of Smallville and wheezing like the snake and showering the sheriff with all these little drips of spittle. Boy, if looks could kill, the sheriff would be six feet under already. My favourite part! His eyes glitter as if little bubbles of laughter were rising from his belly and making their way all the way up to his eyes. ”Tell her you’re sorry, Rachel. And please accept her apology, at least for now, Ms. Lane. And… please… my dearest little Clara.… May I please look at you? I’m your grandfather, you see…. May I give you a hug?” Can't imagine what made him realize that. Perhaps he heard about the warehouse, the trees, the car, the holes in the ground - and/or he just saw the steel bars... Can't wait for your next holidays, Ann! (Perhaps I should send something to make you write sooner? How about this:  )
The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Posts: 2,687 |
Yay! Another part! ![[Linked Image]](http://img99.exs.cx/img99/8577/yupi3ti.gif) ”I can see I’m not gonna share!!!” I yell. ”This place is empty! You put me in jail just cause you can’t find any real lawbreakers! My Mom’s gonna make a fuss when she hears you’ve locked me up like a criminal! And I’m only twelve!” My voice wavers suspiciously on the last word. Damn it! I’m not gonna cry now. Oh, Lois is going to have a fuss all right, but could be some of it will be directed at you, kiddo. How could you run off like that... Hey, Where's Robin, btw? Did he fly off? ”The Metropolis Police was contacted by a well-known informant, known as Bobby Bigmouth, who stated under oath that the twelve-year-old daughter of well-known reporter Lois Lane was on the run and needed to be apprehended, for her own sake.” Well, geez! Bobby is everywhere, isn't he? hehehe! I want to say to her that if my Mom had a fling with Clark Kent, then maybe I’m Clark Kent’s daughter. For some reason, I kinda think the sheriff would have a cow if you told her that. LOL! Where’s Rick? Did he make a run for it when he saw the sheriff coming for me? Did he just dump me? I’m crying for real now. Yeah, where is the guy? coward.... Perry and Alice visited me and brought roses and chocolate and lovely little baby clothes. Alice told me you were the most adorable baby she had ever seen. Maybe she was being polite, but she really seemed quite taken with you. Nahhhh! I'm sure Alice wouldn't say that just to be polite. Clara would have been one adorable little newborn for sure. Hey, just take a look at her dad. 'nuff said. Jimmy was here, too. Oh, my little girl, you are so going to love Jimmy when you are older! He was simply staring at you as if you were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. He asked to hold you, and you snuggled into his shoulder and threw up on him. Jimmy was ecstatic, like you had given him a wonderful present! Darling Jimmy! Awww! That's so cute. Well... gross in a way, but real cute. Very Jimmy.  I trace the whorls of your little ears and count your fingers and toes – there are ten of them, every time. awwww!!! that is just so totally sweet and cute beyond words! Unfortunately, because Krypton is ten and a half light years away from us, and since the jet of laser pulses will travel no faster than the speed of light, it will take the message ten and a half years to reach Krypton. Ten and a half years! My little Clara, you’ll be half grown up before your father knows about you! If he ever does.... What if no one is listening for a message from the Earth during that one hour when it can be heard on Krypton? Ooooh! That means there's a chance he knows and he's going to come back? I hope he does! ”Does that mean… Does that mean Clark may not have made it all the way to Krypton? You mean he could have died in space? Poisoned by that Kryptonite?”
”That’s possible, yes.” No!! ![[Linked Image]](http://forum.hkgolden.com/faces/donno.gif) No, no, no! You can't do that! You gave us hope a paragraph ago. Ann! Youhave to fix this!! ”Yeah? Then I’m gonna grab her by the **** and teach her about the finer points of womanhood….” Oh, I would have loved to see that happening. Priceless!! However, tomorrow I'll be back at school, and the way things look now, I doubt I will have almost any time at all for this story until... the end of February, probably. ![[Linked Image]](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v319/tankexmortis/Smileys/th_2c3942a6.gif) I'll mark my calendar and start a nagging fest by the end of February. 
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Posts: 3,166
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
The warehouse, the trees, the car, the holes in the ground…. I’m staring at the floor and I’m not answering. Ah, but they were accidents! ”The Metropolis Police was contacted by a well-known informant, known as Bobby Bigmouth, who stated under oath that the twelve-year-old daughter of well-known reporter Lois Lane was on the run and needed to be apprehended, for her own sake.” Oh, Bobby!! ”Hey, chin up, kid,” the sheriff says, sounding almost friendly. ”I’ll be calling your Mom tomorrow.”
”You’ll be calling Mom tomorrow??? What about calling her now???" Oh, surely Rachel is teasing her. Lois will be furious if she doesn’t call right NOW!! I swear she’s bellowing like a cow with cholic when she sees me Oh, Ann, I do hope there is a way you can give us little snippets before February. And what was the bit that was from Mellie's feedback?
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,269 |
The end of February???NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I take it Jonathan Kent is there..... there was a little hint there that Clark might know about Clara and be on his way back, if he's not already back....
Wow, it's gonna be a long wait for part 5....but we all understand.....
Good luck in school.
Chris
"Together we are stronger than each of us is apart"
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363 |
Another very sweet part. I hate that it ended just when Jonathan (I assume) came in and introduced himself. How did he know he had a granddaughter? Why did Rachel bring him there? Lots of unanswered questions. Please hurry back! 
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Joined: Jul 2006
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
Nice chapter, Ann. I love how Lois was about to make mincemeat of poor Rachel.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Thanks for your lovely comments, ladies! Crystal, I loved you comic book-y way of putting this: And I loved this: I love it when the Mad Dog Lane we all know and love comes out with metaphorical guns blazing Love your way of putting your comment, Chrystal!! Maria, thanks for reading! Yes, Clark may be on his way, and I'm glad you liked Lois's way of putting the sheriff in her place. And that man at the end of the chapter must almost certainly have been Jonathan, because he definitely wasn't Sam Lane. Mellie, I'm glad you spotted your own line in my story... but of course you would! The warehouse, the trees, the car, the holes in the ground…. All Mellie!  Glad you sympathize with Lois's fears of telling the Kents that she has born them a grandchild. As for why Clark has not arrived on the Earth... well, maybe he didn't receive the message at all. But it is also possible that he did get it, but it wasn't possible for him to leave for the Earth straight away. quote:
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Uhh… wha..?
Felt like I was… falling down…
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Guess what? I bet you were falling down. Hmmm, yes, that's possible, isn't it? Glad you enjoyed my total silliness regarding the steel bars of Clara's cell, and my only borderline PG quips about cherubs and the finer points of womanhood! And yes, I too would have liked to see Lois drench the hapless sheriff is a drizzle of spittle! As for how Jonathan could know that Clara is his granddaughter, maybe that was because... naah, I'm not telling yet! And Lara: Hey, Where's Robin, btw? Did he fly off? Where's the little birdie Redbreast, eh? Chirp, chirp! quote:
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Where’s Rick? Did he make a run for it when he saw the sheriff coming for me? Did he just dump me? I’m crying for real now.
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Yeah, where is the guy? coward.... Aw, cut him some slack! Maybe he did behave a bit better than that. And I love the fact that you loved my Jimmy loving the fact that Clara threw up on him! You know what I mean. And yes, Clark may know that he has a daughter on the Earth, and yes, he may be on his way home, and yes, he may be dead or dying of Kryptonite poisoning - but let's hope the last two possibilities won't come true! (And I totally loved that emoticon sternly shaking his head at me!!!) As for Lois really grabbing the sheriff by her ****, I think there are certain things you aren't allowed to write in the PG folder... And Nancy, you are so right about this: quote:
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The warehouse, the trees, the car, the holes in the ground…. I’m staring at the floor and I’m not answering.
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Ah, but they were accidents! That's why Lois is going to have a cow when she hears about Rachel Harris locking Clara up for this (not to mention that Rachel Harris doesn't even know that Clara has done this). And speaking about having a cow.... quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I swear she’s bellowing like a cow with cholic when she sees me -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Glad you liked it, Nancy! Chris, thanks for your emphatic NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And you may right about this, or at least about some of this: I take it Jonathan Kent is there..... there was a little hint there that Clark might know about Clara and be on his way back, if he's not already back.... Sheila, glad you are reading! How did he know he had a granddaughter? Why did Rachel bring him there? Maybe someone told him? And maybe it wasn't Rachel? Nice chapter, Ann. I love how Lois was about to make mincemeat of poor Rachel. Thanks, Lisa! You know, if this had been The Little Shop of Horrors, we may have made a mincemeat pie out of Rachel. But... naah, I don't think so. I usually like Rachel (and I don't mean on my dinner plate), and I almost like her even here! Thanks for your lovely comments, everybody! You make me miss working on my story already! Ann
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Posts: 3,846 |
TOC, Are you working on this story? Are you posting at the end of February? MAF 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Maria, thank you so much for asking me and reminding me!
Short answer - no. I'm not working on my story. School is drowning me right now. Next week, I'm still going to be buried up to my neck in school work. The week after that schools close here in southern Sweden for a winter vacation, lasting a week. However, I'm going to spend most of that week in London, and again I will have no time to write.
After that I'll be back at school, but I will have significantly fewer classes for two weeks. I'll really, seriously try to get back to my story then.
Ann
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