This is a rewrite of the L&C episode, "I've Got a Crush on You," written by Thania St.John. More to the point, it's a sequel to one of my other stories -- "H is for Hubris." You'll need to read that one first; it's available on the archive and on my personal site . I is for Illusions
(or, I've Got a Crush on Two)
by Pam Jernigan
(Table of Contents) The dream started innocently enough, as it usually did. Lois would be in her kitchen, though she'd never quite been able to figure out what she was doing there. Then she'd hear a sound, and turn, and *he* would be there, standing at the edge of the room. He'd smile slightly, and open his arms to her... and she would practically fly across the room to join him. After that, it was mostly a series of images... flashes of feeling. The way it felt when he kissed her neck. The smooth interplay of his muscles beneath her hands. The look in his eyes that made her feel so very precious. The way he whispered her name. The view of her bedroom ceiling, largely blotted out by his gorgeous face above her. The sense that finally, she'd come home.
"Oh, Clark..." It was usually at this point that she woke up. Flushed and over-warm, aching with loss.
Resolutely, Lois got herself out of bed. A quick glance at the clock revealed that it was nearly three in the morning, but she knew she wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon. She pulled on her comfortable old bathrobe, ran her fingers through her hair, and headed for her living room.
The dreams scared her. She knew very well where they came from -- they were largely memories resulting from her spectacular lack of judgment a few weeks ago. She'd been scared that morning, too, and had angrily ordered Clark out of her life forever... only to be interrupted by a strange old man calling himself H. G. Wells and with an unbelievable story. Time-travel? Yeah, right. And the idea that Lois would someday marry *Clark*? It seemed easier to believe in time-travel.
They'd eventually thrown the old man out. But not before he'd done his best to persuade them. And not before Clark had proved to be more trustworthy than Lois would ever have expected. Even when the old loon had hinted that Clark was hiding some huge secret, and practically blackmailed him with it, Clark had stood firm. At the time, it had seemed as though agreeing to never again discuss their mutual lapse of sanity would be the easiest way to get their lives back to normal.
Things at work had actually gone pretty well, Lois was forced to admit. Clark had been true to his word, and the gossip network hadn't gotten so much as a hint that anything had happened between them. He never referred to it, either, so she could focus on her job and stories and be all business. She didn't even notice how soft Clark's hair was, or marvel at the physique he was hiding behind those concealing business suits, or thrill at his rare polite touches. Or at least, not much.
Things would have been fine, in fact. Except for the dreams. When she was awake, Lois knew all the reasons why relationships were foolish, work relationships were suicidal, and why Clark wasn't even remotely her type. In her dreams, she only knew how he'd made her feel. Even apart from the sheer pleasure of touching him and being touched by him, he had somehow had the knack of making her feel... cherished. And some part of her yearned for that experience again.
It was ridiculous, she told herself for the hundredth time. That feeling had probably just been wishful thinking -- the result of her overactive imagination. Even if it hadn't been, it wouldn't have lasted. It had all been an act, of course it had. Men did that all the time -- at least until they got what they wanted. Afterwards, they dropped the niceness -- and in her case, they generally dropped her, too.
Granted, Clark had behaved better than that... but then, she'd nearly killed him the next morning, so he couldn't have felt too smug. And if he still treated her with courtesy and respect, it was just a ruse -- a trick to get her to lower her guard again.
The scary thing was, sometimes it worked.
She shook herself out of the pointless reverie and walked over to her front window, leaning against the casement. Even at this hour of the night, Metropolis was alive with lights. She craned her neck to search the sky, but if Superman was up there, she couldn't see him. Superman. Now there was someone who wouldn't lie and scheme to get a woman into bed. And if some lucky woman did manage to interest him, he wouldn't turn into a jerk the next day, she was sure. Though it didn't seem as if she would ever get to test that theory.
She turned away from the window, moving slowly over to the sofa. This was driving her crazy. One man she wanted but couldn't get close to, and one man she *didn't* want but couldn't stop thinking about.
******
Clark floated high above the city. He'd been on a few rescues tonight, but now everything seemed quiet. Leaving him with too much time to think about Lois.
He wished he could pin down exactly what had made him fall in love with Lois. Maybe that would explain what had kept him in love, as her less-attractive sides became obvious. Her tendency to ride rough-shod over anyone who stood in her way was a polar opposite of his own desire to help everyone. But then, that was her way of helping people -- by exposing corrupt systems and standing up for the little guy. And beneath her tough-as-nails exterior, he'd seen glimpses of an inner vulnerability in her, too.
He'd seen that openness that night, at dinner, and then later, in her apartment. She'd been so beautiful... smiling and responding to him without a hint of her customary defense mechanisms ... of course, she'd made up for that with a panic attack and fury at him the next morning, but he couldn't blame her for that.
Their relationship at the moment was... kind of strange. They were both ignoring the night they'd spent together; Lois seemed to have forgotten it entirely. Clark never managed to forget it for long, but he tried to pretend he had. His goal was to build a friendship between them. Eventually, maybe, they could become more, but for now, he just hoped he could somehow get her to trust him.
She trusted him when he was dressed as Superman. Her hard-bitten exterior often disappeared altogether, replaced by wide-eyed admiration. He didn't want that. Okay, okay, sometimes it boosted his ego -- and he'd needed that unquestioning support on a few occasions. But there had to be a happy medium between that and the unrelenting cynicism she showed to Clark.
He wondered, not for the first time, whether he ought to tell her about Superman. By now, he was certain that Lois could be trusted. She had integrity. Well, apart from her casual attitudes towards breaking and entering, the stealing of evidence, and various other petty crimes. Clark grinned. Still, when the chips were down, she would do the right thing. She'd risked her career to protect her father, just recently, and it wasn't as if she had a good relationship with him.
On the other hand... Lois was involved, to some extent, with Lex Luthor. She never really talked to him about it -- the topic of dating was just too awkward, between them -- so he didn't know if it was serious, but any association at all scared him, considering what he knew about the man.
If he told her he was Superman, maybe she'd ease up and they could really get to know one another. Or maybe she'd be disillusioned about her hero, or maybe she'd assume that Superman was his real self, and only be interested in that part of him... It would certainly get her to notice him. But he didn't want to use Superman to jump-start their relationship. It felt like cheating, or bragging. The important thing was that she be comfortable with him as he almost always was: Clark.
Sooner or later -- if she gave herself a chance -- she would understand that he was Clark Kent. Just with an exciting hobby on the side.
But then on the other hand, he wasn't always Clark -- Superman was a pretty new creation, but he'd already seen how the superhero thing could make life difficult. Was it fair to Lois to expect her to make up her mind without knowing what she'd be in for?
Either way, he ruefully admitted, it was probably too early to worry about it. She was still working hard to keep him at arm's length. And if she never wanted anything to do with Clark again, then it didn't much matter if she knew about his other life. He needed to just keep being her friend, for now.
****
"Morning, Lois," Clark called out cheerfully, taking a break from typing to smile at her.
Lois managed a polite smile as she made her way over to her desk. She could have done without seeing Clark this morning -- there were certainly days when it seemed he was never at his desk -- but of course, just when she didn't want to see him, here he was. "Morning, Clark."
Clark cocked his head. "You okay?"
Lois shrugged irritably. "I'm fine," she told him. It just wasn't fair. If she had been working all night, she'd be fine right now -- mostly. But one little bout of insomnia and she was wiped out. She stabbed at her computer's on button and waited while it went through its own slow wake-up routine.
No response from Clark, Lois noted, steadfastly avoiding the temptation to look at him. One of these mornings, she was going to snap, and haul him off into a supply closet to have her way with him. She was pretty sure he wouldn't mind, either, which made it even harder to resist. But a few moments of pleasure -- even the mind-bending, toe-curling kind -- wasn't worth the wreck it would make of her life.
A cup of coffee appeared on her desk, and Lois jumped slightly.
"I thought you might need that," Clark said, with a smile in his voice.
Lois picked up the cup and sipped -- it was perfect. She relaxed back in her chair and dared to meet his eyes. "Thanks, I did. So what have we got planned for today, partner?"
Clark leaned one hip against her desk. Lois resolutely kept her eyes on his face. Oblivious to her internal struggle, he replied, "Well, we've pretty much wrapped up that boxer thing. So I guess we'll just cover whatever--" His head came up and he stared over her shoulder.
Turning, Lois saw that the television monitors were showing buildings on fire. "Is that West River again?'
Clark nodded grimly. "Looks like it. I'll go check it out."
"I'll come with you." Lois reached for her purse, putting all personal considerations aside.
"No, we don't both need to go," Clark said hurriedly. "It's just a fire."
"Clark, it's the third fire in the same area since last night. Don't you think that's a little bit suspicious?"
"So make some phone calls!" Clark suggested, running out without waiting for her.
Lois watched him go in some bemusement. One minute, he was the most considerate guy on the planet, and the next... he was brushing her off. However, there was more than one way to chase a story, and Lois's instincts were telling her there was definitely a story here. Let Clark run around and get the story about the fires. She'd find a way to get the story *behind* the fires.
A cheer from behind her made her turn back to the monitors. She smiled as she saw a streak of blue and red appear. Superman! She just couldn't help it; something about Superman drew her like a moth to a flame. In a way, it was like her stubborn attraction to Clark, but with no barriers, no defenses.
Well, that was neither here nor there at the moment; she had a job to do. The fires raging through the West River area were probably arson. So far the fire department had been kept busy just containing the blazes; they hadn't yet been able to investigate the sites of the fires for traces of accelerants or incendiary devices. She was sure they'd turn up something sooner or later. In the meantime, she could find out who might have a motive to set that particular district on fire -- or who might have the means to do it.
When the phone rang, it jerked Lois out of her train of thought. "Lois Lane, Daily Planet."
"Lois!" Lex's voice was as smooth as a caress. "How are you this morning?"
"Just fine, Lex," Lois lied. "Thanks for asking -- how are you?"
"Couldn't be better," he assured her. "I called to invite to lunch today with me. Chef Andre has found a delightful new recipe, he tells me, and I'd like to get your opinion."
"Oh. Um, let me look at my schedule." Lois tucked the phone mouthpiece under her chin and reached across the desk for her calendar. It was empty. She brought the phone back up to her mouth. "Gosh, I'm sorry, Lex, but I just can't. An investigative reporter's work is never done, you know. I should be able to see you at your press conference today, though."
Lex's voice chilled slightly. "I had hoped to see you on a more personal basis."
"Well, I'll see if I can arrange something later in the week," she offered, unwilling to rebuff him totally. Being the only reporter with personal access to Lex Luthor was quite a heady coup -- except that he never seemed to give her any useful information, which rather ruined the effect. She felt vaguely guilty about leading him on, although it was hard to tell just how seriously he was taking things. She'd been interested -- well, flattered -- by his attention at first, but then... well, then she'd gotten distracted. "I'll call you, okay?"
"I'll look forward to it," Lex replied, once more so pleasant that she wondered if she'd imagined the earlier chill. "Take care."
"Of course. Talk to you later, Lex." Absently, Lois hung up the phone, her mind returning to the puzzle of West River. Well, there was one thing she knew about the area. It was more-or-less under the control of the Metro gang. It seemed likely that they were connected to the fires, somehow. Lois smiled suddenly. She knew exactly how to find out what was happening with the Metros.
****
Clark had just about finished blowing out the fire when he heard a familiar voice call, "Superman!"
He glanced over his shoulder to see Lois waving at him from across the street. He conferred briefly with the fire chief, who confirmed that the MFD could handle things from now on, thanks very much. Then he closed his eyes for a moment, drawing on super willpower to keep from embarrassing himself in front of Lois. For the thousandth time, he wished his mother hadn't made this costume so ... form-fitting.
He turned around, and allowed himself a small smile as he crossed the street. She was smiling, her eyes shining. She was also wearing a long beige trench coat, tied tight, that he'd never seen before. But he'd be crazy to let Superman notice what she was wearing, so he fixed his gaze firmly on her face.
"Hello, Lois," he greeted her, crossing his arms over his chest. "Do I need to ask why you're here?"
At this question, her smile broadened slightly. "I was in the neighborhood."
Clark sighed. Why did he even bother trying to tell her to stay put? "So you're here to cover the fires?"
"Well, not exactly. Although I do want to know if you've turned up any evidence of arson, yet."
"No, we haven't -- did you say you're *not* here to cover the fires?"
She waved that off. "No, that's Clark's story -- you must have seen him around, he's been here for two hours -- and he can handle it. I'm working on a different angle."
Clark was still working through the first part of her statement when the second part sunk in, making his gut clench, reflexively. "Is this something dangerous?"
She smiled, seeming touched by his concern, but merely said, "I'll be fine, Superman. No need to worry."
"So then it is dangerous." He took an involuntary step closer to her. "What are you planning?"
Her eyes dropped to his chest for a second before her chin came up. She smiled at him again. "There's no need to worry, honestly."
Clark allowed himself to frown. He hated it when she went off like this. "Lois. Maybe there's something I could do to help."
Her eyes widened at that. "Superman! Thank you -- but I couldn't, really; you're needed to fight the fires." A thoughtful look crossed her face. "There's really not much you could do, anyway," she added, sounding just as surprised by this as Clark was.
Before he could muster up a good argument -- or even a coherent reply -- another siren began wailing. Clark turned to look, then back to Lois.
"What is it, Superman?"
"Another fire," he replied. "If you'll excuse me."
She smiled, her eyes shining again. "Sounds like a job for Superman. You'd better get going."
With a final frustrated glance, he turned to fly down the street.
****
Lois watched the red-and-blue figure speed away, and sighed happily. She just loved to watch him do his hero thing. She was tempted to follow him, but she could barely hear the alarms, so it must be at the other end of West River at least. Clark probably had everything covered, anyway. It was only a few fires; very basic journalism.
She turned around and began walking, looking for a taxi. Superman cared! Sometimes it was hard to tell, but she knew she wasn't imagining that. It was kind of him to offer to help out -- and she'd been tempted to take him up on it -- but then some shred of pride, or something, had interfered. He was a superhero, for heaven's sake; he had a higher calling. She just couldn't ask him to do a reporters' job. Besides, she was perfectly capable of handling this with no "Super" help.
And it was strange, but when she'd tried to think of something to ask him to do, she'd come up blank. She was going undercover, after all -- she looked down ruefully. Case in point, this skimpy outfit she was wearing. She'd gotten herself hired, however, and that was the important point. She never would have been hired in her regular outfits.
She couldn't even begin to imagine Superman in plain clothes; the idea made her giggle. How would he hide his cape -- or boots? No, Superman couldn't go into the club with her. At the first sight of him everyone would clam up. It was a radical notion, that Lois could do something that Superman couldn't. She'd have to think about that one for a while.
Finally, she spotted a cab, and flagged it down. She needed to get back to the Planet, but first, she really had to go home and change her clothes.
****
Clark walked back into the newsroom hours later. Apart from a break to cover a press conference, he'd been fighting fires all day, it seemed, as one blaze after another had sprung up in and around West River. Thankfully, no one had been killed yet, and for the moment there were no new fires. Clark still had difficulty comprehending the type of thinking that casually destroyed large swathes of property and endangered countless lives. One of the blazes had been uncomfortably near to the downtown children's hospital -- how could people set fires and just not *care* who got hurt by them?
He looked around the newsroom, searching for Lois. In moments like these, he needed the reassurance that some people were willing to stand up for what was right. He spotted her coming out of Perry's office, wearing a light brown suit and a look of smug satisfaction on her face. "Hey, Lois!" Maybe, finally, he could find out what the heck she'd been doing in West River wearing a trench coat!
"Hi, Clark." Unlike this morning, she smiled at him, and came over to sit on the edge of his desk. "Hope you enjoyed chasing fire trucks today -- but while you were busy pounding the pavement, I managed to get an inside track on the fires."
Clark leaned back in his chair, enjoying the way Lois sparkled when she was on a story. "Really? I should have known. What's the angle?"
"Well, you know West River is controlled by the Metros," she began.
Clark's heart sank. Why was she talking about mobsters? This could not be good.
"And I figure they've got to be connected, somehow -- either they're setting the fires for some reason, or maybe another gang is trying to move in. Either way, they've got to know *something*."
Oh, this was not sounding good at all. And she thought she didn't need Superman's help?
"So I'm going to be right on the spot to figure out what's going on!" she concluded triumphantly. "I was down at the Metro Club today, and they hired me!"
"What??" Clark jerked upright. "You're kidding me." Though it did explain why she'd been in the neighborhood. The trench coat, on the other hand, remained a mystery.
"Nope." Lois grinned, all too pleased with herself. "It was easy."
"Lois, it's way too dangerous! You could be in the middle of a gang war!"
Lois's smile faded. "Listen, Kent, it's called *investigating* and in case you've forgotten, it's my job!"
"Lois, you can't do your job if you're dead."
"Will you relax? It's not like I haven't been undercover before. It'll be fine! Those guys never take women seriously, anyway; the worst danger I'll be in will be from sexual harassment."
Clark reluctantly abandoned the effort to dissuade her, and moved on to damage control. "Well, you're not going in there by yourself."
"What, you don't think I could handle this by myself?" Lois frowned at him, eyes narrowed.
"Come on, Lois, be reasonable -- I'm your partner, I should be there to help out!"
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right, Mr. 'No, don't come with me to cover the fires, I can do it all by myself.' I can see you place a high value on partnership." She stood up. "Look, I'll keep you posted, and hey -- in the meantime, why don't you make a few phone calls or something, okay?" With a pointed look, she turned and walked back to her desk.
Clark winced. "Okay, so that was dumb of me..."
She sat in her chair, but turned it slightly to face him. "You'd better believe it was," she snapped. "So, what's this about -- you think the little woman needs protecting?"
"Well..." he began, then hastily added, "No! No, of course not. But ... I thought, maybe ... my partner might want a little back-up?" She didn't want help from Superman, but maybe... maybe this was a job for Clark Kent.
Lois glared at him for a few moments, then gave up as her fiercest look proved no match for his puppy-dog expression. "You are impossible."
****
