Here's a bit of un-Betad fluff from one of my muses, set sometime during Ellen Lane's planning of her daughter's wedding.
*****
Lois and Clark are walking to work when they see something sitting on the sidewalk. They haven’t seen whatever this is for so long, they don’t quite recognize it. How will they deal with this new development?
~~~~~
“Lois! Don’t bump into me like that! There’s a huge sidewalk here!”
“Oh, like I hurt you, Clark.”
“You didn’t hurt me, I just don’t like being pushed like that. It’s rude.”
“Would you rather I just walk into the lamppost?”
“You could just walk around it.”
“But then I’d have to either jump in front of you or slow down and get behind you.”
“And oh, you couldn’t do that, could you? You’re way too competitive to get behind me and too proud to get ahead of me and look competitive.”
“Will you quite sniping at me, Clark? We haven’t even made it into the office and you’ve already been impossible at least six times before breakfast!”
“And you’re not? You practically woke me up and dragged me out of my apartment and all you’ve talked about so far this morning is all the sources we’ve struck out with and the leads we don’t have! You haven’t said anything about the wedding – “
“Wedding? Don’t get me started! My mother’s driving me crazy! She left a message on my phone last night about how I might want the doves painted!”
“What? Painted doves?”
“Oh, yes! It turns out that the guy who owns the doves can paint them different colors for the occasion. We can have our birthstone colors, stripes, stars, faces, butterfly designs – “
“But wouldn’t that hurt the birds? I mean, if they were supposed to be artificialy colored, wouldn’t they hatch with a can of paint and a brush under each wing?”
“Very funny. Wait, I think I hurt my side from laughing too hard.”
“Good joke, Lois. You know, I bet Ellen DeGeneres is losing sleep from worry about you putting her out of a job.”
“Oh, ha. Anyway, the paint is supposed to be water soluble. My mother said it would wash out the next time the birds got wet.”
“I still don’t see how that would be good for the birds. It might make it harder for them to get away from whatever’s hunting them”
“They’re raised in captivity, Clark! They’ve never searched for their own food or dodged a predator in their entire lives. As soon as they’re released they’re going to be cat food anyway, so painting them can’t possibly hurt them in the long run.”
“What? I don’t want that! How can you – “
“I don’t want them either! That was what I told my mother Thursday night, so instead of listening to what I said she heard what she wanted to hear and the next night she calls back with this insane painted bird thing!”
“So, we aren’t going to work to work, we’re going to work to get away from your mother?”
“Can you think of something better to do?”
“On a Saturday morning? Of course I can.”
“Well, then, start coming up with something, because this is all I could think of! I don’t – “
“Lois, wait! What’s that?”
“What’s what?”
“That – that little fuzzy thing! Siitting on the sidewalk beside the fire hydrant.”
“Um – I don’t know. Looks familiar, whatever it is.”
“It does? Hmm, yes, now that you mention it, it does look familiar.”
“It’s cute too. Oh, Clark, look, it’s wagging it’s – whatever – at us!”
“Don’t touch it, Lois! You don’t know – “
“Oh, Clark, don’t be such a worrywart. Look, it’s happy to see us!”
“Will you at least let me pick it up? Just in case it tries to bite or something?”
“Oh, okay. Oh, look, it’s licking your fingers!”
“Yeah. Hey, little – I can’t tell if you’re a fella or a filly.”
“It doesn’t matter what it is. Can I hold it for a minute?”
“Sure, Lois. Seems to be safe enough. Listen, I think it’s purring.”
“Purring? Maybe. Yeah, especially when you pet it. It’s nice, though, whatever that sound is.”
“You know, this thing looks familiar, but I still can’t place it.”
“Me neither, but I sure feel better now.”
“Hey, I do too. I’m not irritated any more.”
“Don’t tell me I was irritating you, Clark!”
“Not you specifically, the whole situation today. I thought we’d have a whole Saturday to ourselves, a day where we could spend some time together without the whole world crashing down on us, and then you show up at my place at seven in the morning – before I usually get up on Saturday, you know – and you demand that we go into the office right now and do something, anything! I didn’t know your mother was on the wedding warpath again.”
“Well, unfortunately, you know Mom. She’s not happy unless she’s meddling with somebody else’s life. Oh, you cute little thingy, you!”
“Wait a minute! I think I know what this is now!”
“You do? Are you going to tell me or keep it to yourself?”
“I think – yes, it is! Lois, this is a normal day!”
“What?”
“It’s a normal day! It’s something we haven’t seen for so long we’d forgotten what it looks like!”
“I don’t know – wait – Clark, you’re right! This is a normal day! Wow. I was beginning to think they were extinct.”
“Well, this one isn’t. What do you say we take advantage of it and just have fun today?”
“Ha-ha-ha! You know, aside from deciding to marry me, that may be the best decision you’ve ever made.”
“Very perceptive of you. Where would you like to go first?”
“I think I’d like to have breakfast with you.”
“I knew you were brilliant the very first moment I met you, Lois Lane.”
“And don’t you forget it, Clark Kent!”
“I love you.”
“I love you more!”
“Lo-is!”
~~~~~
