Ugh, each chapter in this series is taking longer and longer to write! I'll definitely have to write at most one of these a week. It might be a while before I finish Part V, since I have a paper coming up for my history class at the University.
****
“Look!” a man in the crowd pointed to the sky.
As the crowd cheered, Superman descended and landed on the platform.
“Superman! Superman, it’s me! Lois Lane!” Lois waved as she pushed her way to the front of the crowd. Unable to get his attention, she smiled resignedly and clapped politely with the rest of the crowd.
<Hey, Superman, Lois was waving at you!> Clark informed the person currently in control of their body.
<I know, Clark, but I can’t play favorites. I’m a public figure!> Superman said.
“Ladies and gentlemen, good citizens of Metropolis, let’s really welcome Superman to our fair city!” Lex Luthor shouted to the crowd.
He then proceeded to give a rousing speech with completely false sincerity. After he was done, he gave the floor to the deputy mayor of Metropolis, a middle-aged black woman.
“We take pride in proclaiming this day *Superman* day, and offering you the Key to the City!” she proclaimed.
Amidst cheers and applause, she continued, “Welcome to Metropolis! It is wonderful to have you here!”
Asked to say a few words, Superman said, “Thank you. You’ve all made me feel very welcome here.” with total confidence and absolutely no hesitation whatsoever.
<Wow, Superman. You sure know how to work the crowds – if it were me, I would have been stuttering like an eight year old!> Clark said, impressed.
As Superman stepped down from the podium, a crowd of women tried to rush him, but he kept his cool, simply smiling at them as he flew away.
****
The staff of the Daily Planet was assembled for an early morning staff meeting. Lois was staring off into space, while Clark was reading a paper. As Cat Grant stalked in, she stopped to kiss Clark full on the mouth.
“Morning, hot cakes.” she said as she disengaged.
Superman protested angrily. <Clark, she just sexually harassed you! That’s against the law! Just make an excuse to go to the restroom real quick and I’ll…>
<Superman, let’s not make too big of a deal out of it. She’s a friend – yes, it’s kind of annoying, but she really doesn’t know any better.> Clark said patronizingly to his partner as he took out a handkerchief and started wiping his mouth.
“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” Lois asked sarcastically.
Superman grumbled to himself about workplace ethics. Before Clark could tell him to chill out, Perry called the meeting to order.
“Okay, boys and girls, let’s get started. Clark!” Perry yelled.
“Right here, Chief!
“Oh, Kent, didn’t see you. I take it you and Lois are on that Superman gets the key to the city story?”
“Yeah. On it,” Lois said half-heartedly.
Clark raised a hopeful eyebrow at her. “Bored with Superman already, Lois?” he asked.
“I was standing right in front of him, and he didn’t even notice me,” she responded miserably.
Clark winced disappointedly, but before he could start brooding at her answer, he noticed a smoking plane outside the window.
<Quick, Clark! You’ve got to think of something!> Superman shouted urgently.
<Right, what do I do…I know, I’ll drop my pen!> Clark replied as he put his plan into action.
As the pen rolled out of the conference room, he chased after it. Before long, he was out of sight.
<Good work on that quick thinking, Clark.> Superman said as he took over.
<Yeah, thanks. Now it’s your turn!>
****
“What about Superman?” Clark challenged.
Lois and Clark had been investigating rumors of an invisible man going about the city, and had just met with a woman claiming to be the invisible man’s wife.
“Huh?” Lois asked, not seeing the point.
“There’s a man living somewhere in Metropolis who flies, Lois,” he explained.
<Sorry to put you on the spot like this, Superman, but she just won’t admit even the *possibility* that there might really be an invisible man out there!>
<Don’t worry about it. Although, it is kind of awkward for me having to hear people talking about me right in front of you.> Superman told Clark.
“Oh, no, not him again.” Lois said, looking up at the sky.
“Who?” Clark followed her gaze.
Up in the sky, an airplane had written in the sky: “Superman, Call M. Brown 555.I-Rep-You.”
Clark realized with surprise that he hadn’t even considered that Superman might want someone to represent him.
<Superman, what do you think? I mean, if you need money, I can give you some of mine – but it’s your call. I have to admit, I hadn’t even thought of the possibility that you might want to do your own things, live your own life.> Clark said apologetically.
<No, it’s out of the question. I don’t think it would be a good idea for *anyone* to profit from what I do, not even you or me. And don’t worry about me – I’m just here to help people, that’s all.> Superman responded.
<Well, if you say so. But, if you’re ever feeling cooped up, we could let you out to fly around the city for a while, get some fresh air.> Clark suggested.
<Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.>
“The nerve of that guy. He is unbelievable.” Lois continued to Clark, unaware that he was deep in conversation with Superman.
“Well, he’s persistent.” Clark said, getting back to Lois.
“He’s a smarmy, money-grubbing opportunist. They *all* are. Everyone wants a piece of Superman. Keys to the city, telethons, benefits. What’s next? A guest shot on A.M. Metropolis? When is this all going to end?”
“Are you worried that this is all going to go to Superman’s head?” Clark asked. He hoped that that was all Lois was worried about – if so, there wouldn’t be any problem. Based on what Superman had told him, it seemed like he wasn’t interested in attention or profit.
“No. I’m worried he’ll forget about me.” Lois said, walking past Clark.
<Well, she doesn’t have to worry about that. We both have perfect memories.> Superman said wryly. He briefly wondered why Clark was silent and didn’t answer either him or Lois, but then he mentally shrugged and thought no more of it.
****
“There is no evidence to suggest that Alan Morris is an armed robber. The man was giving money away, why would he steal it now?” Clark asked.
Clark was driving himself and Lois through the rain. It was evening in Metropolis, but the sky was already dark. The windshield wipers of the car provided continuous background noise as they rubbed against the glass.
“Fine, we’ll write the story. But admit it, she could be wrong. After all, nobody really knows anybody.” Lois rambled.
“No, that’s not true-“
“We like to *think* we do, but we all wear disguises. Don’t you?”
<Well, no, I don’t - I have Superman to wear them for me.> Clark thought to himself.
Lois continued to rant about how in order to let someone really know you, you have to show them how you really are. Eventually, she managed to turn it into a diatribe against marriage. When Clark finally got a word in edgewise, it was to ask them where they were going.
“Home. I have to get dressed.” Lois responded.
“Hot date?” Clark asked cautiously.
“Uh-huh.” Lois smirked.
Clark raised his eyebrows in surprise. “With who?”
“Superman.”
<That’s a lie! Clark, you have to believe me!> Clark nearly lost control of the car as Superman suddenly burst into his mind without warning.
“Clark, what are you doing??” Lois shrieked.
As Clark regained control, he tried to calm Superman down.
<*Don’t do that!* I *know* that you don’t have a date with Lois! I would have known about it, remember??>
<Oh. Right.> Superman said sheepishly.
“Oh, sorry, Lois. My hand just slipped for a second there,” Clark apologized.
****
<I’m not so sure about this, Clark> Superman said apprehensively as he landed at the window of the ballroom.
<But Superman, think of the blind children!> Clark protested.
<I know, Clark. But it just doesn’t seem right, pretending to be interested in someone in order to get their money.>
<Yeah, but it’s not as if the winner will expect anything more than one date – they know that it’s just for charity.> Clark pressed.
<I guess.> Superman said half-heartedly.
“And now…something very special. A Super date!” the woman announcing the charity event declared.
As Superman walked to the podium, Clark noticed Lois Lane reaching for her pocket books. Suddenly, the event didn’t seem like such a good idea after all.
“A Sunday picnic in the clouds. So ladies, what will you give me for the Man of Steel?”
“A thousand dollars!” a woman said
“Fifteen hundred dollars!” Lois declared.
Clark’s heart sank. Lois was really trying to bid for a date with Superman. However, if Superman recognized her, he didn’t let on that he noticed.
Eventually, the bidding was won by a distinguished looking lady, at $50,000. Superman went over to greet the woman, and passed by Lois without even a glance in her direction. He greeted the winner, but didn’t say a word to Clark.
After a while, he flew out the window, ignoring a man named Murray Brown as he took to the skies.
When they were high up in the air, he finally spoke.
<Clark, we need to talk about Lois.>
****
Superman flew them above the atmosphere so that they could speak privately.
<So you did notice her then?> Clark began to open up the conversation.
<Yes. I…think she’s developed some kind of romantic attachment towards me. Do you think that it’s possible, Clark?> Superman asked tentatively.
<I’ve noticed it for a while now.>
<What? Then why didn’t you tell me??>
<Well, I thought it was obvious!> Clark said defensively, even though he had known that Superman had been unaware.
<Well, I don’t understand these things! And it’s *your* fault, Clark – I only know what you created me with!> Superman accused.
<So, how do you feel about her?> Clark asked nervously.
<You know that my only purpose is to serve truth and justice. I’m incapable of having romantic feelings for anyone.> Superman stated.
<Then what are you going to do about it?>
<I don’t know. I’ve got to discourage her somehow – the longer this crush of hers lasts, the more it will hurt later when she realizes that I can never return her feelings.>
<She seemed pretty disappointed though – maybe you could talk to her a little, just to cheer her up?> Clark suggested.
<No. The sooner she gets the idea that I’m not interested in anything beyond friendship, the better. So I can’t go talking to her any more than I normally would just from happening to run into her.>
****
“It’s incredible. The material we found in Alan’s lab is a type of fiber optic. It’s designed to reflect visible light as ultraviolet.” Clark informed Lois.
“Come again?”
“Ultraviolet light is in an invisible part of the spectrum.”
“Are you saying that it’s possible for somebody to be invisible?” Lois asked, surprised.
“Think of it as the next stage of stealth technology. If you wore a suit made out of this kind of material, you could appear invisible.” Clark said as he looked suggestively at Lois.
“Ah! Well, that makes sense. The *appearance* of invisibility is completely different from *real* invisibility.” Lois replied smugly.
“You know Lois, it must be tough being right all the time.” Clark smiled at her weakly.
“Yes. It is.” Lois broke out a big smile before laughing to herself and walking away.
<I don’t get it, Clark. Why did you say that to her? She *wasn’t* right. Real invisibility is *precisely* just the appearance of invisibility.> Superman said, confused.
<No, I don’t *really* believe that she was right…ugh, never mind.> Clark sighed.
****
“Lois, not you, too.” Clark said miserably, seeing Lois’s superman pajamas.
Lois glanced down at her open robe, and quickly closed it to hide the pajamas. Clark sighed as he left the apartment, closing the door behind him.
<Oh, no. This is not good.> Superman told Clark.
****
“Can you believe this stuff? It’s all over Metropolis.” Clark asked his parents, referring to the Superman memorabilia clustered on the dining table at the Kent’s farmhouse.
“Not just Metropolis, but the gas stations too. And the Hawley even has a section at the feed store.” Jonathan replied.
At Superman’s request, Clark had gone back to Smallville to ask for his parents’ advice on what to do about the whole craze. Superman hoped that by cutting off Lois’s access to Superman related products, he would be able to stop her from being too crazed of a fan.
“Although I do think that the doll is cute.” Martha teased.
“Mom, they’re buying and selling Superman on street corners! Lois even has a pair of Superman pajamas.” Clark complained.
“You saw Lois in her pajamas?” Martha asked, surprised.
“No. Well…yes. But it was an accident, when her robe came undone.” Clark said naively. Jonathan and Martha stared blankly at him.
“The point is, they’re selling Superman off like a piece of meat,” he continued.
<Oh, *now* you believe me. See, I told you that that charity date was a bad idea.> Superman grumbled.
<Sorry.> Clark replied sheepishly.
“$50,000 to help blind children. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Martha said.
“Mom, I know it’s for a good cause, and I know he wants to help, but…Superman’s become this super *star*, and I don’t know if he wants to keep it up.” Clark responded, forgetting himself.
“What do you mean ‘he’? You speak as though Superman were someone else,” Martha said, confused. “*You* are Superman, Clark.”
<Er…do you think we should tell your parents about me, Clark?> Superman asked.
<I don’t know. They’d probably just think we were crazy.> Clark responded.
<You’re probably right.> Superman conceded.
****
“You know, I never thought I would say this, Clark. But you and I have something in common,” Lois said.
“What’s that?” Clark asked.
“Superman. You want to fly like him. And I want to fly with him.” Lois said dreamily.
Clark and Superman both sighed. Neither of them bothered to point out the irony in her statement. Clark *could* fly just like Superman, *and* he flew with Superman every single time that Superman flew.
****
“Superman?” Lois said groggily as she woke up on the desk in Clark’s apartment. Alan Morris, the original invisible man, slumbered on the nearby sofa.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I ran into Clark at the courthouse, and he said-“ Superman began.
“Clark? Did - did he leave? What’s he doing at the courthouse?” Lois interrupted.
“The Hall of Records. He said something about researching the past activities of Barnes’s gang. He said you could use my help.”
“Oh, we can,” Lois said worshipfully.
<So you’re really not going to mention that you noticed her at the charity event?> Clark questioned.
<No. We’ve already gone over this!> Superman replied.
After a brief interlude of awkward silence, Alan woke up. “I can’t believe my eyes. Is that really Superman?” he said in awe.
“Good morning, Alan. I need some information from you.” Superman said. Just then, the phone rang.
“Hello?” Superman asked as he answered the phone.
“Clark?” Martha asked.
<Clark, what do I say?> Superman asked frantically.
<Um, um, wait! I know! This is a perfect opportunity for us to create the impression that we both have our own separate bodies. Pretend that it’s me on the phone and not my mom.> Clark instructed.
“Clark! It’s, uh…Clark Kent. Yes, they’re both here…yeah, they’re fine…Okay, I’ll tell them. Thank you.”
On the other end of the phone, Martha stared strangely at the phone.
“What did he want?” Lois queried.
“He said…he’ll be a while,” Superman said.
“Good. Uh…I, I mean…that, that he take his time.” Lois stammered.
****
“I overheard you and Clark talking about Barnes and the gold repository with my super hearing,” Superman informed Alan and Lois as he paced around the table.
Technically, he had overheard, although it was because he had been in Clark’s head, and not because of super hearing. “My problem is, even *if* they show up, I still can’t see them.”
“Even with your x-ray vision?” Lois asked.
“No. Because I still need visible light. Alan, is there anything else you could tell us that might help?”
“I don’t think so,” Alan said with an air of hopelessness.
“Well, you got the idea from a fluorescent light bulb.” Lois reminded him.
“Yes, but I never really thought about making an invisible suit *visible*.”
“Well, there must be a way,” Lois pressed.
Just then, Clark and Superman shouted at each other simultaneously, <Phosphorus!> Encouraged by their agreement on how to solve their problem, Superman said aloud, “Yes, there is,” as he headed to the window.
“Where are you going?” asked Lois.
“To turn on the lights.”
****
“Nice to see you, Barnes.” Superman said as he dropped down in front of the gang leader.
Barnes tried to shoot Superman, but it was useless, and soon his gun was a useless chunk of scrap metal.
“Where’s Lois Lane?” Superman asked a police officer as he handed over the criminal.
“Lois? Is she here?”
Superman’s eyes widened. Frantically, he glanced back in the direction of the bank. As he burst through the wall of the vault, he noticed Lois gasping for oxygen. Quickly, he went over to make sure that she was ok. Relieved, he hugged her before carrying her out of the bank.
“How did you know how to make them invisible?” Lois asked, still in Superman’s arms.
“With a fluorescent light bulb, invisible light becomes visible by passing it through a coating of phosphorus,” he answered as he set her down.
“That’s the second time you’ve saved my life,” Lois said, moony eyed.
Suddenly, Superman realized his mistake.
<Oh no, I shouldn’t have held her like that. Now I’ve just encouraged her!> he told Clark despairingly.
<Oh geez, I didn’t even think of that! From now on I’ll have to warn you when you’re about to do something like that.> Clark said jealously.
Superman was about to fly away, but he was interrupted by Murray Brown showing up.
“Supe! You were terrific!” the talent agent flattered him.
“You want it in writing, right? Okay, here’s the L-list. We got worldwide merchandising rights. Now I’m talking movies. I’m talking miniseries. I’m talking music videos, comic books, action figures! But you call all the shots – quality control, that’s Murray Brown’s middle name! If you don’t like it, kid, then we don’t do it! Now, how could you turn down a deal like that?”
<Well, that sounds like pretty much what you wanted.> Clark suggested.
<Yeah, I think I’ll take it.> Out loud, Superman said, “I can’t.”
“You can’t??” Lois yelled incredulously.
Superman, seeing Lois’s reaction, saw a good opportunity. He had been about to say that all of the proceeds would go to charity, but now he felt that it would be a good idea to mention that later, when it was all legal and in writing. Maybe it would cancel out some of the good will that he had earned from Lois.
Smiling at Lois, he said simply, “Nope,” and flew away.
“But Superman, wait! You shouldn’t –“ Lois yelled vainly after him.
****
Lois smiled as she sat down on Clark’s desk. “I think we should lead with this,” she said.
Clark glanced over the article. “Nice work,” he praised.
“You know, Clark. Not that I’m one of those people who revel in saying ‘I told you so’, but, Superman is donating *all* of the proceeds from his merchandising rights to charity,” she said gleefully as she walked away.
<Well, it was worth a shot.> Superman grumbled.
<Yeah, it really was. Believe me, I’m sorry it didn’t work out too, Superman.> Clark sighed. What would it take to get rid of Lois’s crush on his partner?
****
<to be continued>
