|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814
Features Writer
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
Well, what do you think? I've been flattered and grateful for the feedback so far.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020 |
Lois’s lips quirked. “I’m not here for you, really. I was sent back to save the world. You’re just a bonus.” “You won’t believe me,” Lois said, “But maybe you’ll remember this conversation. He can fly, Clark. And in ten years he’s going to be murdered.” Yes!  Lois nodded. Now that the Metros had openly attacked Bobbie, it was just the first step in a gang war that would definitely involve casualties. People were going to die. Hmm, Time for Superman!
Framework4
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,380 Likes: 1
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,380 Likes: 1 |
Getting complicated!
As usual, Shayne, your storytelling is outstanding. keep it coming!
Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 346
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 346 |
Shayne, I adore this story. I can't even say more than that, except that I'm really curious to see where you're going from here. You're doing a lovely job; I'll definitely be sticking around for the ride.
Kaylle
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
It's great, mystifying and intriguing. And it leaves me with a pit in my stomach.
Ann
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,662
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,662 |
So, this Lois doesn't know that CK will be/was/is Superman but she knows both die.
I think, therefore, I get bananas.
When in doubt, think about time travel conundrums. You'll confuse yourself so you can forget what you were in doubt about.
What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
I don't know and I don't care one way or the other.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 411
Beat Reporter
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 411 |
I have the feeling I keep repeating myself, but it might be because you keep surprising me... I didn't think Clark would stay through her whole 'I'm from the future' explanation. I'm really dying to see where you're going with this. Great story 
Cris
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 546
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 546 |
Lois doesn't know Clark is Superman? That took me by surprise. I thought she knew And I love it, at the end, when she starts telling Clark about Superman. She doesn't know who she is talking to, but for Clark, that would be quite a story to hear! ooh! I love the way you write Shayne. Your storytelling made the scenes very vivid. It's as if I was watching a movie. I'm hooked. Please, post more soon.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
This is fabulous. Please post more, quickly. I have no idea where this is going, but I'm sure enjoying the ride -- in a nail-biting kind of way.
PJ
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999 |
Another excellant instalment.
It's fun to watch this unfold as Lois continues to screw-up the future. Considering how many different ways there are for this plot line to go, your path is always both logical, yet continues to give us surprises along the way.
As things get more desperate, and this new Lois' life continues to spiral out of her control, I can almost see this world turning into that fear-wracked one that the alt-Clark lived in before Lois came and created their Superman.
Looking forward to more.
Tank (who reminds Shayne that, since he'll be out of town for a while, the next instalment should wait until at least Sunday to post... the gentle readers won't mind the wait)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Grrr! Maybe some of us aren't so gentle, Tank! More! More! More!
Seriously, this is an excellent story. You keep surprising me, too. And Clark's bewilderment at Lois's facility in Aunt Opal's house has got to make him accept at least part of her wild tale.
I wonder just how badly her younger self has messed up. Her current situaiton makes me wonder if there might be a drug deal lurking in the background somewhere, or maybe young Lois is running an illegal poker tournament and raking in even more money.
Since she apparently has the older Lois's event memories, why doesn't she realize how stupid it is to put gambling winnings in an interest-bearing account? That's like sending up a flare to the IRS and yelling out "I have money! Come get some of it!" But it does play into her younger self's immaturity and apparent belief that she's bulletproof.
And if someone's been following her bets with ten times the amount, no wonder someone else is really steamed. She may find herself in enough danger that Clark will be forced to reveal himself to her. Would she then help become Superman, or would he turn from her because he's not ready yet to be the world's protector?
Tank is right about one thing (actually, he's right about a lot of things, but this one in particular): Lois has destroyed her life as she once knew it. It's too late to fix things now. Events are spiraling out of control, and she may have precipitated a gang conflict that will turn Metropolis into a darker version of Gotham City. If all you wanted to say with this story is that we each make an impact on others just by living our lives, you've made that point.
And you've done it with such an engaging and powerful story, Shayne! I'm ready for the next chapter, and the next, and the next, until I don't even recognize the world you are so masterfully creating.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
Wow, Shayne, I really enjoyed this chapter. You’ve got the boss thinking you’re one of those psychics. He’s been following your bets up, times ten.  She's helping Luthor build his empire? How creepy is that? She’d almost lost Clark tonight, and it made her realize that the future she’d known before was gone forever. There would be no first meeting in the Daily Planet newsroom. There would be no witty banter, no getting to know each other….no long nights at stakeouts and conversations about silly things.” Poor Lois. She's finally realizing the consequences of jumping in without testing the water level, but there's no way to go back now.  Or, is there? Can you fix this? Will you fix it, please?  Oh, and Tank ... Originally posted by Tank:
the next instalment should wait until at least Sunday to post... the gentle readers won't mind the wait I'm with Terry, here. I think you should bite your tongue. I, for one, am not so patient. I can't wait to see Clark's reaction to Superman ... Lovin' it, BJ
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,764
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,764 |
Shayne - I have been remiss in not telling you how much I'm enjoying this. Of course, I read parts 4-7 today . That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Seriously, I'm with the others in wondering why young Lois would jeoparidize the future - or does she just remember enough to pick game winners? *has flashes of Back to the Future* Does she feel that it's hopeless since she missed out on the DP? Did something happen with Grandma? Her parents? Does she remember everything older Lois does but perhaps see something more that older Lois doesn't? [Don't ask me what by the way] Older Lois doesn't remember what younger Lois is doing - maybe dad is forcing her or something? There's more to it than we think. Maybe because she lost a few days when Lois first arrived and then several more [days? weeks? I forget] when Lois writes for the Star etc. she thinks she's losing it so what does she have to lose? Anyway, quite intruiging and I can't wait to see where it goes next!!! Carol
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part! 
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 474
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 474 |
Love it, Shayne, cant wait for more. I cant wait to see how Clark reacts to Superman either. And I'm with everyone else, I dont want to have to wait til Sunday either
Kate
Come on Lois you havent said a word since 1866!
Thanks for the avatar, Hana.
|
|
|
|
