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Joined: Jun 2003
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ShayneT Offline OP
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Well, ask and you shall recieve, Nan. Thanks for the feedback, guys. I hope I didn't miss seeing any from anyone before the great crash.

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Top Banana
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The ending was superb!!! Poor Tempus thumbsup clap cool


If she had to move heaven and Earth, perhaps come back to haunt Perry and explain the story after they'd killed her, she would do it.

Waking a Miracle by Aria
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Pulitzer
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Well, let me repost some comments, just in case you did miss mine. I really liked the story, from beginning to end. And keeping Superman under wraps until Nightfall threatened was a brilliant stroke, because it would pretty much disarm all the "alien invader" nonsense from Bureau 39 and most of the other kooks. And I wonder how much Perry will like Lois after all.

Quote
“He didn’t start with the Gecko story, did he?” The woman asked.
Too funny. clap

Well, when's the epilogue? I mean, aren't you going to tell us what they did with Tempus? And will they spank HG and tell him to find some other sandbox to play in?


Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.

- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Pulitzer
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Lovely twist on travelling the world -- and it's amazing what a little foreknowlege and superpowers will do to enhance one's journalistic reputation.

I was a little unclear on this, at first:

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“So you don’t mind holding on to the Luthorcorp stock?”

“It’s a stupid idea, Clark. Do you know how much money we’d lose…?”

“We don’t need any more money,” Clark said, kissing her on the neck. “And I couldn’t live with selling it off to unsuspecting investors.”
They got rich off this stock (and others) but Lois anticipates its value crashing when Lex is arrested, right? Or even when his plans begin to be mysteriously foiled? But Clark would feel guilty if they made someone else lose tons of money. It seems clear enough now, but the first time through I had to puzzle it out. (And my contrary streak says that the various parts of Luthorcorp should regain value sooner or later, anyway)

The bit with Tempus at the end, I'm undecided about. I understand the temptation to try to head off all the damage he'll do, but then that would completely erase this new timeline, wouldn't it? Oh, the paradox...

Fascinating ride, Shayne! Thanks for sharing it.

PJ

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Merriwether
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No time for detailed feedback, but I love the feel you tagged on at the end. The honeymoon suite scene was indeed sweet. Nice to know that not everything is the same between the worlds. I love that Lois can't keep her mouth shut about missing out on the internship, and I love how she ingratiates herself with a little Elvis comment. I like how Lois writes down a number she knows Perry can afford (their formal salaries, I suspect), and I love how Lois is paid better than Clark. Too funny. (If I write it all in one paragraph, I feel like I'm spending less time. Does it work?)

I'm with Pam. I had to read that section a second and almost third time before I fully understood the exchange. It sounded like the kind of thing a married couple would say, since they already know the details, but this fly on-the-wall wanted it clearer.

Elisabeth

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Pulitzer
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Just caught up with this. Great story, Shayne. I liked it a lot.
cool
Artemis


History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis

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