Last time...
“My wedding. You’re invited. I’m not planning on having a bridal party, but I want you there as my special guest.”
“Oh Lana. I’d be honored to come.”
“Clark’s coming too. It’ll be field day for your guild.”
“Just don’t let Cat Grant anywhere near your wedding.”
“I’m almost positive I’ll end up in her column. We all will.“
“She’s not supposed to dish it up on her coworkers…”
“Will that stop her?”
“Unlikely. Not in this case.”
“So screw her. Will you come?”
“Absolutely”
“Good,” she laughed impishly. “Maybe you and Clark could come together… give you a ‘safe’ way of going out on a date… without his really knowing it’s a date.”
Lois felt a clenching sensation in her heart as the same thought occurred to her.
“Maybe we will. Just maybe. I just don’t know.”
Part 41
She stood outside the beauty parlor uncertainly. The idea of being touched –even by the impersonal hands of beauticians made her feel uneasy. She remembered all too well how the Kryptonian concubine women had forced her into readiness. Forced her to conform to his ideal of beautiful, dressed as he would have had her dressed.
But I’m here of my own accord. But – once again – to look good for a Kryptonian man. She winced a moment at that thought. but It’s a man that I really like – and I want to look good tonight. I really do. So – so this is good. I’m good. I’m okay with this.
Taking a deep and fortifying breath, she pulled the door open purposefully and strode in, trying to affect an air of breezy nonchalance.
The woman assigned to her was pleasant and friendly, and Lois found herself relaxing under her easy banter. She was starting to get into an almost meditative state, as her nails were being buffed, when she heard a familiar voice calling her name.
“Lois! Lois Lane. Imagine finding you in a beauty parlor.”
Cat. “Hi Cat.” She didn’t say anymore, hoping to end the conversation.
“Getting all shiny and new for your evening at the White house?”
Lois opened startled eyes. “How did – ”
“People talk, you hear things. I also heard that our luscious superhero is going to be there. Care to confirm or deny?”
“Cat, if I end up in your column, I swear – I’ll – “
“Oh, calm yourself, dear. You know the rule. I certainly wouldn’t drag Perry through it, not if I want to work again in this town. The man is revered by just about everyone in our business. No – no – but I just wanted to scratch an itch – you know – “
“Cat – didn’t you hear about curiosity?”
“Rumors of my death have been highly over… but then, you know all about that. Returning from the death, not just once, but twice. Quite the feat!”
“What do you want, Cat?” Her tone was weary.
“Nothing much. I’m just curious about you and Blue-man. Are you two an item, now, or what? He gave you the juice on the asteroid, and you two have been spotted talking to each other – and it hasn’t seemed all that unfriendly – notwithstanding your article series.”
“If I tell you that we’re just good friends will you go away? I came here to relax.”
“No problemo. I guess if you’re just good friends, it doesn’t faze you that he’s volunteered for the celebrity slave auction.”
“What are you talking about?” Dear god. Did she just say what I think she said?
“You need to read my column, dear. It’s really just a date auction. All the fabulous men in town have volunteered – it’ll be a big draw, a big cash cow, and lots of deserving charities will have their coffers well lined.”
“Can you talk like a normal person? How is he involved?”
“Clark’s putting himself up on the auction block.”
The image of him literally up on an auction block, complete with gave her a momentary panicked moment. Get under control. Do not lose it in front of this … woman.
“Good for him.”
“Gonna bid for him? I think the lowest bid you can make is 5K. Sadly, too rich for my blood… but then, he made it clear that he really wasn’t interested back when we worked together. A pity, because I’ll bet he’s just… amazing between the sheets. I can’t imagine. Super sex. Do you think he’s faster than a speeding bullet? Because if he is – that wouldn’t be any fun. But I’m betting not. I’m betting…. I’d better stop, or I’ll be hocking all my worldly goods to get a chance. Of course – it’s not like he’ll put out or anything – it’s supposed to be all above the board. Or above the bed. Do you think he floats while he…”
“Cat!” She deliberately kept her voice annoyed and bored. She was anything but bored. Supremely agitated was a better description of what she felt. The conversation was very close to triggering some unpleasant reactions on Lois’s part. Please – cat, just go away.
“Anyway, rumor has it that Carissa is coming to town just for the event – and I’m guessing she can afford to go as high as needed… being the top model around.”
Lois turned unwillingly towards Cat. She needed to hear more. “How – how firm is that rumor?”
“Why, Lois – jealous?”
“Of course not.”
“No – because that would mean you’d have to locate that key to your chastity belt.”
“Cat, why do you have to be so damned rude.”
“Rude is as rude does, darling. Ciao. Time for my facial.”
Lois expelled a frustrated breath as Cat sauntered away. That woman is such a caricature. Doesn’t she have any depth at all? But could it be true? Did Clark volunteer for this – and is Carissa going to … to… buy him? How disgusting. How could he do that? Of course – he’s doing it for charity. But… but… what if – what if it turns into something else – it’s a date – an she’s gorgeous. A supermodel for a superman. Seems like they’d be a perfect couple. I’m sure she doesn’t have issues with … with anything.
Glumly, she pondered the likelihood of a pairing between the two, and it ruined the rest of her beautifying experience.
She left the parlor with nicer nails, hair and skin , but her frame of mind was cloudy. Well – fine. She’ll get that night, but I get this evening… and … am I really jealous? Do I really think he’s mine? Shouldn’t I declare myself – but – oh – god - how to do that without making any kind of physical promises? How fair is that, to make him wait – if he would wait – if he’d be willing to commit without … anything in return. He’s not crazy – he’ll never go for it.
That evening, back at her apartment, she was dressed and ready to go. Two hours before the event. She was pacing back and forth, terrified and excited by the prospect that he would be at her apartment soon. She opened up a bottle of merlot, and poured herself a small glass. Just one.
Two hours later, she was nursing that same glass, terrified of the idea that she would be too tipsy to drive, or act like a normal person around Clark and the Whites. She looked nervously at her balcony, waiting for him to swoop in – when she heard a knock on the door. Oh god – please don’t let this be Luthor.
Reluctantly she went to the door, not calling out ahead of time – if it was Luthor, she didn’t want him to know she was here. She peered through the peephole, and was relieved to see that it was Clark Why did I think he would fly in? He probably did this so I wouldn’t have to face him as Superman. He’s really thoughtful that way. And he looks really really handsome.
She opened the door, and smiled tentatively. “Hi,” she said shyly.
Dear god. She’s beautiful. Just so… beautiful. Stunning. I can’t believe how gorgeous she is. Calm down, boy. Don’t make her nervous. Stop staring, come on… smile. Say something. Anything. No. Not anything. Something non-threatening.
He reacted to the sight of her with that same amazing smile he’d given her at Perry’s office. Devastating what that smile seemed to do with her mental processes. “Hi, yourself,” he said, his voice warm and appealing. It sent an odd tingle down her spine.
“You – you … you look nice,” she said, suddenly shy.
She’s not afraid of me! She’s not having a panic attack! “You look absolutely gorgeous,” he said – unable to stop the words from coming out. Her lack of fear had muddled his thinking somewhat. Oh please – let her not be threatened by that. I didn’t mean to come across so strongly. Please let me not have screwed this up.
She was stunned into silence for a few moments. Rather than making her feel nervous, his words had sent a jolt of happiness through her. Does he really think I’m gorgeous? Gorgeous… not ‘nice’, not ‘good’, but ‘Gorgeous’! Realizing she had yet to speak, she remembered her manners as host.
“Thanks. Uh… did… did you want a glass of wine or something – or are you ready to go out now?””
“I’m good to go… what about you?”
“Ready! Did – did you want to drive?”
“Not unless you don’t want to drive.” Let her stay in control – being behind the wheel will give her a feeling of being in control.
As they went to her car, she felt oddly self conscious and very vulnerable beside him. He seemed so suddenly large and powerful. The idea of going out into the dark with him made her shiver a bit. She was about to get into a car with him. A small and enclosed space… trapped with him. She shivered again, unable to get some dark and nervous thoughts out of her head. Her nightmare suddenly felt so close to the fringes o f her consciousness.
“Second thoughts?” His voice gently broke into her spiral. He had noticed her reaction.
“No! No… you know. Just… the usual,” she gasped a little breathlessly, trying to remain calm.
“Okay. It’s okay – you know? It’s just me – and… and … not anyone you need to worry about.” He again spoke with that warm edge that enveloped her and made her feel buoyant.
“I know. It’s just my mind – playing games with me – it’s nothing you’ve done.” She opened the door, and slid into the drivers seat. He opened his side, and hesitated a moment. “Please, Clark – please… don’t – don’t worry about me– I’m fine, and I want you to come in.”
He joined her in the car, moving slowly and casually, trying to exude calm friendliness. He didn’t want her to feel menaced or oppressed in the small space.
“I like worrying about you,” he said, once again saying words he hadn’t intended on vocalizing. “I mean – I don’t mind – you should have people worrying and caring… about what upsets you, and what makes you happy.”
She smiled at that. He really was a great person. “Sure about my driving?”
“Why,” he asked with mock trepidation in his voice. “Are you… a bad driver? Have I just put my life on the edge?”
“Hardly,” she laughed. “I just thought… most guys – like to be the one driving.” She blushed at the double meaning of her words.
“Not this one,” he said easily. “I – I want you to feel completely in control.”
“Okay,” she said, grateful for his honesty and concern.
She started the car, and they drove off towards the White’s house. She felt suddenly tongue-tied. This powerful man who half the time scared her beyond belief was sitting idly next to her, his seatbelt fastened. It seemed so every-day – and yet – it wasn’t. She was keenly aware of his presence, and had to work hard at acting normal.
“So… I hear you’re doing that celebrity auction.” Why did I say that?
“Yeah,” he said, his voice sheepish and embarrassed “I – it’s for a good cause… you know?”
“Yeah. You – you’ll bring in a lot of charity dollars. It’s really wonderful that you’re doing that. It has to be kind of stressful. You never know who will end up - ” owning you. “winning.”
“Well - I’m hoping a friend of mine comes through for me,” he said with a smile in his voice.
Can’t be me! I don’t have that kind of money. “Do you mean Carissa?”
“Uh… no – Leyna… Lovely. You know her, right?”
“Isn’t she… not interested in men?“
“She’s just really an old and good friend. When she found out I was doing this, she called me up and reassured me that she intended to win.”
“I hear Carissa is planning on putting up a big purse.” Leyna has his number?
“You heard that? Really? Who said that?”
Why does he seem so… interested in this, all of a sudden? “Cat Grant… not that we were gossiping or anything – “
“Did she seem sure?” His voice was tense.
“I – I … I don’t know. Is it important?”
Realizing he was getting a little intense, he willed himself back to calm. “I… I didn’t even know – I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.”
There was an awkward silence as she struggled to resist the urge ask him for details.
“Well… it’s for a good cause. You’re good to do it.”
“I was kind of bullied into it – the woman arranging the whole thing is really … tenacious.”
“Bullied? Oh come on… “ She stopped short You don’t know the meaning of the word. You never could know what that’s like. She felt a sudden flush of anger – anger at his casual use of the word Joking about it – this woman pushing him into something he didn’t want to do, when, in fact, he was easily able to do whatever the hell he wanted. For a moment, she wanted to scream at him. She forced herself to calm down.
“I guess that sounds ridiculous, ” he said quickly, aware that he had pushed one of her buttons. “I shouldn’t have said that, really - it’s just – I don’t feel comfortable with the whole celebrity aspect of who I am. I spent a lot of time trying to be inconspicuous, and not draw any attention to the fact that I am different… and now, I – well – I make a point of drawing attention to it. It’s a drastic change for me.”
“I can understand,” her voice was more relaxed. “I – I know what it’s like – to want to … hide… hide in plain sight, I guess.”
Sympathy rushed through him. Every time he tried to even imagine her plight, it just filled him with a sense of rage and pain and an intense longing to go find Lord Kal and knock him out of power so he couldn’t ever hurt anyone again. He shivered a bit, as he thought that this very moment, Kal was probably hurting some hapless earth woman. And here we are – off to enjoy fine food, wine and company.
She sensed his tension, and stole a brief look. He was looking distractedly out the window, and it seemed as if he was a million miles away. She moved her gaze back where it belonged.
“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to one-up your…”
“Oh – no. No – you didn’t!” He turned to her, and their eyes met briefly again as she turned briefly to see him. “I – I was just… thinking – about… uh… well – about how awful it was for you, and how – none of us can really ever understand.” Honesty is the best policy.
“Well – there are people who might be able to understand. People who have undergone similar things… they’re out there… but I don’t – don’t want to seek them out. I don’t want to know about their pain… just like I’m guessing people would rather not know too much about what happened to me.
“Do you get that feeling form people? That they don’t want to know?” I do. Or… do I? Do I really want her talk about what she went through? Could I ever handle that? Could I give her what she needs – someone to listen and help her share the burden? The truth is, I’m afraid to know what he did to her – to really know.
‘Yeah… I know I’m not the best company most times… and sometimes I get the feeling that… well, my parents and Lucy – they just want me to be better. Lucy is more willing and.. I guess… able … to hear the details. I think – with my parents, at least, they’re too deeply invested in the whole thing. I guess it’s true about having children – the thought of them in pain is unbearable to parents. Some parents – I know there are a lot of really bad ones out there.”
“Have you wanted to talk to them? About the – specifics?”
“No. God –no. Not them. I couldn’t ever see myself talking to them. Even Lucy.” She looked over at him with a brief and self-deprecating smile. “She’s my baby sister… and I don’t want her to look at me differently.”
“You think she’d… “
“She would pity me. She already does, but it would be so much worse. And – I guess I’d feel that having her react like that whenever she saw me would keep the memories and feelings fresh in my mind. I don’t want that.”
“I can understand that.”
“I’m not even sure I want to talk about the specifics –but sometimes… sometimes… I find myself on the verge of just – opening up with details – at the worst times. When I’m feeling relaxed and more unguarded.”
“With Lana?”
“Yes,” she said hesitating. And you. Which would be wrong. Very very wrong.
“What holds you back?”
“I guess paramount is an unwillingness to … get back into those memories. I just don’t know what the right thing is. I don’ t know if she could handle it. If anyone could.”
“I – I think anyone who really cares about you could handle it. With the exception maybe of your mother and father. I understand your unwillingness to talk to them.”
“So – you think Perry could…”
“He could. And he would if he felt it would help you.”
“Could… could you?” It was easier to ask him this in the dark.
He was startled by the question – he hadn’t expected her to ask it.
“I… I – could… if I felt it was what you wanted me to do. If you wanted to talk about it to me…. then I’d want to be there for you. But…I also confess to feeling really – “
“Feeling…?”
“I don’t know – it sounds stupid… but – afraid. I know – that must be infuriating to hear. You lived it – others should be willing and able to hear you talk about it.”
“I don’t – I know that I – it’s hard to face horror – even secondhand. I’ve never been able to watch ‘Sophie’s choice’ because I know what the ‘Choice’ was,and I can’t bear to think about it – that anyone has ever had to do that – even it’s a movie, you know that people still have to deal with that kind of choice… on so many different levels… and it’s just … unconscionable.”
“I can’t watch that movie either. I’ve never seen it. I feel like I should be able to – If people lived it – I should be able to bear witness to it. But it’s hard.” He hesitated a few moments and then resumed talking. “If – If you ever do want to talk about it – to – to me… I’ll be there for you. Although – I imagine, I’m last on your list.”
“I - I don’t know. I don’t have a list yet. I just don’t think I’m there yet. But I guess I’m heading in that direction, which explains why that urge to spill comes over me from time to time. But I’ll keep it in mind,” she smiled faintly.
“Any time. Anything you ever need to get through this.”
“I should make it clear that you can also … lean on me… I know you face horror regularly too. Those disasters you always go help with… it has to be hard… dealing with the losses of life.”
“It is… and it’s good to know. Thank you.”
Fool. He has a million friends, I’m sure – ready and willing to talk to him… to help him… why would he need your counsel or comfort?
“Are… you recovered from the asteroid?”
“You mean physically? Yes – it didn’t take long.”
“Well – I meant – emotionally. I figured you were fine otherwise.”
“I’ve stopped having the daily nightmares,” he said. Why did I bring up nightmares?
“You were really having daily nightmares? Or nightly?”
“I kept seeing the asteroid – coming at me… a gigantic mass of fire…“ he shook his head. “It’ll be okay. I’m expecting to be nightmare-free shortly – it just takes time. It was only mildly-horrifying in the grand scheme of things.”
“I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to see that thing heading straight at you. Even knowing that you’re invulnerable. I would imagine – that there’s a part of you that wonders – what if my invulnerability fails?”
“That’s very perceptive of you.”
“You – you sometimes think that way?”
“All the time. But nobody has ever… guessed it. I wasn’t always invulnerable – and I have to say – that when I’m faced with having to step into something that would normally be a dangerous thing – a fire, a tornado – it’s a huge leap of mental faith to just step into it. To believe that – that I really won’t get hurt. That somehow – while I’m in the middle of it all, I won’t suddenly lose my invulnerability.”
“Like a spell – that wears off at the worst possible time.”
“Right… or even…”
“Even….”
“Even – just – a trap – a trap that robs me off my abilities.”
“But that’s impossible, isn’t it?”
“I – I would never lay odds on that bet.”
“That’s awful – feeling that way.”
“It’s not always so bad. Just sometimes. I just have to give myself a mental boost – a reminder that I have done this before, and can do it again – I usually overcome that moment without hesitating, because hesitating costs lives.”
“Do you blame yourself for any lost lives?”
“All the time. I always feel that I should be – moving faster, getting there faster… but I can’t obsess either. If I do – I’m no good to anyone.”
“You can’t be everywhere – it’s just not possible.”
“Yeah.. it’s just hard to accept the losses. We’re here – that was fast!”
“You’re kidding me. You must be used to getting places much faster. Cars must seem like a drag…”
“Not as horrible as planes. I used to have to take them before my secret was out – because how else could I explain the lack of plane expenses when I was sent away on assignment. Anyway – this ride seemed to go by pretty fast – must be your conversation skills,” he smiled at her, trying to project calmness and friendship.
“At least it distracted you from my driving!”
“You aren’t a bad driver at all!”
“I was when I got back – I – “ she stopped, her face clouding over. It was so easy to just suddenly remember – it was like a ton of bricks falling on her, jolting her back into her more usual state of mind.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to –“ Break that wonderful magic spell – the one that made you smile.
“You didn’t do anything. Come on – lets go in. I have to say – I’m kind of nervous – I mean… Alice knows where I was, and… I’m afraid – worried – that she’ll want to talk about it. But I’m guessing Perry probably told her that wouldn’t be a good idea.”
Lois knocked on the door, and Alice opened it. She registered surprise at seeing them together, and then recovered.
“What timing - you both arrived at – “
Lois looked at Clark. Should we tell them we came together?
[TBC]
