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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
“I don’t want lasers any where near my eyes!” *snicker* I'm seriously hooked now. More soon please! (But not too soon, I suggest give everyone a couple days to catch up before posting the next chapter) Lisa
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 31
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Nov 2005
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“I don’t want lasers any where near my eyes!” Oh, Clark... :rolleyes: :p Clark’s eyes had a special gleam in them when he looked at Lana, which was almost constantly. No! Then came the e-mail that Lana had broken up with him Yes! Lana had apologized for breaking his heart and begged Clark to take her back. Clark decided to date her again NO! When football season ended, so did Clark’s relationship with Lana. YES! Lois felt very proud to be on his arm as they entered the prom and had their picture taken. She knew that she would always treasure that picture and that moment. YES!!!!  ~C Noetal (still want more!)
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
This is a very fascinating glimpse into the lives of, primarily, teenaged Lois and Clark. I very much like how you show things happening and changing, going back and forth: Lois and Lucy go to Smallville for a summer, become much happier, and go back home again. Clark dates Lana, she breaks up with him, she wants him back and he takes her back. (But he is not seriously in love with her, I think.) And Ellen Lane goes to a clinic and is treated for her alcoholism, things are fine in the Lane household, Sam comes back, Sam leaves Ellen again, and Ellen hits the bottle again. And Lois is seventeen, old enough to leave home and be treated as an adult in the eyes of the law, but she can't leave Lucy with Ellen.
I very much hope that Lois will leave home and that Lucy will be taken care of by the Kents!
Come back with more soon!
Ann
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 605
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 605 |
Hi, I've just read the first two parts of this story and I'm very eager to read more.  New beginnings are different and you've made yours very interesting. I'm already hooked on the lives of this Lois and Clark and wonder how you're going to treat the creation of Superman. Lois already knows something is unusual about Clark, though she's had too many distractions to figure out just what... yet. Will this Lois help Clark create our super hero? I'm sure she'll certainly put two and two together when Superman does appear. Looking forward to seeing how your story plays out... and a sequel. That's even better. I'm kinda into sequels.  Yours Jenni
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 185
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 185 |
Oh, this is just wonderful. I'm all tied up in the lives of these charicters.  You have made young Lois so engaging. Please post more soon. Vonceil
Johnny was a chemist,
Now Johnny is no more,
For what he thought was H two O
Was really H two S O four.
--Lab safety limrick--
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
This is, indeed, a powerful story. It's interesting how you've chosen to show how destructive alcohol can be to the lives of both children and adults. I have to wonder if you're simply using something already established in the canon of the show (Ellen's drinking problem) or if there's something partially autobiographical in there. You don't have to tell us, of course, which it is, or if it's simply something that has come to your attention. Or, maybe it's just a handy plot device. Whatever it is, you're handling it well.
I, too, like the way you're portraying young Lois and young Clark. And I think you've nailed Lucy as a child perfectly. Her actions and reactions are age-appropriate, and she's cute as two buttons! Lois's overwhelming desire to 'take care of her sister' is so very appropriate, too. You're doing a marvelous job with this story, and don't be concerned with the length! Sometimes it takes a while to tell a particular story.
The only suggestion I have is that you might consider breaking up some of the longer narrative paragraphs into shorter ones. It would make it easier for the readers to grasp the vital information you're giving us. And I'll be looking for the next chapter!
And you're already mulling a sequel? Wonderful! I want to read it, too, but not until this story is finished. Keep up the good work, okay?
And let Clark keep dropping subtle little hints about his abilities where Lois can see or hear them, so she can figure out some of the things he can do that are so special, and so she can help him understand that his abilities aren't a curse but a blessing. Maybe she can help Jonathan realize how positive Clark's powers are, too.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020 |
Framework4
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 41
Blogger
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 41 |
Yep, this story definitely has me hooked! I really like the friendship that is starting to develop between the young Lois and Clark. And it's so nice to get so many glimpses into what Lois' life was like and what it could have been like if someone would have intervened in her mother's drinking problem. I'm glad this Lois is getting out (even if it is temporary) and going someplace much happier. After all, you can't get much better than Smallville. I'm really interested to see how long it will take before either Lois figures Clark out (the car door was a HUGE clue) or Clark spills the beans on his secret. Now that Clark can fly, I think it's going to be a lot harder for him to hide it. I also wonder if Lucy will play some sort of role in that or if she'll be kept in the dark. You've definitely given me a lot of food for thought. “Mom, is Lois okay?” Lois heard Clark’s voice ask. Martha must have forgotten to hit the disconnect on her end.
“Her mom is drinking again.”
“How could she-? Mom, I can be up there in no time. Does Lois need someone to stay with her?” What was Clark talking about? It took hours to get from Smallville to Metropolis.
“And how would you explain how you got to Metropolis so fast? She heard you earlier.”
Lois hit the end button. If she continued to listen, she would be guilty of eavesdropping on the nicest people she knew. What had Clark meant he could get here so quickly? I loved this part because it is so incredibly Clark. All he wants to do is try to fix the problem in any way he knows how, even if it means flying all the way to Metropolis to keep Lois company. This is definitely a huge clue for Lois and I think it'll help her to put everything together. At least that's what I'm hoping. Can't wait for the next part!
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
Really enjoying the story, but I do have one nitpick. “Well, Jonathan and Clark can show you around, Lucy. I think Jonathan said we had a new calf this morning. And Mrs. George, Chelsea, brought over one of their kittens yesterday. She thought you might enjoy playing with it while you were here.” A new calf is a big deal. Martha would definately know if they had a new one. “I don’t want lasers any where near my eyes!” Too funny! And, of course, we know that Clark didn't wear his glasses, because he didn't need them in KC where he didn't need a cover story. By the way, give a girl a break. I just started reading the story and I'm hopelessly behind. I started reading because I saw that the first post was only about a week old. I figured you had only posted one or two parts--three max. Now I see that you're almost done. I promise to leave feedback on each and every part, but slow down for me. Okay? Elisabeth
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