What a superb part, Shayne! The conversation between Lois and Clark cut like the scalpels of surgeons and laid bare the throbbing tumours of pain underneath the skin:
“I can't believe you're giving up,” Lois scowled. “So you just want to walk away?”
“I killed someone tonight,” Clark said. He was silent for a long moment. “How am I supposed to live with that?”
The question hung in the air between them. It was the same question Lois had been asking herself for days.
How did you go on after you have done the unthinkable?
Yes, how? What do you do when you have to look at the blood on your hands and know that you can't wash it away? Lady MacBeth killed herself.
“You killed something tonight.” Lois said finally. Her throat constricted. This wasn't a conversation she wanted to be having with Clark. “It wasn't human.”
“That makes it all right?” Clark said. “I'm not human. Clem isn't human. We've seen a lot of people tonight who didn't look human. Is that enough to make it ok to kill them?”
The bleakness of Clark's reply to Lois puts the question of anybody's right to life in stark relief. Clark is not human, and Clem the demon is not human. Does that make it all right to kill them? And who has the right to be judge, jury and executioner?
“You were protecting Jimmy,” Lois said quietly. “You had no choice.”
“There's always another choice. I just didn't want to take it.” Clark scowled. “Part of me has been waiting for this since I was ten years old. I've dreaded it all my life.”
When I first read this, I read "Part of me has been
waiting for this" as "Part of me has been
wanting this", and I thought there was a horrible, unspeakable truth in that. We are not all good, and I can't believe that even Clark is all good. I can imagine that a part of him, a small part of him, has sometimes wanted to just let go, to use his strength without holding back on those who deserved it... and if only a small part of him wanted it, it would be even more imperative for him
never to give in to his darkest wishes. And now that he has, it would be like seeing himself defeated by his own inner demons.
And like Lady MacBeth, he knows that the blood will never come off.
“Clark…” Lois wasn't sure what to say. Communicating her emotions had always been difficult. She'd learned early on that what she said would be used against her later. It had always been easier just to go on the offensive.
People were less likely to find the hurtful things to say if they were off balance.
Lois has so rarely tried to comfort other people with words. But now she has to find the right things to say to Clark.
“It all happened so fast,” Clark said. “I should have blown him out. It's just…when I saw the fire, I froze.”
He'd probably been frozen, horrified. He hadn't seen how terribly flammable the things had been at the Cortez ranch. It must have flabbergasted him to realize what was happening.
Yes, he didn't
want to kill that vampire. The large, overwhelming part of him, the part of him that was in command (as usual), didn't want to kill the vampire. But he was so shocked at the sight of the absolutely unexpected roaring flames that he couldn't react adequately.
“I forgot tonight just how fragile people are. That's something I can never afford to forget. You just don't understand.”
“I understand,” Lois said softly. “You think I don't understand how easy it is? They're so fragile.
Lois closed her eyes as an image of flying teeth and cracking bones came to mind. She shuddered.
“It's so easy to break bones.” Lois continued. The feeling of Olaf's wrist under her fingers, snapping like a stick made her fingers twitch.
Lois understands, Clark. She does.
At least Clark was looking at her now. “I'm supposed to be better than that.”
“Better than me, you mean.” Lois closed her eyes.
Clark touched her arm and said, “No…I didn't mean…”
Clark has been telling himself that all his life: he is supposed to be better than that. Better than people who choose to kill. Clark is supposed to choose to
save lives, not to take them. But those people who have chosen to take lives... were they always absolutely wrong? Were they evil?
“You killed something accidentally tonight, Clark.” Lois shook her head. “Something that would have killed Jimmy and would have gone on and on, killing until it was killed.”
Deep in her stomach she knew she was right. Not killing the thing would have been the greater crime, because it would have meant being responsible for the deaths of everyone the thing killed after it was released.
Killing that vampire was the right thing to do. There can be no question about it. And yet Clark wasn't going to kill it, and he only did so accidentally. And if he hadn't killed it, the vampire would have gone on and on, killing more and more people.
“I killed people, Clark.” Lois looked up at him finally. ”I've killed people, and I knew what I was doing.”
The words hung in the air between them like a death knell.
And Lois finds it in herself, finally, to tell Clark something about what she did in the Congo. And now she expects Clark to reject her, to look at her with horror and condemnation in his eyes. But he won't do that, Lois. And now you really need to tell him the full story of what happened to you in the Congo. Because the two of you need to save each other.
Ann
I really like the way your words flow so effortlessly. 
(BTW--the two of them NEED a teacher here--Faith, Buffy and crew, even Angel and crew would do--before they dig themselves a hole they can't get out of.)
