Good morning everyone? Ready for some angstwaff? It's a new crossbreed I've been working on... we'll see how it goes. :p Thanks again for all the wonderful fdk... it keeps Babbles well fed, fat and sassy. <g>
<<<hugs>>> to Sue and Lara
Table of Contents From Part 14:
“Fine, you do what you have to do. You don’t want to talk to me – I can’t make you. But will you please change into your clothes?” she persisted.
Clark nodded silently. He knew they needed to talk. Lois might have been wrong for going behind his back, but he knew she cared about him. And on some levels she was right to do what she did. If Lex had begun experiments on Kryptonite and there were notes and other samples of it out there, Clark needed to do what he could to protect himself.
But he just felt so alone, so *alienated* from everyone and divided from everything he knew and understood that he just needed time to think. Even if that meant time away from Lois.
“Yeah, I’ll change into my clothes in your Jeep.” He turned around and headed in the direction of where they had parked.
Lois followed him, watching him sadly.
************
PART FIFTEEN
************
Lois stood up from Clark’s couch and paced a circle around the living room before checking her watch again – eight thirteen – only five minutes later than it had been the last time she had checked it.
Not physically capable of forcing Clark into the car and making him ride home with her and not wanting to upset him any further, she had let him go. That had been this morning. He had been gone all day.
She hadn’t gone immediately to his apartment because, after all, she had meant what she had said – she wasn’t some kind of pet that he could order around. Later that morning, though, she had caved and come ‘home’.
Her temporary home anyway...
But he hadn’t been there. After about an hour of waiting for him and him not showing up, she had left. Her pride wasn’t going to allow her to sit around all day alone, pining for a man – not even if that man was Superman. She had never been the type of girl who had sat next to the phone waiting for it to ring... okay, well maybe there was that one time with Paul. But that whole crappy situation with him and Linda had only proved to her why she should never do that again. She would never let the man think that he had broken her; that she had nothing better to do than to wait for him. She hadn’t given Claude that satisfaction and she wouldn’t give it to anyone... not even Clark.
So she had left. She had gone by to check on Perry, to see how things were proceeding with the rebuilding of the Planet. Perry had surprised her when he told her that Mr. Stern was anxious to get a reputable paper back into the hands of the citizens of Metropolis and therefore was working on setting up a temporary printing facility for them to work out of. It was going to be in a huge warehouse that he was renting in the downtown district.
In order to proceed with the reconstruction of the Planet, all of the equipment, furniture... everything, had been taken out of the building. What was salvageable had been kept and what wasn’t had already been replaced. It had all been relocated to the warehouse and was in the process of being set up as a temporary base of operations.
Perry had told her that he had planned to track her down later that day to tell her the good news. Mr. Stern wanted them back on the beat A.S.A.P. and expected to have something to go to print with in the next few days.
Lois had been floored. The initiative of their new owner surprised her. They had been busy during the few days she had been gone. She hadn’t hidden her enthusiasm from Perry. How could she? It was the best news she had heard in weeks. So she had left with a new sense of purpose and had hit the streets to re-establish some old contacts and see just what was happening in the city. She felt really out of touch and out of practice. It had bolstered her confidence in herself to stretch her reporter’s legs again.
But now she was back at Clark’s apartment and once more found herself waiting. It didn’t look like he had been home all day from what she could tell. Or if he had, he had just stopped in briefly and left again. Where was he? What was he doing?
When would he be back?
She had briefly considered leaving again, still not wanting him to come home and find her waiting – no matter what time it was. But she was exhausted and couldn’t find the energy or think of an acceptable place to go, this time of night.
Maybe she should just go check into a hotel? Was Clark seriously going to be okay with her staying here tonight, and was she going to feel comfortable?
Yes, she should just go. That would solve both her problems. She wouldn’t be sitting around here, looking like she was pining over Clark, and she might actually get a good night’s sleep.
Lois walked over to the couch and picked up her purse. She was headed for the stairs when she heard a key being inserted into the lock. Oh, god, he was home. She suddenly felt like she’d rather be anywhere but here. Why hadn’t she left sooner?
Well, at least she was up on her feet with her purse on her arm and she didn’t look like she had been sitting around waiting for him to come home.
Lois climbed the stairs to meet him as he came through the front door. “Oh, hi, you did make it back,” she stated matter-of-factly. “I was just getting ready to leave you a note.”
He took his keys out of the door and looked up at her with tired eyes. “A note?” Lois was a little caught off guard by his appearance. The black slacks and navy shirt he was wearing looked dirty, there even appeared to be some dark stains on them. And there was a tear in his shirt.
What had he been doing?
She started to ask him but decided if he wanted to tell her, he would. She cleared her throat. “Yeah. After what you said earlier, I didn’t think you’d feel comfortable with me here tonight, so I was going to get a hotel room and...” Lois broke off in shock when his arms went around her.
He buried his face against her shoulder and held her for a few seconds in silence. She could feel his body trembling slightly and she awkwardly put her arms around him and patted him softly, her earlier irritation gone. “Clark? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
He mumbled a muffled reply that she couldn’t really understand and her concern increased. She pulled away from him and used one hand to lift his face up. His eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “Talk to me, Clark. Are you in pain? Did something happen?”
“Can I just hold you for a minute?” he pleaded quietly.
She nodded and took him back into her arms. She stroked his back tenderly, running her fingers up and down in a soothing motion. After a few more seconds she disengaged from him and led him down the stairs to his couch. She encouraged him to sit down and then took one of his hands in hers.
Clark didn’t want to talk; he didn’t want to think about it. But Lois didn’t know what had happened and she was waiting for an answer. He looked into her concerned eyes and tried to find his voice. “After I left you at STAR Labs this morning, I just walked around, for hours, trying to clear my head. I made my way to the park and sat alone with my thoughts, working myself into a righteous indignation at you for what you had done.”
Lois opened her mouth to say something but Clark held up a hand to silence her. “But after a while I cooled down and decided to make a trip to the Planet to look at the new globe and see how the rebuilding was coming. I took a cab there and just stood outside the building for a while, watching the construction crews working to rebuild one of the most important parts of my life.” He sighed quietly before continuing, “Then I realized that I needed to see one of the most important people in my life.”
She smiled softly at him but didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue.
“That was a couple of hours ago.” His voice broke off and he was quiet for a couple of seconds. “As I was about to hail a cab, a car ran a red light a couple of blocks down from where I was standing. It plowed into another car that had started to turn left. It was so loud that I didn’t need super powers to hear it. I ran down there as fast as I could to see if everyone was okay, to see if there was anything I could do to help.”
He reached up and ran a hand through his hair and hung his head for a moment. “There was a young woman. Her... her legs had been crushed and pinned underneath the dashboard,” his voice broke on the last word and he cleared his throat. “She was bleeding pretty bad from a gash on her head but she was still conscious. She was begging me to help her. And I tried. I did everything I could, used every ounce of strength I had, but I couldn’t get her out. So I sat with her and talked to her, trying to keep her conscious until the paramedics could get there.” Clark let out a shaky breath as he relived the moment.
Lois patted his hand reassuringly. “You would have helped her more if you could have, Clark. It’s not your...”
“That’s just it,” he said, his voice full of frustration, “I should have been able to help. If I had been Superman, I could have saved her, Lois. She... she wouldn’t have died.”
Lois’s eyes went wide with shock. “She died?”
He nodded slowly. “The accident happened at rush hour, the streets were flooded with cars and it took a while for the emergency vehicles to get through. She must have had some internal injuries. She had gone into shock by the time the paramedics were able to reach her. By the time they got her body out of the car and began working on her... she...” his voice choked, “she was already gone. They couldn’t revive her.”
Lois pulled him to her and began rubbing his back softly. “I’m so sorry, Clark.” He brought his arms up around her and held her tightly. She could feel him beginning to tremble again.
“I felt so helpless, so powerless to do anything. I was just talking to her, and then she was gone. She shouldn’t have died. I could have saved her,” he murmured angrily against her shoulder.
“And you would have. If Superman could have, he would have saved her. It’s not your fault.”
“I know,” he said softly. “I’ve told myself that over and over, but it doesn’t really help.” He pulled away from her and she could see the determined look in his eyes. “Lois, I don’t want to ever feel that helpless again. You were right to go to Dr. Klein like you did to try to help me. People need Superman, and I need to be him. I have to at least try. I can’t just give up without knowing if I’ve done everything I can.”
Lois felt a surge of hope flow through her. “Does this mean you’re willing to let Dr. Klein run some tests on you?”
“Yes. But I’m still nervous about it,” he admitted, letting out a soft breath. “Before I went to the Planet, earlier, I came by my apartment to call my mom. I knew she’d be worried until she heard from us. I... I told her everything. You were right, Lois. They needed to know what was going on and I shouldn’t have kept it from them.”
Lois tensed. “Was she mad?”
Clark nodded. “Yeah, at first, but then...”
“At me?” she interjected, feeling a twinge in her stomach.
He frowned. “No, not at you. She was upset that I hadn’t told her what was going on. Why would she be mad at you?”
Lois looked away and fingered a loose thread on the hemline of her shirt. “For involving Dr. Klein. I hope she knows that I only did it to help. I know that I’m a little impetuous sometimes...”
Clark raised an eyebrow at her. “Sometimes?” he teased.
Lois shot him a dirty look. “That’s just how I am, Clark. I leap off of buildings without looking to see how far down the fall might be. I act. That’s the only way I know how to get things done,” she explained defensively.
“You should really leave the ‘leaping buildings’ thing to Superman,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood.
She grinned a little. “But she wasn’t mad? At me?”
“No, Lois, she wasn’t mad at you. In fact, she told me that I should listen to you.”
Her grin turned into a wry smile. “She’s a smart lady, your mom.”
Clark rubbed his hand across her back lightly and it sent playful little tendrils of sensation through her.
“Yes, she is. Both of the women in my life are smart.” He sighed softly before continuing, “You were right, Lois. But you have to understand why I was so hesitant. I’ve been worried for so long that someone would find out about me, about Superman, and that my chance at a normal life would be gone. Once I started developing my powers, my dad was always telling me to be careful, that if the wrong person found out about me that they would ‘dissect me like a frog.’”
Lois patted his arm reassuringly. “Dr. Klein won’t do that. He’s not like that.”
He nodded. “I think you’re right, but it still feels a little like being used as a laboratory experiment or something. I didn’t ever want to feel like some *thing*, a lab rat, afraid of what someone might do to me.” He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes briefly before continuing, “After everything that’s happened, though, I’m more afraid now not to try. I think I’m ready to let Dr. Klein see what he can do.”
She let out a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry for not realizing how scary this must be to you.” She wrapped her arms around him again and gave him a soft squeeze. “I’ll be there with you if you want. I won’t let him do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“I know,” he said softly. “And I want you there, Lois... thank you.”
They sat for a few moments just holding one another, rocking gently from side to side. Lois snuggled against him a little closer, slipping her mouth up next to his ear. “I love you, Clark Kent,” she whispered.
Clark stilled his movements abruptly at the words. It was amazing how hearing those words could make him feel. She had spoken of love in his parent’s kitchen that night of the storm, but he hadn’t let himself believe it then, not completely. And they had flirted and teased and hinted at love since then. But now she was telling him again – saying those words to a man who was weak and broken, who didn’t know if he would ever be the man he had once been.
And she was still saying them.
And he believed her. This wasn’t about her feelings for Superman or her rejection of him that day in the park. This was about here and now. They had both made mistakes and done things they wished they could take back, but none of that mattered now. She was all that mattered to him now. “And I love you, Lois Lane,” he whispered back, holding her tighter.
“You have no idea how sorry I am that it took me so long to say those words. I wish so badly I could have said them back to you that day in the park,” she said with a shaky voice. “I’ve tried to show you how much you mean to me...”
He drew back to look at her. Her face was so hopeful and vulnerable; she had never looked more beautiful. “I know. And I’m sorry too. I had held back, afraid to believe you at first,” he admitted, reaching out to tenderly brush a few strands of hair out of her eyes and tuck them behind her ear. “I’d had my heart broken once; I didn’t think I could live through it again...”
Her eyes started to get glassy. “Oh, Clark, I’m so sorry. I...”
“No,” he stopped her. “No more apologies. It doesn’t matter any more. We both did things we wish we could change. What matters is where we go from here.”
“But you do believe me?” She reached up and grabbed his hand, bringing it down close to her chest and giving it a gentle squeeze. “That I love you?”
Her body was trembling and her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Clark smiled softly at her. “Yes, I...”
She bent forward and captured his lips with her own before he even had time to realize what she was doing. “Let’s promise each other something,” she murmured against his lips.
“What?” he asked, touching their lips together again.
“No more lies. No more half-truths or keeping secrets from each other.”
Clark smiled at her as he reached out to cup her face in his hand. He leaned up and kissed her forehead softly before resting his forehead against hers. “I promise. I have nothing left to hide, Lois, and I don’t want to ever hide from you again.”
The heaviness of the day seemed to lift a little and she felt better than she had all day. But she could still see the evidence of it on Clark’s clothes, and she could still feel the tension of it in his body. She needed to find a way to lift his spirits. “That’s a good thing because, well, to be honest, you aren’t very good at it anyway,” she teased gently.
His smile came back and she could feel him relax just a little in her arms. “Oh, really? I managed to fool one of the city’s best reporter’s for almost a year.”
She pushed away from him, raising her eyebrows. “One of the best? And in who’s company would you put me?” she huffed.
Clark broke out into a full grin and she thought she almost heard a chuckle from his lips. “No one... well except maybe this one guy...” This time he did chuckle at the look of outrage on her face. “He’s this hack from Nowheresville who writes puff pieces and feel good stories; maybe you’ve heard of him?”
She smacked him lightly. “Yeah, maybe. There’s definitely more to him than I gave him credit for,” she said smiling. She was about to tease him again when his stomach let out a loud growl. Lois lifted an eyebrow. “Hungry?”
Clark’s eyes looked a little surprised. “Um, yeah, I guess so. That’s never happened before.”
“Really? You’re stomach’s never growled before?”
“No, it hasn’t. I eat because I enjoy eating, but to be honest, I’m not really sure I *have* to.”
Lois remembered him telling her something like that the night she had come to fix dinner for Clark and Superman – when Clark was keeping Superman at his apartment during the heat wave. She choked back a snort at that thought. Clark had always kept Superman at his apartment. “Must be nice,” she told him with a frown. “You don’t have to eat and yet you can eat whatever you want. Figures.” She rolled her eyes at him in disgust. “So how did you figure that one out anyway? Go on a starvation diet?”
Clark smiled. “Sort of. I found out the hard way one time when we were visiting some family.”
Her interest was piqued. “How?”
“When I was eight, we drove to the Smokey Mountains to stay with my uncle Edward and aunt Opal, my mom’s sister. They had a son a year older than me, Robert. He claimed to know the woods around their house like the back of his hand.”
“Oh, no. You didn’t!” Her eyes widened as she realized what had happened. “You got lost?” she exclaimed. He gave her a somewhat sheepish look and she let out a laugh. “Couldn’t you have used one of your powers? You could have x-rayed through the trees and found your way home. Or maybe when Robert wasn’t looking you could have...”
“I didn’t have my powers yet,” he protested. “I was a teenager before my powers began to manifest.”
“Oh,” she managed between restrained giggles. “I’m sorry. Please continue.”
“I’m not sure I want to,” he sulked.
“Oh, come on. I promise I’ll quit laughing,” she said, covering her mouth with her hand and biting the inside of her lip.
He rolled his yes. “Yes, we got lost. We probably ended up going in circles. If we had stayed put, in one place, like I had wanted to, they might have found us faster. As it was, it took them two days.”
“Two days? Growing boys not eating anything for two days? I bet Robert was famished."
“He was. Thankfully I had been in Boy Scouts for a short while and knew enough that we found a freshwater spring, so at least we had water.”
That did not surprise Lois at all. She had always considered him the world’s biggest Boy Scout. She tried to bite her lip to hide another smile - but was unsuccessful - and then giggled when she saw Clark frown. “So, go on,” she encouraged.
He sighed in mock irritation before continuing, “Neither of us knew what kinds of berries or vegetation were safe to eat. Robert almost ate some red berries that I now know were Holly berries. I told him that they might be poisonous, so he didn’t eat them.”
“Are they?”
“Yeah. They can make you really sick.” He shook his head and smiled. “But when our parents finally found us and got us back home, Robert ate so much that he threw up anyway.”
“But you weren’t hungry?” she asked in amazement.
“No, I wasn’t. I ate so I didn’t raise any suspicion, but I wasn’t starving like I should have been. At the time I really didn’t understand why, but I didn’t want anyone to think I was weird, so I didn’t say anything.” Clark was amazed by the interest Lois was displaying. It made him feel eager to share with her. He shrugged his shoulders and continued, “When my powers started developing a few years later, I started testing my boundaries – in a lot of ways – I pushed myself harder and farther, to see what I was capable of doing. I remembered what had happened all those years ago, and I decided to see how long I could go without food.”
“Really? How long?”
“I only went for a week. Not because I couldn’t have gone longer, but it was worrying my mom. She was fussing over me and it was upsetting her, so I stopped. I know just about anyone can go that long without eating, but the difference is that I wasn’t hungry.”
Lois smiled at him. That was so Clark. He was always so thoughtful of others. He worried about everyone, it seemed, but himself.
“But you are hungry now, right?” When he nodded, she continued, “Then I think we should get you something to eat. Why don’t you take a shower and get cleaned up and I’ll order us some pizza, okay?”
Clark got up from the couch and started to walk away. Then he turned around and came back to touch her cheek softly. “Thank you.”
She looked up at him quizzically. “For what?”
“Just for listening. I’ve never really had anyone I could share stuff like that with. You know, besides my parents.” He smiled warmly at her. “It feels really good to have someone to talk to.”
Lois wasn’t sure what to say. “Um, you’re welcome.” Clark again began to walk away and Lois continued softly, “Thank you... for wanting to share it with me.” She was happy to have been here for him. He hadn’t had to come home and be alone this time.
Clark glanced back and smiled at her before making his way into the bathroom. For the first time that day, he was beginning to feel a little better.
“You don’t happen to have any chocolate hidden anywhere do you?” Lois shouted from the living room. “I looked all over for some when I was staying here but I couldn’t find any.”
Clark smiled broadly at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. “No, I’m sorry,” he hollered back, “fresh out of chocolate. I’ll put it on my grocery list.” He had high hopes that she would be spending more time over at his apartment, even after she got moved into her new place. It definitely wouldn’t hurt for him to have some chocolate around.
In fact...
An idea came to Clark and he began to make a mental checklist of what he wanted to do as he went over to his shower and turned on the water.
**********
To be continued...
