Great chapter as always, Caroline. You had me almost spellbound at the way Clark was suddenly beset by guilt at his new deception of Lois:
He wanted to go to her, to comfort her, but the hypocrisy of that was more than he could stand. He could not inflict the wounds with one hand and then soothe them with the other, even if she didn't know he was doing it.
Oh, Clark. What a situation you have created for yourself.
It was absolutely great to see Constance Hunter ask him some hard questions:
“What about her?” Constance asked quietly. “Your girlfriend. When do you stop lying to her?”
“I don't know,” he admitted.
“Before the wedding? The honeymoon? When the kids start flying around the house?”
I have seen Lois ask Clark a similar question in an MLT story, but I don't think it was phrased exactly like that. And it is a
hugely important question, and one that Clark hasn't come up with an answer to.
“Don't kid yourself, Superman. I don't have any idea what you're going through. I'm just your lawyer. But I do know that you're supposed to stand for truth and justice, and tomorrow you're planning to stand up in front of the whole world and lie. And I think you're the kind of guy who is going to find that hard to do... hard to live with.”
“I'm being pathetic again, aren't I?”
She shook her head. “No, not pathetic. But I believed the things you said in court, and I think you believe them, too. You might not be able to save every life, but you make a difference when and where you can. And if you turn your back on that, I wonder how long it will be before you don't recognize yourself.”
Wow. I love how you write Constance Hunter, and how you make her say exactly the right things to Clark.
“No woman should have a relationship built on lies,” she countered.
He sighed. “It's not that simple.”
And because it isn't simple, Clark is prepared to build a wishful-thinking house of cards for him and Lois to live in.
“If I tell her now, there's a very real chance I could lose her. And if I lose her, then Superman just might disappear anyway.”
So because he fears losing her, he resorts to lying to her. And if he tells her and loses her, he is seriously thinking of giving up. Don't be such a quitter, Clark.
That's the thing that no one knows about Superman. He's never just been me…my powers. She's been right there, every step of the way. She doesn't know it, but he's as much her creation as he is mine.”
“I don't exactly understand that,” she said, her brow wrinkling thoughtfully, “but if it's true, then it's all the more reason you shouldn't make this decision without her. If she's really been there for you – the Superman you – all this time…”
“She has,” he admitted, suddenly awash in memories: Lois supplying his quotes in his very first interview... Lois, defending Superman during the heat wave… Lois, kissing him goodbye when he went into space to tackle Nightfall… Lois, digging a Kryptonite bullet out of his shoulder…
And Lois, standing at a fax machine, giving him his freedom.
Wow. I love how you write this, how beautifully clearly you put Lois's contribution to Superman.
“I don't know what to do,” he said hoarsely, his head falling into his hands.
“What would she want you to do?” Constance asked quietly.
That is a question that Clark
must ask himself.
He gave a mirthless laugh. “She would want me to be two people. Because if I'm not two people, it means she's been wrong all this time, and… she doesn't exactly like being wrong.”
I love his answer. Again, you explain so brilliantly clearly why Clark keeps lying to Lois. He feels that he honestly has only two choices: Really become two people, or keep lying to Lois. And when you face a choice like that, the lies are the only possibility.
“You can't be two people. You never were,” Constance persisted. “So in light of that, what would she want you to do?”
“Are you sure you weren't good in front of a jury?” he asked, glancing up at her.
But that thing about being two people is impossible, and to keep lying to Lois is untenable. Clark
must come up with another answer. What would Lois want him to do? Since Clark won't try to answer, Constance does it for him:
“Truth and justice,” she told him simply. “I think those are the things your girlfriend would want from you – would expect from you – whether it's the Superman you or the other you I don't know.”
What a lovely answer. How wonderfully appropriate it is for a Lois and Clark fic, a Superman fic. Why does Lois love Superman so much? There are many reasons, but the fact that the spandex-clad hero stands for truth and justice certainly has
a lot to do with her love for him. And that makes it all the more imperative that Clark dares to show his own love for Lois by giving her that truth she believes in, by being honest with her.
How utterly ironic and painful it is that the champion of truth and justice has to say this about himself:
“My whole life is a lie,” he said in a low voice. “Don't you get that? All day, every day, I'm lying. Whether I'm dressed like this, or whether I'm wearing a coat and tie, I'm lying about who I am, what I can do.”
But Constance Hunter tells him that he should be honest with Lois, at least. But what will happen if he is?
“And if she leaves me… if I lose her, what do I do then?”
“You grovel,” she told him, her mouth quirking in a smile. “Do they teach men to grovel on Krypton?”
That's just
adorable, Caroline! And again, it was just the perfect answer.
Finally, let me just quote some wonderful sentences creating the most delicious images in my mind:
“Lois, are you sure you're okay?”
“No.” She met his eyes briefly and then looked away. “Not really.”
It wasn't the answer he'd been expecting. Lois Lane could be neck-deep in live cobras, and she would insist that she was fine and had everything under control.
He tried to find comfort in his memories of the night before, tried to reach for that one giddy moment of perfect happiness right before he'd told her he loved her, but it was like trying to capture moonlight with his bare hands.
How could he begin to tell her just how angry Lois would be with him if she knew any part of this, when he suspected that the instrument had yet to be invented that could measure anger on such a grand scale?
Wonderful. Wonderful. I love your writing, Caroline.
Ann
Which is the best solution of course. 
. In "We Have a Lot to Talk About" Lois asks Clark some version of it, and I've always thought it was funny, but also, as you say, a hugely important question and one that this Clark certainly needs to consider.
Oh, thank you so much, Ann!
