Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Wedding Vows 1/1

Well, Dave, I'm not the one who should start this thread, because you and I look at Lois and Clark differently. You probably see most of all an eternal stranger, cloaked in loneliness, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and clinging precariously to his brittle lifeline of warmth, Lois Lane's love for him. For myself, I mostly see a woman deceived by a man playing a cruel identity game with her, wooing her and rejecting her at the same time, forever lying to her.

In your new vignette, Clark has apparently been married to Lois for three years and never told her that he is Superman! I could rant and rave about his awful cruelty and contempt for her feelings and disdain for her needs, but that would be to refuse to see the lonely, scared man that your vignette is about. The existentially lonely man who is prepared to give almost anything to the world, but who needs, who craves, the love of a woman to keep him going. And this lonely man has concluded that this woman whose love he needs would not stay with him if she knew who he really is. If she knew that he isn't just a handsome and charming reporter from Kansas. If she knew that this reporter, her husband, really is the lonely stranger who keeps saving the world, and who has kept the truth of his double life a secret from her. He has concluded that she would not stay if she knew, and if she left him, if she rejected him, he would be swept in loneliness and covered in death, just like he is covered in the mud and dirt of death in all of this vignette. And only the loving arms of Lois can warm him and really keep him in the land of the living.

You will forgive me, Dave, for nevertheless focusing on Lois in this vignette, and wondering what her life as Mrs Clark Kent for the last three years must have been like. It is obvious that she must have accepted that he wouldn't tell her his big secret, the secret that had him forever running away from her. Even so she decided to marry him. She must have known that he would keep disappearing after they were married, too. She must have told herself that she would pay that price. She must have said to herself that she trusted Clark, that she knew that he wasn't being unfaithful to her, and he wasn't involved in any criminal activities, and that would have to be enough for her. Even so - didn't she ever ask him, after they were married, where he was going? And if she asked him, did he keep offering her lame excuses, such as returning a book to the library or picking up his Cheese of the Month shipment? Or did she just stop asking, and did he just stop offering excuses? Did his constant disappearances become that big elephant in the room that everyone could see but no one would talk about?

Didn't anyone else wonder? Didn't anyone else ask her where her husband was? Did she have to come up with the same kind of lame excuses that Clark had always been feeding her? Did she tell Perry, or Jimmy, or Lucy, or her parents, or Henderson, that Clark had had to run off right now because he had forgotten to water their plants? Or did she repeat like a parrot that he had gone to see a source?

Clark must have kept disappearing from her almost every day. Certainly several times a week. During their three years of marriage, he must have run out on her during the middle of the night many times. Didn't she wake up? Didn't she ask? Maybe she had conditioned herself to sleep even more soundly if she became aware that Clark was leaving their bed. That way she didn't have to know. That way she could pretend that he had stayed by her side all night.

Didn't she know the truth after all? Hadn't she figured out that he was Superman after all this time? I don't get that impression from your vignette, Dave. Surely Lois wouldn't be so frantic about her husband's whereabouts if she had known that he was Superman and she could see him live on CNN, helping out at the earthquake site?

To me, this is a vignette about lies, denial, unreasonable fear, and the kind of desperate love that does not offer or demand the truth. More than anything else, it is about a man who is desperately, unreasonably frightened of losing his loved one, and he will keep lying to her daily for three years in order to keep her by his side. And it is about a woman whose love for her husband is so great that she will allow herself to be continually lied to and deceived in order to stay with her husband and love him, and feel his desperate need for her.

Ann

I agree with Ann here that Clark lying to Lois for three years is really a bad thing.

But I like the way you captured this moment. They say "Lies have short legs" and though I wouldn't actually say that three years could truthfully be described as *short*, I think it's important that you showed that Clark just *couldn't* hide this forever. There had to come the day when a rescue would keep him away from home for so long. It seems incredible to me that, according to you, he actually made it that long.

While I can't claim that I like Clark lying to Lois for so long, I'm usually keen on what-ifs. This one is a very interesting "what-if". What if Clark had never worked up the courage to actually tell her? Well, in fact he never actually told her, but she found out. I don't think this is Clark's character. He wouldn't have kept this from her.

I think you did great capturing Clark's feelings in this moment when he realized how bad he had been all the time. At first I thought that this would be around the time of "Whine, whine, whine" or "And the answer is", respectively. As long as I didn't know how long he had actually deceived Lois I felt symapthy for hiim. But three years??? He can call himself lucky if Lois can forgive him.

Ann --

If I'm honest, I expected a negative response to this, I just didn't expect it to be so strong. <g>

I'm sorry if this upset you in any way, but let me start by stating that this was originally going to be part of a much longer piece in which we find out the reasons behind Clark's continued deception (which I'm sure you wouldn't approve of anyway ) and which did indeed contain a revelation that did, indeed, lead to Lois leaving him. I had thought of a lot of the points you brought up - like the time period they were married, Superman's disappearances, Clark's paranoia and Lois's reactions to his return.

As it is now, though, I like this story as a stand alone - it's dark and it's wrong certainly, but it's meant to be. As a stand alone piece, you may or may not understand them, but you're not expected to agree with Clark's choices.

If you'd prefer, for your piece of mind, I can address some of your points with reference to the longer, hypothetical piece that I'd plotted out to explain my original intentions, but since it'll never be written, I'm not sure it's of that much importance.

Dave

I don't know where the idea that they were married for three years came from - I never state how long they're married. Could've been only six months.

Which means that I didn't read this well enough. Sorry Dave! I don't actually dislike that story, only some of its implications. But it could be quite interesting to read the whole thing! Why don't you post it and convice us? Huh?

Quite understandable, really. Like I said, I expected this would get a negative reception.

Well... because it's not written. (And probably never will be - I can't seem to write stories any longer than a few pages these days. )

I for one was shocked to come in here and see that they had been married 3 years. I immediately thought I missed something since I didn't get that from the piece in any way. I liked it. Emotional,powerful and well done.

Jackie

I thought I missed something with the whole 3 years of marriage thing. We all know Clark wouldn't have lasted that long.

I actually liked this story. I get really excited when there's a story out of the norm. That's what we're here for, right? There are so many possiblities that its a shame to shoot down something that appears to be a little different.

But regardless of the subject matter, this piece was so powerfully written. I was immediately sucked in by Clark's emotions. It seemed almost real. I agree that this is a nice stand alone story. I'd love to see more from you!

~Kristen

This makes me so sad (I'm in that sort of mood this afternoon)
I'm not going to comment on Lois being betrayed, how-the-hell-could-he-marry-her-and-not-tell-her, etc. I just feel sooo sorry for poor Clark. He's dug himself into a deep hole and he doesn't know how to get out of it. Who of us hasn't?
What a terrible way to live, for both of them. And the longer he leaves it, the harder it becomes. Sad. I loved it.

I really loved this, too. I'm barely reading any L&C fic these days, which is no reflection on the talent of anyone writing it; it's a consequence of my having moved on, in writing terms, to another fandom. But when I read this on Dave's LJ it really struck a chord in me and I encouraged him to post it.

Yes, Clark's deceiving Lois, Ann. And it's completely unfair to Lois and he owes her so much more than that. But what this vignette is about is that he knows that. He knows it soul-deep and it's driving him absolutely insane with guilt and regret, and it's also meaning that he can't take the comfort from her that he so desperately needs, because she doesn't know why he needs it and he feels that he doesn't deserve to ask. In that sense, it's a tragedy for both of them. For some reason, which isn't shared with us and which isn't really the point of the story, he's completely tongue-tied on the subject of who he really is. And what we're seeing is the consequences.

And, actually, now that he's managed to get the words out, even if she's asleep, I think he'll tell her in the morning.

You know, you could see this as a 'what-if' - or even, if you like, a nightmare he's having about what could happen if he never did tell her. Say in the days or weeks between WWW and ATAI - after all, something must have changed, because in WWW he wasn't ready to tell her his secret, but in ATAI he was. So he has this recurring nightmare, perhaps, where they're married and he's never been able to tell her. And because of that he knows he has to before their relationship goes any further, even though he's still got that lingering fear that she'll react badly to the knowledge.

You see, the Clark of the TV series isn't like the movie or comic Clark. He was never sniggering behind Lois's back about secrets he knew and she didn't. He was always terrified of her finding out because of how she might react - either liking him more because he's Superman, or (as time went by) hating him for the deception. She had the power to crush him by a bad reaction to his confession. He kept the truth from her not to deceive her but to protect himself. And I see this story as a lesson learned: the consequences of protecting himself too much, and deceiving the woman he loves with every bit of his soul in doing so.

It's a tragedy for both of them. But you know what? What you identified, Ann, is that Lois is truly the stronger of the two of them - which is one thing we did see time and again in the series. She's stronger, because she's accepted that there are things he's not telling her, and she trusts him enough to believe that he will tell her when he's ready. Because she loves him and believes above all that he loves her.

Great, painful, tragic and ultimately hopeful little fic, Dave.


Wendy

Well, I never saw any mention of three years of marriage in the story either, but the phrase "three days" was repeated more than once, as the length of time of Clark's latest disappearance. Maybe that's where the confusion is arising from.

And obviously I don't approve of Clark having been married to Lois for any length of time without having told her the truth. I didn't think he should have proposed in the series before telling her, although I understand that the writers did it to continue to throw obstacles in their path.

Like Bakasi, I like what-ifs, and it's interesting to see this take on the "what-if Clark never got the courage to tell Lois"? I'm sorry you won't be writing the longer story, Dave, because I would like to see background as to why on earth Clark had made the choices that he had.

And I agree with what Wendy said. On the show, something changed between WWW and ATAI to make Clark ready to tell Lois. (Then yes, he blew it at the end of ATAI, but I blame the writers completely for that.) So it seems that whatever the catalyst was for him between those two episodes - even if it was something as simple as his deciding that "this" was the next step - didn't happen as a prelude to this story. But it does look like he's ready to tell her now, which gives me hope.

Kathy

I loved it Dave!

I'm probably the oddball in the group because instead of deceit and lies, I just see tortured souls and well, more tortured souls. I'm not excusing Clark's behavior, but that's not really what I'm concerned about. Sure, I'd sleep with one eye open next to Lois if I were Clark <g>, but the fact that she just cares he's okay right now is enough for me.

JD

Ahh, wow. I adored this story. Mostly because of how emotional and well written the whole story was. I don't agree with him not telling her... but I wonder from her response at the end if she didn't know. There was no questioning and that leads me to wonder if she had figured it out and was just waiting on him to tell her.

The beauty of little pieces like this are that the reader gets to make up their own ending. I like to imagine a happy one.

In other news... I'm one of the FoLC's that came in after the last Fundraiser DVD and never got a chance to buy it... Did you finish that epilogue of "An Affair to Remember"? If so... are you going to put those of us who never got a chance to buy it out of misery and upload the story to the archive or post it on the boards? *puppy dog eyes*

I really liked this. Scratch that, I loved it. The beginning really pulled me:

It just seems from this point that things will just continue to get worse. Then the repetition of "three days" conveys Clark's anxiety and desperation.

Then it just kept spiraling down so fast, I could really feel Clark's mounting dread and his guilt as he realizes what he put her through. I liked how in the quote below you detail her movements so by the time Clark's heart wrenches mine had too:

It's one of the sadder revelation fics I've read and so beautifully written. No it's not right Clark hid his identity from her and married her, but his guilt, his anxiety and pain are so raw--I wish this was a larger story because the narration was just so effective in conveying emotion. It was gorgeous! Thanks so much for posting this Dave.

alcyone

Dave, believe me, you didn't make me angry with this story. To me the idea that Clark might marry Lois without ever telling her about his dual identity has always seemed like a real possibility. Consider what Wendy said:

Exactly! Of course Clark wouldn't keep the truth from Lois just in order to deceive her and be malicious to her. Let me state, for the record, that I would never think of Clark that way. But I have no trouble believing that he might keep the truth from her in order to protect himself - in other words, he might very well be lying to her for selfish reasons. When it comes to love, I think Clark allows his own needs to outweigh the needs of Lois - or at least, when he is lying to her he is putting his own needs before hers.

For the record, I don't blame Clark for lying to Lois before he had gotten to know her at all, before he had any idea whether or not he could trust her. I don't necessarily blame Clark for lying to Lois before he actually proposed to her - okay, I really think he ought to have come clean with her before that, but I don't find it unacceptable that he didn't. But yes, I really think it was unacceptable to propose to her without telling her, and we know that he did that in the show. It's canon.

Now, in the show, Clark actually never told Lois about his double identity. It was Lois who informed Clark that she knew. Suppose she hadn't figured it out on her own. (Or suppose she had figured it out, but she never told him that she knew.) Would he ever have told her himself? Would he have told her before they got married? These are legitimate questions. Your story explored one possible scenario, Dave. Your story lays bare the selfishness that is part of Clark's love for Lois. Believe me, I'm not angry at you for doing that! On the contrary, your vignette demonstrated the cruelty that is inherent in Clark's selfishness that I keep ranting about and try to make people believe! You just proved my point, Dave! How can I be angry at you for doing that?

But, Dave, I don't mean to imply that Clark is deliberately cruel or evil. Of course not. He is needy. It's interesting to contemplate the possibility that in a long-term relationship between Clark and Lois, Lois might well turn out to be the chief provider of love and care, whereas Clark might be the chief receiver. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Ultimately, it could well be what both of them are happiest with.

And Dave, I thought your story demonstrated so beautifully why Clark is so needy. It is, like I said in my first post here, because he keeps giving so much of himself to humanity, and because he can really take such a small measure of comfort and warmth from humanity in return, considering that he is not actually one of them. I was very moved by your description of Clark's weariness after he had labored for three days at the earthquake site. (Oh, and by the way - sorry, Dave, your story didn't say anything about Lois and Clark being married for three years. I was wrong about that.) Anyway, I thought this part of your story was so moving:

You show us so clearly how Superman has to be strong all the time, when he is facing the world. How he can never let down his guard, never ask people to give him some slack, never ask anyone to sit down with him for a while and have a beer with him and listen to his sorrows and pat him on the back. He is so existentially alone. And he is giving, giving, giving. Never really receiving.

And that's why he needs Lois so desperately. That's why he so desperately needs to come home to her and be someone other than Superman to her. That's why he needs to come to her and be given the love and comfort that he can never ask for as Superman. That's why he's lying to her.

Yes, I think that his neediness is selfish. I think he is being selfish when he keeps feeding her a monumental lie about himself just in order to keep her by his side, even though his lies are going to cause her a lot of grief. Some men do even worse things to their girlfriends or wives just to keep them by their sides, again because they need them so desperately.

Clark would never use threats or force to make Lois stay with him. Of course not! The moment she decides she has had it with him, he will let her go. Please let me make myself absolutely clear that I don't want her to walk out on him. Temporarily, yes, to force him to think about his own selfishness. Permanently, no. I want these two to be together.

Wendy said:

Oh yes, Wendy, I agree! Clark's guilt in this story is soul-deep and desperate. Of course he feels guilty! If he didn't, he would just be repulsive and scary, and he wouldn't be Clark at all. But he certainly is Clark in this story, and therefore his guilt reverberates throughout this entire vignette, and it's incredibly moving. I feel sorry for him too. Believe me, I do!

So, Dave, I don't know if you believe me, but I didn't mean to critcize your vignette. I, too, was struck by the beauty of your writing, and I felt so strongly the chord you struck when you asked us to consider Clark's lonely heroism and his desperate need for Lois, his heartbreaking deception of her, and his crushing guilt.

Just think of it like this. As a Lois fan, I wanted to consider her point of view, and I wanted to show what it would be like for her to be married to a man who kept ducking out on her without ever telling her why. That's why I concentrated on that aspect in my first comment on your story. I will admit that I thought of it as a kind of fleshing-out, a sort of counterpoint, to your vignette. It was not, however, meant to be a criticism of it.

There is a kind of LnC fic that I simply can't stand, and that is the stories that treat Lois cruelly in order to make the readers feel sorry for Clark. (Or at least that is what some stories look like to me.) But I don't think your story did that, Dave. When I thought about it, I realized that Lois in this vignette must have accepted that Clark's lies to her was a part of the man himself. She must have known that when she said yes to his proposal and when she said "I do" at the altar. That is an important point that I myself was trying to make. Lois knew what she was in for. And yet her love for Clark was so great that she chose to marry him even though she knew that he would keep lying to her.

Wendy said:

Yes, that's true. And that is why I'm not angry at this vignette at all! This fic is not about treating Lois badly just so that we can feel sorry for Clark. This vignette is about how love can be overwhelmingly strong even when words falter and lies and deception abound. It is about a hero who heals the world and needs the love of a woman to heal himself. And if you ask me, it is a tribute to Lois. (Even though - pssst, Lois - remember that you can take self-sacrifice too far. )

All in all, that was a very beautiful and moving vignette, Dave.

Ann

Ooooh! Dave! You wrote a new story! <hugs>

Okay, it was a little sad, and made me want to whop Clark upside the head for his stupidity (but it's always a "good" story if you can make me want to whop Clark - LOL)...

But I loved the emotion being conveyed. How Lois was holding him and loving him and saying she was gonna kill him... all at the same time. That was so sad and sweet and yet put this silly grin on my face all at the same time.

I'm glad you came out of hiding to post it. <g>

-- DJ

After reading your comments on the story I went back and reread it. I was very confused by story but I see what you mean. When He at the end makes sense now.

But now it seems to me that the author wants us to see that Lois already knows

I imagine he's had this conversation with himself repeatedly over the years.

Lois is his security blanket. He runs his hand over his wedding ring to reassure himself that he can do it... whatever it requires of him.

Clark is her security blanket, too. She pulls on his sweatshirt--the big one--to bring him a little closer to her.

At first I assumed that she knew. She figured it out in the same way she had in the series, but had waited for him to tell her. But in this scene, it doesn't seem like she knows. An earthquake of this magnitude would have told her exactly where Superman was, and yet she doesn't seem to know where Clark is.

Since we know that Lois isn't galactically stupid, it means that she has to have accepted him and his idiotic fears of total commitment.

I've been scared for my husband before and totally identified with this scene. Of course, he hadn't been gone for three days, but the feelings were the same, never the less. The relief when you hear him walk into the door. Knowing that your worries were unfounded--that it's all over.

That seems familiar, too. I tend to get angry that his thoughtlessness caused my worry, despite the fact that I'm a big girl who chooses what she thinks about and dwells on. I don't know if he has ever worried me where it hasn't ended in a fight. And Clark is certainly steeling himself for one.

Of course, James has always taken the opposite approach with me. While there are some matters that he holds close to the vest, he came clean with all of the biggies. He sat me down and told me his life story before we really began dating, because if I was going to reject him he needed to know in the beginning before he REALLY, REALLY got hurt in the process. You could call it the opposite approach to the same problem.

I'm not sure if Clark is ready to tell her the truth, yet, though. He seems too relieved that the questions never were asked. Perhaps it all depends on what happens in the morning. If Lois cries... Or if Lois asks... Or if they just pretend that nothing ever happened...

I never noticed that. It only goes to show that they weren't written by a talk show host. Can you imagine what Dr. Phil would have to say about that?

Elisabeth

Lois is a wise woman; she had asked her question: Are you ok?, and was satisfied with the answer: she slept.