Note: This is an alternate ending to "Whine, Whine, Whine." Some dialogue that Clark remembers is not mine, it comes from the episode and was written by Kathy McCormick & John McNamara.
Speed
by Alicia U. <lxu2@cwru.edu>
Stupid!
Stupid!
He was so stupid!
How could he have let this happen?
She had chosen Dan - Hawaiian shirt wearing, ugly-flower bearing - Scardino.
Why had she chosen Scardino?
It was absolutely crazy!
Ludicrous!
He almost refused to believe that it had happened. Was it just a crazy nightmare? First some slimeball had sued Superman for breaking his arm -- as Superman saved his life. Now Lois had declared her love for that monkey-man?
It just didn't seem possible. He found himself subconsciously flying through the sky, surrounded by the clouds. Maybe if he could just fly faster, he would be able to forget everything that had happened today.
As Clark hurtled through the atmosphere, his mind replayed the emotions he had felt during the day's events. He had been elated when Calvin Dregg's lawsuit had been thrown out of court, but then that happiness had crashed down around him in a heap of shattered emotions.
Remembering what Lois had said to him as they had left the courtroom was almost too painful. Yet his masochistic side forced himself to think about it anyway. Her words replayed in his mind, torturing him.
"I'll always need you . . . and I'll always be your friend but there's someone down here who needs *me* . . . if I can just figure out how to get him to see it."
How could she have said that? Who needed her more than he did?
But if she hadn't chosen him, then she had chosen Scardino. Obviously. Each time he played it over in his mind, it seemed more absurd. Yet her voice cut through his head like a knife. She *had* said those words to him.
Why had she chosen Scardino? What could she possibly see in him? He was just so, so, so *Scardino*! There just wasn't an adjective that could properly describe him!
The image of Lois's beautiful face played in his mind as he heard the words again. The small, nervous smile, the glint in her eyes, and the slight hint of a blush on her cheeks were all tell-tale signs that she was in love. But not in love with *Clark*. She was in love with *Scardino*. That thought alone was too much for him to take. How would he ever be able to face her again?
It made him want to run far away. That is why he found himself flying through the atmosphere at break-neck speeds with no real destination in mind. All he knew was that he needed to get away. Quickly. He needed to go faster. How fast could he go to beat the memory that was chasing him?
It was almost impossible.
How could he escape something that constantly tortured his mind?
The memories stabbed at his heart. He vividly remembered the look in her eyes when she broke up with him. It made his heart melt, and then burn as he remembered that her look hadn't been meant for him.
Just after she had spoken those words that continued to tear at his soul, she had leaned in and placed a short, soft kiss on his cheek.
Why had she done that?
His cheek still burned with the imprint of her lips. Why had she kissed him? Couldn't she have just turned around and walked away.
No. She had to prolong his agony.
He had been so stupid. As she turned around and walked away, he had tried to speak -- tried to tell her that Scardino could never love her the way he did, that *no one* could love her that way -- but his mouth felt like cotton and none of the right words would come out.
All he had managed to say was, "Lois, I need . . ."
Why hadn't he managed to say anything more? What had been holding him back?
When she had stopped and then had turned around, he was rendered speechless. That look in her eyes, the expression on her face made his breath catch in his chest. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if maybe she could have been mistaken. Maybe she did love him and not Scardino.
Then he had absolutely deflated. The good feeling had disappeared just as quickly and unexpectedly as it had arrived.
When she had looked at him, obviously expecting him to speak, he had no idea what to say. As much as he had always wanted to proclaim his undying love for her from the moment he set eyes on her, he just couldn't do it. He had no idea what was holding him back, but he was only able to sputter, ". . . to say . . . thank you. For being such a good friend."
Why had he said that? How could he have done something so stupid? And now he had lost her forever.
He hadn't been able to speak because of the shackles he had placed on himself. Lois didn't know the truth about him. She had no idea that Clark and Superman were one in the same. So he couldn't tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her, as Superman. It was his fault she had chosen Scardino. He had no one to blame but himself.
Clark tried to fly even faster. He couldn't fly fast enough to completely erase his thoughts. In fact, he couldn't forget about her for even a second.
He needed more speed -- something so fast that his mind would go blank, where he would be able to forget her memory. There was no terminal velocity that could contribute to memory reversal.
If only he wasn't certain that he would never be able to get over her. She was his one, his only true love. There was no way he would be able to give up his thoughts about her. Lois Lane was the only woman he'd ever loved, and his love was forever. He would never be able to forget about her, even if she married *Scardino* and had ten little, annoying Scardino brats that all wore Hawaiian shirts and that annoying sneer.
The memories they shared would always be with him -- no matter how hard he tried to get rid of them.
As he realized just how stupid he had sounded after he had thanked Lois for being such a good friend, he had given her one last smile before he walked down the hall and out the door. He hadn't even turned around for one final look at the woman of his dreams. No, that would have just been far too painful. Even Superman couldn't endure that much emotional stress.
When Clark finally realized that no amount of speed could ever be enough to allow him to forget his love for Lois, he slowed down and finally realized that he was tired, completely emotionally drained. He wasn't sure how long he had been flying or exactly where he was, but he almost didn't care. Knowing that he would never be able to get over Lois was enough cast a dark cloud over him.
The depression he felt was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. Even when Lois was engaged to Lex Luthor, he hadn't felt this way. Perhaps it had something to do with just how close he had come to winning her love. It felt like the grand prize had been stolen from just under his nose. The pain was unlike anything he had ever felt before.
Back when he had first met Lois, although he was completely in love with her since the moment he first saw her, he had never felt like he had a chance. Even when they grew closer as friends, he had never seen any love in her eyes for him. But as their relationship grew, especially after Lois's failed wedding, Clark had seen something different. It was a small change, but Clark had noticed. He had sensed the potential that she might love him, too. Now he knew it was just a dream. Maybe he hadn't seen anything different.
Obviously she didn't love him. She had chosen Scardino. How would he be able to live without the prospect of Lois returning his love? He wouldn't be able to watch her every day knowing that she was with Scardino.
He didn't trust himself.
No, he wouldn't be able to work with Lois every day knowing that she loved someone else.
He loved her too much.
A searing pain lashed through his heart whenever he replayed her final words in his mind.
"I'll always need you . . . and I'll always be your friend but there's someone down here who needs *me* . . . if I can just figure out how to get him to see it."
How could he go back to being her friend and only her friend? He wouldn't be able to hide his feelings for her again. Not after they had come so close -- they had almost made it work. He would have to leave Metropolis. It was the only answer.
Without even realizing, somehow Clark was now circling Metropolis. How had he ended up here? Everything about the city reminded him of *her*. No, he couldn't stay here any more. He had to leave Metropolis because everything there reminded him of *her*.
Since he was in Metropolis, he decided he had better just go home. His parents, who had been in Metropolis for his trial, were waiting there for him and probably had to be worried about him. He still had no idea how long he had been gone, maybe hours.
As he quickly circled his neighborhood, he was surprised to see a familiar silver Jeep Grand Cherokee parked on the street. No, it couldn't be. Why was she here? She certainly wasn't trying to rub it in that she had chosen Scardino. Lois would never hurt him like that. It was one of the many things he loved about her. She would never rub it in.
Oh, now he remembered. Of course she was here. She had to break up with 'Clark'. Right, she still thought he was two different people that she had to break up with. Great, now she was just adding insult to injury even if she didn't even know what she was doing.
Now he would have to stop somewhere to change before he came inside. Or maybe he could just fly through his back window, forget to change, come into the living room and call out for his mom and dad. That would certainly surprise her.
No. What on earth was he thinking? Not only would it surprise her, it would also hurt her. And the last thing he ever want to do was hurt *anyone*, especially Lois.
He quickly ducked into an alley and spun into his suit and tie. There was no sense in delaying the inevitable. Maybe he would be able to speed it up by cutting her off.
During the short walk home, he had decided on the best plan of attack. Yes, this was war. He was going to break up with her before she could break up with him. It would save her the trouble. After all, he already knew what her final decision was. He didn't need to prolong the agony.
As he stormed through his front door, he noticed his parents and Lois sitting in his living room. Strange, neither his mom nor his dad seemed upset with Lois. Maybe she hadn't told them anything yet. How could they be sitting there so calmly? Didn't they know what she was going to tell him?
"Hi, Clark," Lois said as she turned around. A huge grin spread across her face.
"Look, Lois," he said icily. "I'll save you the trouble . . ."
Lois's grin faded and she took a step back. Obviously, she hadn't anticipated his response. She had probably expected to completely surprise him when she broke up with him. The smile was just to soften him before she broke his heart.
Martha stood up and put her hand on her son's shoulder in what Clark recognized as an attempt to calm him down. His mother always seemed to know him so well. She probably realized that he was upset. She had been there in the background when Lois had broken up with Superman. Squeezing his shoulder reassuringly, she said, "Clark, honey, Lois is here to tell you something. I really think you should listen to what she has to say. You'll like it."
"What?" Clark asked, startled. He'd had a plan of action and now his efforts were thwarted. Didn't his mom know what Lois was planning to do? She couldn't really want him to suffer.
"Son, I think your mother's right," his father agreed. "Listen to Lois." Then he put his hand on Martha's shoulder and guided her away. "Come on, Martha, let’s give the kids some privacy."
Clark sank down into the couch, quietly pondering what his mother had said. Could she know something? When had his mother ever steered him incorrectly?
Lois sat down across from him and stared at him, seemingly unsure of what to say. After a few moments staring at each other in silence, Lois was the first to speak. She took a deep breath, looked into Clark's eyes, and said, "I told Superman . . ."
Clark finished for her, "You just want to be friends." He hung his head dejectedly. Yes, he knew what was coming next. Even though he had decided to let her talk, he still didn't believe that anything good was going to come of this conversation.
"Uh, yeah. How did you . . . " She shook her head quickly. "Never mind."
She reached out and grabbed Clark's hand, and he shied away. He wasn't going to let her touch him -- not when she was going to give him the worst possible news.
She appeared unfazed that Clark had pulled away. Continuing, "And I told Dan that he and I won't be seeing each other any more."
"Look, Lois," he began. Then her words sank in. Wait, she wasn't going to be seeing him any more. Did that mean what he thought it did? "You what?"
Lois knelt down on the ground in front of Clark and grabbed both of his hands. This time he didn't flinch or shy away. She whispered, "I broke up with Dan. I made my choice."
Clark wasn't sure what to say. She had made her choice. And it was to break up with Scardino, and with Superman. So that must mean . . .
"I chose you, Clark," she whispered softly. "It's always been you I wanted."
Clark felt his breath catch in his chest. He had been so wrong before. Lois did want him, not the stupid DEA agent. Now his mother's warning was beginning to make sense. Lois might have told his parents that she was going to tell Clark she loved him. And his mother probably had seen that he had jumped to conclusions. She must have given Lois some sort of hint that Clark would not be unhappy to hear that she had chosen him. And that could be why Lois and his parents had all been so surprised when he had acted so meanly when he had first walked in.
Wow, he wasn't exactly sure what to say. Lois hadn't chosen Scardino at all. She had chosen him, Clark Kent, and not Superman or Dan Scardino. It was amazing.
He did the only thing that came completely naturally to him. He squeezed Lois's hands and helped her stand up as he stood up as well. His lips slowly approached hers.
When their faces were only inches apart, he whispered, "Thank you." Those two words were so insufficient to express the emotions he felt.
He hoped he would be able to show her those feelings as he brushed his lips against hers. As he closed his eyes and leaned in closer to capture her lips with his own, he felt all the pent-up worry frustration leaving his body. He was completely secure that Lois had chosen him.
After their kiss ended and Clark pulled away, he realized that he still had more to worry about. Lois still didn't know his secret. She thought that she had broken up with Superman. What would she do when she found out that Clark had been keeping such a huge secret from her?
The results were not going to be pretty. But if he wanted this relationship to work, he was going to have to tell her *soon*.
Yes, he was going to have to tell her the truth about himself. He had no idea how she would react, but he knew that it could wait. Even though he was only delaying the inevitable, he decided that he wanted enjoy the knowledge that she had chosen him. Everything else could wait.
He breathed, "I love you, Lois," as his lips brushed against hers again. He wrapped his arms around her back pulling her closer to him.
Of course, he would have to tell her the truth about himself. But right now, he was only concerned with this kiss.
Lois's lips pressed against his. She ran her hands up and down his back, creating sensations he had only dreamed about before. Lois tangled a hand in his hair and ran her other hand around in large circles on his back. Clark trailed his hands down her arms and reveled in the feel of her smooth skin under his fingers.
As he kissed Lois, he knew that he would have to address the Superman issue sometime. But it could wait. Tomorrow was another day -- when he would tell her about himself -- and it was approaching at breakneck speed.
The End
(Another) note: I'd really appreciate any input on this story. Be as brutal as you want -- as long as it's constructive
.
[EDITED to incorporate suggestions and to fix the typos Roger found
]
