Note: Sorry – this took much longer than I hoped to get out – a combination of real life butting in and writer's block. Hopefully this is long enough to make up for that and hopefully the next chapter will come easier although admittedly, I haven't even started it yet.
Lois woke up the next morning feeling charged with energy. She had spent most of the evening and night crying, but sometime in the wee hours of the morning she took a deep breath. She had spent the better part of the past ten years feeling guilty for something she had not done. It was time to move on and this was the perfect time.
After her stint at Long Island Newsday, Lois had decided to move to San Diego and help out Lucy. Lucy and Sean needed a full-time babysitter; Lois wanted to be closer to Sammy and working had lost the ability to fulfill her after Clark's death. But that was gone now. And with Lucy taking a few days off this week to spend some quality time with Sammy, this was the perfect time for Lois to get back on her feet.
Given Lucy and Sean's concern over her lack of interest in working, she knew they would be happy to hire someone else to take care of Sammy if she managed to find a job.
Getting out of bed, she opened up her laptop and started going through old articles. Immediately disregarding anything she had written with Clark she found three strong pieces from her time at the Planet. Printing them out with a copy of her resume, she put the papers in an envelope.
After a fast shower, she went into her closet. Pushing aside the jeans and summer dresses, she reached for the back. Finding a black pinstriped suit that used to be one of her favorites she got out the ironing board and let the iron heat up while she searched her closet for matching shoes.
An hour later she was dressed and exiting her room. Lucy was in the living room with Sammy and they both looked up when she entered.
“Wow, Lo. You look great. Where you headed?” Lucy asked.
“I think it's time I started working again. I'm going to apply for a job at the San Diego Union-Tribune.” Lois stated, sounding more confident than she felt.
“Oh, Lois, that's great!” Lucy exclaimed.
“If it pans out, I'll make sure I give you plenty of time to find a nanny before I start,” Lois rushed to explain.
“No problem. Sean and I will start looking today. Lois, it's great to see you wanting to work again.” Lucy replied, sincerity in her voice and in her eyes.
Lois smiled at her before heading out the door on the way to the Union-Tribune's offices. A few minutes later, parked in front of the imposing building, Lois flipped down her visor giving her face a once-over. She looked presentable. She looked determined. She would be fine. She was Lois Lane, report winning journalist!
Picking up the envelope with her resume and examples, Lois got out of the car and entered the building looking more confident than she felt inside. Despite her pep talk in the car, she knew that in reality, she had been absent from the journalism scene for awhile and had not produced any quality work since leaving the Daily Planet years before. Still, though, she thought, she was willing to work her way up again if need be. Besides the San Diego Union-Tribune was not really the same as the Daily Planet.
She approached the receptionist with a broad smile. “Lois Lane to see the editor,” she stated.
“Do you have an appointment?” the receptionist asked, looking bored.
Lois' smile faltered for a second before she stated, “No, but I am willing to wait until he has an opening today.”
The receptionist said nothing while punching an extension on her phone. “There's a Lois Lane here to see Emerson. Says she'll wait until he is available,” the woman said into the phone. A moment later she hung up the handset. “Please take a seat. Mr. Emerson has an opening shortly before lunch if you are willing to wait for a couple of hours.”
Lois thanked her and took a seat. She could feel herself growing anxious as she looked around the room, and finally picked up a copy of the paper to distract her.
Two hours later the receptionist finally called out to Lois to follow her. Lois walked through the newsroom, feeling her adrenaline pumping. John Emerson was standing at the entrance to his office. One look at him and Lois knew she would like working for him. He was in his mid-forties with light brown hair. He had an open, engaging smile that was mirrored in his bright blue eyes and while he was a good six inches shorter than she was, he did not stoop down to grab her hand – a move Lois always felt was patronizing. His handshake, too, was warm and inviting – firm, but not bone-crunching. She found herself relaxing just being in his presence.
“So, it is you after all,” he opened with. Smiling at her and gesturing for her to lead the way into his office, he continued, “When Mary told me a Lois Lane was waiting for me I thought it was a coincidence. I can not believe I left the great Lois Lane waiting for two hours!” he laughed.
Lois smiled, not sure what the appropriate response was, but luckily he did not expect one. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Lane. Sincerely,” he told her as he sat down in his chair.
“Thank you,” Lois said quietly, suddenly feeling a bit shy. “Thank you for taking the time to see me, Mr. Emerson.”
“John, please, and it really is a pleasure. So what can I do for, Miss Lane?” he replied.
“Lois,” she corrected him gently. “Well, as you are clearly aware, I was a journalist for the Daily Planet among other newspapers. I took a couple of years off to help my sister raise my niece, but I'm ready to return to journalism. I know I'll need to start at the bottom, but I'm willing to do anything. Here's some samples of my work,” Lois rushed.
While John took the folder from her, he did not open it. “I don't need to read these to know that you were a brilliant writer, Lois. But you are correct – it has been years since you wrote for the Planet and I'll need to see something more recent,” he said gently.
“I understand,” Lois said, already feeling hopeful. He had not turned her down.
“And I don't actually have any openings right now,” John continued.
Lois felt her hopes fall and was almost going to just collect her things and go when she remembered – when Clark got hired at the Planet there had been no openings either. He had just written a story that he knew Perry wanted and no one was writing. She smiled at John, “I understand, but perhaps one will be available soon. I would appreciate you're giving me the chance to show you a sample of my current writing. Is there anything you can suggest I use for my piece?”
John looked out at the newsroom thoughtfully. Finally he turned back to her, his expression serious, “I do have something, but it is not serious news, Lois. I have reporters on those stories already,” he explained.
“Of course,” Lois replied.
“Ronko, the baby white rhinoceros is going to be released into the African enclosure at the Wild Animal Park tonight. He is the youngest baby to be released into the enclosure and no one is sure if he will be able to stay there. It's not cutting edge journalism, but it's a nice human interest piece,” John said gently.
While Lois' heart sank, she smiled. Getting up and shaking John's hand, she thanked him for the opportunity and told him that she would be by tomorrow to show him her piece. She tried not to focus on the fact that this was not the type of writing at which she excelled. Clark had always been good at the touchy-feely things like baby rhinos.
She headed back to her car heading home. She may as well change if she was going to spend the evening at the Animal Park. Perhaps Lucy and Sammy would come – Sammy would love it and Lois could use the company on the forty minute drive there.
**********************************************************************
Lois had been convinced that the story about Ronko was not one of her best. It had been somewhat interesting to watch and speak to the some of the personnel at the park. Sammy had loved it. Still, this type of story was not Lois' forte. She tried to instill in her story the joy she saw emanating from Sammy, though, and it must have worked.
Two weeks later Sammy was enrolled in child care and Lois Lane was a staff reporter for the San Diego Union Tribune. She had been there for three months now and she could not deny that she liked it. She enjoyed working for John as much as she thought she would – he was fair and gentle with his employees, but demanded the best from them. He reminded her of Perry, except he was a little bit more open about his soft side.
The other reporters at the Trib were very friendly and made attempts to befriend Lois. This was a strange experience for her, as she was used to her reputation as “Mad Dog Lane”, but none of these reporters were familiar with her past, and she found herself warming up to them. She wanted to make friends and build a new life for herself and these people were offering to help her do it.
There was just one problem with her job right now – she was still writing human interest stories. After three months, Lois felt she was ready to move on to harder hitting stuff, but John kept giving her soft stories. She knew how lucky she had been to get this chance and so was hesitant to push him.
However, enough was enough and when Lois arrived at work this morning, she was prepared to demand a strong story. John was leaning against her desk when she arrived. For a moment, Lois wondered if he had another human interest piece for her, but the look in his eyes when she walked up told her he did not.
“Good morning, Lois,” he greeted her as she hung her light jacket up.
“Morning, John,” she replied.
“You wanted to see me?” he asked.
She quirked an eyebrow at him, “You were waiting for me at my desk,” she pointed out.
“Yes, but only as I know you are itching to tell me it's time to give you a meaty story and this morning I finally came up with one I think is perfect for you.” John tried not to laugh at the look that came over Lois' face at these words – equal parts relief, amusement, and determination.
“Superman used to be your specialty, was he not?” John asked. He almost hesitated when he saw the look that came over her, but it only lasted a moment, and so he moved on. “If you get the exclusive, you can have a spot on the investigative reporting team.”
“The exclusive?” Lois asked, her voice just slightly unsteady.
John laughed, “Don't play dumb with me, Lane. The exclusive – three months ago, Superman disappears for a little over a week. When he returns, there's no word on where he's been and he's different – stand-offish with the press. Three months and he's still coming and going without stopping for pictures or quotes. I want to know where he was and what happened to him.”
Lois swallowed hard before replying, “This isn't like when I was at the Planet, John. Then I could get quotes from him all the time as we both lived in the same city. No one knows where Superman lives now, but he hardly ever comes to San Diego.”
“Well then, I guess you'll have to get creative,” John smiled at her as he walked away.
**********************************************************************
For two days, Lois produced nothing. She was not sure the best way to get Superman to come speak to her and she was not sure she wanted to do so anyway. She did not want to know the things John wanted to know. She knew he was right – it would be good news – he was not the only one who wanted to know. But she feared she knew some of the answers to those questions and she was neither eager to confirm her suspicions nor learn more.
Still, she wanted this job. While the stories so far were not what she wanted, she was enjoying being back in the newsroom. She was enjoying working for John. He had faith in her, she could tell, and it had been a long time since that was the case.
Finally, knowing she was getting no where with this, she did the one thing she had known she would do from the beginning. It would work, she knew it would, she just had not wanted to do it; primarily as she had not wanted to speak to Clark.
She turned on the television in her room. Flipping to LNN, she watched for a few moments. No international emergencies where being reported.
Shutting down the television, she walked over to her window and poked her head outside. “Help, Superman!” she cried.
She brought her head back in and sat on her bed. He was far away, she knew that. And it was only one cry. In all likelihood, this would not work, but she was not yet ready for the full out screaming she knew she would need to do.
“Lois?” Superman was floating outside her window.
Lois moved over to the window, pushing the curtains aside and opening the window wider. Then taking another look at him she realized he would never fit. These were not the windows in her Metropolis apartment. “Come to the front door,” she demanded, her voice soft.
She walked through the bedroom, looking around the empty living room as she passed. She was stalling and she knew it. Finally, her hand shaking, she opened the door.
Superman stood before her saying nothing for a moment and then finally, “Are you hurt?”
“Where you near by?” she asked in response, “How did you hear me?”
“I was home,” he replied, his voice nearly a whisper. “In Smallville,” he faltered for a moment and then his head fell. Staring avidly at his boots in a very un-Super voice, he whispered, “I listen for you.” He looked up at her and she could see a thin veneer of tears covering his eyes. “I'll always listen for you, Lois. I promise – I'll always come when you call.”
Lois said nothing while she stepped back to let him in. She could feel her anger weakening, and she straightened her spine. “He lied to me,” she repeated to herself. She closed her eyes, letting herself remember what it felt like to think that Clark Kent had died. Remember the guilt she had carried around for ten years. One nice sentence could not erase that. It could not even make a small dent in that pain.
“Lois? Are you alright?” Clark asked again.
“I'm fine,” Lois replied, her voice sharp. “I just needed to talk to you.” She turned around, and took in the man standing before her. She had to admit, he did not look very much like a Superman. His face was wan and his eyes lifeless. Even his hair was mussed, like he had forgotten to care enough to comb it.
For a moment, she felt herself soften again, but then she remembered. This was going to be hard. She knew it would be. He looked so much like the man she had thought she loved, it was hard to see him hurting. But he was not that man – that man did not exist, was a figment of her imagination. And while she may not have known it then, he had died that night with Clark Kent when Superman did not come to her and reveal himself, had instead let her grieve for a man who had not died.
Steeling her shoulders once again, Lois spoke deliberately, “You may have seen that I've started writing again, Clark. And I want to keep doing so. I've been assigned a new story. Something a bit harder hitting than what I've written since…” she floundered for a moment lost for words, “since I thought you died,” she finally finished and had to admit to feeling a bit victorious when he flinched at her words. “If I do well on this assignment I'll get to move back to investigating.”
“That's great, Lois!” he replied, his voice enthusiastic. She had to admit, he did look genuinely happy for her although the sparkle in his eyes she so recalled was gone now. “But what…why am I here?” he asked.
“My assignment is you, Clark. I need to know what happened when you disappeared a few months ago. Where you went. What happened to you such that you've been different ever since.”
For a moment neither said anything. Then Clark nearly fell over onto the couch. Lois took in his form, crumbled, staring at the floor and started to panic. What was she going to give to John. She needed this break, but just looking at him, she knew her suspicions were correct. And while Clark deserved no less than for her to tell his dirty little secret to the world, she knew she would not. It would be unfair to the Kents – and this was Clark's mistake, not theirs. And as much as she knew he deserved it, she could not deny the fact that she loved him – whatever small part of him was the man she thought he had been. While she could never forgive him, she could not hurt him like that.
Clark looked up at her again, tears once again visible in his eyes, “I don't know what I can say that you can print, Lois. This isn't the story of a superhero. It's the story of a man. A stupid, selfish man who made mistakes – big mistakes and was finally forced to own up to them.” His voice faltered and Lois was horrified to see a tear drop from his eye. She held herself firmly, willing herself not to walk over to the couch and drop beside him, however much she may want to.
“I was not off doing anything heroic, Lois. What I was doing was as un-heroic as it can get. I was wallowing, and that's all I've done ever since. I know you don't want to hear this and you don't want to believe me, but you have to know that I love you, Lois. I love you so much. I once thought that I would want to kill anyone who hurt you and it's true. You can't know what I feel like knowing that I did.
“I know I haven't been very "Super' since then, but I can't seem to stop it. I just don't care anymore. I just don't care,” his voice trailed off and Lois stared at him not sure what to do. Tears were streaming down his face, but he made no move to stop them. Nor did he did look at her, asking for pity, he just stared out the window while he cried.
And then with no warning, he got up and walked toward the door. The tears were still falling, but he paid them no heed. “I'm sorry,” he whispered as he turned to look at her. “I know I have no right to show you this,” he gestured blindly up at his face. “I know what I feel is exactly what I deserve after what I put you through, but I don't have a fabulous tale for your story. I don't have anything left to offer anyone anymore.”
He opened the door and flew away, the sonic boom echoing the feeling in her heart. Lois felt as if she had just witnessed the death of the superhero.
**********************************************************************
She was awakened the next morning by the ringing of her cell phone. She moaned and tried to ignore it while it rang. She had been up late the night before, caught up in what she was going to do. She clearly could not tell the world the truth and yet, was she willing to lie for Clark? Her only reprieve from this dilemma was when she tortured herself with how he had looked before he left – defeated, broken. She tried to remind herself that he deserved all that and more. She knew it was not enough – it would never be enough for her to forgive him. But she did not want to have to live with that image in her memory.
When her phone rang again a moment later, Lois groaned louder, reaching onto her nightstand to pick it up.
Glancing at the clock quickly, she saw that it was only shortly after six. “Who the heck is this!” she demanded when she answered the phone.
“Sorry for calling so early,” John's voice answered her, “but I thought you'd want to know right away that your story is great and you are now officially a member of the I-team.”
“Oh,” Lois replied, her brain deserting her now.
John laughed in her ear, his voice soft and teasing, “I can see it's too early for such things, so I'll let you get back to sleep,” he said, before he hung up the phone.
Lois slowly put her phone down, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't submitted anything, had she? She would remember that, wouldn't she?
No longer any part sleepy, Lois reached for her laptop which was sitting on the floor. Booting it up, she wracked her brain. She had not submitted an article. She was nearly certain of it.
She opened up her files, looking for something she may have sent when her computer beeped at her. She ignored it for a moment, but then her eyes widened at the alert showing up on her screen.
“New email from Martha.Kent@Email.com” it proclaimed to her.
She clicked on it, almost afraid of what she would find.
“Lois,” the email began. “I know how much writing means to you and how much I've already taken away. I couldn't let you lose the chance again. I know nothing I do can ever make up for what I've done, so don't see this as an apology. It's just that I know you wouldn't tell anyone the truth about where I was and you wouldn't want to lie either. I just want you to be happy and I know I can't do that for you anymore. I don't deserve to be able to. But this is something I can do.
“I sent the attachment to your editor this morning. I'm sorry it's still a little vague, but the last thing I want to do is put you in any danger. I changed the to address, so he will think it came from you.
“Yours always, Clark.”
Lois stared at the screen blankly for a moment, before desperately clicking on the attachment, almost afraid of what it would contain.
The Truth Behind the Cape by Lois Lane
The death of a hero is hard to take. I know that – I have lived through it, too. It makes me sad to share this with you all, and yet I know I have to. It is my job as a reporter to share with you the truth about Superman.
I had the fortune (or misfortune) of seeing him yesterday and I asked him the questions we all want to know – where he was and what had happened to him? I was concerned as I am sure many of you have been, about what happened to a man who has given so much to us.
What I learned made me sad – not for him, but for us. For believing the fallacy of the cape. For thinking this man was a hero. For thinking the ability to fly made him flawless and above us all.
Superman did not disappear for a week as he was needed somewhere far away as I know many of us imagined. He disappeared as he was grieving. He said little about where he was or what he was grieving for. But he told me very clearly that he had hurt someone very deeply and with alarming clarity that this person did nothing to deserve it. He, too, had believed he was above that kind of thing, and he had found himself wrong.
As for his attitude since then, he had no answer. Just the belief that there was no way back to the way things used to be. The person he had hurt could not be un-hurt and he was not sure how to move forward.
While what I had wanted when I asked my questions was to come to you all with a great story of heroism and grandeur, I was left with the realization that standing in front of me was just a man – and there was nothing super about him.”
