It's Saturday and I decided that maybe I could use the time to solve some of my problems, like the part that needed rewriting. Hopefully, I'm done with this now. I rewrote some parts of this, too. Thus nobody read it who can speak English properly. I ask you to forgive my mistakes. Maybe you could just ignore them and enjoy the story.
Thanks to Nancy and Pam for encouraging me and for pointing out some weaknesses of this story. You guys are awesome!
I know it's been a long time since I last posted, so maybe you'll need to check the TOC From Part 6:For a while they were standing in Clark’s living room, unmoving but for the assuring caress they were offering each other. Both were sure that the other was suffering even more than they themselves were. And while Lois kept crying and sobbing now and then, Clark felt nothing but emptiness. It was bad for him to have lost someone he thought he could have helped. Thinking of what Lois had told him, he had lost a friend. But he couldn’t miss someone he had met only once, lying on the street and covered with blood.
Separate Lives
Part 7 Lois couldn’t help but notice that not only grief was washing over her. There was also something else and that almost scared her. How could she feel so comfortable in Clark’s arms in a situation like this? Superman deserved enough respect that she should be doing nothing but mourning him right now. He had been her friend for two years and in the whole time he hadn’t let her down. Whatever had happened to him to change his attitude, she was sure he wasn’t responsible. But her thoughts weren’t only with Superman.
She enjoyed the feeling of this strong chest against her skin and again she inhaled Clark's scent. His hands were stroking her back soothingly, stilling her shivering body with slow, assertive moves. Lois felt oddly safe despite the fact that the world seemed to be falling apart. It was as if nothing mattered but the gentle man who held her. Her lips tingled with the surfacing memories of how it felt to kiss him. Lois hoped that Clark wouldn’t notice how she felt about him right now. She wanted to drag him back to his bed and kiss him senseless until they found oblivion in each other’s arms. It wasn’t right though.
“I’m sorry,” Lois muttered and pulled away from his embrace. “I shouldn’t… we shouldn’t…”
“Do you think he wouldn’t want us to offer each other comfort in a dark time like this?” Clark asked softly.
“But it’s not just that…it’s…” Her voice trailed off. She couldn’t tell him. Clark wouldn’t understand how she could be able to feel such longing for him in a moment like this.
“It’s what, Lois?” He wiped away the last remainders of the salty, wet trails along her cheeks. She seemed to be almost desperate as she wasn’t able to express her sadness anymore, her lower lip was trembling and in this moment she looked more like a child than the woman who had saved him a few hours ago.
“I… you…” Lois muttered, annoyed by her own inability to express her thoughts. “I shouldn’t feel so comfortable in your arms.” Guilty, she stared at the floor.
“Oh,” Clark replied and took a step back in order to have a better look at Lois. He reached out and lifted her chin, causing her to crack a weak smile. “That’s what you’re worrying about? That we might do something inappropriate?”
Lois nodded slowly. She flinched at how silly this sounded. Superman wouldn’t have minded her embracing Clark. Yet she couldn’t help her feelings. To make things worse Clark’s question only added to her uneasiness. Would he laugh at her now, would he tell her just how stupid she was? But he didn’t.
“You’re not the only one who is feeling awkward,” he said. “This isn’t any easier for me than it is for you. All I wanted to do is help you. If you need a friend, Lois, I’m there for you. I’ll be whatever you want me to be.” He gently moved his thumb over her lips and cupped her cheek in his palm.
Lois lifted her hand to cover his. “Thanks,” she whispered. “Thanks for being you, Clark. I’ve missed you so much.”
Clark swallowed hard as he felt the warmth of her touch and heard her endearing words. How was he ever going to face her again, if he didn’t tell her the truth, he wondered. His heart missed a beat at the mere thought of admitting his lies. But he had to tell her, now or never. She would kill him if he kept his amnesia from her any longer. Just a few deep breaths and maybe he would muster enough courage to do what he should have done hours ago.
“We’ve got to get ready,” Lois interrupted his thoughts. Her voice was unsteady, breaking away while she said the words. “That is, if you’re up to it.” She studied Clark once more and meaningfully glanced at the white bandage at his side.
“I’ll be fine,” Clark replied and nodded. “Perhaps we could take things a little slower today, and then I’ll manage just fine.” He felt like a complete fool. What was he doing? He should tell her certain facts. Instead he promised her something about managing and didn’t even know what he was talking about. What kind of job had he? Suddenly Clark remembered that Lois had mentioned The Daily Planet. The name sounded like it was a newspaper. Maybe they were reporters?
“Okay…” Lois said slowly and he could see her swallow hard. “We…we’ll find out who did this to Superman and why…” Her voice trailed off and she looked at him unsteadily. “I don’t believe that he really freaked out. There has to be something else,” she muttered hoarsely and cleared her throat.
“We’ll find out what happened, Lois,” Clark replied, feeling this was what she wanted to hear.
“You go and get dressed and I’ll prepare breakfast,” Lois confirmed and as Clark didn’t turn around to go to the bathroom she added, “I can do breakfast, really.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Clark stated. Slightly irritated he nodded and made his way to the bathroom.
Lois looked after him and wasn’t sure what to think. Clark loved to tease her about her non-existent cooking skills. Even if he was sad now, she would have thought to receive just a faint smile. But there had been absolutely nothing that resembled one of those heart-melting, girl-killing smiles. In fact he had sounded completely serious, which was rare for him. He wasn’t exactly goofy, but there was always something light-hearted about Clark. He liked a jest now and again, but whatever had happened to him in Suicide Slum seemed to have changed that. Or was it Superman’s death eating on him?
“Do you think you could tell me now where you’ve been during the last four days?” Lois asked, hoping to solve at least one of the mysteries that surrounded Clark ever since she had found him.
He didn’t answer her, didn’t even turn around. Lois wondered if he had even heard her, though her voice surely hadn’t been that low. She looked at the bathroom door that fell shut behind him and sighed. Ever since she had found him in that dirty street on the outskirts of Suicide Slum, he was behaving strangely. She didn’t know what had caused it, but she desperately wanted to have her Clark back, the man she knew like the back of her hand. It wasn’t as if Clark had changed strikingly. He basically was the same gentle man whom she had loved almost from the moment she had met him, even though she hadn’t realized that then. But something about him wasn’t the way it should be and Lois couldn’t help the feeling that he was keeping something important from her. Though, actually that wasn’t something new either.
About twenty minutes later, Clark still wasn’t ready. He had walked in and out of the bathroom repeatedly. Lois was already dressed and stood in the kitchen, impatiently waiting for him to come. But he couldn’t face her now. How was he going to explain something to Lois he wasn’t able to understand, hard as he might try? Clark stared into the bathroom mirror and sighed. He studied his beard and looked at the razor in his hand.
He had found it after searching his whole bathroom twice, and still he had almost missed it. Who hid his razor as if it were a pirate’s treasure? Besides, the razor was only useful for one purpose – committing suicide. The rusty blade would probably cause a sepsis without cutting even a single hair. Strangely, he looked like he had usually been shaving on a regular basis. But why was he still alive then? The answer should have been simpler, if he hadn’t already ransacked his bathroom as well as his bedroom. Where else might he keep a razor? In his kitchen perhaps, he wondered with a grim sense of humor. That had to be an interesting room. He would have to search it some time soon.
Clark couldn’t deny that he was utterly confused about the guy that stared back from the mirror. So he didn’t have bandages, he probably shaved with the kitchen knife and he was a close friend of flying heroes. What else? Clark wasn’t sure whether he really wanted to know all that, but he had to find a solution to the beard problem. He couldn’t possibly tell Lois that he had no idea where his razor was. Somehow he had imagined things to be a little easier, even for a man without memory. But if he really was this Clark guy, he definitely wasn’t a normal man.
“Clark?” Lois yelled from the kitchen. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” he replied and let out a frustrated sigh.
He wasn’t going to solve this problem easily, not, if he wanted to maintain his cover. He wasn't actually sure that he still wanted that. Unfortunately he still couldn't bring himself to tell her either. Lois wouldn’t buy that he didn’t know where his razor was. He had to think of something else. Clark threw the deadly blade away and straightened his shoulders to face Lois. He flinched as his side protested against the movement and then tried to pull a - no stupid questions about my beard - face. He wasn’t very successful, but decided that it would have to suffice to convince Lois. Clark turned around and made his way towards the kitchen, hoping to get some breakfast that would save the morning.
When Clark entered the kitchen, Lois' furrowed brows indicated that his attempt at looking intimidating had obviously failed. She held out a mug of coffee and ran her hand over his jaw line. A pleasant shiver ran down his spine, but that was pretty much the only thing pleasing about the situation.
Lois raised one of her furrowed brows and shot a meaningful glance at the clock.
“Twenty minutes and you didn’t even shave?” she asked incredulously. “You know that I am the woman in this partnership, don’t you, Clark?”
Clark cleared his throat uneasily. “I… I wanted to try something new,” he stammered and cursed himself. No self-respecting liar would say something so stupid. The more he learned about himself, the worse it got. He obviously was a crazy adrenaline-junkie who got his kicks from shaving with an antiquity that had probably once been property of Thomas Jefferson – there really couldn’t be another reason why he had hidden it so well, could there? And moreover he was the worst liar the world had ever seen. Lois seemed to be used to his outrageous skills. She raised the other eyebrow and then furrowed her brows again until an adorable wrinkle appeared above her nose.
“You know, Jimmy, was talking about an earring. He didn’t mean…” she gestured towards his scruffily whiskered cheeks.
“You don’t like it?” Clark asked, trying to sound somewhat disappointed. At least he wasn’t a complete loss at managing that.
Lois shrugged in reply and grabbed the mug from Clark’s hand, drinking the rest of coffee and placing it in the sink. She gave Clark a soft prod towards the living room, muttering that the really needed to get to the Planet now. She wouldn’t tell him that he would still be gorgeous if he went in rags. She didn’t really mind the beard, though she would have preferred him without it.
“Hey, what about breakfast?” Clark protested.
“We’ll get something on the way,” Lois said mercilessly, though she would have liked to have some of the wonderful croissants Clark somehow managed to find in Metropolis. But they didn’t have time for culinary issues. Perry would already be fuming, Lois mused. He wasn’t exactly patient and with the biggest story since Superman had first appeared in Metropolis, he wouldn’t understand *that* explanation for their being late.
Lois noticed that she was turning into Mad Dog Lane again and felt sorry for it. She didn’t want to be difficult after Clark had just returned and wasn’t really his usual self. He was behaving strangely and a part of it was surely due to shock. Lois wasn’t sure though if shock explained everything. Clark was more distant than he had been before. She wouldn’t have expected that after several dates and a few wonderful kisses. Particularly since she had told him now she was in love with him, Lois wanted things to be different between them. Clark was friendly and caring, but there weren’t those loving glances anymore. Or he hid them very well. Lois was afraid the past four days could have destroyed something, but she didn’t dare trust her uneasiness. Maybe she was overreacting and there was a perfectly logical explanation for everything, something Clark hadn’t told her yet.
to be continued...
