I just want to say "thank you!" again to my betas, DJ and Lara. I couldn't do this without them. Well, I could, but I wouldn't enjoy it half as much or find it nearly as fulfilling.
<><><>
Total Recall 2/?
<><><>
Lois sat up, frantically kicking away the covers as the claustrophobia and fear of her nightmare continued to wash over her. She had been in the back seat of a car as her throat and lungs burned and her eyes brimmed with tears. Over and over her brain had screamed the name "Clark", but she hadn't been able to make a sound.
And then Lex had leaned over her. Gone was the urbane manner he had displayed at Bibbo's and in the jail. Instead, his eyes had been dark and furious, his expression twisted with anger, as he reached out to stop her from leaving.
It was just a dream, Lois told herself. It was just a dream.
Or was it? What if that had been real? Everyone - the police, Superman, Clark - all of them had behaved as though Lex had kidnapped her. What if she had relived a glimpse of the horror she had experienced while being held captive?
She reached out, her hand fumbling to find the bedside lamp and turn it on. She looked around the room, not seeing anything threatening. The alarm clock gave the time as just past four in the morning.
Water. She'd have a glass of water and then try to go back to sleep.
But when she padded into the kitchen, she caught sight of the notepad with Clark's phone number on it. For a moment, she simply stared at it.
"If you need anything, anytime, please just give me a call."
Lois froze. Ever since she had left Clark in front of the police station the afternoon before, she had been fighting the urge to call him. She kept seeing him in her mind's eye. No, that wasn't quite accurate. She kept hearing and feeling him in her imagination. She was absolutely certain that she knew what it felt like to be held by him - the solid press of his chest against her cheek, his hand stroking softly over her hair and the low murmurs of comfort that he would whisper to her if she told him that she was scared.
But she wasn't really scared, right now, was she? More like confused. And lonely. She definitely felt lonely. Lois shook her head to clear it. What was she supposed to say to him at four o'clock in the morning? That she'd had a nightmare and just wanted to hear his voice?
"Come back to me..."
Lois blinked, surprised by the intense memory of Clark's voice pleading with her. Had she left him? Had they had a fight or a breakup at some point? Or was she manufacturing memories?
It felt so stuffy in her apartment. Lois opened a window, leaning her head outside and taking in deep gulps of the cool morning air. She closed her eyes and suddenly she was transported into a memory so real that she could feel the heat and passion of the kiss. Only the kiss wasn't with Clark - it was with Superman. As his lips pulled on hers, her hand stroked over the slick material of his suit, her fingers tracing over the 'S' as her other hand tangled in his hair, holding him to the kiss.
"Well..." he said, somewhat sheepishly, as he stepped back. "I'd better go now." He gave her one last longing look and then flew away, leaving her to sigh happily after him, her lips and brain tingling from the kiss...
Lois gasped and opened her eyes. She'd had a fling with Superman! How had things ended between them? Her eyes went wider at the thought that maybe things hadn't actually ended between her and Superman. It had, after all, felt like he'd touched her rather possessively when he helped her from the car yesterday. His hands had felt... familiar.
So was Superman out there right now? Was Clark correct and he'd just show up if she said the magic words?
She cleared her throat and softly said, "Superman?"
The curtains fluttered, but the street outside remained empty.
Feeling somewhat foolish, she gave it one more try. "Superman?" she called again, louder this time, but hopefully not loud enough to wake up her neighbors. Did she have to say 'help' in order for him to show up? She wasn't about to issue a false alarm.
Disappointed, Lois took a step back and then heard a 'whoosh' from outside. The curtains billowed and there he was, large as life and even more handsome than she had remembered him.
"Lois? Is everything all right?" He looked both alarmed and hopeful.
"Oh," she said as her cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. It's not an emergency. I just, uh, I just thought I remembered something and I wanted to... never mind."
"May I come in?" he asked politely and something in his tone reminded her of Clark.
"Uh, sure, okay." She pulled the curtain to the side and he stepped through the window. He was so much bigger than she had thought. Then again, she had been outside the first time she saw him. Now, indoors, he seemed to fill her apartment and her senses with his presence. Arms! Her mind chanted in excitement - my god, will you look at those arms!
"Have you remembered something?" he asked. There was such an eagerness in his tone that she was absolutely certain that there was more than simple friendship between them.
"I, well, this is going to be a weird question, but..." She bit her lip, watching him closely for a reaction. He looked positively eager for her to continue. "Are we, or have we been, you know, more than just friends?"
"More than friends?" His eyebrows furrowed and he blinked. "What exactly do you remember?"
"Kissing you. Here, in front of this window."
"Oh," he said softly.
"So we, we, uh, we're...?" She let the question hang for a moment but he didn't answer, just continued to watch her carefully. "What is it, between us? Have I been cheating on Clark with you?"
He sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly. "Lois, before I answer you, I have to ask if you plan to see Lex Luthor again."
She shrugged - it was really none of Superman's business who she saw. "It depends on what I remember."
He nodded curtly and looked at something over her shoulder as he said, "You're not cheating on Clark. That kiss in front of your window was from before you were engaged." He looked uncomfortable and she wondered if it was because he had lost her to Clark or if there was another reason.
"And why does Lex matter?"
"Because he's evil, Lois. He's pure evil." Superman's expression turned hard and she saw a glimmer of anger that made her take an involuntary step back. "There are things I can't tell you until I know that Luthor won't use them against me."
"We're still involved, aren't we?" Lois felt sick to her stomach. What kind of person was she if she couldn't be faithful to her fiancé? "Does Clark know that we...?"
"Yes," Superman said quietly. "He does."
"This isn't some sick threesome, is it? Do you two take turns watching or..."
He laughed and she saw his cheeks turn red enough to match his cape. "It's not like that."
"Then what is it like?" she asked, frowning at him.
"We're friends," he said in a tone so guarded that she was instantly certain that he was lying.
Lois closed her eyes and swayed on her feet as her earlier memory flooded through her again.
"Come back to me..."
Only this time in the memory her eyes opened to see that the voice belonged to Superman, not Clark. He was holding her and stroking her hair with relief and tenderness on his face.
Back in the present, she narrowed her eyes at Superman. "Are you in love with me?" she asked in a hoarse whisper. "Tell me the truth."
"Yes." He sighed as he said it. "I'm absolutely in love with you." For a few seconds he seemed to waver at the point of turning around and leaving. And then he stepped forward and his hand closed over the back of her head, pulling her into a desperate kiss. Lois was shocked into immobility. Her memory of kissing him had been nothing compared to the reality.
"Lois, I miss you. I miss you so much," he whispered as he ended the kiss. His arms wrapped around her, hugging her tight against him as he rocked them both.
Lois felt frozen, caught in that space between dreaming and wakefulness. There was something so right about the feel of his arms around her. For the first time since Clark had left his phone number on her kitchen counter, she didn't feel the deep-seated need to call him. Was this why she didn't want to remember? Because the truth was she was trying to avoid being an adulteress?
"Wait," she murmured, working her hands between them to push on his chest. "I don't think I can do this. I don't think I'm cut out to be unfaithful."
"Unfaithful?" he repeated and there was a trace of relieved laughter in his voice. "You haven't been unfaithful."
"But what about Clark?" She tipped her head back so she could look him in the eye. Wasn't Superman friends with Clark? Did he honestly think this was how friends behaved?
Superman hesitated and then let her go, stepping back and crossing his arms over his chest.
"Do you have feelings for Clark?" he asked. There was something so hopeful in his tone that she felt even more confused. He actually sounded like he *wanted* her to be in love with Clark, too.
"I know he loves me," she temporized. "And I feel like I owe it to both of us to sort things out. Please, Superman, if you care about me, just let me work this out without, you know, you making it more complicated. "
Superman nodded slowly and took a step backwards towards the window. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I promise, I won't do that again. Take all the time you need, Lois. And know that I'm here for you, if you need anything. All right?"
"All right," she agreed softly.
After Superman left - her mind was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that he had *flown* out her window - she shut the window firmly and locked it.
Unable to sleep, Lois paced her apartment aimlessly. She booted up her laptop, but had no clue what the password was. There was a good excuse to call Clark - except it was now only five-thirty in the morning and she didn't know if he was a morning person or not. Or if he knew her password.
She took a shower instead, then grimly assessed her reflection in the bathroom mirror. It was the same face that had been staring back at her for five days now. Even so, she felt like she was looking at a stranger. It was a nice enough face, but she couldn't see anything in it that would drive a man to want her so badly that he would go to all the trouble of creating clone so he could abduct her.
"You must have one hell of a personality," she told her reflection.
<><><>
Standing beneath the large metal sculpture that framed the main entrance of the Daily Planet, Lois felt a tug of emotion. It was like... coming home. Nothing about the building was familiar, but it felt comforting to her just the same. Now doubly glad that today she had decided to start her self-searching there, she wandered into the lobby and read the building directory posted near the elevators.
Which floor did she work on?
"Good morning, Lois," a man said as he got on the elevator.
Impulsively, she stepped inside to join him. "Do you know me?" she asked.
He looked bemused. "You're not going to be bitchy just because I still owe you a favor, are you?"
"No, I'm being serious. Do you know me?" When he continued to narrow his eyes skeptically at her she let out a frustrated sigh. "Okay, then, just tell me which floor I work on."
"Fourth floor," he said and then escaped onto the third floor.
She pushed the button for the fourth floor and took a deep breath. If anything was going to spark a memory, surely this might do it.
When the elevator doors opened, she stepped out and looked around. Nothing. Not a single memory. People were everywhere - moving, talking, arguing, dodging each other. Everyone seemed busy and it struck her that she missed that on some kind of cellular level. She felt as though she almost belonged. Just like with the Planet sculpture outside, she had the vague sense that she was, at least, in the right place.
And then she saw Clark. He was at his desk, reading something. He seemed to sense her presence, though, because his head lifted and his gaze went unerringly to her. Her stomach tightened with anticipation when he grinned and gestured for her to come join him.
"What are you working on?" she asked when she was a few steps away from him.
Clark nudged the chair next to his desk with his toes, pushing it closer towards her in invitation. Lois sat down, perching on the edge of the chair as if she might leave at any moment.
"The Planet is doing a week-long series on Lex Luthor."
"Can I help?" She let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Well, can I help collate files or something?"
"Sure." He gave her a smile and she felt her stomach lurch happily. How many other times had Clark smiled at her like that? She relaxed back into the chair. "I pulled every article the Planet has done on Lex Luthor. I'd say at least half of them were written by you," Clark told her.
Something flickered inside her. Pride - that she was part of something bigger than herself. There had to be a lot of pride in working for a newspaper that was so highly respected. She knew, deep down, that being a part of it was something she had worked hard to achieve.
Lois opened the first folder, feeling almost giddy with the thought that she might actually learn something about herself today.
<><><>
For the next few hours, she read carefully through several years of articles on Lex Luthor. His rise to power was chronicled and she had no trouble at all reconciling the man she had known so briefly with the billionaire. He exuded an aura of confidence and power.
When she finished with the articles she started looking through the notes that Clark had in two folders. Some of the notes were her own, taken when she had interviewed Lex over a year earlier. There wasn't much in them and Lois silently berated herself for not writing down more than just the bare facts. Where was the emotion? Where were her genuine gut impressions of the man? Would it have killed her to be a little less objective in her observations?
"How about we go get some lunch now?" Clark asked her.
"Oh," she said, caught off-guard. "I, uh..." She couldn't think of a single reason why they shouldn't. "Sure. That would be nice."
He grinned, looking like a child on Christmas morning, and she wondered how she had lived with cheating on him. It would be like kicking a puppy, to tell him that things weren't really over between her and Superman. How could she break it to him gently and still have him like her afterwards?
<><><>
That afternoon, Lois begged off doing more research. For a while she wandered around Centennial Park. Then, curious to learn more about Lex Luthor, she hailed a cab and asked the driver to take her to Lex Tower.
Now she stood on the sidewalk, shading her eyes as she looked up. The building was so tall it was nearly impossible to discern the top floor. And she had been there, at that penthouse in the sky. In her interview notes with Lex, she had not written down anything beyond what he had said. Lois wondered *how* he had said things. How had he asked her to marry him? What was it about Lex, besides the obvious, that made her choose him?
Lois started walking aimlessly, feeling comforted that everyone else in the crowded streets was as anonymous as she was. They were all just faces with no hint of where home was or what was waiting there for them. She was going back to an empty apartment that held no memories for her. She meandered, her feet seeming to know where she was headed. And then she stopped in front of a building, staring up at it and wishing she knew why it seemed familiar.
"Lois?"
Surprised by the voice, she turned to see Clark coming up the sidewalk.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"Clark!" Her stomach made the same familiar lurch of happiness at his presence. "No, I was, uh, just in the neighborhood and this building seemed familiar."
"Really?" His grin was infectious. "This is my building."
She blinked in surprise. "Oh."
"Would you like to come up?" He gestured at the stairs.
"Um." Lois bit her lip but the truth was she was immensely curious to see his apartment. Maybe something there would trigger a memory? "Maybe for a few minutes."
"Great." His hand took her elbow, just barely touching her as they climbed the stairs together. Why was it that the same gesture that had so irked her at the police station, now felt comforting?
Several flights later he opened the door, holding back to let her enter first. Lois reached automatically to her right, hitting a light switch that turned on a lamp near his couch.
"You remembered where the light is," he said happily.
"Yeah, maybe."
She followed him down the stairs and then stood in front of his couch, feeling awkward and shy.
"Have you eaten?" he asked. "I could make us something. Or run and get something, whatever you'd like."
"I, uh, I'm not," she started and then her stomach growled loudly. "I guess," she conceded. "Just whatever you have on hand. Don't go to too much trouble."
"For you, it's no trouble at all," he said with a warm smile. "How about rumaki? It's your recipe."
"I cook?" She frowned at him in disbelief. She had seen her cupboards and there was no indication that she cooked anything more complex than toast or spaghetti.
"Sometimes." He laughed and she couldn't help but join him - he had such a free and easy laugh. "It's not really a hobby of yours."
"So is it a hobby of yours?" she asked, still smiling as she sat down at the table to watch him confidently search through his cupboards for ingredients.
"I enjoy it," he answered. "We made a deal that I would cook and you would clean up afterwards. Although, truthfully, I enjoy cleaning up with you afterwards, too."
Lois blinked, suddenly overcome by the remembrance of standing at his sink, her hands clutching a dish as his lips teased the back of her neck. She tipped her head forward to give him better access and his teeth nipped playfully at the join of her neck and shoulder. She dropped the dish into the sink and threw her arms around him, losing herself instantly in the feel of his lips on hers...
"Are you okay?" Clark asked, his features worried.
"Yeah," she said a little breathlessly. "I'm fine. I just, uh, I think I remembered something."
"That's great! What was it?"
"Just, uh." Lois shrugged. "I was washing dishes at your sink."
Clark's eyes sparkled in amusement and she was almost positive he knew exactly which memory she'd recovered. "You should know that I don't make you do the dishes every time you're over here."
In spite of herself, she found herself laughing with him. "I hadn't thought that, really."
He went back to preparing their meal and her eyes traced over his shoulders, noting how broad they were and the hint of muscle beneath as he moved. He seemed very graceful in his movements for someone so large and bulky.
Feeling restless, she rose from the table and went over to his bookshelf. She looked back to see him watching her. "Do you mind if I look around?" she asked.
"Look to your heart's content," he told her. "This is your apartment, too. Or, uh, it would be, if...if things were different." He flushed and turned back to the counter.
Her apartment, too. The words echoed in her ears as she wandered past the bookshelves and saw his bed. Their bed. It would have been their bed. This was supposed to be *their* apartment. She flushed as she wondered if they had already slept in that bed together.
Lois opened the door to outside and walked out onto his patio. The evening air was cool on her heated cheeks. She leaned onto her elbows, gazing into the darkened alley below her and wondered how many nights they had spent on the patio together. There was a small table and chairs behind her - did they ever eat out here?
Clark joined her on the patio. "We should be ready in about twenty minutes. The rice just needs to cook."
"Did we ever eat out here?" she asked.
"Yes."
"When was the last time?"
"The night before our wedding. We'd been working on a story, both of our parents were in town and everything was chaos. So, that night, instead of meeting up at the restaurant, our parents left us on our own. We ate out here that night. Then it got chilly and we moved inside and sat on the couch."
Lois flushed, imaging what two people getting married the next day would find to do the night before. She looked at Clark and wished she could remember making love to him. Every instinct she possessed told her that he was gentle and considerate. Their eyes met and she saw his darken as his lips parted.
She looked away quickly, suddenly uncertain of herself.
"I'll go check on the rice," Clark said softly. "But we can eat out here tonight, if you'd like."
"Sure," she said, just to say something. She knew he was being nice - backing off to give her space - and somehow it just made her want to step into his arms and ask him to hold her.
Bad idea, she told herself as he walked back inside. It had been a bad idea to come here. Only she hadn't done it on purpose. She had just wandered here and found him. So did that mean that her subconscious had unerringly gone to him?
<><><>
Clark had kept up a steady flow of conversation all through dinner, telling her stories about herself. Lois found herself relaxing, giving in to his quiet charm. He told her how she had once interviewed the President, that she was adept at sneaking into places that were meant to be off-limits, and that she was able to talk her way out of almost any situation. She had eagerly hung on his every word, fascinated by the flattering pictures he painted of her and the physical presence of the storyteller.
Then he fell silent, looking as if his thoughts were miles away. Lois watched as he leaned back in his chair, one hand absent-mindedly toying with his glass. His shirt sleeves were rolled to his forearms and his tie was loosened. It felt so homey, so familiar to see him like this. She was engaged to this man - that thought sent her pulse racing. Actually, if she hadn't been abducted, she would be his *wife* right now.
"I should go," she blurted out. "It's getting late and I, uh, I should go."
Clark pushed back from the table and rose at the same time she did. "I'll see you home," he told her.
"No," she said with a nervous laugh. "Really, you don't need to. There's no sense in you going all the way across Metropolis, all that traffic, and-- No, it's okay. I'll just get a taxi."
She stumbled away from the patio table and into his apartment, her mouth nervously rattling off excuses as she hurried towards his front door. She could sense him, just there behind her, as she walked. Her hands were shaking when she reached for the doorknob. And then her mind reeled as she realized that she was shaking because she didn't want to leave.
She hesitated, her mind churning as she saw herself kissing him. She had him pressed up against the door, his mouth only half-resisting as he hoarsely whispered that she had to leave or all that waiting was going to be for nothing.
"Nothing?" she asked him, the tease apparent in her voice. She shifted her body against his. "That doesn't feel like nothing, Clark."
"You have twenty seconds," he told her, his voice graveled with need, "and then I'm not responsible for what happens."
Back in the present, she shivered when his hand touched her shoulder. "Lois?" he asked softly.
She turned around, staring up at him as her mind screamed that she should kiss him. What if that was all she needed? What if she was like Sleeping Beauty and he could awaken her with just a kiss?
Lois took an unsteady step closer to him. She couldn't stop staring at his mouth. She put one hand on his chest and swallowed quickly. Just one kiss - it wouldn't hurt anyone.
Her heart started to pound even harder. But what if she turned him on? What if he wanted to take things further than a simple kiss? She turned quickly back to the door, her eyes wide as she berated herself for teasing them both.
"I'm sorry, Clark. I, uh, thanks for dinner. It was really good."
She was out the door, pulling it shut, before he could say anything else.
<><><>
She was waiting for a cab to appear when Superman seemed to drop out of the sky to land lightly on his feet in front of her.
"Doesn't look like there are any taxis around tonight," he said. "Maybe I could help?"
Her mind went blank as she gaped at him. Each time she saw him, she was a little more flustered by how he chose to dress. Especially tonight, when she had the distinct impression that he had been watching and waiting for her to leave Clark's building.
"I was just going home," she said, feeling the lameness of the words.
"I can take you," he offered.
"Take me?" she repeated. "Do you have a car nearby?"
He smiled and shook his head. "Fly you," he clarified. "It's less expensive than a cab-- and it would get you home sooner."
Lois glanced in both directions along the street. No cabs were in sight. By the way he was talking, it seemed as though he had done this before in the past. She bit her lip to quiet the little voice in her head that was ecstatic that he just hadn't been able to stop himself from seeing her again.
She gave him a nervous smile. "I, uh, I guess. Okay."
Superman stepped closer and put one hand on her waist. Her heart rate accelerated as she realized that he was going to pick her up and cradle her against his body. Her mind whirled, remembering the way Superman had kissed her that morning before he promised to back off. And yet, all the while, she kept hearing Clark saying the same words over and over...
"You have twenty seconds..."
Cheating. She was cheating on Clark. She was a terrible, terrible person. She had to be. She was attracted to two men - three, if she counted Lex - and she was practically shaking with excitement as she let Superman scoop her up. He was holding her as though she weighed nothing and she found it was a heady experience. Then she shut her eyes as the ground fell away beneath them, certain that she had just left her stomach a good twenty feet below the rest of her body. On impulse, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pressed her face into his shoulder.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
"Fine," she gasped. "I'm just not-- It's kind of weird, floating in the air like this. Sorry, I'm sure I was used to this before."
She was lying. It wasn't just the flying that was making her ill. It was also the fact that she was a horrible person. And... something else. Something that she knew about him. It was frustrating how just out of reach the memory was.
"I can go slower," he started but she cut him off.
"No, please. The sooner we get there, the better." She squeezed her eyes shut tight. She should have waited for a cab instead of allowing him to hold her and confuse her like this. "Just hurry."
Several very long seconds later he lowered them to the sidewalk in front of her building, setting her gently back on her feet.
"Thanks," she sputtered, feeling nauseated and wanting nothing more than to get away from him before she did anything really stupid.
His mouth opened to answer her and then he paused, tilting his head for a moment as if he was listening to something behind him. He gave her a regretful smile. "I have to go now."
"Good. Fine. Thanks," she said, feeling breathlessly hopeful that he was going to fly off soon.
Superman gave her one last touch, his hand reaching out to squeeze her shoulder in what felt like reassurance, and then he was gone.
Lois spun around and coughed up the rumaki she had eaten into the bushes in front of her apartment.
<><><>
End 2/?
