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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 573
Columnist
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OP
Columnist
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 573 |
Oh god. I think my vision is still too blurred with tears to give you much in the way of comments, but this story was absolutely heart-wrenching and beautiful. You write Clark's (and Lois') pain so honestly. Forgive me, Lois. I don't have the courage to say it aloud. I only hope that she will anyway.  Yeah, I'm going to have to restock my Kleenex supply. Jessi
"Lois Lane is Clark Kent's Superman." - Brian Miller
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351 |
wow, so beautifully sad....
I cannot tell you how much I cried, because my computer has crashed after the tears flooded the keyboard....
You can't have MANSLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER
The Neuroscientist: Eating glass makes you smart...do you want to see what you can learn?
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006 |
Oh my gosh, that was so sad. My vision is all blurry too. The most heart wrenching part was him reliving when Brian had been alive. Their interaction as a family was so sweet and real. To have it torn apart like that!  Oh dear. I'll start crying again. It'll have to suffice to say I think you did a heartbreakingly wonderful story for your class. I'm sure they won't even get that it's Lois and Clark with the names changed. They'll be sobbing too hard! Laura
Thanks to CapeFetish for the awesome icon. 
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910 |
I thought it was really sad too. Heartwrenching, but really genuine. I feel like Clark's voice really came through. This was really great, thanks for sharing it with us.
alcyone
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
Evil woman, throwing innocent bunnies in there!!!! *giggles* You already know what I think of this story - I've told you it made me cry, I've told you I think you're a meanie. And it's all meant as compliment. You've done a wonderful job with this 1st person/present fic, Sara! I hope you'll try it again!!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 78
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 78 |
Well, I cheated on my latest story. It's Lois and Clark.  But don't tell my classmates. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tattle! I walk in the door, finally home from work, and Brian waddle-runs towards me. I scoop him up and hold him high over my head, flying him around the foyer for a minute before I settle him on my hip.
"How's my little man today?"
"Daddy!" He throws his arms up as he yells.
I tickle under his arms, and he squeals and wriggles with laughter. I walk with him into the kitchen to find Lois.
"Uh, oh. Mommy's cooking," I say conspiratorially to Brian.
"Hungry," he whispers back, matching my tone.
"You're right. We're gonna go hungry." He talks and he walks, and he is only 1... Boy, he is a Superbaby! Brian squirms a little against us after a moment. "Bir-day."
I step back reluctantly and focus my attention back on Brian. "That's right, little man. Tomorrow's your first birthday, and you're gonna have a party, aren't you?"
He nods enthusiastically. "Choc-ate!" The kid knows the pleasures of life already! “Choc-ate” Aaaa… Cute! The soft, dim light flickers along the walls, chasing shadows of rabbits from the lampshade around the room. The rabbits blur instead of hop, running futilely in circles towards a nonexistent destination. Are they chasing or fleeing? I loved this metaphor! The rabbits taunt me now, as if they're playing some sick game of monkey in the middle, but I don't know what it is they're keeping from me. In an instant, they sink deeper into the wall. Someone's turned the hall light on. Lois is awake. Those are very scary bunnies... Her voice, just as soft as it had been those nights, pulls me back to the present again. "Are you coming to bed?" she asks. I can't tell if it's annoyance with me or the strain of so many sleepless nights in her tone. Oh boy, she is just seeking for comfort. She needs you, lunkhead! She looks at me tenderly, I imagine, and turns on her side to face me. "I did some laundry today," she says softly. Oh, you had me crying! I loved the way you finished the story, nice ending! I tried something I've never tried before in this story – actually two things: writing in first person and writing in present tense. They both scare the wits out of me. *g* I hope my first attempt is passable. I don’t know why you are so scared, I loved it! The fiction reads beautifully! Your first person was really good!
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Heartbreaking, Sara. And so beautiful. Your story is so full of the unsaid; like how Brian's accident really happened, for example. But that doesn't matter. What echoes now is the miraculous memories of the little boy, and the constant, painful reminders that he is no more. And there is the guilt, and the blame, and the silence, and the door that closed between Lois and Clark. And the small crack as the door opens a little.
The title is so innocently meaningful. The little boy died when Clark was gone because he had had to run off to buy some fabric softener. And afterwards, Lois wasn't able to do the laundry any more. The little boy's scent was the last thing left of him, and she couldn't wash it away. But finally she did, and then she was ready to set off on a long journey that would hopefully bring her back to Clark.
So beautiful, Sara. And so reverberatingly sad.
(And please forgive me for saying it: thank you for posting a deathfic where the person who dies doesn't have to be Lois.)
Ann
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5 |
That was horrible! (in a good way) I hate deathfics when their kids are involved. Very moving.
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
Sara, this is a strong, beautiful fic. It's wonderful. Thank you for sharing it with us.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Joined: Jan 2007
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
Beuatifully written and incredibly sad. The worst nightmare for any parent. Great job with the first person/present tense. I thought the voice was just right as well. BJ
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Joined: May 2006
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,065 |
Beautiful. I'm sitting at my desk at work sniffling and trying to keep the tears from falling from my eyes.
You did a really great job with this. Thank you for sharing it with us even if it was heart wrenching.
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2003
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You owe me one, Sara!  I was at work, all properly bored so I hop to the boards and find a story by you. Obviously, I go to read it (secretly). And there I am!  And then the story... So heartbreakenly beautiful! Gotta say... what will you do with the other two stories you need to write for you class? Eh???? Saskia
I tawt I taw a puddy cat!
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Beautiful story! 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761 |
Aww, Sara... what a heartbreaking story.  Beautifully written. Good luck with your workshop! See ya, AnnaBtG.
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402 |
Lovely, Sara, and so sad, of course. But I love how understated the emotion was - how you allowed the readers the space to find their own reactions to this piece. I adored dressing my baby boy in overalls, and I still have several pairs of of the tiny ones that I never could bring myself to pass on to my nephews. The picture you painted of Clark looking at those little overalls and knowing his baby would never outgrow them was just completely heartbreaking. But thank you for giving them a little hope at the end and giving the readers hope that Lois and Clark might not only survive this terrible thing but survive it together. Beautiful work C.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Sara -
You pulled my heart open and let the bad stuff in.
And then you followed it up with a little bit of hope.
Perfect. Except for the names, don't change a word.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
It was beautiful. He talks and he walks, and he is only 1... Boy, he is a Superbaby! While most boys do talk later than girls, it still isn't outside the realm of normal. My neice was very verbal at a very young age; by her first birthday she spoke in sentences. As far as walking goes, none of my babies were running on their first birthday, but they did manage to cruise from one object to the next. Still, it isn't unheard of to see a baby walking at one. Elisabeth
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Joined: Dec 2003
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082 |
So well written, but so incredibly sad. Still, every word of it was perfection. You should be very proud of that piece of writing!
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. 
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 78
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 78 |
It was beautiful. He talks and he walks, and he is only 1... Boy, he is a Superbaby! While most boys do talk later than girls, it still isn't outside the realm of normal. My neice was very verbal at a very young age; by her first birthday she spoke in sentences. As far as walking goes, none of my babies were running on their first birthday, but they did manage to cruise from one object to the next. Still, it isn't unheard of to see a baby walking at one. Elisabeth I know of babies who talk when they’re one, and there are those who walk… But I’ve never seen a baby walk & talk! Of course it’s not unheard, but it is not average either. Wow, your niece spoke in sentences by her first birthday?!
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41 |
Wow! I really wasn't expecting such an overwhelming response to this – and certainly not all those tears! (Really, I swear!) As evil as it sounds, I'm glad I made y'all cry.  It means I did my job right. I'll find out tomorrow what my class thought of the story – and I'll let you guys know what they said. Dedecasale – thank you for pointing out the bunny metaphor! I'm quite proud of it myself. *g* And thank you for the kind comments about my first attempt at first person pov and present tense. That means a lot! Jojo and Sas – Sorry for making you cry at work! *tries not to snicker* Glad you enjoyed, though! I wish I could respond to everyone else individually, but I just don't have that many tissues (or band-aids in Terry's case )! Thank you all SO much!! All this great feedback has really made my week and made me a heck of a lot less anxious about my workshop. As for such an early walking, talking baby... I did do a tiny bit of research on that, so it's all technically possible. *g* Though I suspect that'll be the first thing brought up in workshop – something I may have to think about editing... for the non-L&C version, that is. Sara
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