I started this fic ages ago, to answer a challenge that I've since lost the link to. The challenge was, *I think*, to see how other superheroes would react to Lois Lane... Or something along those lines anyway. Since my love prior to Superman was Spider-man, I jumped at this chance to write them together. I know it's quite blasphemous... Marvel and DC together?! But in my happily situated imagination, New York City and Metropolis now peacefully exist in the same realm. I've played a little fast and loose with the Spider-man continuity; in this fic Peter Parker is sometimes dating Mary Jane Watson, but she doesn't know he's Spider-man. Coincidentally, this takes place around the Phoenix, so Clark Kent is also sometimes dating Lane Lane, who doesn't know he's Superman! I wrote most of this on a whim, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. You don't have to be a big Spider-man fan to understand, and most of the story is Lois and Clark's point of view anyway.
(And ugh, by the way. I apologize for the title. I hate those things. I always forget they're necessary. If I could, I'd just like to call this Spidermansuperman, as I have it saved in my word doc.)
____________
The day that Peter Parker swore up and down would never happen occurred on a rainy, altogether normal Tuesday. He woke up, sent two would be muggers on the path of righteousness… okay, to the police precinct, checked on his on again, off again girlfriend Mary Jane, and came in to barter Spider-Man pictures at the Daily Bugle.
And that was when his world tilted crazily and spun backward on its axis.
Because his editor, J. Jonah Jameson, had suddenly been taken over and replaced by an alien. It was the absolutely only explanation that fit. Because there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that Jameson would have given Peter such responsibility if he had been himself. Peter was still puzzling this as he was shoved out of Jameson’s office. Jonah’s secretary watched him blink for a few moments before finally snapping her fingers.
“Pete? Wake up.”
“Hmm…?” He mumbled, not focusing.
“Pete?” She questioned him again, a little more forcefully. It seemed to jar his thoughts and Peter ran a hand through his brown hair.
“Sorry Betty, I was a little out of it. I have to go.”
With that, Peter broke off abruptly and walked off, his mind a million miles away from the Daily Bugle. Or rather, a couple hundred miles away from New York. Instead of the Big Apple, Peter’s mind and body were already high in the air, hurling on a straight path toward Metropolis.
_____________
Meanwhile, in Metropolis, Lois Lane was on the warpath and Clark Kent was in the doghouse.
“I told you, it was… a special deal. I had to leave, Lois,” Clark followed her to her desk, a plaintive note in his voice. It was rather pathetic, but it really did make him look cute enough to nearly assuage her anger… But no! No, she firmly reminded herself. Leaving her on the stakeout had been unforgivable. Especially with the lame excuse he had given her. The same excuse he was reiterating right now. She had to nip that in the bud before she really let loose her anger.
“Special deal, Clark? What are you, a drug dealer?” Lois rolled her eyes and shoved him slightly. “Just leave me alone.”
“It was the sale at Wal-Mart. I promised my mom I’d go get her the latest Harry Potter. You don’t know how many little kids and old ladies I had to beat off with sticks…” Clark weakly trailed off, realizing how stupid he sounded. He really needed to get a little better at this on the spot lying. After practicing it for two years, he would have thought he’d have been an expert.
Nope. Still as lousy as day one. He supposed that should grudgingly be a compliment to himself, but he refused to take it. Harry Potter? Jeez. No wonder Lois looked like she wanted to throttle him these days.
Lois had turned around slightly, facing her computer and away from him. Frowning at this rejection, Clark grabbed her chair and spun her toward him. “Please Lois…” His voice died as he caught the hard sheen of tears in her eyes. She blinked them away, causing a strange tightness in his throat.
“Go to hell, Clark Kent.”
With that, she roughly yanked his hand off her chair and spun resolutely back to her monitor. All teasing thoughts and impulses left Clark’s body as his mind still revolted at the image of tears in her eyes. Tears that he helped put there. Quietly, Clark stood up and moved to his desk, wishing the world would open at his feet and swallow him whole.
_____________
Peter pushed open the doors to the Daily Planet and took a steadying breath. Triple J had trusted him with his assignment. If he botched it, he’d never hear the end of it. Jonah would lower his payments for Spider-Man pictures ridiculously low. Mr. Ditkovitch was already this close to evicting him from his apartment as it was…
Nope, Peter Parker had a lot riding on this relationship with Lois Lane. Somehow he had to manage to get her, one of the Planet’s best and most tenacious reporters, to open up to him and simultaneously reveal just why the Daily Planet scooped the Bugle so many times when it came to Superman stories. Peter had briefly broached the subject that perhaps it was due to geographical distances more than anything, but Jonah had sent him such a withering stare that Peter had tactfully reverted to a more stoic listener. He should have learned already that no one questioned Jonah’s opinions. Peter spent more time than he liked to admit wondering what Jonah would do if Spider-Man decided to sue the Daily Bugle due to libel charges. Unfortunately, that wasn’t his task right now.
J. Jonah Jameson had found a new object to obsess over and vilify. Superman, Metropolis’ golden boy. And right at the center of the Man of Steel’s coverage was the Daily Planet, always scooping the other papers. The Daily Planet, the employers of Metropolis’ “Hottest Team in Town.” There was Clark Kent, on scene and on location with a startling regularity. And Lois Lane… Peter didn’t want to think back on JJ’s rant on Lois Lane.
Jonah’s primary concerns seemed to range from anger that Lois Lane always managed to get such great Superman quotes and deep suspicion and disgust of the way she “fraternized” with the alien. According to Jameson, Superman was even a bigger freak than Spider-Man.
High praise indeed, Peter thought dryly as he adopted a confident air that wasn’t totally his. He had become a bit of a better actor from playing the part of Spider-Man so much. He regularly was forced to adopt a completely different persona as Spider-Man and to leave his real Peter Parker self behind. At times it was liberating, sometimes a mere annoyance and occasionally he loathed himself for the deception. But he knew it was necessary. There were bigger things at stake than his own guilt, Mary Jane and Aunt May, to name the most important two. He would do anything to keep them safe. And if that meant he had to learn how to banter and become a little more confident and suave, he would do it.
Despite the fact that his mind sometimes still screamed at him to hunch down to avoid the phantom flying spitballs and airplane projectiles of his high school memories.
For one of the strongest men on the planet, sometimes he was a real wuss.
__________________
Lois really wasn’t in the mood to listen to any more of Clark’s excuses. She had it up to here with him being so… him! With Clark’s Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde split personality act. It was enough to make any person scream in frustration. Why was he so sweet sometimes?! It made yelling at him a lot more difficult. And then she started to feel like the bad guy, and she absolutely hated that. But right now, she didn’t care. Clark Kent was lower than dirt in her estimation. When she felt the male presence at her desk, she let loose her fury. She whirled around, already charged and angry,
“I told you to back o--” Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the man at her desk. He was definitely not Clark Kent. Oh dear. The man looked a little confused and not a little apprehensive at her screech, but he admirably shook it off.
“Hi Ms. Lane, my name is Peter Parker,” the man stuck out his hand.
She really didn’t have time for this.
“Hi Peter. Call me Lois. Was there something you needed?” She had decided to aim for being brusque but pleasant. He deserved it after her banshee greeting. And he really wasn’t that bad looking. Her gaze landed past Peter’s shoulder on her partner. He was sitting at his desk, idly snapping a pencil in two.
She had a feeling that if looks could kill, Peter Parker would be vaporized.
Well *good.* Let him feel a little jealousy! But she had no idea why Clark would assume that Peter had any intentions toward her than merely introducing himself. Clark would have undoubtedly said something cynical to that, and she berated herself for allowing her conscience to morph into a little worrywart Clark Kent.
“I’m a new intern photographer here and I was wondering if you might be free one afternoon for lunch. I’d really just like to get your opinion on the city and the Daily Planet newsroom in general.”
If Lois hadn’t glanced back at Clark and felt her fury reemerge, she would have given Peter Parker an unequivocal “no way.” She didn’t have the time to mentor each and every new intern. She had let Clark come under her wing… well, he didn’t really need mentoring, but it was the thought that counts, and look where she was now with him.
But Clark might be awfully jealous… and after the hell he put her through, he deserved to squirm. Lois pasted a bright smile on her face and nodded enthusiastically.
“I can meet you for lunch, Peter. Thanks for asking.”
“That’s fantastic! When will you be free? I can work around your schedule as long as Mr. White lets me off as well.”
“You busy now?”
Peter stared at her slightly. She was certainly a bundle of energy! It made him long a little for the slightly subdued emotions of Mary Jane, but he hastily brushed those feelings aside. He had an assignment.
“No, not at all.”
“Then let’s go.”
Lois grabbed her coat and followed Peter out the door, surveying him critically.
He was really… average. An average build, an average smile, average everything. Except those eyes. He had really gorgeous blue eyes. In fact, he was so different than…
No! She refused to let herself start comparing Clark’s striking body to Peter’s… Or to let herself get hung up on the couple inches that Clark had on Peter… Or the way that while Peter’s eyes reminded her of… blue icees, Clark’s reminded her of chocolate and she always had had a weakness for…
No!
Coming back to reality, Lois strode into the elevator, taking charge immediately.
“There’s a new deli I want to try downtown; we’ll go there.”
Peter just looked at her, bemused and counting his lucky stars that she had agreed to speak with him. She was no Mary Jane Watson, but he had to admire the gleam in her eyes. She was hellfire, pure and simple and it gave him a little rush to be so near her.
But he’d always enjoyed the quiet power of the stars to the flashy beauty of the sun.
And Mary Jane Watson was pure starshine.
__________________
Clark watched Lois and Peter exit the newsroom, trying to come to terms with the situation. How the heck had Lois actually said yes to that man?! He had been ready for Lois to blast Peter across the newsroom for speaking to her.
And Clark had to admit, he was waiting eagerly for that moment. Then, when that problem had been satisfactorily dealt with, Clark could sweep in to *his* partner’s desk and try and beg forgiveness again. Ideally, she’d forgive him and he could take her out to dinner. Worst case, she would yell again and he could slink back to his desk, rejected.
Because both scenarios involved Lois actually speaking to him, he wasn’t too upset about either of them occurring. What he hadn’t expected was for that new photographer to sweep in and steal her away! Just why had Parker so single mindedly marched to Lois’ desk, anyway? What was he after?
Clark’s jaw tightened. He abruptly stood from his chair, hell bent on finding the two of them and demanding for Parker to fess up his true reason for asking Lois out.
“Clark!” Perry White called him over to his office. Clark stiffly turned and walked over.
“Not now, Chief, I really have to--”
“Excuse me, Kent? Who here calls the shots? You go back and sit in that desk. I expect that Carpenter story on my desk by five, cracked open and screaming exclusive.”
“But Chief, I need to--”
“I know exactly where you were heading Clark and I’m telling you now, Lois will not appreciate it. Go sit back in that desk and let her be.”
Nearly sulking, Clark shuffled back to his desk and sat down, exhaling heavily.
Inside his office, Perry White shook his head and wondered what it was about women that turned even the most level headed guys into raging lunatics. Just then, his phone rang.
“White,” he answered abruptly. After a moment of listening, his demeanor changed completely. His smile softened and he sank into his desk chair. “Yes Dumplin’, you choose the movie tonight. Titanic? Well of course, dear, if that’s what you want…”
When Perry hung up the phone a moment later, his silly grin dissolved. Had he just agreed to spend his evening voluntarily watching Titanic?
Hell’s bells, he was just as nuts as Kent.
_______________
Peter Parker was sweating bullets. When he had accepted the assignment from Jonah, he had no idea it would involve dealing with the most insane woman on the planet. From Lois’ babbling about her partner, Peter had gathered that Clark Kent was a frighteningly two sided schizophrenic. He wondered if the man had to create a whole other identity in order to distance himself from the tornado that was Lois Lane. He had barely gotten a word in edgewise during their lunch at the deli.
Worst of all, Peter hadn’t been able to ask her about Superman and her many exclusives. He inwardly groaned. He suppose it would have been too much to ask for her to readily let him know that she had a signal watch or something that alerted her to Superman’s whereabouts or some other easy answer to take back to Jonah.
No, instead of returning to New York to take out some Chinese food with MJ, he was stuck asking Lois for another date.
As Peter was paying the bill, he broached the topic with Lois.
“So Lois, I had a really great time today. Would you be free for dinner sometime?”
“Peter, you’re a really nice guy,” Lois began.
Oh no, here it is, Peter thought grimly. The big rejection.
“And that’s why I’m going to have to be brutally honest with you.” Peter blinked and waited for her to continue.
“I’m pretty sure that if I accept this invitation, I’ll be using you to make Clark jealous. So rescind your offer if you’d like. If not, then I accept.”
Peter was sure he resembled a deer caught in headlights. Had she actually just *said* that to him? Were these Metropolis women nuts? Was it something in the water that made them so… forward? Brutally honest was right. Pasting on a confident smile, Peter tilted his head slightly and gave her a slow smile.
“I’ll pick you up at eight, then.”
It was Lois’ turn to be shocked. She hadn’t really thought ahead of her statement. What self respecting man would accept her as a date when she told them she was just using him?
A man looking to get laid, Clark’s voice resounded in her head, having taken over her conscience again. How annoying to have that boy scout as her Jiminy Cricket. Ignoring him, Lois pressed on.
“Well then, here’s my address,” Lois grabbed a napkin and scribbled it down. “Don’t be late.”
With that final parting she left him alone in the restaurant, shaking his head in utter bemusement.
________________
“How was your date with Parker?” A bitter voice growled in her ear as she decorously sat down in her desk chair and wiggled the mouse to clear her screensaver.
“I don’t see how it’s any business of yours, Clark,” Lois said calmly as she checked her email.
She didn’t need to look up to see that Clark was beet red and fuming. She really did bring out the worst in him sometimes. Seeing that Clark wasn’t leaving, Lois continued to click files on her computer. She called up a word document and started pounding out a lead.
“It was quite nice, Clark.”
“Define nice.”
“We’ve arranged to have dinner plans together if that tells you anything,” Lois responded, her voice dripping in honey.
Clark let loose a sound akin to a snarl.
“Lois, I don’t trust him.”
“Clark you don’t trust any male who’s younger than eighty five around me,” she said matter of factly as she studiously avoided his gaze.
“That’s because they usually either want to kill you or sleep with you!” Clark nearly shouted. The newsroom quieted somewhat, finding new entertainment in Clark’s outburst. It wasn’t surprising for Lois to yell and scream and they had long learned to tune it out, but Clark… Clark was much less easily riled, or less vocal about it anyway. In the corner, Peter Parker was hunched in his seat, feeling miserable.
“Sorry about all of this buddy,” he said under his breath. “She really does like you a whole lot more than me.”
Across the newsroom, Clark’s head shot up and he caught Peter’s gaze in an unnervingly steadfast glare. Peter shifted restlessly in his seat. There was no way Kent could have heard him across the din of the newsroom. He really was paranoid. Peter adjusted the levels of his photographs and tried to ignore the feeling that the assignment wasn’t worth the grief he was causing the obviously rocky couple.
___________________
“—Excuse me, Lois, I just remembered I left the iron on at my house! Could start a fire. Heh. Better go check on it!”
As Peter rushed out for the second time on their date, Lois could only stare in shock. How did this always happen? Were men really just forgetful, compulsive house checkers? What were the odds that she would attract two crazy men like this? Lois was almost too baffled to be annoyed. Almost. God, if this was all she had to look forward to in the dating world, she’d be better off staying home. All Peter spoke to her about was Superman and her exclusives. With Clark she could at least have some intelligent conversation. For the most part. There were those couple of minutes in which Peter had started rambling on about chemistry and physics equations… She had almost left right then and there. She was just about to pay the check and leave in exasperation when she caught a glimpse of an exceedingly wild tie.
There was only one straight man in Metropolis who would wear such a tie. And that man was her partner. Who was currently lurking near the door. Lois furiously grabbed two twenties from her purse and threw them on the table before marching over to the door.
Without even looking up to check the face of the unfortunate tie-wearing man, she grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the restaurant.
“Clark Kent, are you *spying* on me?!” Lois hissed as she yanked on his tie to pull his face down to hers.
“Um…”
“You were! I can’t believe you! What is this unreasonable dislike you have for Peter Parker?”
“Other than the fact that he’s completely untrustworthy?” Clark gave her a mulish stare. “Nothing.”
“Why do you have this awful preconceived notion that he’s untrustworthy?” She asked in exasperation.
“Oh maybe it’s the fact that he’s singled you out and pursued you without a thought of anyone else. Or the fact that he’s left you here alone!”
“Oh, like that doesn’t sound like someone else I know,” Lois gave him a withering glare and marched off down the street. “Call me when either of you have some semblance of normalcy in your lives.”
He started to go after her, his heart twisting in his chest at the look of tight pain across her face, but he stopped himself. She really looked like she needed some time alone. Clark melted into the crowd and spun into the suit in an alley. He had just prepared himself to follow Lois from a safe, airborne distance when his nostrils detected a scent that he was quickly beginning to loathe. He knew only one man who wore that cheap cologne. Peter Parker was entering the alley. Clark quickly hid up in the shadows, high above the building. He had no trouble seeing in the dark night and his gaze followed Parker curiously.
He was… what? He was changing? Was this guy crazy? It was a public alley! His logic disregarded that fact that he had done the exact same thing a few moments prior. What was the kid changing into? He narrowed his gaze and Peter came into much sharper focus. He was moving quite quickly, shoving his arms into tight red sleeves.
His throat closed up as he looked just a bit closer.
Red sleeves covered in spider webs. Clark watched with a sick sense of dread as Peter Parker pulled on the rest of the Spider-man costume. He was moving so fast that Clark was certain a normal human eye would never be able to detect it. But he could see quite well. The black spider emblazoned on the front, the frightening red mask with the opaque eyes. He might have let out a sharp gasp, because he saw Peter’s head turn sharply toward him. But by the time the Spider-man had looked, Superman was long gone.
High in the air, Clark hovered and brooded. He had no idea why Spider-man was sniffing around Lois Lane, but if the Bugle was to be believed, the man was a menace. Of course, while the Bugle’s news reputation was nowhere near the quality of the Planet, but it was not something to be disregarded either.
His upper lip curling over his teeth in a feral sneer, Clark headed to the Planet. He had some research to do on the so called Webslinger.
