Chapter Six
>>>Tuesday, 3:03 PM
“Hello, Lois.”
“Hi, Dr. Friskin. I guess it’s that time again.”
“Yes, it is. What would you like to talk about today?”
“Um. I’m not sure.”
“Oh? Why is that?”
“I want to talk about Clark, but I also want to talk about last Friday night.”
“I see. Which topic do you want to talk about first?”
“Both.”
“Ha-ha. I’m sorry, Lois, but you’ll have to choose one or the other. Or you can choose another topic altogether, if you wish. The one thing I cannot let you do is sit there and talk about nothing.”
“That would make me nervous.”
“Me, too. So, what topic goes first?”
“Uh, Clark, I guess.”
“Okay. What about Clark?”
“He – look, do you know him? I mean, personally.”
“No. I’ve read his work in the Planet, but I don’t believe I’ve ever met him.”
“I think you’d like him. He’s a straight arrow who says what he means and means what he says, and he’s about as honest as a man can be these days.”
“It sounds as if you think highly of him.”
“I do. He’s – well, he’s just such a nice guy.”
“I’m glad you’re working with a nice person, Lois. Tell me, how is he dealing with his wife’s death?”
“I – don’t know many details, we just work together and we don’t see each other after hours and I don’t know what he does at night or if he does anything, but that’s not true because I know he does some things, good things, nice things, kind of like volunteer work, you know, and he – “
“Ding.”
“ – does it on the weekends too and he – “
“Ding, Lois.”
“What?”
“Remember? When you start babbling, I say ‘ding’ and you stop.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t hear you.”
“It’s okay. Tell me, Lois, how is Clark dealing with you?”
“He’s – he’s nicer than I would be. I mean, nicer than I think I would be.”
“Have you two talked about his wife?”
“We’ve talked around the subject. We really haven’t sat down together and discussed her at length. Why?”
“I’m just trying to find out what’s going on. Do you think he blames you for her death?”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“I see. Do you know who he does blame?”
“I – he blames himself.”
“That’s a natural reaction, actually. Do you think he should blame himself?”
“No! It wasn’t his fault Lana was on that ship! That’s my fault and you know it!”
“Lois, did you point a weapon at Lana and force her onto the ship?”
“No! But I led the guys who did have the guns to her!”
“Really? The newspaper story you wrote said that the guys with guns were watching Lana’s apartment before you got there.”
“Well – yeah, that’s true, but if I hadn’t shown up they wouldn’t have taken her!”
“Are you responsible for the actions of those criminals?”
“Of course not!”
“Did you advise them to kidnap you and Lana?”
“No!”
“Did you tell them to point firearms at you?”
“This is starting to sound like a cross-examination, Doc!”
“The witness will answer the question.”
“That’s not very funny.”
“I mean it, Lois. Did you tell those men to aim guns at you?”
“No! And neither did Lana! She was caught up in the whole thing by accident!”
“Weren’t you caught up in it too? Weren’t you just as much a victim as Lana was? Aren’t you alive now only because Superman took you off the ship?”
“Yes! But he should have taken Lana! He should have taken his wife first! Not me!”
“Lois, he – wait, what did you say?”
“What?”
“What do you mean, he should have taken his wife first?”
“I – I didn’t say that!”
“Yes. You did.”
“No. I – I didn’t.”
“You did. But Lana was Clark Kent’s wife.”
“I got mixed up!”
“Do you mean that Lana was Superman’s wife?”
“No! Superman’s not married! Lana was married to Clark!”
“But you said that Superman should have taken his wife off the ship first. Doesn’t that mean – “
“No! Please, please forget what I said! Please!”
“Lois. Listen to me and answer me truthfully. Are Superman and Clark Kent the same person? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No! I’m not saying anything like that!”
“Lois, please, I – “
“No! You can’t know that! I can’t tell you that! Please!”
“Lois, please wait here. I need to make a call. I promise I’ll be right back.”
“No! You can’t leave! You can’t tell anyone! Not ever!”
“I won’t, I promise. Lois, just sit down and wait here for me. I promise I’ll be right back.”
*****
Clark lifted his hands from his computer keyboard and answered the ringing phone. “Clark Kent, Daily Planet.”
“Mr. Kent? I’m glad I caught you. This is Dr. Friskin.”
He frowned. “Yes, Dr. Friskin, what can I do for you?”
“Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t ask this, I wouldn’t even call you, but it’s an emergency. Can you come to my office immediately?”
“Why? What’s the emergency?”
“I know your first session with me is scheduled for tomorrow evening, but something has come up.”
“Oh?”
“Please, Mr. Kent, can you come now?”
He pulled the phone back and looked at it. Dr. Friskin sounded both intense and excited, two emotions he would not have imagined she’d let her patients see coming from her during a session. “Well, I’m still at work and I have – “
“It’s important. Really important.”
“Uh, Doctor, I think I’d rather wait – “
”It’s about Lois Lane.”
He lurched forward in his seat. “What? What’s wrong with Lois? Is she hurt? Is she in danger?”
“No, no, nothing like that. She’s told me something that I have to discuss with you.”
“What?” He exhaled in relief that Lois wasn’t in trouble. “I don’t understand. I thought your sessions with her were completely confidential.”
“They are, but she has unintentionally told me something about a third party that requires your assistance. I’m sorry to be so vague, but I really can’t say any more over the phone.”
“All right. When do you want to see me?”
“As soon as humanly possible. This is something Lois has to resolve, as well, and it absolutely cannot wait.”
“Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I hope you don’t mind that I’m confused.”
“I would expect that. Please hurry, Mr. Kent. And thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Clark hung up, puzzled. He walked to Perry’s office and stuck his head in.
“Hey, Chief? I have to go to Dr. Friskin’s office.”
“Huh? What for?”
He shrugged. “Something about Lois. The doctor wouldn’t tell me what it’s about.”
“About Lois?” Perry stood. “Maybe we both better go.”
“I don’t know, Chief. She called me directly.”
Perry nodded slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. If she’d wanted me to be there, she would have called me.” He thrust his index and middle fingers towards Clark like a pistol barrel. “You get going. Take care of Lois. Call me if you need me.”
“Right, Chief.”
“And take the rest of the day off!”
“Got it, Chief!”
*****
The taxi slewed to a stop against the curb in front of the Metro Medical Associates building. They’d made the trip in near-record time, but it couldn’t be fast enough for Clark. All he could think about was the doctor’s request for him to come to Lois’s session. There had to be something wrong. Maybe Lois was on the verge of a breakdown. Maybe she was about to lose her mind. Maybe she was having a heart attack.
Maybe Clark was going a little crazy. Since Lana had died, he’d fought to keep from missing her too badly, but he almost always lost that battle. He occasionally woke in the middle of the night, thinking for a moment that she was in the next room, and that all he’d have to do to see her again would be to call out her name.
He always caught himself before speaking aloud. The illusion never lasted long enough for him to enjoy the anticipation of seeing her again. He never looked through the walls or listened for her heartbeat or felt her side of the bed to see if it was still warm.
He missed her terribly.
But he was beginning to think that life would go on, and that he could find a way to live again. And he thought he wanted Lois to have a place in that life, even though he didn’t yet know what place he wanted her to have.
Or what place she might want to have in his life.
Clark threw the cab door open, tossed the driver a twenty dollar bill for the four-dollar ride and told him to keep the change. Before the ecstatic cabbie could thank him, Clark was at the receptionist’s desk.
“Where’s Dr. Friskin’s office?”
“Third floor, sir, suite two-one-two. The elevator – “
“Thanks.”
He ran up the stairs three at a time and burst into the office. Dr. Friskin’s secretary, a slender older woman with gray hair, jumped in her chair and dropped the doily she was crocheting.
“Where’s Dr. Friskin?”
“Oh, my.” The woman fanned herself. “What is your name, sir?”
“Clark Kent. Where is she?”
“Mr. Kent? Dr. Friskin is waiting for you in room three.”
“Thanks.”
He burst through the doors and threw them shut behind him. “Lois? What’s the emergency?”
Lois was seated on the couch, bent over at the waist with her face in her hands. Dr. Friskin stood and smiled. “Hello, Mr. Kent. Thank you for coming so quickly. I’m Dr. Friskin.”
“Hi, Doctor. I don’t suppose you’re ready to tell me what’s going on, are you?”
“Oh, yes. Please sit down. Good. Now, I have to tell you that Lois did not deliberately tell me what she told me, nor did she try to use her knowledge as any kind of justification or excuse for her actions.”
Clark perched on the edge of the chair. “That’s good to know. Would you mind telling me what it is that we’re talking about?”
“Just a moment.” Dr. Friskin locked the office door and flipped on a small machine on the dresser beside the door. Clark flinched slightly as an ultra-high-pitched sound came out. “That’s a white noise generator. It will prevent anyone standing outside from hearing anything spoken inside the room, as long as no one shouts at the top of their lungs.” She pulled a small chair close to Clark, sat down, and said, “Lois told me your secret.”
He tilted his head skeptically. “What secret are you talking about, Doctor?”
She slowly reached out and drew an ‘S’ on his chest. Clark’s expression morphed from puzzlement to fierce anger in a moment. He turned his head and stared at Lois, grinding his teeth and clenching his fists.
Dr. Friskin put her hand on his wrist. “Mr. Kent, please! She didn’t tell me on purpose. It just slipped out in the heat of the moment and I almost missed it. She tried to deny it, but I wouldn’t let her.”
“Why not?” he snarled. “Why do you have to know?”
She didn’t flinch. “Because she needs to forgive herself for your wife’s death.”
Clark stood abruptly and stalked across the room. Staring at the far wall, he said, “Tell her Lana’s death wasn’t her fault.”
“Mr. Kent – may I call you Clark?”
“What if I say no?”
“Then I’ll call you Mr. Kent.” He didn’t answer. Dr. Friskin stood and put her hand on his wrist again. “Clark? Please sit down. All three of us need to talk about this.”
He hesitated, then sighed. “I guess we’d better.”
“Good. First, I’d like for you to tell Lois how you feel about her knowing your secret.”
Clark crossed his arms and stood tall. “I need to know what you plan to do with this knowledge before we go any farther, Doctor.”
Dr. Friskin grinned impishly. “You mean other than selling it to the highest bidder?”
He didn’t smile. His eyes narrowed and his voice turned frosty. “If that’s not a very bad joke this ends right now.”
She leaned back and looked up at him. Even with the glasses and slightly unkempt hair, the fire in his eyes and his sheer presence intimidated her. She lifted her hands and lost the rest of her smile. “I’m truly sorry, Mr. Kent, that was a horrible thing to say. I was trying to be funny and failed miserably. I assure you, I have no plans to share this information with anyone at any time.”
He didn’t relax. “I’m going to need more than your assurance, Doctor.”
“Oh.” She scooted back in her chair, trying to put more space between herself and a suddenly scary Clark Kent. “Uh. How about my professional ethics? Because I learned this during a session, legally and ethically I can’t tell anyone this information. I can’t even hint that I know who Superman really is, because just letting people know that I know something would compromise my oath of service.”
He nodded. “That’s good. Now let me add something.” He leaned down and stared into her eyes. “If someone with a lower standard of ethics ever believed that you had information on me, your life wouldn’t be worth the loose change in your purse. Do you understand me?”
She paled. “Are – what – do you – are you threatening me?”
“No!” he snarled. “I have ethics too!” He straightened and visibly forced himself to be calm. “But there are plenty of others out there who don’t have such a high moral standard. Some people wouldn’t think twice about kidnapping your loved ones and giving you the choice of telling them what you know or seeing them die horribly and painfully. The gunrunning operation that killed – that almost killed Lois is a good example. Now do you understand me?”
She took two deep breaths and nodded. “Yes. Yes, I do. I hadn’t considered it in that light, but you’re absolutely right. Letting it be known that I know such a secret could cost lives. Including my own.”
“Exactly.” Clark finally relaxed. “I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is. I wish I could change it, but the only way to do that would be to announce my identity to the entire world, and I can’t do that without putting other people in immediate danger.”
“Yes, I see. Now, can we get back to why you’re here?”
He shrugged. “I suppose so. What do we do now?”
“I want you to tell Lois how you feel about her knowing your secret. And I want you to tell her how you feel about her being alive when your wife is not.”
He sat cautiously, then took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay. Can I talk to her face and not to the top of her head?”
Dr. Friskin put her hand on Lois’s shoulder. “Lois? Please sit up. Clark has something he wants to say to you.”
Lois slowly lifted her head. Her eyes were red and puffy and her face and hands were damp. She wiped her nose with the edge of her hand as Dr. Friskin nodded to her. “Good. Clark, please go ahead. And be honest with her. You both need that.”
The doctor sat back in her chair. Clark clasped his hands together and looked at them as he spoke. “Lois, I – I want you to know that I trust you to keep my secret. You’ve had plenty of opportunities to print it, or tell someone, and you haven’t, except for Dr. Friskin, and I believe her when she says you didn’t intend to say anything to her about it. You didn’t even tell Perry, and he’s the one person I wouldn’t have minded you telling. I’m glad he knows. And – and I’m glad you know. I’m glad you understand something of what I’ve been going through for the past two months.”
He pursed his lips and sat up straighter. “Speaking of that, I want you to know that I don’t hate you or blame you for anything that happened. What happened to Lana was – was the fault of the people who took the two of you on the ship. You were chasing a story, but that’s your job and you’re good at it. I refuse to believe that you thought Lana would be in danger just because you went to see her that night.”
Lois focused on Clark. She sniffed and rubbed her hands across her face. “Really? You believe that?”
Clark frowned. “Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because it may not be true.”
“Are you telling me you came to my apartment that night for the purpose of putting Lana in mortal danger?”
“No! I never – that’s not what I meant!”
He tilted his head. “Then why did you go to see Lana that night?”
“Like you said. I was chasing the story.”
He almost smiled. “You were chasing it all the way to my place? Why?”
“I wanted Lana to let me in the museum. I wanted to get proof they were stockpiling guns there. I wanted the headline all to myself.”
“Okay. I can understand that. But why go see Lana in the middle of the night? Was it that urgent?”
“I went because I – I wanted to show you up.”
“Show me up? Why?”
She ducked her head again. “It’s a stupid reason. At least, it’s stupid now.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “So what’s the reason?”
“I – I was jealous.”
“Of what?”
“You.”
“Me? What did I do?”
Her head snapped up. “You got a page one byline, Clark! And it took you less than a month! Do you know how hard it is to do that? Especially for someone with so little experience?”
He bristled slightly. “I have experience! I’ve been writing for publication for more than three years and gotten paid for it!”
Lois’s voice gained strength. “This wasn’t a travel column! It wasn’t an occasional sale to the Kansas Cornhusker! This was – “
“Nebraska.”
“What?”
“The University of Nebraska’s athletic teams are the Cornhuskers. Kansas is – “
“I don’t care!” She leaped to her feet. “I’m trying to tell you that it is so my fault that Lana’s dead! I wanted a big headline to make everyone forget about you! I wanted to be Perry’s favorite again! You were in my way so I poked my nose in where it didn’t belong and – “
Clark stood and put his hands on his hips. “And nothing! You didn’t leave her on that ship! You’re not the one who didn’t check to see if she was hurt! You aren’t the one who – “
Lois leaned into his face. “Yes I am! I got off and she didn’t and she’s dead and it should have been me! I should have been left behind!”
“You would probably be dead!”
“I deserve it!”
“No one deserves to be murdered!”
She tried to push him away from her. “Lana sure didn’t! I wish I could trade places with her! I wish – I wish – “
Clark grabbed her elbows. “You can’t change the past, Lois! I wish I could go back and do things differently on a lot of things, but I can’t! No one can!”
She brought her fists down on his chest as hard as she could and almost screamed at him. “She should be here! You should have saved her! You should have left me!”
“Then blame me! Tell it’s my fault!” He shook her lightly. “Tell me it’s my fault!”
“I – I can’t! It was me! I did it!”
“No! You didn’t kill her! You’re not responsible for her death! It’s not your fault!”
“But I – “
He pulled her closer. “Listen to me, Lois! Listen! It wasn’t your fault! You can blame yourself from now till the end of time and it won’t change the fact that it wasn’t your fault!”
She put her hands on his chest and looked into his eyes. “How can you say that? How can you forgive me?”
“Because I loved Lana. Because she would want me to forgive you. And because it really, truly is not and was not your fault.”
Her tears started again. She looked into his face and all her strength fled. She would have collapsed to the floor if Clark hadn’t caught her.
Without conscious thought, without planning it, Clark found himself kneeling on the floor, tenderly holding Lois against him as she cried like a child. He embraced her gently, rocking her as she wept bitter tears against his shoulder.
Dr. Friskin quietly slipped to the door and peeked out. “That will be all for today, Mrs. York. Please lock up when you leave.”
The older woman smiled. “Of course, Doctor. A good session?”
“Yes. A very good session.”
*****
Lois slowly came to her senses. She wasn’t sure where she was, but she knew she felt safe and warm and secure. She felt emotionally drained, empty, as if all the burden of the guilt about Lana that she’d carried for so long had somehow leaked out of her.
She felt strong arms holding her. Powerful arms. Caring arms. Safe arms that would never betray her. Arms that would protect her no matter what. She wanted to stay in those arms. She felt loved inside those arms. She hoped Clark would –
Clark?
Clark was holding her?
Oh, no, these were Clark’s arms! She couldn’t – he mustn’t – no! She couldn’t betray Lana that way!
She jerked away and felt his hands slip from her. She wiped her face with her fingers, then saw that Dr. Friskin was holding a box of tissues in front of her.
She took several and dried her face and hands as best she could, then stood and paced the length of the room. What would she say to him? What would he say to her? How would she explain herself to him?
Dr. Friskin touched her arm as she completed her third circuit of the room. “Lois, please sit down. You’re making Clark nervous.”
Lois looked up and found Clark sitting at one end of the big couch. She cautiously made her way to the other end of the couch and perched on the armrest.
Dr. Friskin smiled at both of them. “Well, I think we’ve made some progress here. Both of you have released some feelings you’ve been unnecessarily keeping bottled up, and now that you each know how the other has been feeling, I think you’ll be able to communicate better.”
Both Clark and Lois locked their gazes on Dr. Friskin. The doctor asked, “Is there anything either of you would like to say to the other? Is there something else either of you feels the other needs to know?” Dr. Friskin paused. “Lois?”
Lois thought about her last conversation with Lana. She thought about Lana’s request that Lois take care of Clark because he had a vulnerable heart.
She glanced at Clark and opened her mouth. She almost repeated Lana’s words to him, when she’d extracted a promise from Lois to take care of him. Instead, in a quiet voice, she said, “Clark, I’m – I’m glad you’re my friend.”
She wasn’t sure where that had come from, but Clark smiled. “Thank you, Lois. I’m glad you’re my friend, too.”
Dr. Friskin smiled wider. “Excellent! Now, our time is up and I have a meeting with my daughter’s wedding planner in – oh, I’m afraid I’m going to be late! Lois, I’ll see you next week at the same time. Clark, if you’d like to reschedule your session with me, please call Mrs. York tomorrow and she’ll take care of it.”
Clark stood and offered his hand to the doctor. “Thank you, doctor. I appreciate your help.”
Lois nodded to them both. “You going back to the Planet, Clark?”
“No. Perry told me to go home after this. How about you?”
“I think I’ll swing by the office for a few minutes.”
Clark smiled. “Okay. If you see Perry, tell him I’ll be in early tomorrow morning. We can get together on the carjacking story.”
Lois looked at him. She reached for the guilt, but all she felt was its echo. She tried to probe for her pain, but all she found was regret for the past. She still felt the hurt and the regret, but for the first time since they’d spoken on the submarine, for the first time since Lana had been blown into tiny, irretrievable pieces, her own heart didn’t threaten to shatter into millions of tiny pieces. Maybe they could be friends, despite all that lay between them. Maybe now the scar on her hand would be just a reminder instead of a reproach.
And maybe she could fulfill Lana’s last request after all.
Her voice was soft but confident. “Sounds good to me, Clark. See you in the morning.”
