Don’t Go Away
By coolgirl
”It doesn't matter. I know you. And I don't mean you the celebrity or you the 'superhero.' If you had no powers, if you were just an ordinary man leading an ordinary life, I'd love you just the same. Can't you believe that?”
“I wish I could, Lois. But, under the circumstances, I don't see how I can.”
“Superman...”
Part 9 : Don’t leave me
“Clark!” Lois exclaimed, again, as she tried to get out of the bed to reach him. She stood up from the bed but the bed-covers tangled in her legs and she fell forward. Clark caught her in a swift stride.
“Clark! You came!” she said excitedly as she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him to her. Clark remained motionless for a moment, as if he could not decide what to do. But then his arms went around her in a big-bear hug. She smiled a wobbly smile as her eyes filled with tears. She buried her face into his chest, rubbing her nose and cheeks on his shirt, all the while trying to control her emotions.
She was happy that he was here and was relieved, too. But she was also filled with apprehension. She wondered what he thought of her now. Was she still the friend he claimed her to be? She didn’t know what she’d do if he hated her for almost going through the wedding he had always condemned. She partly wondered if that was why he had retracted his declaration of love, or had he never ever loved her?
Clark, on the other hand, suddenly felt numb. He felt… nothing! No emotions seemed to course through him. He was hugging Lois again, as Clark. And she was smiling at him. It all felt… unreal. In fact, he felt almost as if he were drunk. Or it was all a dream, and he was looking at somebody else instead of himself. He stood there motionless.
“Clark, you came!” she repeated placing a tiny butterfly kiss on his chest, and then looked up into his face. His impassive expression and something in his stance made her suddenly feel unsure of herself. ‘Oh God! He doesn’t even want to hug me now!’ she thought to herself. Embarrassed, she pulled away from him and turned to face the other side. She felt like crying. But she had work to do. Perry wanted Clark back and she could not let her feelings come in the way of convincing him to work for the Planet again. Controlling herself she walked towards the bed.
“I got your letter, Clark. I still can’t believe that you were going to leave without even seeing me. But, I guess I have done things you could never forgive me for.” She sat down on the bed with a huge sigh, then she said, “You were right, Clark. I was wrong about Lex. And you were right, I am no investigative reporter. In fact, I am not quite sure I should take up Perry’s offer to work at the Planet again. So, you need not worry about seeing me again at work, Clark. But please don’t go away. The Daily Planet needs you. Perry needs you.” I need you too, she added silently.
When he remained motionless, she turned back to him. “Were you listening to me? Clark, I know you don’t think of me as much of a friend, but please don’t forsake Perry on my account now. He needs to rebuild the Planet and he can’t lose all his good reporters now.”
When he still didn’t answer, she panicked, “Clark, I am so sorry. I really am. I know I didn’t listen to you, but please don’t punish me like this. I… I’ll leave Metropolis if you want. Clark, will you say something?” she cried desperately. She paused to take a deep breath, as if preparing herself for the inevitable, before she put forward the only question that decided her life.
“Do you hate me that much now?”
He looked straight at her for a moment. Then she heard him ask her softly,
“Do you love me, Lois?”
She gasped at his directness. Her eyes widened and her mouth almost fell open. She couldn’t answer anything for sometime. Then she gathered herself.
“Clark, I am talking about the Planet.” she reminded him, evading his question. But the tell-tale blush, that had reddened her face, made him insistent.
“I am talking about us, Lois. Do you love me?”
She wanted to lie and say ‘No’. She didn’t want to face the additional embarrassment of letting Clark know what she had already blurted out to Superman. But then she thought that Superman might have told him already, assuming he was the one who brought Clark here. In that case, Clark was here just to set things straight and declare that there was nothing between them. Nothing!
“Lois, answer me, do you love me?” he asked, stepping towards her.
His direct gaze would see through her lies. Besides, what if this was the last time they ever met. Did she want to lie to him? Would she forgive herself for lying to him? Hell, if she told him the truth, he might at least give her a parting kiss, which she could treasure for the rest of her life.
“Do you?” he asked again, as he took another step towards her.
“I… I do. I love you.” she said softly. Then gathering her courage, she continued, “And not just as a friend. But I know you don’t love me, Clark. I am sorry you had to say you love me just to prevent me from marrying Lex. I realized that I did love you when I was walking down the aisle to marry Lex. I kept seeing you. It was then that I knew that I was walking towards the wrong man. I kept imagining you there. I said ‘No’ to Lex at the altar. Do you know that?” She took a deep breath and looked down at her fingernails. Then she continued,
“But it doesn’t matter Clark. I probably did the right thing on that day in the park by rejecting you, too. It was probably a good thing I didn’t realize I loved you then. It would have been harder for me and you had I said that I loved you and you were only pretending to love me. As it is, it has all turned out well. I don’t want you to go away on my account. I will –”
“I love you, Lois.”
“not let you – what did you say?” Her head snapped up, unsure of what she had heard.
“I love you. I wasn’t pretending that day in the park.” he said softly, walking towards her and sitting beside her in the bed. He cupped her face in his palms and said,
“I love you. I never stopped loving you. I tried! God knows, I tried to push you away and get on with my life. But I couldn’t. Not even once, I –”
“You love me? You love me?” she cried turning away from him and rummaged through the bed and her clothes as if searching for something. She found his letter in the pocket of the torn jacket. Pulling it out, she stood up and waved the letter in front of his face. “Then why did you write this? Why did you – ” she almost screamed, her voice becoming hysterical.
Clark gently caught her hand and pulled her down on his lap as a surge of tenderness went through him. He took the letter from her and tore it off into pieces.
“Writing that letter almost killed me, sweetheart. I guess I wasn’t thinking properly. And I was angry, and hurt. I am sorry. I am so sorry, Lois.”
She clutched at his shirt as she sobbed all over him.
“You said you don’t love – (hic)” she bawled.
“No love. I do.” he soothed.
“- shouldn’t have written this – (hic)”
“I know, sweetheart.”
“(hic) - you made me cry – (hic) thought you didn’t care – (hic)”
“I was being stupid.”
“(hic) – thought you hated me – (hic)”
“Hate you? Love, I love you.”
“- and now you’re goin ’way – (hic)”
“No love, I’m not.”
“-you’re just sayin’ that (hic)’
“No Lois. I am staying here.”
“ – promise? (hic) –”
“I promise.” he vowed.
Hugging her tight, he silently cursed himself for not coming to see her sooner. He crooned to her, soothing her by running his hands over her head and trying to comfort her. Oh God, what had he put her through! He had never seen her cry like this. That he had brought these tears from her twisted his insides and he shut his eyes tight to prevent his own tears from falling.
Soon her sobs quieted and he looked at her. She was asleep. She must have been exhausted, walking in and out of so many places searching for him, and the emotional turmoil that she had been through. Gingerly he lifted her further up his body, settling her head in the crook of his arm, as he sat reclining against the headboard. She mewled softly as he adjusted her to a comfortable position against his body and clutched at him and then settled down again in his arms.
“Sleep my love. I am here.” he whispered into her ear.
Filled with a new sense of contentment, he closed his eyes.
-----------------------------------------------
Sometime during the night, he had moved down to rest his head on a pillow. She had moved along with him, fitting herself against his side, one leg thrown across his waist carelessly and one arm over his chest.
In her sleep, she burrowed herself closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He turned to his side facing her. She pressed closer to him. His hand automatically wrapped around her waist and he stroked her sleepily. They both drifted back to deep sleep.
Her mind still muddled from sleep, Lois tried to get more comfortable. She tried to pull her pillow closer to her. Her pillow felt unusually huge and did not budge. Instead she felt herself being drawn closer by her huge pillow. It felt so good.
“Hmmm” her pillow rumbled.
“Mmmm” she gave an answering moan.
It penetrated through her sleepiness jerking her awake. Clearing her head with a shake, she looked around to see where she was.
Then she looked at him looking at her and whispered in awe, “Oh my God!”
TBC
The nfic version of this part has been posted in the nfanfic section.
