Don’t Go Away
By coolgirl
“Clark, do you think much about the future?”
“All the time. You?”
“A lot lately…”
Part 10 : Don’t go away
“Clark, I… I am so sorry. I… touched you… I didn’t even ask you… and I didn’t stop…You never wanted to do this with me. I ruined it all, didn’t I? Oh my God! I… I… I am so –” she panicked.
“Lois…”
“–sorry. You were probably waiting for someone special, and I ruined it all –”
“Lois…”
“–and you must hate –”
“Geez Lois! Will you stop?” He pulled her down beside him and kissed her startled mouth. “After what you have done to me, I am eager for revenge. Now be still!” He cuddled her close. He turned to look at her, giving her his complete attention.
“Clark, I am so sorr–” His hand clamped over her mouth and he looked at her intently.
“Lois don’t ever apologize for what you just did to me. I… have never… ever felt anything as wonderful as this. What you gave me just now is a gift I have always dreamed about. I want to treasure this moment. Don’t ruin this for me by apologizing. This right to touch me has always belonged to you, only you, ever since the day I met you.” ‘And even before that.’ he silently added.
“Oh Clark!” She smiled through her tears. “That’s so beautiful. I was almost sure that you’d be angry, but I couldn’t restrain myself from touching you. So, you are okay with what I did?” she asked hesitantly.
“Well… ideally I would have liked to wait until we talked,” he said as he kissed her again for reassurance, “but no, I don’t regret what happened. It probably would have taken years for us to do this had we talked.” he said apprehensively.
“Why?”
“I have a lot of things to tell you, honey. There are things which we should have talked about – things I wanted to tell you a long time ago. Bringing this up, especially now, when I should be taking my *revenge* on you, is really a bad idea. But we can’t proceed in our relationship without talking. I don’t want us to build our love on a lie.”
“Clark! What is it? You are really scaring me! Is it Lex? Do you want to know about me and him? Because if you do, then let me tell you. I didn’t sleep with Lex. I didn’t even feel anything close to passion with him, leave alone love. I made a mistake about Lex, Clark. I hope you’ll forgive– ”
“Lois! I am not talking about Lex. I am talking about Superman.”
“Superman? You mean me and Superman? Clark, you have to know that there’s nothing between us. There can never be anything between me and Superman. He is a superhero, and I am just a… a friend. I won’t lie to you and say I am not attracted to him. I even thought I was in love with him. And I have kissed him a couple of times. Even yesterday he sort of… ummm… kissed me but that won’t happen again and besides I told him I love you, Clark.”
“Aahh… umm… Lois,” he said sheepishly, yet there was some apprehension in his voice, “I can’t say I am exactly… umm… jealous of your relationship with Superman, because you see, I… I…” he stammered.
“You what, Clark?” she asked, trying hard not to panic.
“I am him.” he finished plainly.
“What do you mean, you are him? You are him?”
Lois shook her head, unable to process that or comprehend anything else for a moment. It seemed as if her brain was stuck. Not at all functioning. It seemed as if she was hearing it all but nothing was getting assimilated. Her brows furrowed and she bit her lip and closed her eyes as she suddenly felt blank.
Then her eyes opened and pointing a finger towards him, she said it again.
“You. Are. Him.”
He nodded dully. She looked at his face as if she was seeing it for the first time. His glasses weren’t on. In fact they hadn’t been since she had woken up. But then, she hadn’t been looking at his face, had she? She had been too busy paying attention to his other parts and later she’d been too embarrassed to look straight at his face.
“You are Superman?”
He nodded again. She moved close to his face – so close that she was almost kissing him – and looked straight into his eyes. He couldn’t blink. Then as if she were an automaton, she lifted her hand and pushed his hair back.
“You are Superman.” she concluded and nodded to herself as she sat back.
“I am Superman.” he confirmed, now almost squirming in tension.
“Okay. You are Superman.” she said calmly and nodded to herself, again. Then she shouted, “And I am stupid!”
He winced.
“I can’t believe it.” She shook her head in disbelief as if she didn’t know what to do. “No! Don’t touch me!” she screamed, jumping backwards as he moved to take her into his arms again.
He grimaced again. ‘Wrong move!’ he thought to himself.
“Lois, I…”
“No Claar…Superm…”
“Clark,” he supplied.
“ – whoever the hell you are… I need to be alone right now… You can just go… what am I saying? This is your apartment. Superman has an apartment!” she said sarcastically. “All these months I’ve been worrying where he went to after those rescues and if he even had a home, and all the while… all the while you have been here!” she said pointing an accusing finger at him.
“Lois, I…”
“Stop! Stop! Don’t say a word. Not a word!” she shouted, gesturing him to stop with her hand, “I can’t take this. I can’t! This is a lot to take in. I… I…Oh my God! I touched you! I… did that… to you…” she stammered, almost horrified. Then suddenly overcome with embarrassment more than anything else, she ran to the living-room.
--------------------------------------------------
Clark almost jumped as the door of his room banged shut after her exit and sighed deeply. That didn’t go well. Not that he had expected her to be extremely happy, and hug him and kiss him and call him ‘Superman, my love!’ But he had expected her to be… hmm… a bit more rational? Maybe he’d thought she would react more like a reporter than a person – asking him questions and him answering them all – and then she would calmly tell him that this was really a piece of surprising news and ask for more time to get used to this before they could proceed in their relationship.
Ha! Like that would even happen with Lois Lane! Who was he kidding? How could he have even thought she would take it calmly? Thinking of it, it seemed to him that sub-consciously he had been too frightened of doing this that he had imagined only an easy and positive outcome – that she’d ultimately be happy to have Superman. But reality was always different and more complex.
‘Should I have waited?’ he mused. He probably should have. Her emotions had been too raw. She had been through a lot and he probably shouldn’t have burdened her with his secret. But he couldn’t go on lying to her after she had opened her heart to him. She had the right to know that he was Superman. He could have delayed it, may be for a few days, or a week at the most. He’d have buttered her up and pampered her with delicious food and candlelight dinner and kisses, but their intimacy this morning had made it necessary for him to let her know who she had been with.
The afterglow long gone, and replaced by something heavy and depressing, Clark got out of the bed and followed her into the living room.
------------------------------------------
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked tentatively, standing before her.
“Excuse me!” she asked, confused and incredulous.
“You wanted me to go away, before. Do you want me to leave while you sort this out in your mind?”
She glared at him and then said, “No! Don’t you dare go anywhere! I just need some time to think. And we need to talk!”
“Lois, I will give you all the time in the world to get used to this... this truth about me. But just answer this one question. Do you or do you not want to be with me, after this?”
She thought for a long moment and then she sighed, “I don’t know! I just don’t know!”
“Are you mad?”
“Am I mad? You are asking me that? Okay buddy, how would you feel if you had worked with me for one whole year and then I came out and told you, ‘Clark, I am Lois Lane, but I also moonlight as Cat Grant, the world-famous exhibitionist?’” she said pointedly, jabbing her index finger forcefully on his chest and then clutching it in pain.
“You see Superman and Cat Grant in the same league?” he asked incredulously. Then noticing her pain, he took her hand in his and examined her bruised finger. He gently probed at the nail and knuckle.
“Owww” she howled in pain.
“That hurt? No, wait, let me see.” He x-rayed her. “Nothing’s broken. Don’t do that again!”
“Is that supposed to offer me comfort? ‘No, Lois. Don’t ever touch me because I am so strong that I can hurt you!’ If I get hurt just by jabbing you then how can we ever…” she trailed off as if suddenly realizing what she was saying. “Never mind!” she covered up quickly.
His heart gave an excited flip as he heard what she had almost implied. ‘If I get hurt just by jabbing you then how can we ever… make love.’ he filled in, in his mind. He chose to ignore it, simply because they weren’t ready to discuss that, yet. Instead he said, “Wait let me apply that muscle-relaxant on it.”
“Muscle-relaxant? You have a muscle-relaxant here? Why would you need that?”
“Mom kept one of her first-aid kits here for me to use during the rescues. And before you ask me, yes, mom and dad are… normal.”
“I know that. We have only one Superhero flying about, not three,” she snapped sourly.
Clark sat down on the sofa and pulled her down beside her. While examining her finger he absently stroked her injured finger. The action brought back memories of that morning to her. Her hands over him, stroking him and bringing him to climax. She imagined her lips where her hands were. She shivered.
“Still paining?” he asked her softly.
She looked at him closely and shook her head slowly. He had beautiful chocolate-brown eyes. They lured her to get drowned in them. Her gaze slid lower to his lips. Beautiful and soft. She had an overwhelming urge to run her fingers over them and taste him, when she remembered that she was supposed to be angry with him.
Why? She couldn’t remember that, as she thought of the days she had slept alone in his bed, pining for a glance of him. She was mad at him and she would probably be for the rest of her life, for this deception. But she loved him. Nothing, not even knowing that he was Superman changed it. In fact, she now had both of them, in a single package. She didn’t even have to two-time them, she thought suddenly feeling free. Not that she’d have done it even if they’d been different people. She’d have chosen Clark and been a friend to Superman. But she didn’t have to give up Superman after all. Talk about luck! She would forgive him. After all it was her who got the bonus – two-in-one!
“I… err… don’t have the muscle relaxant I promised to put on your finger, Lois,” Clark said embarrassedly. His voice brought her out of her reverie.
“How do you know that?” she asked amazed, for he hadn’t gotten up from his place beside her on the sofa, when he had declared that.
“Umm… I x-rayed the medicine cabinet in the bathroom,” he said sheepishly.
“Oh!” Lois’ mouth almost dropped open as the truth started sinking in. So this was how being with Superman would be like?
“The next best thing to keep the blood from clotting is to… err… suck on the finger.” he admitted embarrassed.
“What?” she asked, as her mind went back to that vivid detailed picture of what sort of sucking she actually wanted.
“Suck on it, Lois. Shall I?” he asked. She nodded dumbly, not understanding what she was agreeing to.
Then she understood, as his mouth closed over her finger and he sucked strongly. She almost moaned out aloud as her eyes widened and her heart raced. He wasn’t just trying to cure her injured finger… he was making love to it. Only he could do this to her. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she averted her face to hide her emotions.
Gently pulling her finger out of his mouth, she started to say, “Claaar… Super...”
“Clark, Lois. I am Clark Kent from Smallville.”
“Clark, are we going to have a serious discussion here?” she asked, prepared to resolve the things between them.
“Of course, and you should know that I am Clark. I also happen to possess these… umm… powers that I use to help people. I needed a disguise so that I could have a personal life. You gave me the idea to ‘bring a change of clothes’ on that first day we were partnered. And you named me ‘Superman’.”
She nodded, recalling the incident and then said, “But why didn’t you tell me before? I mean, I can really understand why you didn’t tell me at first, when we were partnered for the first time. I was so hard-bitten and I would probably have seen it as a story. But later? Clark, you know I had a crush for Superman – you – and I liked you, ‘Clark’. And I didn’t publish that thing about kryptonite! That should have told you I could be trusted.”
“I couldn’t, Lois! Though I was afraid, that’s only the part of the reason. I couldn’t tell you because you were… umm… dating Luthor.” he said, and unable to face her, he turned away to face the window.
Hurt, she turned and faced him. “I guess, I didn’t trust you as Clark and I always gave you the impression that I couldn’t be trusted–”
“No!”
“– but I’d have trusted you as Superman. I would have believed you about Lex and I wouldn’t have gone through the… the… whole fiasco.”
“Oh Lois, do you think I don’t know that I practically pushed you towards Lex? I desperately wanted to tell you that night I came to you as Superman. But then you told me you’d love me even if I were an ordinary man. That hurt, Lois, even though I knew you didn’t know that we… I mean, I was Superman.” he said and then averted his gaze from her.
“All this time I have been working beside Superman, talking with Superman, fighting and crying over Superman,” she thought aloud, and then looking at him, she said, “I am still trying to reconcile you – both of you – in my mind. I didn’t know it was you, Clark. I really am so sorry! Oh my God, I must have hurt you a lot. If I could –”
“I am over that, Lois. Really! I couldn’t go on keeping a grudge against you. I love you, Lois. I have loved you ever since that first day when you barged into my interview with Perry. But I know I can’t hold on to what you said before knowing about me.”
“About what?” she asked, confused.
“About… loving me,” he said. Then he asked hesitantly, “Are we still friends, at least?”
That was just like him, thinking that somehow her feelings for him would suddenly vanish if she found out something about him. Stupid, stupid Clark! She wasn’t going to let go of him that easily, especially when she had just known how miserable she would be without him. Second chances were a boon and she wasn’t going to miss this chance, no matter how many unresolved things were between them. She was going to trail behind him and be a real pain in his butt for the rest of his life. That would be his punishment for not telling her before. But she wanted him in her life. So, were they friends? Just friends?
“Friends? You mean you don’t want me to love you anymore?” she asked him with a mischievous look on her face. His face lit up and then turned grave.
“I do,” he said solemnly, as if he were promising her something else, too.
“I do, too,” she said softly. “I still love you and I’ll always love you, Clark.”
She didn’t know what happened next. She was suddenly in his arms and he was kissing her as if he would never let her go. She returned his kisses just as passionately. It was a while before he let her go for some air. Her eyes were glazed and she was panting for breath.
“Wow. I...” she trailed off as she saw that his attention was no longer on what she was saying. He had a far-away look on his face that she must have seen in his face a hundred times – both as Clark and as Superman. She just hadn’t known what it meant. Now she did, but it still left her dumbstruck.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Fire! Its serious… I gotta go, Lois. I am sorry. We have to continue this –” He moved towards the window.
“Wait! Don’t go away! Take me with you.”
“What?”
“Take me with you! I can write about it. ‘Superman makes an appearance after almost a week of absence.’” she quoted the headline. Then she said, “I can’t miss it! Perry will be so happy.”
“Do I get to share the by-line?” he asked, smiling at her enthusiasm. That was his Lois. Still hard-bitten for a story. And he loved her just that way.
“Only if you are nice to me, Flyboy!”
“Flyboy?”
“Yes, that’s a variation of Farmboy. Now, hurry!”
He spun into his suit which earned another ‘Wow’ from her and carrying her in his arms, he took off.
“This is just like old times. I guess I like knowing that it’s you, Clark!” she said.
“I like this too, Lois. A lot more than you think.”
“So no more thought of leaving me and going away?
“Nope! I love being here, Lois. I am gonna be here with you. Forever!” He smiled down at her and sped towards their destination.
THE END
The nfic version of this part (with only little addition) has been posted in the nfanfic section.
