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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 515
Columnist
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OP
Columnist
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 515 |
Thanks for your patience and understanding everyone. Again, I apologize for the delay in getting this part posted.
Regards,
Rac
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I have little time and energy for commenting, but it's so great to have you back, and this is amazing as always. That evening, Lois sat in the den, reviewing the advance copy of her book. She held the hefty hard cover book in her hands, feeling a peculiar sort of pride in knowing that she could turn to any page in the book and recognize the words as her own. Is that how you feel, Rac, when you re-read your extremely long and fantastically well-written fic? “Mommy, Mommy, we catched a frog!” he exclaimed.
His enthusiasm made her smile. “You caught a frog?”
“Yeah,” he said with a vigorous nod. “We put it back.”
The screen door opened again and Clark walked in, barefoot like his son. “Because frogs like the pond, right?
“Yeah!” Jon agreed.
Her husband grinned happily. “All right, Mr. Frog Catcher, we need to get you cleaned up before bed,” she said to her little boy. Lois turned toward Clark. “Help me give him his bath?”
“Sure,” he said. How sweet. Father and son bonding, catching frogs. (I love that 'catched frogs' thing; that is something a non-native English speaker may so easily say when she is speaking without thinking. It's not just a mistake made by toddlers.) It had been tempting to ask Clark to just stay in the room with them while she read the story to Jon. That way, he could ease into the routine. But what if Clark refused, or Jon pouted again? How was she supposed to handle that? She couldn't let Jon think that he could cut his father out by simply throwing a tantrum and she knew better than to start an argument with a three year old just before bedtime. She couldn't force them into a normal family routine; that had to develop on its own. But she hated feeling like there was nothing proactive she could do to help the process along. But things are still so precarious in the Kent family, and Lois has to tread so carefully. I loved that entire prologue from Lois's book, the prologue about the bitterwood tree. Especially the conclusion: And while we know we'd be better off without the bitterwood tree if we could just extirpate it from the ground and wipe it off the face of the Earth, we still find comfort in the shade. Because if even the bitterwood tree gives shade, then surely the forces of good in the world cannot be vanquished, and in the end, day will conquer night.
...
I finally realized that even though I couldn't see the dawn and had no evidence of its approach, that didn't mean people stopped looking for it. It is the very fact that we keep looking that should inspire us. Hope continues to exist even when it has no logical reason to. In the face of the greatest sadness and the deepest tragedy, hope goes on. We continue to believe that dawn will come. That the light beyond the horizon will appear, even if it seems like it has been night for a thousand years. And even if we're not here to see it, we believe that one day, others will bask in warm sunlight again. What makes humanity great, what makes us worth saving, is that in our darkest hours, we continue to search for the light. Wow. That weighs a ton. I wonder. Is this a foreshadowing of the almost insurmountable difficulties to come as Lois and Clark struggle to find their way back to each other? Yet at the same time, is it an avowal that no matter what the difficulties may be, the struggle is worth it, because the mere hope that their togetherness will one day be restored is worth it? “I want to read it. I want to understand everything,” he replied.
“I know,” she said. “And I want the same thing, Clark. I want to know what happened on New Krypton. I want to know what you went through. Even if you think it's too much to hear.”
“Not tonight,” he responded.
“Dr. Friskin once told me the best way to deal with something traumatic was to talk about it right away. It lets you process the memories like normal ones, instead of letting them overwhelm you. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.”
Would that she only knew, he thought ruefully to himself. But she had no way of realizing it was far too late for that. So he told her the only thing he could – a truth, but an incomplete one. “Today was the best day I've had since I got back. It was probably one of the best days of my life,” he said. “The way Jon looked at me today…like I was really his dad…I don't want to come down from that feeling. Not now, anyway.” He seems determined never to talk to Lois about New Krypton. Apparently he hopes that the horrors there will fade from his mind, and the more he refuses to acknowledge them, the more they will go away. “It's all right, Clark,” she murmured softly. “It's just a dream, you're all right.”
He woke with a start, his heart thundering in an irregular rhythm. His chest rose and fell with each shallow gasp. “Oh god, Lois,” he whispered breathlessly.
“You're okay. You're home. Everything is okay,” she soothed.
He turned around to pull her into his arms. His skin was flushed with warmth and the heat radiated off his body. For a long moment, he simply held her tightly. She could hear the rapid beat of his heart and his breath on her skin. He lowered his head to kiss her shoulder. “Lois,” he whispered her name breathlessly.
“I'm here,” she said.
His lips found hers and he kissed her fiercely. His body seemed to tense with desperate need. “Please, help me forget,” he murmured. Her husband looked at her. His eyes weren't darkened with passion. They were haunted.
“Honey…” she began, but he kissed her again. He tore his lips from hers to trail kisses along her jaw, down her neck, and over her collarbone. They'd made love only hours before, but he touched her as though he hadn't in years.
And didn't expect to, ever again. Oh wow. The horrors that Clark denies in his waking hours return with a vengence when he is asleep. And the only way he can think of to make the horrors go away is to make love to his wife. Something inside her told her that she should stop this. That they needed to talk about whatever it was that was plaguing his nights, making it impossible for him to sleep. But the part of her that needed him so desperately, that wanted so badly to be joined with him, to move with him, was overpowering. Lois understands that this response is the wrong one. She should try to make him talk about the horrors he is dreaming about instead. But she can't push him, because, if nothing else, she needs him so desperately, too. What if she pushes him too hard? Will he turn away from her? Leave her all over again? "I bought this a little more than a week ago. It was going to be a surprise," Jonathan explained. "But you should give it to Jon."
"Dad…" Clark started to protest.
"A boy should get his first baseball mitt from his father," Jonathan replied firmly. "I'm so glad you came home in time."
Clark nodded in understanding. He didn't quite remember his first baseball mitt, but he did remember the one his father gave him when he was six and just starting T-ball. He remembered how his dad showed him how to oil the mitt and how to put a ball in the webbing and wrap it with twine so that it would take on the right shape. He remembered playing catch with his dad at twilight from the first warm day in the spring all the way through the fall. As they tossed around an old, scuffed up baseball, he could tell his dad anything. He remembered the smell of the leather and the snap of his old, beat up mitt. He remembered when it got so that no matter how hard his dad threw, his hand didn't hurt at all. And he remembered when he got so strong he could throw the ball clear across the wheat fields. Clark is imagining a perfect, perfect day with his son. Clark swallowed roughly and cleared his throat. “I think it's time,” he began. “To have that press conference.”
His father frowned slightly. “Are you sure?”
He nodded. “I am. I can't hide here forever.”
“All right, then. We'll call Perry. I'm sure he can set this up.”
“Let's see if he can arrange it for tomorrow,” Clark added. “I want to have one more day when it's just the five of us. I want to play catch with my son tonight, not answer a bunch of questions.” Clark wants to have one more perfect day with his family. And he already knows that this perfect day will include playing catch with his son. He hasn't asked his son about it, though. “I shouldn't have pushed him,” Clark murmured as soon as she opened the screen door to step outside. He stared out at the fields and didn't turn around to look at her. In his hands, he held a little baseball mitt. He turned it over and played with the laces. She came to stand close to him, feeling the warmth radiating off his body.
“He was just being cranky. He is a three year old, after all,” she replied simply.
Clark sighed. “I just wanted so badly to do this with him and yesterday went so well. I just got so frustrated.” Clark is doing this all the time. He is creating these images of what the perfect kind of togetherness with his wife and son will be like. With his wife, he will pretend as if the separation and the horrors of the last four years hadn't happened, as if everything is just the way it would have been if he had never left for Krypton at all. With his son, he wants to do the things that he would love to do, disregarding his son's wishes. In both cases, Clark wants to "create his own reality", and when reality refuses to rearrange itself according to his wishes, he is at a loss about what he should do about it. Drawing in a deep breath, she decided to push, just a little bit. Like she was worrying a loose tooth with her tongue, she couldn't help but prod. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“No,” he replied and he looked away. He turned his attention to the graying paint on the porch railing, where it had started to flake and peel from the hot, humid summer weather. He started to chip away at the paint in little bits with his fingernail. She'd been meaning to repaint that for Martha and Jonathan. It was a simple task made simpler with superpowers, but over the last week or so, she'd completely forgotten. And who could blame her.
“Clark…” she began.
“Can we please just drop it?” he demanded.
She bristled. “When you're happy, you don't want to talk and when you're upset, you don't want to talk. You ask me not to push, but you're shutting me out,” she retorted.
“Dammit, I can't do this on your time table!” he exclaimed harshly. “I can't be a perfect father and husband, and all around stand up guy right now, okay? You don't think I know that I'm screwing up? But I have to find my own way to fix this, not yours.”
Tears flooded her eyes as she swallowed around the stone lodged in her throat. “I'm sorry,” she choked out reflexively. She didn't want to back down and let him retreat again like a wounded animal, but more than that, she couldn't bear to fight with him. Not after everything they'd been through. She sniffed, trying hard not to cry, but a single tear slipped down her face and she raised her hand to wipe it away.
“Oh, Lois,” he murmured softly, before pulling her into his arms. “I'm so sorry. Honey, please, don't cry.”
But she couldn't help it. She sobbed uncontrollably against his chest, feeling all the hurt that had been welling up over the last few days finally burst through the dam.
“What have I done?” he whispered, making her cling to him even more tightly. He stroked her hair as he held her close. She stopped crying, but for the life of her, she couldn't let go of him. Lois wanted to keep holding on to him, hoping that maybe, if she stayed with him, if she stood by him, he might realize that she would always be there for him.
“I love you,” she whispered against his neck.
“I love you so much,” he responded, his voice hoarse. “Please believe that I never wanted to make you cry. I'm sorry. I am so sorry.”
“I know,” she said softly. “I know.” Sorry to quote all of this, but it is just so heartbreakingly moving. Lois and Clark love each other so much, and yet everything is, right now, so impossible. Let's hope that Lois and Clark won't lose hope that dawn will come in the end, no matter how pitch black the night appears to be. Ann
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Hey, Rac, welcome back! I know you're busy, but I still hope you can stay around for a while and play.
Ann is right. This is a difficult chapter. Things are getting tense between Clark and Lois. She's willing to share what happened to her, but he's not willing to share what happened to him. That's a recipie for disaster, and using sex to mask his pain will only hurt, not help.
Clark can't possibly forget all that he went through, even if he thinks Lois can't possibly understand. And the longer he waits, the bigger the explosion will be when he finally lets go. Maybe that's when Talan will come up in the conversation.
And maybe then we'll see just how "Ultra" Lois really is.
Hurry back with the next chapter, Rac! I like fireworks!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,269
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,269 |
Hey Rac,
I've been away from the boards for about 1 month now - I went on vacation, then work got horrendously busy - haven't had time to finish the next chapter of my own fic - nonetheless, this story always gets my attention. It's heartbreaking and when you think of the movie Superman Returns - where there was a five year gap between Lois and Clark - this story, with a gap of four years - has so much more depth to it.
Take your time with the next chapter - but I can't wait for the press conference!
Chris
"Together we are stronger than each of us is apart"
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 67
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 67 |
I feel like Ive been reading your series FOREVER! It's fantastic  ... but oh so agonisingly drawn out. Still, you do such a great job and as we all know, life gets busy. Still, I just wanted to say, love your work and cannot wait for more. Its been a while since i read the last chapter, but I really wish Clark would pull his head in and just tell lois and his family the truth. It took him so long to get to the point of being honest with Lois in the first place about his secret identity. It's like the time away has moved him back to the secretive person that he was before. He seems to be weighing himself down with his expectations of himself and others. Hopefully, it will be 1 step back, 3 steps forward in his relationship with Lois. I would really love to see his son as instrumental to his recovery from PTSD. This link to a life before the Krypton experience can perhaps draw him out and make him realise how much his family needs him to talk about it and really deal with the issues. Cheers
Lois: Clark, you don't have to be embarrassed. That's what friends are for. Just tell me how much.
Clark: Lois, I want you to go out with me!
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part! 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 19
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 19 |
Hi Rac, Yayyyyy!!!!!! I'm so glad you're back in action, definitely made my day. Great installment once again, I think like everyone else I'm feeling very frustrated with Clark, but it's all part of the angst we love right? Looking forward to more storylines with Jon, keep up the good work and thanks again for getting back online 
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 53
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 53 |
Sooooooo......
I hate to be a nag, but I really miss this story. Any chance we'll be getting a new part soon?
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Let me add a non-nag to this thread. I have missed this story for some time now and I'm more than ready to pick it up again. I want to know how hard it will be for Clark to tell Lois all that he went through on New Krypton. He knows part of what Lois went through, so it's time for him to return the favor and allow her to share the "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" part of their wedding vows.
Hope all is well with you, Rac. Happy plotting!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 19
Blogger
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Blogger
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Hi Rac,
I would also like to add to the non-nagging posts! I really do miss the story, in fact I was watching the tv series last week and though to myself (shock horror) that I would prefer to be reading the progression of your story than watching the show.
I understand how life gets in the way of these things, but in case you're wondering if anyone's still waiting and interested, the answer is YES! MOST DEFINITELY!
Would love to see you back in action,
Frequent Flyer.
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 19
Blogger
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Blogger
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I really hate doing double posts  But, has anyone heard from Rac? I sent an email but to no avail unfortunately. Missing you Rac, come back! 
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Joined: Apr 2005
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Blogger
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ummmm.... just curious, but is this story still in progress?
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 172
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 172 |
I think the story has been completed. you can find it on lcfanfic.com. It's a great story, enjoy
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 943
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 943 |
No, Seme, I'm afraid this particular story isn't on the Archive. It's the third part of a trilogy. The first two parts - The Longest Road: Belief and Sacrifice, and The Longest Road: The Roads They Walked Alone - are there, but not this one.
It sounds as though Rac has been super-busy in RL for quite a while, so we all just have to wait patiently for a new installment.
Kathy
"Our thoughts form the universe. They always matter." - Babylon 5
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 172 |
Oh I was thinking of "The Long Road Home"
by Erin Klingler, sorry
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Blogger
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Hi Rac, Just to let you know there's someone out there still hoping and wishing you'll return to the story once your RL settles down. Come back!
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 515
Columnist
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OP
Columnist
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 515 |
Hey everyone,
My deepest apologies, but life was quite overwhelming for the longest time. The financial crisis was a long time in the making and it made it a difficult and draining time to be a lawyer in NYC. Happily, I made a long anticipated change and have moved to DC and accepted a job I'm really excited about. I'm hoping that I can keep working on this story now that I'm not staring down 80-100 hour work weeks.
Best regards,
Rac
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