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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,483
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,483 |
Instead, I take a deep breath and count to ten as I release it. Patience, I tell myself. Patience. If you kill him, you'll have to explain to Henderson how he drove you to justifiable homicide. I reach ten and say, in as sweet a tone as I can manage, "Shakespeare made up words, did you know that?" I can just see Lois saying this. Great!!!
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 113 Likes: 1
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 113 Likes: 1 |
Aw, great story! When the bad guys interrupted them I wanted to yell "Just 5 more minutes!!" Very well-played build up. It was nice to see Lois being the rational girl she should be. And I liked how Clark pointed out that she rushed to judge both Lex *and* Superman. My one point of confusion is that I'm wondering why there were no witnesses besides the bad guys when Clark was shot... This may just be that I don't remember the episode well (which I don't--been so long), but I'm assuming they were taken to a separate room to mess with the computer? At any rate--sequel needed! Preferably in another folder...
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 844
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 844 |
Ooh, I love finding something new to read when I get home from work in the middle of the night. And I loved this! You could just feel the sexual tension between Lois and Clark, and I am glad that she didn't try to use Lex as an excuse to not let her guard down. She clearly wanted Clark all along; she just couldn't admit it to herself at first.
I hope there is a sequel to this!
Clark: "You don't even know the meaning of the word 'humility,' do you?"
Lois: "Never had a need to find out its meaning."
"Curiosity... The Continuing Saga"
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402 |
Oh, I love "Fly Hard" stories and I love your writing, so this was a sure-fire winner for me. Your dialogue in this one was just wonderful - funny and sharp and a delight to read. But this was my absolute favorite line: "Unless you need the prospect of a nuclear detonation to heighten the excitement." Hee! I love it! Excellent story! Thank you Caroline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
I've told you already how much I enjoyed this story. I liked it when it was still a draft - it's gone from that to a really wonderful vignette. I was so happy when you sent it to me last night, saying you'd managed to finish it. *yay*!! These lines, right here, are SO Lois Lane that I could literally hear her voice in my head as I read the text: "Get over yourself! I do not *want* you to be jealous. I was just asking because of the way you mocked my dating Lex." "What are... men?" He's completely flustered me and I hate him for it. "Men are not objects or collectibles, Clark! They're... you know, men. They're..." "Sure, it is. I fish. You fish. He fishes. It's a word." I can't believe he's actually going to argue this point with me. And I love the ending. Just really wonderful. YAY! Thank you!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die? Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains? => Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6 |
JDG!!! I didn't realize you were going to post this last night! It had been so long since I took a look at it that I was afraid it was never going to see the light of day!
Now I wish I had asked you to send it to me again!
But yay! I'm so glad you posted!
I LOVED the closet part... mmmm... and yeah, 'give 'em 5 more minutes' Sheesh!
Wonderful story... obviously... look at all the people asking you for a sequel. <g>
Lois: Are you challenging me? Clark: You bet your sweet little chumpy I am.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 172
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 172 |
I really enjoyed reading this story.
I hope there is a sequel, it would be so interesting to see how everything play out once the hostage situation is taken care of.
great job with this story
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 738
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 738 |
this was sweet and I love the idea of the closet. Sequel sounds good to me.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 49
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 49 |
Thank you! It's flattering to hear the word "sequel", but it's not going to happen. It took me months just to finally admit that I'd hit a wall and couldn't continue the story beyond where it is now. You say "sequel" and it frightens me. Mercy is right - it is a confusing story and I went with the premise that it was all happening out of sight of everyone in the conference room. I have no idea how to "fix" it, so it will have to stay like it is. If someone has a better idea, please feel free to write it. Thanks for letting me know what you liked. It's wonderful to be able to hone the characters by learning what works and doesn't work for the reader.
Perry: Jimmy, do you know what a man needs at a time like this? Jimmy: A baseball bat and an alibi? Church of Metropolis
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Sweet. Tense. Flutteringly sensual. Wonderful LnC dialogue. Delightful lowering of their defences. Wow! You had my heart beating and my breath catching as they were locked in that closet. I'm a total claustrophobiac myself! But hey, I can find 'lunkhead' in my English-Swedish dictionary, so I suppose it is a word! And I have been told that you can use 'fishes' in the same sense that you can talk about 'peoples': different kinds of fish and people. He moves, turning towards me, and his free hand finds my cheek. Please, Clark, kiss me. I don't care if it's in this cramped and dark closet. In fact, that would kind of be a funny thing to tell our kids, wouldn't it?
My breath seems to leave me as I realize that I'm actually contemplating a future that includes bearing Clark's children. But none of that is going to happen if he doesn't kiss me. It's an agony waiting for him to do it. Wow, did I love this or did I love it? This is a delightful, adorable fic, JDG! Ann
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
Absolutely lovely and witty and just great, and if I can find fifteen minutes later in which I'm not at work or doing the million things on my to-do list, I'll come back and tell you why I think so. But in case that doesn't happen, here's the bottom line: I love it.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Adorable I love it and of course it is perfectly fine ending here but I want the more, I want the good kiss epilogue! Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Posts: 2,380 Likes: 1
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,380 Likes: 1 |
Very nicely done. I like the scenario -- and of course the revelation.
Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,763
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,763 |
That was so sweet. (My short FDK doesn't mean it is not worthy of something longer!)
I've converted to lurk-ism... hopefully only temporary.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Very nice story! An excellent rewrite, too. I almost wish the show had gone that direction, but we know they couldn't do that and maintain the dramatic tension.
"Fishes" is a real word, both a verb and a plural noun, but the noun usage would be in a technical or scientific context, as Ann mentioned. But you wouldn't tell someone, "I caught a mess o' fishes - four bluegill, three bass, and a really dumb trout." You'd say "a mess o' fish" instead.
Oh, "a mess of" something is an undefined amount of items numbering between three and infinity, usually used in the South in casual conversation.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 795
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 795 |
Very nice story! I enjoyed reading it
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627 |
Man, there was such great dialogue in that closet! I loved the atmosphere you created with this story. Fly Hard is always one of my fav rewrites.
JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 377
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 377 |
I just wanted to concur, I'm behind in my reading, but my weak spot is witty acid L&C dialogue so I fell for this, I also like your idea for the rewrite. I be checking out your other stuff.
I do know you, and I know you wouldn't lie... at least to me...most of the time...
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
Wonderful story. It felt fuller than the average vignette. By the way, in the original story the blinds were closed in the conference room, so you don't have to worry about anyone else seeing what they shouldn't have. Besides, at that moment do you think Clark actually cared being overseen? Oh, "a mess of" something is an undefined amount of items numbering between three and infinity, usually used in the South in casual conversation. I'm not from the South, but I use that term to mean a whole heck of a lot. In fact, I was talking about making up a mess of spaghetti for dinner when someone corrected me to say that they just use smocks on their children. Elisabeth
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 252
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 252 |
Woah! I loved it! Not so sure about Superman reveal but I loved it and I loved the bit about:
a) Having to explain to Henderson about murdering Clark b) Clark getting the nerve up to ask the question c) "The opposite of my father" That was a stroke of genius because it explains so much about who Lois is and what she needs and why in one fell swoop. And the fact that that's what all women need regardless of what their past life is like - we all need "someone to trust everything with".
Awesome. Yes I want a sequel but I am wondering if it would be possible to maintain the tension now that she knows he is Superman and that he wants her. But nevertheless sequel please, because I trust in your ability to pull it off. ;-)
The Little Tornado.
The Little Tornado is .... .... Marisa Wikramanayake Freelance Writer & Editor, Board Member of SoEWA and Writing WA http://www.marisa.com.au
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