Shifting uneasily in her chair, Lois watched as Superman cut the ribbon for the opening of the Jonathan Kent Community Outreach center. She wondered idly where Clark had gotten to. He’d responded to a telephone call on his cell phone moments before Superman had flown down for the ribbon cutting ceremony.
Superman was posing for pictures now near some of the Kent Scholarship winners, young African Americans judged most likely to make a difference in their communities in the years to come.
Beside her, Lisa was staring at her father with an expression of pride. Seeing how everyone responded to him really drove home how larger than life the rest of the world saw him.
It was the greatest secret in the world to be related to someone the world saw as a combination of Gandhi and Hercules. Lois felt a moment of pity for her daughter. It was the one secret she’d never be able to share with anyone, other than possibly a spouse.
Lisa lived in a world of secrets now, as did Lois. No one could argue that this wasn’t the best situation that could be expected, but it bothered Lois.
She’d always wanted to be a journalist, someone who exposed the secrets the world kept behind closed doors. Now she was the one who kept those doors locked.
Lisa tugged at her coat as the line formed to get an autograph from her father. If she got the autograph in public, she’d be able to take it home and show her friends. She’d at least get a little right to brag.
The atmosphere around them was jovial. The proud mothers of the scholarship winners stood with their sons and daughters, beaming at the public recognition their children were finally getting.
Lois noticed one boy not much older than Lisa scowling. He slipped into the new building, and she noticed Superman watching him as well.
Kal El pretended he didn’t know Lisa as he signed her autograph book; naturally it was one of those with his emblem on the cover.
The merchandizing campaign for Superman’s likeness was fierce. Everything from lunchboxes to women’s panties had the Superman logo on them, and every item sold sent a little money back to the Foundation.
It made people feel good to think that they were supporting good causes by buying things they wanted anyway.
Other people were leaving money in their wills.
The Foundation was by this point the third largest charitable Foundation in the United States, and it was growing fast.
A cynical mind might wonder about the sort of power that gave Clark Kent, but if Clark was really out for power and influence, he’d be standing beside Superman for the ribbon cutting.
Clark seemed to avoid opportunities for personal aggrandizement. Even now, as the cameras flashed, he was nowhere to be seen.
*************
Someone had seen Clark heading for one of the classrooms. Lois walked quietly, peeking into door after door. Lisa was riding home with Joshua; the ride home would be the perfect time to talk where Lisa couldn’t overhear.
She could hear voices from up ahead. She moved quietly until she reached the doorway.
All she could hear was the almost inaudible sound of Clark’s voice murmuring.
“He should be here.” The boy’s voice cracked. “Hell, this should be his scholarship, not mine.”
“Bad things happen,” Clark said quietly.
“What would you know about it, rich man?” The boy’s voice held no real anger, only a sort of bone weary resignation. “You gonna tell me to snap out of it and get back to work?”
“No.” Clark said. “You aren’t ever going to snap out of it. It gets a little easier, but it never really goes away.”
“I have nightmares sometimes…I saw it happen.”
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” Clark said. “I watched my parents die too, both of them.”
“How old were you?” The boy’s voice held a hint of curiosity.
“Ten,” Clark said, “But I don’t guess it matters how old you are. It’s always going to hurt the same.”
“Where was Superman when I needed him?” The boy’s voice sounded strained, as though he was fighting tears. “Why couldn’t he save them?”
“I’ve asked myself that about my parents too,” Clark said. “I’ve gone over and over and over it in my head, and it never changes. What if I’d done something different? Could I have saved them?”
“Superman could have saved them.”
“Maybe, if he’d been close enough to hear what was happening. He can’t be everywhere,” Clark said quietly. “It’d be nice if he could.”
“I don’t see him in my neighborhood except when it’s time for a photo op.” The teenaged boy’s tone was resentful.
“It’s a big world,” Clark said. He sounded a little uncomfortable. “One man can’t do everything.”
“So what good is he?”
Clark was silent a moment. “He does what he can, just like anybody else I guess. The things he can do…they are a gift, the kind of gift that’s meant to be shared with the world.”
“So being strong is a gift?”
“So is being smart, or talented. You’ve got that, a lot of that.”
“How would you know?”
“I’m the guy who writes the checks,” Clark says. “And no matter what anybody says, I’m a little cheap.”
The boy looked up at him with a confused expression on his face.
“I don’t throw money away on anybody who doesn’t deserve it. I’ve talked to a lot of people about you, people who could have suggested just about anybody.”
“Teachers don’t know anything,” the boy said. “You spout back what they want to hear and they are happy.”
“I didn’t just talk to teachers. I talked to Reverend Johnson. I talked to your neighbors. I talked to your friends. You wouldn’t believe just how many people you have pulling for you, how many people love you.”
“Nobody said anything,” the boy said, sounding bewildered.
“They didn’t want to spoil the surprise.”
“You even talked to Grams?”
“Your grandmother is a remarkable woman,” Clark said. “Did you know she marched in some of the same civil rights marches my parents did?”
“Get out,” the boy said.
Clark pulled a faded photograph from his pocket. “I don’t have many pictures of my parents.”
He pointed to the picture.
“They looked nice.” The boy said.
“They were the best people in the world,” Clark said. “But look up here.”
He pointed to another section of the picture, and the boy gasped. “That’s Grams! How did you ever find this?”
“I’ve studied these pictures so often I know them by heart.” Clark said. He hesitated. “Why don’t you give this one to your grandmother?”
“But you said…”
“It’s easy to give away things you have a lot of,” Clark said. “But for it to really matter…”
“Yeah, but I can’t.” the boy shook his head. “This belongs to you.”
“It belongs to you now,” Clark said firmly. “I’ve spend my whole life looking backward. I think it’s time I started to move forward.”
“She’ll love this,” the boy said in a muted voice.
“You’re lucky,” Clark said. “You have a mother and a grandmother and family that loves you. You owe it to them to do the best you can, to live a good life and be happy.”
The boy nodded slowly.
“If your dad or your brother could be here, they’d really be proud of you.” Clark said. “I know that, because that’s what I see in the eyes of everybody else in your family.”
Lois slowly backed away from the door and wondered why her heart felt heavy in her chest.
***************
Clark was silent for a long time after he finally entered the Limousine, staring out the window pensively.
Lois had to wonder about the contradiction he posed. He treated his household servants as though they were invisible, actively attempting to maintain a distant and impersonal relationship with them.
Yet with strangers he was capable of acts of generosity and kindness that he obviously didn’t want the rest of the world to know about.
When he’d emerged from the building, he’d been as cold and impersonal as he’d ever been, and if Lois hadn’t known better she’d have assumed that was how he was.
He was an expert at hiding his feelings, at keeping secrets, and while Lois should have felt repelled by that, instead she felt reassured. She and Lisa had the biggest secret on the planet, and this was the man who was going to keep it safe.
Joshua was fiercely loyal to him, and after tonight, Lois was beginning to suspect why. For all his lying, Clark was a man of his word. If he told you that you were going to go to college and be a success for your family, you believed it.
If he told you that you would one day walk again, you’d believe that too. You’d believe it because once he made the promise he would move heaven and earth to make it happen.
In the beginning, she’d been attracted to both Superman and Clark. Yet as her jealousy of Superman had grown, her attraction had begun to subside.
Her attraction for Clark though had never waned. The more she knew about him, the more she wanted to know about him.
He was dangerous to her in a way that Superman wasn’t. Superman was never going to be able to really share himself with anyone. Whatever life he had at home meant that he had secrets he never intended to share, any more than Lois would tell Lisa’s secret.
The person he showed the world wasn’t his real self, but only a mask, the best part of what he was held up to the light and put on display.
Lois could respect that because of what Superman represented, but she was never going to be able to fall in love with a facsimile.
Clark though…he tried to hide his pain, but Lois kept seeing flashes of his real self, of the little boy who’d been left standing on a lonely road with parents who were never coming back.
It was getting harder and harder to maintain the detachment that she needed to keep. Having to remind herself that this wasn’t a permanent situation was getting more difficult as she grew accustomed to his presence.
“It’s going to be hard giving all this up,” Lois said.
Clark glanced in her direction and said, “What?”
“It’s going to be hard, moving back to Metropolis.” Lois spoke quietly but firmly.
