With special thanks to my beta reader and the fanfic organizer, James, for his tireless efforts and enthusiasm. It is a pleasure to walk alongside of him.
Moratorium
By Elisabeth
Dan Scardino picked up his breakfast plates and put them into the dishwasher. He tucked the hem of his yellow shirt into the waistline of his pants.
“I’m going to work now, Lois,” he announced as he gathered his briefcase.
Lois bounded into the room, using her long hairy arms to scoot herself across the floor. She reached for his hand with her prehensile tail, swinging herself into his arms. She screeched at him happily. He patted the soft chestnut fur on the top of her head.
“Be a good girl while I’m gone, and don’t get into any trouble.” Her face fell. She was obviously disappointed not to be going with him. “My work can be a very dangerous place for a monkey like you,” he explained, setting her down on the floor at his feet. She leaned her head onto the brown leather of his boots. “You’ll be alright,” he reassured her as he placed his tall yellow hat onto his head. “Just stay out of trouble while I’m at work.”
She jumped off of his boot, protesting with a primate squeal as he strode out the door.
He glanced back to see a sad monkey face silhouetted in the round window of the front door. She looked unbearably sad. It wasn’t like he had much choice but to leave her behind, however. His work simply wasn’t a safe place for a curious monkey.
There were several times throughout his workday that he could have sworn he saw a little monkey out of the corner of his eye. But that wasn’t possible since Lois was safely tucked away in his house. Besides, every time he turned around to look she wasn’t there.
Today was going to be a dangerous day at the DEA. They were executing a search warrant, together with the state police, for a meth lab he had been investigating for the last three weeks. He tightened his holster over his black belt. Hopefully he wouldn’t need to use his gun, but in cases like this one you could never be too careful.
He took his position as the special agent in charge. All eyes were on him as he used hand signals to coordinate the effort. It was time to go in.
All of a sudden, pandemonium broke out. The world around him went yellow. His hat was firmly forced over his eyes. His hand instinctively went to his head, but instead of the leather of his hat, he felt only soft fur.
Lois!
“Get down!” he warned her. He heard her chattering at him. Shots rang out.
He wrenched the hat from his face and pulled the little monkey into his arms, but it was too late to protect her.
“Oh, why did you have to be so curious all of the time?” he wailed. He had known it would get her killed sometime.
Scardino sat up abruptly, knocking his temple on the metal of a handrail. He rubbed the sore spot gently. There was no hat. He wasn’t the Man with the Yellow Hat and Lois wasn’t Curious George. It was all just a dream--a crazy dream brought on by too many nights sleeping on her fire escape, trying to keep her safe.
The moon was still high above him. It was going to be a long night.
~*~
“What are you doing here, Dan?”
He jerked awake again, his hand automatically reaching for a gun that wasn’t on his hip tonight. Or today, he should say, since the sun was already midway in the sky.
“Never mind.” Lois was obviously perturbed with him. “Just get in here.”
He gathered his sleeping bag and wiped the last traces of grogginess from his eyes. He must have been sleeping harder than he had planned--a stupid move if he were going to keep his danger-prone girlfriend in one piece.
“Always good to see you, too, Lois.” He stepped through the window and into her living room.
“I would love to see you,” she argued, as he had known she would, “just not on my fire escape at seven in the morning.”
“If you had let me stay in here last night, I wouldn’t have been out there.”
She closed the window firmly behind him, locking it securely. “I didn’t let you stay because I don’t need a commando-style babysitting service. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. Your life has been threatened.”
“Not for the first time. My job was dangerous long before you showed up, and it will be dangerous until the day I retire. I can handle myself just fine.”
“But you don’t have to. If you would just let me-”
“I don’t need to let you! As I’ve already said, I’m-”
“You’re right,” he admitted, interrupting her.
“What?”
“You’re right. You’ve already said all of this. No, *we’ve* said all of this before. We’re not going to rehash this old argument again are we?”
She sunk onto the unforgiving sofa cushion. He was playing dirty politics, pretending to concede when he was actually putting forth his own agenda. Unfortunately, they had previously agreed upon an outcome.
“I wouldn’t have to say any of this again if you would have just listened to reason last night and gone home.”
He slumped onto the arm of the sofa, looking defeated. “You don’t have to say any of it. I heard you, okay? I heard you the last time, and I hear you this time.”
“You don’t act like you’re listening,” she argued.
He held up a hand, defensively cutting her off. “I *have* heard you. I just don’t agree with you, that’s all.” He took her hand tenderly. “We never agree on this. Remember? That’s why we called a moratorium on this conversation for awhile.”
“You called a moratorium,” she huffed.
“And you agreed,” he reminded her. “Talking about the same things over and over again was just driving us crazy.”
He thought about his insane dream from the night before. Trying to protect Lois day and night was enough to push him over the edge.
“Maybe,” she finally consented, although she didn’t sound convinced.
“Definitely,” he decided. “Although I will miss how cute you look when you get ticked off at me. Like that look you have on your face right now. It’s a thing of beauty.” He risked his life to give her a kiss on the nose. She was softening to his charisma, but it might take a little bit of bribery on his part to completely make up. “Come on. I’ll buy you breakfast.”
“I’ve already eaten,” she informed him brusquely.
“Then you can drink a cup of coffee and watch me eat.” He grinned pouring on the charm that she could never resist. He relaxed as he saw her resolve melt.
“There’s nothing like watching you chew,” she teased. “Be still, my heart.”
~*~
Clark had his fist poised to knock when the door flew open of its own accord. He stepped back quickly as Lois and Scardino emerged from within her apartment.
“Hi,” he managed to greet his partner, gulping back his surprise as he saw Scardino emerge, as well. Of course, he knew that the two of them had been dating fairly steadily for the last month, but he hadn’t realized that the bum was spending the night with her these days.
“Clark.” Lois sounded surprised as she greeted him. While he hadn’t let her know he was coming, it wasn’t that unusual for him to walk her to work, particular on days where her life was being threatened.
“I thought you might like someone walking you into work, but I hadn’t realized that Dan…”
“…is on his way to breakfast,” Lois finished for him. “I don’t mind walking with you.”
“But I thought we were-” Scardino protested.
“I told you I’d already eaten,” she reminded him with a goodbye peck on the cheek. “Besides, I have to be in to work at eight if I want to get anything done before the morning meeting, and you have almost an hour to burn.”
“Just keep her safe,” Scardino instructed him, as if Clark needed the reminder.
“Always,” he promised, locking eyes with his competitor.
~*~
Lois rolled her eyes as she watched how carefully Clark scanned the crowds as they walked toward work. “Relax,” she instructed him. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve been threatened.”
“True,” Clark conceded, although he continued to search for danger. “If you remember correctly, the last time I was this vigilante, as well. You can never be too careful about these things.”
“You’re just as bad as Dan.” She smiled as she caught Clark’s eye. Apparently her grievance caught her partner off guard enough that he was willing to pause the bodyguard routine. She continued her explanation, hoping for a few minutes rest. His hyper-vigilance was making her nervous. “He even slept on my fire escape last night to make sure no bad guys came in and got me in the night.”
“That’s great!” He sounded uber-relieved. Was he that worried about her safety? “I mean, that’s good--really, really good.”
“That’s not great,” she complained. “It cramps my style.”
“How can it cramp your style if he stays outside of your apartment?”
“Haven’t you ever heard that fish and visitors stink after three days? Or how about, absence makes the heart grow fonder? I’m telling you that my fire escape is starting to smell a little bit fishy.”
Clark put his hand on the small on her back as he led her inside of The Planet, his head swiveling as he ensured that no one tried any false moves. “I’m surprised you haven’t told Dan how you feel about it.”
Lois sighed. “I did—not that it changes things. We have agreed to disagree. He’s declared a moratorium on the subject, and loads of other stuff he doesn’t want to talk about, for the sake of peace.”
Clark’s eyebrows shot up. Apparently he agreed with her that Dan was playing with fire. It was nice to know that some men still made sense. Personally, all of this craziness about not talking was enough to drive her to the loony bin.
~*~
“I think I may have something,” Clark announced victoriously.
“Well? Are you going to tell me about it,” she pressed, racing over to his desk as he hung up the phone and swiveled his chair toward her.
“That was Ron Grinders from the Eighth Street Mercy Mission. He wanted me to know that there was a guy at dinner there last night who was talking about you. It sounds like we may have a foot into the group that’s been threatening you.”
She raised her eyebrows in anticipation.
“Don’t get too excited; it wasn’t one of the regulars, so I don’t have a name for you. He did highly imply some times and places—nothing concrete, but apparently the guy isn’t as subtle as he thinks he is. It’s not enough to pass on to the police, but if I follow up I just might be able to nail this guy. How does that sound to you?” He grinned triumphantly.
“If WE follow up,” she corrected. “There’s no way I’m sitting this one out. This is personal.”
He felt the tension build across his shoulders again. What was it about Lois that she needed to play chicken with death all of the time? “No offense, but I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Ron didn’t know the guy. What if he only came in to spread some rumors? You could be walking right into a trap. I think you would be much safer if you stayed with Dan tonight. I promise I’ll swing by and let you know what happens, no matter how late it gets.”
“Nothing doing. I hate to break it to you, Clark, but you’re only one man trying to follow a group. What if you miss something because you can’t be two places at the same time? You need a second pair of eyes. Oh, I just remembered. I have eyes! You and I both know that stakeouts are long, boring affairs which are highly overrated. So I’ll sit next to you and keep you awake. Besides, nothing’s going to happen with Ultravigilant Man there to come to the rescue, ‘bodyguard of champions’.”
He gaped at her. “Sometimes the best way to keep a person safe is to keep them away from the source of danger.”
Her phone began ringing on the desk behind them. “But Clark-”
He waved her off, swiveling back toward his desk. “Just answer the phone. We’ve got hours to make a decision.”
How dare he cut her off like that? He was just like Dan, talking only when it served his purpose. It was enough to drive her crazy. “Lois Lane,” she snapped into the receiver.
“Lois? Is something wrong?” It was Dan. Figured. When one man was done driving her up the wall, the other took over to ensure she went completely over the edge.
“Nothing’s wrong,” she muttered, failing in her attempt to keep her tone of voice under control. “Was there something you wanted?”
“It’s been hours since we’ve spoken, and I just wanted to hear your voice,” he gushed.
“I wish I could say the same,” she grumbled. It was true; she really did wish she still lit up at the mere sound of his voice. Right now, though, she was so tired of fighting him all the time that she just needed a break. She knew he felt the same way, though. He was tired of fighting, too. “I’m sorry. That came out really harsh.”
“You’re still mad that I spent the night outside of your apartment last night.”
“Yes. No, that’s not it.” There was so much more to it than that. She longed for the opportunity to explain everything to him, but somehow wasn’t surprised when he changed the subject.
“I know what you need. You need an evening to relax. Let’s kick our feet up and relax tonight. I’ll make dinner, sort of. I’ll toss together a salad and pick up the rest from that gourmet takeout place at Luthor and Pine.”
“So you want to get together with a little dinner and a little wine, so that you can keep an eye on me.”
“That’s just a side benefit. I really want to spend some time with you, Lois.”
She sighed. It was time to get to the crux of it all. “And talk about what? You don’t want to talk about my work these days.”
“That’s not true. I’m very concerned about-”
“You’re concerned all right, but you don’t listen to my side of things.” There was a long pause. She was hoping he was taking the time to let her words sink in.
“Why do we have to have sides?” He hadn’t heard her. “Why can’t we just agree to disagree?”
“Because for you that means you want me to either shut up or take your side. I can’t agree with you one hundred percent of the time.” Not without losing who she was.
“Fine, so we won’t talk about your work. Will that make you happier?”
Of course, it didn’t make her any happier. Couldn’t he understand that? “And we certainly won’t talk about your work.”
“It’s too dangerous,” they chorused together, her voice a mockery of his standard line.
“I understand that you’re curious. Who wouldn’t be? But it’s really for your own protection. Haven’t you ever heard that curiosity killed the monkey?”
“The cat,” she corrected automatically, a grin flitting across her face of its own accord. “It’s a good thing you’re not a wordsmith.”
“So why don’t we do dinner tonight? You can correct my grammar all that you want.”
“It’s not your grammar that’s off; it’s your allusions.”
“You can fix that too. So what do you say? Dinner? Perhaps with a little groveling and making up?”
She glanced over at Clark who was pretending, rather unsuccessfully, to ignore her argument with Dan. So did she want to spend the evening with Dan, who had no problems with commitment but tried to control every conversation they discussed? Or did she want to spend it at work with Clark, who apparently was afraid of commitment, even though he never tried to control her or stifle who she was?
~*~
“This risotto is so creamy,” Lois remarked, smiling up at Dan. “And the tenderloin is out of this world.”
“I’m glad you like it,” he smiled back.
“How was work?” she inquired sweetly.
He shrugged humbly. “Just another day in the Metro police department.”
“Did you catch any villains?”
He tipped his head to the side, as if considering how to best answer her albeit easy question. Before he formed a response he was interrupted by a ringing sound. She glanced around, unsure of where the phone was.
“Excuse me,” he apologized. He pulled an antenna from his thumb and tapped carefully on his pinkie finger. Satisfied that the ‘phone’ was turned on, he stuck his thumb near in his ear and held his pinkie finger in front of his lips. “Chief, is that you? I’ll be right there.”
She glanced at the trashcan as a man’s head emerged. He handed over a note. “Here’s your assignment, Gadget.”
Dan took the paper. His eyes scanned back and forth as he read aloud. “M.A.D in Metro. Attempting to do bad guy stuff. Stop them. Top Secret. Do not mention to anybody, including your closest friends and loved ones. Caution: This message will self-destruct.” He wadded up the note, promising, “Inspector Gadget is always on duty.” Dan threw the note into the trash, closing the lid behind him.
A muffled voice cried, “Oh, no!” The lid jangled with a puff of smoke sneaking out.
“Wowsers! This sounds important. Sorry, but I’m afraid I need to ask for a rain check on dinner.”
“Oh, Dan-” she protested.
“Penny, you stay here where it’s safe.”
She pursed her lips angrily. “First, don’t call me Penny. Do you have any idea how stupid Penny Lane sounds? Second, I can take care of myself.”
His tone softened. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I just have to know that you’re safe. I know what’ll make it all better. Go, go, Gadget-gift.” His hat opened and a mechanical arm delivered a bouquet of flowers. They fell to the floor since she didn’t open her hands to accept them. Dan was already rushing away without giving her a second thought.
The nerve of the man! He wouldn’t answer her questions, and he was cutting her out of his life. It was enough to drive her nuts.
He threw open her window, pulling on a button as he stepped over the threshold. “Go, go, Gadget-copter!” he commanded. He grabbed hold of metal supports as a mini-helicopter unfolded from his hat. Then he was gone, having flown out of her life.
“I can take care of myself!” she hollered after him, but he didn’t even pause. “Stop!” She jumped as she found her body jerked into wakefulness. “Oh!”
“Lois?” His tenor voice sounded worried.
“Clark.” She rubbed her face muzzily, slowly processing her environment. She was in the backseat of a cramped car, stretched out for a little catnap. She was on a stakeout with Clark. Of course she was. She wasn’t at dinner with Inspector Gadget… err, Dan.
She stretched, bringing life back into her cramped limbs.
It was all just a crazy dream. In her defense, crazy dreams made sense when one was going insane. This whole business of not talking was a surefire way to drive her wacko.
“Do you know what happens when you suppress babbling? It builds up like a pressure cooker until lunacy seems normal.”
“Huh?” Her partner twisted in his seat, eyeing her warily.
“Never mind. Bad dreams.” She clambered over the seat and peered into the night. A fog had fallen, making it difficult to make anything out. “I’m sorry I dozed on you. Any action while I slept?”
He smiled at her. “It’s been a long boring affair.”
She quirked a grin at him. “Aren’t you glad you have me along to help keep you awake?”
“It’s not the same without you,” he teased back.
Suddenly, he stiffened. She instinctively went on alert. Moments later, she was able to make out a shape in the haze. Somebody was coming. She slid down below the dashboard as she realized that the figure was approaching.
Without warning, Clark’s knee rubbed against the side of her nose as he shifted his weight. Moments later he was sitting up and unlocking the doors. Now who was crazy?
“It’s okay,” he reassured her, as if he could read her mind.
Before she was completely upright, her door opened. She bolted for cover barely glimpsing the face of her intruder.
“Inspector!” she cried, as the flash of curly brown hair finally registered in her senses.
Dan stared at her wide-eyed. But how could he expect her to talk rationally when she was exhausted and had all of this foolish talk pent up inside of her. The moratorium was driving her to the rubber room.
“Inspector?” Clark asked. Nice. Even her partner was making fun of her.
“Just call me ‘Daniel’,” he insisted. “Please.”
“Get in,” she quietly ordered. He glanced around, noting that there was no space near Lois before awkwardly opening the door to the back seat and climbing in. “What are you doing here?”
“I just couldn’t wait to tell you the good news.”
“You’re being transferred?” Clark asked joyfully. Dan frowned, but said nothing. He turned his back on Clark to effectively cut him out of the conversation and continued.
“How did you find me?” she clarified her earlier question.
“You wrote down the time and location near the phone in your apartment,” he explained, as if it were no big deal.
“What were you doing in my apartment?” Lois raged. It was one thing to sleep out on her fire escape, but Dan knew good and well she wasn’t going to be home this evening.
“Keeping you safe, of course. I knew you weren’t going to be in all evening, but no one else did. Since I wasn’t sleeping on the fire escape I figured it would be the perfect opportunity for someone to make an attempt on your life.”
“And?” Clark prompted, although Dan didn’t even turn to acknowledge him.
“It paid off. The guy made his move. I nailed him. He’s being held on attempted murder and assaulting an officer of the law. It’s over.”
“That’s fantastic!” Clark remarked, though Dan still childishly ignored him.
“I thought we should celebrate.” Dan lifted a sack from the floor well, pulling out two wine glasses and a chilled bottle of champagne.
Lois stiffened. “Are you trying to bribe me into forgiving you?”
He shrugged cheerfully. “I couldn’t help myself.”
He didn’t get it. He just didn’t understand what made her so upset. “These last few days have been enough to drive me crazy,” she began to explain.
“Drive us both bananas,” he amended. “I’m so glad it’s over.”
“Don’t you understand? It’s not over. The things that were driving me insane have nothing to do with the death threats.”
“You’re still upset about my work. But you’re a reporter, and I’m a government agent. Can’t you see the conflict?”
“How do you know what conflicts I see? You won’t talk about them.”
“Talking about it was just driving us crazy.” He was shrugging her off, but for just this once she wouldn’t be silenced.
“No, not talking about it was what pushed me over the edge. You said it yourself; I’m a reporter. Words are what I do. But you seem to want to control what we can talk about, and I just can’t take that.” She swallowed. It was time for the whole truth. “Because it makes me think that you want me to be somebody that I’m not.”
He was quiet for a long time. Her feelings were finally sinking in. It gave her such mixed emotions. On the one hand, at last he understood where she was coming from. On the other hand, there wasn’t much more to say than goodbye.
“I always thought I wanted the real you, Lois, but I suppose I can see where you’re coming from.”
“Thank you,” she sighed, suddenly deflated. She inspected her shoes, waiting for the colloquial shoe to drop.
“If you ever decide that you want a protector in your life, will you give me a call?”
She nodded, not trusting her voice. There was a rustling of paper and a slight breeze as the backdoor opened and closed.
Curiously she wasn’t sad at all, however exhaustion soaked her.
“You want me to drive you home?” Clark offered.
She shook her head impulsively. “I think a walk will do me some good. You can drop off my car at work tomorrow. Okay?”
“Do you mind if I keep an eye on you on the way home? It’s almost four in the morning and this isn’t the best of neighborhoods.”
She shrugged. “You always do keep an eye on me, don’t you?”
He smiled sadly. Dan and he had always acted like rivals, but somehow when it all came to an end Clark turned out to be more of her friend than Dan’s rival.
She reached a hand out, drawing comfort as Clark closed his fingers around hers. “On second thought, why don’t you drive me home? The company might be nice.”
