(I have several half written stories on my hard drive right now, and am having trouble finishing any. This little peice of nonsense was fun to write though. Please enjoy its stupidity.)
Dear Superman,
by Smileyd
Dear Mister Superman,
My name is Amy and I am seven years old. I like you very much. I have a pet cat I named Mr. Superman because I like you very much. My brother said its stupid to name a cat Mr. Superman, but I think thats because he wanted to call him Batman. I don’t like Batman, he seems scary, but you seem nice. Do you have a cat?
Love Amy
Dear Amy,
I do not have a cat, but I’m glad you have one. They can be such great company. I’m sorry your brother didn’t like your choice of name, but when it’s his turn to pick a pet, then he can name it Batman if he likes. I have actually met the Batman, and while he does seem scary, he’s actually a very nice man, who believes in many of the same things as I do.
Superman
*****
Dear S-Man,
My teacher Mr. Hamilton said that everyone in my class had to write to someone famous. I thought, who’s more famous than Superman? I had to make a list of three questions I wanted you to answer, so here they are:
1. Whats your favorite tv show? Mines teenage mutant ninja turtles. Its totally awesome! Have you seen it?
2. Whats your favorite colour? I love Green. Weird right? But I do.
3. Whats your favorite sport team? I love the New York Yankees. I hope they win this year.
Please right back ASAP,
Billy
Dear Billy,
Thank-you for asking me questions that are so different from ones reporters papers around the world ask me all the time. Your teacher is very smart to ask you to write to famous people, it makes them seem more real to you and your friends I’m sure. To answer your questions, I don’t have much time to watch tv these days, but when I was much younger I enjoyed watching the Flintstones. My favourite colour is Red, which is probably why my Mother made my cape that colour. My favorite sports team is the Buffalo Bills. No particular reason. I hope this letter reaches you before the school year is over so you can share it with your classmates.
Superman
*****
Dear Alien from Outer space,
I have to request that you stop reading my mind.
Sincerely,
you know who
I will once again ensure you Star, that I am not now, nor have I ever attempted to Read anyone’s minds. It is not an ability I or any member of my race possesses.
Superman
*****
Superman,
You are the most absolutely gorgeous piece of man meat I have ever laid my eyes on. I sure hope your single, because I think we’d make a beautiful couple. To entice you I want you to know I am 5'7, brunette, green eyes, 135lbs. I’ve enclosed a picture for you...
I bet you’re drooling right now. I’ll be waiting for you on top of the NTU observatory on March 15th. I’ll bring me.
Yours,
Elena
Elena,
Thank you very much for your offer but I will have to decline. I do not participate in relations with women who solicit through the mail.
Superman
*****
To whom it may concern,
Superman, I know you’re not the one reading your letters, you are after all a very powerful man on this planet. But I hope whoever is reading these letters can help me out. I am the CEO of a large charity in Metropolis. We try to match under privileged kids with adults in their community who they look up to. Over the last three years, there has been a steady increase in the number of kids who say Superman is their favourite role model. Would it be at all possible to arrange For Superman to meet these children? We can plan an event around his schedule.
With Hope,
Faith Arnold
Hope for Kids
Faith Arnold,
I thank you recognizing that I receive requests for help frequently. I try to help as many under privileged children as possible. I have met many children in this community through various organizations, and will continue to meet them as the opportunity arrises. I have an opening on Saturday March 15th, would that be enough notice for your charity? Please send scheduling to me through Lois Lane or Clark Kent of the Daily Planet, I have frequent contact with their office, and information will reach me in time.
I look forward to meeting your children.
Superman
*****
