A Night at the Metropolis Sewage Reclamation Facility
by Lois_Lane_Fan <browneya@aol.com>
Rated: G
Submitted: April 2008
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. This is just
my interpretation of what might have happened during Lois' night
at the Metropolis Sewage Reclamation Facility. Therefore, I owe
a lot to the writers of the Lois and Clark episode Neverending
Battle. Initially, I wrote many parts of this story for a fanfic
about the Smallville version of Lois Lane being sent to the
Metropolis Sewage Reclamation Facility, but I decided to reuse a
lot of my other story for this Lois and Clark fanfic.
*****
"Can I get a messenger up here, please?... Right, on my desk...
Tonight, Lois Lane's apartment... Thanks." Clark looked at Lois
Lane as he hung up the phone.
"What kind of security clearance? Okay, I'll get one. How hard
can it be?" Lois asked into the phone.
*****
That night, Lois arrived at her apartment and looked through her
mail. When she found a map that would supposedly lead her to
Superman's spaceship, she smiled. "I'm about to get the biggest
story of my life! I need to leave right now! Maybe I can get the
story before morning." Lois took off, not even bothering to
change out of the clothes that she had worn to work.
*****
Soon after, Lois Lane arrived in a cab near the location that
was indicated on the map. She looked up at a large sign that
said "Metropolis Sewage Reclamation Facility."
The cab driver turned to her and said, "This is as far as I go.
You're going to have to walk the rest of the way."
He held out his hand, and Lois paid him, though she was a bit
annoyed that she would be forced to walk around in this dump. It
was then that she thought it might have been wise to have
changed into different clothes, but it was too late. If Lois
wanted to get this story, then she had to act quickly, even if
it meant that she'd have to get a little dirty. After all, since
when did Lois Lane back down from any story?
She stepped out of the cab, and, as it took off, she said to
herself, "Why would Superman choose this place to hide his
spaceship? Maybe he hid it here because he knew that nobody
would find it here. He didn't plan on a brilliant reporter like
me figuring out his hiding place."
Lois started to wonder, though, if this might be some type of
set up. Many Daily Planet employees would probably love to see
the intelligent Lois Lane make a fool out of herself. Of course,
Lois then reasoned that nobody would be brave enough to pull
this type of prank on her. She then reassured herself that she
was about to get the biggest story of her life, and she was just
being paranoid.
"I just wish the stench wasn't so awful," she stated as she
stepped forward. "Why did I have to wear a skirt and high heels
on this little trip," Lois whined.
As she walked, she could feel the unpleasant feeling of slime
squishing inside her shoes. When she stepped forward, she
tripped, landing face first in a puddle of mud. She instantly
wiped most of the mud off of her face using her sleeve. She
stumbled forward, trying to stand up again, only to fall back
into the mud. Finally, she got back on her feet.
"Ouch!" Lois yelled, smacking at a mosquito that had just bitten
her. "OK, Lois, just follow the map, and you'll get your story,"
she told herself, trying to reassure herself that this was a
good idea.
She took a few steps forward, scratching at her mosquito bites,
when the heel on her left shoe broke, causing the already dirty
reporter to fall backwards into the mud. She sat up and ran her
fingers through her now muddy hair. Then, she picked up her
broken heel and stood up, limping towards her destination.
Lois was scratching all over her body. The mosquitoes were
forcing the reporter to do a dance as she tried to get rid of
the itching sensation.
"I hate mosquitoes," Lois mumbled as she continued to scratch at
her shoulder blade. "This is pure torture! I'm going to be
scratching for weeks."
As she hobbled around, Lois realized that she was lost. Worse
yet, her pantyhose were pretty ripped up at this point. Lois
scratched her leg with her foot while trying to make sense of
the map.
The lost reporter wandered around the city dump all night,
convinced that she would get her story when she figured out
where she was. After hours of hiking through the city dump, Lois
realized it was morning. She couldn't wait to take a shower. Her
hair, in addition to being covered in mud, was sticking up all
over the place. She was completely covered in mud, sweat, and
mosquito bites. She would probably never be able to get the
smell out of her clothes, which were torn up as well as
mud-spattered. She was still holding her broken shoe in her
hand, and her pantyhose were ruined, too. Her remaining shoe was
mud-encrusted. Her once expensive designer clothes were
completely ruined.
Just then, Lois looked at the map again, and she realized that
she was currently in the right location. She smiled and looked
around, noticing a garbage bag that was sitting right in front
of her.
"Whatever is in this garbage bag will tell me where to go next,"
Lois assumed. "Hopefully, the spaceship is nearby." She looked
into the garbage bag and pulled out a Godzilla doll with a red S
painted on its chest.
For a moment, she tried to figure out what was going on. She was
quite confused, and in her exhausted state, she didn't
immediately realize that she had been conned.
Lois looked at the doll with a confused expression on her face.
"Clark Kent!" Lois yelled angrily, realizing who had played this
practical joke on her. She stuffed the Godzilla doll back into
the garbage bag. Lois had just one thing on her mind: to get
back to the Daily Planet so she could give Clark Kent a piece of
her mind. Nobody made a fool of Lois Lane and got away with it.
Once she was a few blocks away from the Metropolis Sewage
Reclamation Facility, Lois saw a cab. Her feet were very sore
from the long walk, so she decided she could just take a cab the rest of the
way.
Lois was ready to get into it when the cabdriver shook his head
and yelled, "No! Are you nuts? I ain't giving you a ride. You're
filthy. I don't want all that mud all over this cab!"
As the cabdriver took off, Lois moaned. She was somewhat
embarrassed by the cabdriver's reaction to her, but that wasn't
her biggest problem. She would have to walk all the way to the
Daily Planet! Luckily, it wasn't too far, but Lois' feet were
aching at this point.
As she limped down the sidewalk, everybody made room for her to
go past them, trying to avoid standing next to the smelly Lois
Lane. Lois tried to ignore the disgusted faces, which only made
her humiliation that much worse
One woman waved her hand across her nose and said "Pee-eww!"
An angry Lois shouted, "Yes, I know! I stink!" She continued to
shuffle towards the Daily Planet, still scratching her mosquito
bites.
As she entered the building, she saw some familiar faces. She
was trying her best to ignore the pointed fingers and giggles.
By now, she was considering heading back home to change, but
people had already seen her. By tomorrow morning, the entire
building would know what had happened to her. She stepped into
the elevator alone, relishing the thought of confronting Clark
Kent.
Lois stepped out of the elevator, immediately noticing Cat,
Jimmy, and Clark, along with the rest of the newsroom, staring
at her. As she walked towards her desk, she could hear laughter
all around herself, and she noticed the startled faces and
wrinkled noses of everybody that she passed. Could this possibly be more
embarrassing for Lois?
"Lois, what happened?" Jimmy asked.
"Nothing. Nothing at all," Lois stated, trying to maintain her
composure. Thinking about her ordeal, Lois suddenly turned
around angrily and yelled, "Oh! You're referring to my
appearance!" A crowd was starting to gather. All eyes were glued
to Lois Lane. "Well, I think that after hours of trudging
through the mud and the filth and the frogs and the *things*, I
have a perfect right to be a bit... disheveled." She scratched
her head furiously and asked, "By the way, did you know that it
is possible to get completely lost at the Metropolis Sewage
Reclamation Facility?" She started to get even louder as she
scratched at her shoulder blade, adding "And, did you know that
there are billions of mosquitoes there? I do, because I *met*
them!" She pointed to dozens of small red bites on her shoulder
blade.
She finally reached her desk. "Of course
my little trip to hell wasn't a total failure," she continued,
holding up the garbage bag. "I found this!" She pulled out the
plastic Godzilla doll, allowing everybody to see her discovery.
The newsroom erupted in laughter as Lois stood there
embarrassed. She started walking towards Clark's desk, trying to
regain her dignity. She took the crumpled map out and held it up
to Clark. "You wouldn't happen to have any idea who sent me
this, would you?" she asked.
Clark just smiled back at Lois, enjoying his victory. In a very
rare occasion, Lois Lane had been publicly defeated.
At that point, Lois finally noticed the newspaper. She picked it
up off of Clark's desk, noticing the 'Superman' headline
immediately. As Lois skimmed through the story, people in the
crowd began to smile. "You got the story? You?" she asked,
completely shocked by this news.
Clark gave Lois a superior grin. "Yep. Consider this a life
lesson, Lois. No charge," he said to Lois as he patted her cheek
twice.
With everybody watching, Lois opened her mouth up widely,
realizing that Clark had just thrown her condescending remark
back in her face. A thoroughly humiliated Lois moved her mouth
slowly, trying to think of a comeback, but no words came to her
mind. For once in her life, Lois Lane was speechless.
"Uh-huh," Lois said unable to come up with anything better.
This prank had led her to a night at the Metropolis Sewage
Reclamation Facility, searching for a non-existent spaceship,
while Clark had gotten an interview with Superman. Lois looked
down at her feet before walking backwards towards her desk. She
continued to give Clark a cold stare until she sat down.
Lois listened as everybody in the newsroom cheered. Now, Clark
was a big hero. Not only had he gotten the story, but he had
gone head-to-head with the cocky Lois Lane and won! He had put a
sock in Lois' mouth, leaving her speechless. Nobody had
ever been able to leave Lois speechless in the past,
shutting her up once and for all. Everybody felt that Lois
thought she could chew up and spit out any reporter in the Daily
Planet, but Clark had chewed her up and spit her out! Lois
cringed, thinking about this embarrassing situation.
*****
Later that day, Lois was still sitting in her chair. She hadn't
bothered to change into clean clothes. Lois turned towards
Clark, who was finally alone at his desk. She stood up and
slowly began to march towards the man who had beaten her.
Earlier that morning, Lois had wanted revenge, but she now
had different feelings. Clark noticed that Lois was coming and
slowly rose up from his chair.
"You set me up?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.
"Yes, I did," Clark admitted, wondering if he had gone too far
with his prank.
"Congratulations, Clark, you win." Lois held out her hand.
"I... I didn't win," Clark said slowly. He didn't want to beat
Lois. He just wanted to teach her not to steal another
reporter's story ever again.
"Oh yes you did. You got the story, and you took me down a peg
in the process," she admitted, smiling. "I guess I deserved
that. You worked hard, and you earned your success."
"Thank you, Lois," he replied, smiling back at her. "That means
a lot to me."
"Well I hope so. Cherish this moment, because, Clark, you'll
never experience this again," Lois added, regaining some of her
cockiness.
"Hey Lois," he called after her. "What've we got going on for
tomorrow?"
"Now there you're using that word again, Clark; there is 'you',
there is 'I', there is no 'we'."
"Not yet," he responded.
"Not ever," she assured him.
"We'll see."
"How long can you hold your breath?"
"A very long time," he said.
The End
