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#5207 08/08/03 07:27 AM
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Well, lynnm, for a first outing, this is very impressive! The introspection was first rate - I could actually see Lois' wheels turning as she works out Clark = Superman. Absolutely brilliant! Can't wait for the second part - and just what was it she wrote in that letter? wink


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Thanks for the positive feedback! For a first timer, that means a lot - very encouraging.

I actually have parts 2 and 3 finished - wrote the whole story in a couple of days and only broke it up to make it easier to read.

I'll post the other two parts later today.

Thanks again!! smile


You know that boy'd walk on water for you? Or he'd drown tryin'. -Perry White to Lois in Just Say Noah
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Lynn, WOW!! This is wonderful!! smile1


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Oh wow! Wow, wow, WOW!!! thumbsup Lynn, this is incredible! The introspection is so lyrical, so heartwrenching, so vivid, and the way you write makes Lois's feelings seem so real! I was particularly impressed by the moment when she realises there was no blood and watches the scene again and again. The mixture of panic and reason battling in her was extremely well done. I can't find proper words to express how this first section moved me; it brought me very close to tears, and few stories have that power over me.

Even though I'm extremely eager to read what comes next (wonderful revelation, btw!), I agree with Wendy that it's better for you to post every other day, so that there's enough time for more readers to comment. smile

Still in awe,

Kaethel jawdrop


- I'm your partner. I'm your friend.
- Is that what we are?
- Oh, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it, so no, I got no clue what we are.

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WOW!

This is just awesome!

Don't listen to Wendy and Kaethel; post more IMMEDIATELY! (Okay, they're really right, but I want to read the rest!)

I love the introspection, I love your writing style, I love TOGOM stories, and I positively love this story.

Looking forward to more,
Irene


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Thanks you guys! This makes me feel so great. You write something and all you hope is that other people like it.

I'll take your advice and wait a couple of days to post parts 2 and 3. Since I'm a newbie, stuff like this is good to know.

One thing I may want to change - I didn't want to imply that Perry already discovered what Lois does. So maybe I need to rework that a little.

Thanks again!


You know that boy'd walk on water for you? Or he'd drown tryin'. -Perry White to Lois in Just Say Noah
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One thing I may want to change - I didn't want to imply that Perry already discovered what Lois does. So maybe I need to rework that a little.
I don't know. It's kind of nice that Perry worked it out before her, and not just because he's a more experienced reporter. It would make sense to me because Perry is more removed from the topic of Superman than Lois is, and so he sees it with a bit more of a clear head. I could definitely see him figuring it out before Lois. Besides, it also gives a nice touch in the sense that he's really appearing as a surrogate father, caring for her and protecting her, and offering her double relief by making her investigation skills kick in again and by the conclusions she comes to.

Just mho. smile

Kaethel smile


- I'm your partner. I'm your friend.
- Is that what we are?
- Oh, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it, so no, I got no clue what we are.

~ Rick Castle and Kate Beckett ~ Knockout ~
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Failte romhat, Lynn!

Kaethel just told me how brilliant this was on IRC...she didn’t lie!

thumbsup

Quote
Martha paused for just a second. A heartbeat. “Of course. We would love to see you…”
Ack! Where is the next part???????? Hurry up!!!!!!!!! Don't listen to those evil ones!!!!

LOL, ignore me - just kidding. You'll benifit more if you post them further apart.

/me ducks and runs from the yells of other ficaddicts....

Sorry guys!

wildguy wildguy wildguy

And just as I think of it...dont worry about being a newbie. I was one a couple of months ago and...well...now, I'm commenting on *other* newbie's stories. What does that tell ya? <g>

Sara (who is biting her lip nervously till she finds out just what will happen when Lois gets to Smallville...)


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lynnm,

I just read the story, and...

WOW! shock It is absolutely wonderful!

You write very well, and the way you portray Lois is fantastic!

Listen, you could post part 2 today to abate some of our hunger for more, and leave part 3 for tomorrow or the day after next. laugh

Please? blush

malu

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This was wonderful! thumbsup

You did an excellent job of portraying Lois' grief. Little details like her not having combed her hair in two days, and of course, this:

Quote
Now the slip of red silk and spaghetti straps lay crumpled in a pile, tossed to the back of her closet where dwelt shoes of three seasons ago and not less than half a dozen ruined pantyhose thrown there in a fit of irritation on a morning when such inconveniences were not appreciated. She would never wear the dress again, of course. But neither would she ever throw it away.
and

Quote
Lois blinked at the sound, her own voice strange to her ears not because of any normal distortion experienced when hearing one's own voice spoken from outside one's own head, but because she truly thought it impossible that she had ever been able to laugh. Had her chest ever contained something other than the heavy weight that pulled her down?
I loved her thought process as she fought against accepting the truth that Clark = Superman.

You also did a very good job of taking her from relief to hurt to anger and finally to understanding.

As the others have mentioned, I am very anxious to see what was in the letter! In fact, as a fairly regular reader of stories here, I urge you completely ignore Wendy's ill-advised suggestion, and post Part II immediately!

Just kidding - she's right. You'll get more feedback if you wait a few days. Much as I hate telling you this. But please don't wait too long!!

- Vicki wave

Edited to add: while I was writing this, about 6 other people posted... including you, Lynn. Just wanted to say that I, personally, did not get the impression that Perry had figured it out. So you could play this out either way you want.


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Hi,

Wow! Great story. smile1

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“I’m better. Listen, Martha, I’m going to send you something. It…it…belongs to Clark. I’m going to send it FedEx, so you’ll get it tomorrow. Then, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to come out there. Is that all right…” she waited, holding her breath.

Martha paused for just a second. A heartbeat. “Of course. We would love to see you…”
Is she sending the tape and a warning not run?

More soon, please.

MAF smile1


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As I read it the chills that went throught my body were unreal...then I relized the AC was on too cold. smile

OK all funny stuff aside this is an amazing story. You are blessed with a writers gift for invention. I love reading TOGOM re-writes but this one is one of the best. So descriptive and beautiful. Keep up the good work! Now its my turn to be evil. MORE NOW! smile

~L.L Wanna Be (who hopes nobody raps her in the mouth for speaking her mind)

PS: Some parts of this post have been taken from Superman I but I don't intend to take credit for it wink


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Lynn,
excellent - very well done

ditto others
more soon please
merry

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I'm amazed at the way you write, Lynn! thumbsup thumbsup

Beautiful idea.

Post more soon.
AnnaBtG.


What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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PS: Some parts of this post have been taken from Superman I but I don't intend to take credit for it
Huh? huh

LoisLaneWannaBe, which parts? I didn't notice anything related.

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Well I don't know if there is anything original left to say about this story except to gush like all the rest!

I am in awe of all the writers on this board and now I can add another to the LONG list.

This is W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L! I have to say that sometimes I tend to skim over some of the introspection parts when they get lengthy, but I pored over this word for word!

Lois' feelings of grief and despair and then as the realization dawns on her and she rushes to "prove" it...WOW! notworthy

I will be waiting anxiously for the next 2 parts! Don't wait too long please!! smile

~Liz


Lois: Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I’m going to go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I’m trying to be nice.
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/*me pants and tries desperately to get air into the lungs...

Oh. My. God.

This was just fabulous -- one of the most gripping things I've read from any writer (professional or not) in a long time.

Thanks you for sharing your gift with us and post the rest soon!!!

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This was fantastic. Post both parts now please hyper hyper
It's only 10:40, and a friday nite, I'll stay up please hyper

One little minor thing i was wondering:
<<quote>>
He distrusted her so much that he couldn’t even come to her to tell her his secret after she had thought him dead. Did he not know how she would take his death. <<<Did he truly think that he meant so little to him that she would not be devastated to lose him?>>>

Should that be "Did he truly think that he meant so little to """her""" that she would not be devastated to lose him? ??

Should that the "her" not "him" ? And should there be a ? after the sentence before that.

doublel
(who's typing is so bad tonight, I shouldn't point out anything)


Great job, excellent story

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Wow this was one of the most complete introspection jobs I've seen written about this particular Episode. All the wheels turning in Lois's head ware so real, that you immediately empathise with her character. I am looking very forward ro reading the next few chapters. Great job Lynm, I hope we see much more form you in the future. Laura


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Wow! That was incredible. I can't wait for the next part.

Melisa

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