Thanks, again, as always to Alisha, Beth, Nancy and CarolynK.
Thanks also to the rest of you for being patient and encouraging with the whole nasty virus thing.
*****
Chapter 39
*****
February 1989
*****
"I think I'd rather go back to Paris," Lois said looking aroundher with a slight frown on her face.
"Oh, come on. Where's your sense of adventure?"
"It's frozen!"
Clark smiled at her. "We're staying at the ice hotel in Sweden. Did you expect it to be warm?"
"Last night was," she muttered.
"Last night we stayed in the warm accommodations. Tonight, we're staying in the cold accommodations. Shouldn't the name have told you something?"
"I guess. But if you even think about sleeping in anything but long underwear like the rest of us, you're never going to get that date," she muttered.
He looked at her but didn’t say anything.
She tugged her hat a little further down on her head. "Okay, let's go."
After dinner they returned to the Art Suite that was their own for the night. Lois pulled her snow suit off leaving her long underwear and heavy woolen socks on and climbed into the thermal sleeping bag laid over reindeer skins.
A few minutes later, Clark slid in next to her. "Are you warm enough?"
She shook her head. "My hot water bottle hasn't warmed me up yet."
"You mean me?"
She nodded and sighed, turning carefully to face him. "I'm sorry I've been grumpy today. My head's bothering me."
"Well, why didn't you say so? We could have stayed a different night."
"I know, but I know you've been looking forward to this."
"I would have enjoyed it more if you'd been enjoying it," he pointed out.
"I know." She sighed. "Listen, I was kidding about the whole long underwear thing. You're warmer without it and I know you're not going to get frostbite so..."
"And will I still get that date someday?" he said without inflection.
"Yes. I'm sorry about that. My Advil hadn't kicked in yet. You *are* going to get that date someday before too long. I promise."
A second later, he returned to the sleeping bag in his usual sleep shorts. Lois moved as close as she could to his now-bare chest for warmth.
"Can I be honest with you, Lois?" he finally said.
She moved back slightly, pushing her hat up just a bit so she could see him better. "Of course."
"I didn't think you meant it even when you first said it, but I wish you wouldn't have."
"Said what?"
"About the date."
Lois sighed. "I'm sorry. I *didn't* mean it when I said it."
"I know, but if you're going to threaten me with something, please pick something else next time."
"Okay."
"I mean, you can threaten to make me clean the bathroom as long as we live or to make me fly you breakfast from a different place around the world every morning for a month, but please not that."
"I'm sorry, Clark. Really I am. I won't say that again."
He pulled her closer. "I know and I don’t know why I'm so sensitive to it, but I am."
"It's something that's very important to you so it makes sense." She yawned. "I knew it would sting or I wouldn't have said it."
"Get some sleep. We're going snow mobiling tomorrow and you need some rest.
"Yes, sir."
*****
March 1989
*****
Lois and Clark landed surreptitiously in Perry and Alice's back yard. The flight from Paris wasn't as long as the one from Greece had been, but they were still unable to come more than one weekend every other month or so; they hadn't been back since Christmas.
No one was home when they arrived, but they were expected and so they used the key they had been given for just such occasions and let themselves in the house. Clark took their bag up to the room that was always theirs when they stayed in Metropolis.
"Clark," Lois called. "There's a note here. We're supposed to meet them at 'The Blue Note'. I thought we were staying in like we usually do on our unofficial visits."
Clark emerged down the stairs. "I forgot about that. Perry mentioned it on the phone the other day. It'll be okay just this once. Which dress do you want? How about the black one?"
Lois thought for a moment. "That works. And my black heels that are on the top of the shelf in the closet, in the pink box. And pantyhose. They're in the top left drawer. Black ones."
Clark groaned. "I may have to call you to figure all that out. Why don't you just come with me?"
"Because. If we're going to the Blue Note tonight, I have to start getting ready." She made a shooing motion. "Now scram."
Transatlantic flight without a passenger didn't take Clark long so the moment he left, Lois began to work on her hair and makeup. Fortunately, she had some experience doing such things now and by the time he returned 10 minutes later, she was well under way. She imagined that half of that time was spent hunting around their flat for the appropriate clothing.
Within an hour, they were in Alice's borrowed Jeep Cherokee heading towards downtown Metropolis.
Soon they were greeted by their family and were seated near the dance floor. The table next to them was the one they had shared the day after their wedding and they both felt a bit of nostalgia.
Dinner was delicious and before long, it was time for dancing. Clark stood and extended a hand towards his wife. "Lois, may I have the pleasure of this dance?"
Lois started to nod, but before she could accept the offer, Jimmy cleared his throat.
"Um, before you do that..." He cleared his throat again nervously. "There's something I want to say."
Clark sat back down expectantly.
Jimmy turned to look at Lucy. "Luce, we have been together for years now and I know we're still young, but I love you. I love you more than I could have ever believed possible." He slid off of his chair and down on to one knee, pulling a box out of his pocket and opening it as he went. "Lucy Ellen Lane, will you marry me?"
Lucy and Lois gasped as one. Perry, Alice and Clark all shared a knowing look.
Tears spilled over on to Lucy's face. "Oh, Jimmy! Of course I'll marry you!"
She held out her hand and Jimmy slipped the ring on to her finger. He stood up, pulling her with him and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her soundly.
He turned to the rest of the table. "If my *fiancé* agrees, I'm going to take her to dance." He took Lucy's hand and led her to the dance floor.
Clark stood and took Lois' hand, leading her to the dance floor and pulling her close in his arms. Perry and Alice were right behind them.
"You knew about this didn't you?" Lois accused him.
"Well, yeah. He talked to me about it at Christmas. He figured Perry and I were the closest thing Lucy has to a father and that it was only right that he ask us first for her hand in marriage. He told me he was going to last summer."
Lois rolled her eyes. "And you kept it from me for three whole months?"
Clark grinned down at her. "Yep. He was going to propose last month, but when we couldn't make it, he decided to wait."
She smacked him on the chest. "You are in big trouble, mister. You're not supposed to keep secrets from me."
Clark mocked pain. "I know. And I promise to never keep that kind of secret from you again."
Lois rolled her eyes. "Like you'll ever have that kind of secret to keep from me again."
"Okay. Fine. When we have a daughter some day and she's going to get married and her boyfriend comes to me to ask for her hand in marriage, I won't tell you." He grinned again. "Sound fair?"
Lois grew quiet. Once again, unwittingly she was sure, Clark had reminded her of how unconventional their marriage was. She loved him and they were closer than ever. They flirted and exchanged little touches throughout the day on the hand or arm or whatever, but that was it. She'd taken the date coupon he'd given her for Christmas out several times recently and stared at it, but hadn't brought herself to put it where he could find it. And she loved Clark but it wasn't that heart stopping, all consuming way that he loved her and that she could see in Jimmy and Lucy's eyes – the same thing she saw in Perry and Alice; the same thing she was sure Jonathan and Martha Kent had shared. And she trusted him – more than ever – but she wasn't there yet. Getting closer, but not there.
She sighed and said quietly, "Sure. That sounds fair." She turned her head and moved slightly closer to him so that she wouldn't have to look him in the eye, ever aware that his special senses would pick up on the fact that something was bothering her.
She sighed again and tried to concentrate on anything but Clark holding her in his arms.
Then it hit her. She had been able to blow Lucy off before because Lucy had informed her, that even in these modern times, she and Jimmy had decided to wait until they were married to fully consummate their physical relationship – thanks in large part to the conversation Clark had with them not long after they started dating. Lucy had indicated more than once that they had talked marriage and the wedding itself was already partially planned. The engagement would not be a long one and then Lucy, she was sure, would begin to ask questions about the physical aspects of married life. How on earth was she going to tell her sister – who really had no one else besides Alice to turn to – that she would be the one to give her virginity to her husband first?
Oh how she was dreading that conversation. And it wouldn't surprise her to hear that Jimmy would have a similar conversation with her own husband in the not too distant future.
*****
Clark sighed, certain he knew the thoughts that were floating through Lois' head after he mentioned their future daughter. He had meant the comment to be light hearted and fun, but instead she had taken it hard. She always did when a comment was made – by him or by anyone else – that reminded her that making love with her husband was not something she did.
Their relationship was progressing and he was so grateful it was – even their physical relationship. Oh, not that they were kissing or anything like that, but they held hands while they were walking from time to time and, since he'd practically accosted her after Hurricane Gilbert, she'd become more comfortable patting his arm or chest or resting an arm on his shoulder as he typed up a story – things of that nature. He wasn't sure why, but it had changed things for the better. Maybe because she finally did realize that he'd never push her – even in a sleep-deprived haze. And if someone had suggested a year ago that they'd spend all day in bed together – even for a movie marathon – he would have thought they were crazy.
Her nightmares still came – both from the assault and from growing up – but as they grew closer they woke her less and less.
He still cursed Paul and sometimes daydreamed about meeting him in a dark alley. But Paul was in prison and would be for the rest of his natural life. He'd seen Lois hide the date coupon he'd given her for Christmas the other day, so she'd been thinking about it. Maybe she was almost recovered enough... Well, he knew she might never be fully recovered. That he'd stopped it before the actual rape helped, but there was always the chance that something would trigger a memory for her. She still freaked out on him every once in a while but it hadn't been quite a year yet.
After Jimmy had told him and Perry about his intentions towards Lucy he had indicated that a conversation would be forthcoming about the 'physical side of love' as he had delicately put it. Clark sighed again. How was he going to tell his young friend that after over four years of marriage he was still a vir... vir... very patient man? Perry and Alice knew, but that was it. Maybe Perry would head Jimmy off at the pass, as it were, so that uncomfortable conversation wouldn't happen.
The unmistakable strains if "Unforgettable" filled the room and he pulled Lois slightly closer, as memories of their first dance as husband and wife came flooding back to him.
*****
"They're going to want to talk to us, you know." Lois had changed out of her dress and into a favorite pair of pajamas while Clark had spoken with Perry downstairs.
"I know. Jimmy already said as much to me when he told me and Perry that he wanted to ask Lucy to marry him." Clark pulled on one end of his bow tie and it came loose in his hand. He tugged until it had come from around his neck and hung limply in his hand before he dropped it on the dresser.
He took off the jacket of his tuxedo and tossed it over a nearby chair; cummerbund and suspenders followed. He slowly began to unbutton his shirt, aware of the effect it always had on Lois when he did so. He was her husband. He wasn't going to strip naked – he always left his boxers on – but it wasn't terribly uncommon for him to undress down to his skivvies in front of her – he had since not long after they got married. He always put a pair of shorts on immediately afterwards, but the boxers really didn't show any more than the shorts did. He understood completely why Lois didn't feel comfortable doing the same. While he had yet to see her in her underwear on purpose – he had accidentally walked in once or twice when he was not paying attention with his super senses – he had seen her under garments many, many times while folding laundry and was aware that they covered considerably less than his boxers did. She had little compunction about wearing a mostly modest two piece swim suit in front of him, but underwear was different.
And so, he unbuttoned his tuxedo shirt, one button at a time, aware that her heart began to beat a bit faster, further confirming what he had known for years – and she'd never denied. She was physically attracted to him, and he understood why she wasn't ready for a truly physical relationship. After what happened last year, on top of the things her parents had said and done her whole life, she was much further than he thought he could realistically expect, but possibly not as far as they would have been if they’d stayed local and she – or they – had seen a professional on a regular basis.
He sighed again.
"So? What do we tell them when they ask us about that part of married life?" Lois had been talking while he was lost in thought.
He shrugged out of the shirt and tossed it next to the tuxedo jacket. "The truth, I guess. I don't want to give them wrong information because we don't know what we're talking about."
Lois nodded and pulled the poncho liner blanket – which she never travelled with out – up over her legs. She pulled her knees to her chest as she sat against the headboard. "I suppose the truth is the best option."
"It usually is."
"Does it still bother you as much, Clark?"
The question was so soft he wondered if he would have even heard it without his enhanced hearing ability.
He unbuckled his belt and began to take off his pants. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that she wasn't looking at him as he did so. Sometimes she would if they were talking, but others... other times he could see memories of the attack in her eyes. Watching him take off his shirt and ogling him a bit – yes, it was definitely discrete ogling – was one thing, but taking off his pants seemed to remind her of the assault. They'd talked about it and she'd told him as much, but she didn't know what triggered it – why sometimes she flashed back and others she didn't.
"I won't lie to you, Lois; I never have. I love you more than life itself and you know there have been so times that I have wanted to take you in my arms and kiss you and spend all night making love with you. But..." He raised a hand as she opened her mouth to speak. "...I understand where you are, where you have been since we got married, since the whole debacle last year and I would never, ever presume that my physical... desires are more important than your emotional and psychological needs to wait until the timing is right."
Tears began to flow down her face. "I know that, Clark, but sometimes I need to hear you say it again." She took a breath. "What on earth did I do to deserve you?" she asked. "How did I get the most understanding man on earth to want to marry me?"
He finished removing his pants and they landed on top of the shirt and jacket. He shrugged as he walked towards the suitcase to find a pair of shorts to go over his boxers. "Just lucky, I guess." He turned to look at her, shorts in hand. "It's gotten easier over the years. I'm not sure if that's really a good thing or not, but it has."
"I don't know, either, if that's a good thing or not. I guess it is as long as it stops becoming a good thing, an easy thing, once I'm ready for that."
Clark sat down on the bed to pull his shorts over his feet. "Somehow, I don't think that's going to be a problem."
*****
Lois dropped her head into her hands and groaned. "Clark and I talked about this last night. That this conversation was coming. I just didn't expect it to come quite so soon."
"Well, Lois, the wedding is only about eight weeks away. We knew we were going to get married then; we just hadn't made it official. I had no idea when Jimmy was actually going to propose. He told me that last night was Clark making up for not being able to take us last summer before you left for Greece, so I didn't know it was part of his plan." She took a sip of her soda as they sat at the outdoor café. "So, tell me, oh married big sister. What do I need to know?"
Lois stared into her iced tea for several minutes before responding. "Luce, there is something you need to know. I love Clark dearly and he loves me, but... this has always been a marriage of... convenience for lack of a better term. He asked me to marry him the day after Mom and Dad died as a way to keep us out of the foster care system. I didn't see any other way to make sure we didn't end up in different places and so I said yes." She took a long sip of her iced tea. "Lucy, Clark and I... we've never... Our marriage is still unconsummated."
She refused to look her sister in the eye, knowing that it had to be a shock to the younger Lane sister.
Lucy sipped her own drink. "That explains a lot. I wondered... Not about whether you two... you know, did it or not, but how I never heard you. I mean there was no wall to that loft. I didn't dare stick my head out there unless I desperately needed to go to the bathroom. I never thought about it in any detail or anything but the thought did cross my mind from time to time. Once I found out about Clark, I figured you guys snuck out the window to a field somewhere or a hut in the Caribbean or something. When you didn't make out under the mistletoe that first Christmas, I wondered what was up with that, but figured you just didn't want to do the PDA thing."
Lois shook her head. "No. There's only been a couple of times over the years where we came even remotely close. One was on our wedding night. Aunt Louise knew, but she sent us to a hotel anyway to give us some time to get used to being together before you moved in with us. That night we fell asleep watching a movie on the couch. When we woke up, we were kissing. We had both been dreaming and... We both stopped it before it got too far. The other time... It was right after Professor Smith attacked me. I thought he'd been sleeping with Mayson and I thought if I..." She stared into her tea for a long moment.
"He stopped it before it got far at all. He knew what was happening and he stopped everything after a couple of kisses." She smiled by wryly. "It probably didn't help that I was bawling like a baby the whole time. He didn't know about the rumors about Mayson and he didn't know some of the things Mom and Dad had told me growing up and how skewed it made my perceptions of some things – and I'm not going to tell you what they were because I don’t want them to affect you on some subconscious level. Maybe someday – but not now. Then last year when he got back from after Hurricane Gilbert, he was literally out of his mind exhausted and sort of made a pass at me, for lack of a better term, but fell asleep before anything really happened." She took a deep breath. "So anyway, Clark and I have never..." her voice trailed off.
"Will you hate me if I ask how Clark feels about this?" Lucy asked.
Lois shook her head. "He's not happy about it, but he accepted it even before I accepted his proposal. I told him then that I wasn't ready for that aspect of married life and I didn't know if I would ever be. We were both so busy during college – with classes and jobs and internships and stuff, we hardly ever saw each other. After I convinced myself there was something going on with Mayson, I did my best to be asleep before he got home. And now... After the whole thing last year, well, he was even more understanding after that. He'd always told me that he'd never pressure me into doing something I didn't want or wasn't ready for, and he's kept his word."
"Um, Lois?"
"Yeah?"
"You have seen him, right? You do know how gorgeous he is? I mean, I love Jimmy, don't get me wrong, but Clark... Clark is every woman's dream. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry..." She lowered her voice. "...he flies, he's drop dead gorgeous and has abs that just won't quit. How can you not want to be with him?"
Lois smiled wryly. "I didn't say I wasn't attracted to him physically, I am, but I'm not ready to go down that road until I'm really ready. I think it would ruin us if we pushed it before I'm ready. I still have too many flashbacks to last year. The thought still terrifies me. Though," she admitted, "it's getting better." She reached out and took her little sister's hand. "I am sorry, Luce, that I'm not more help here, but maybe you should talk to Alice."
Lucy nodded and let the subject drop.
*****
"Did Jimmy talk to you today, too?" Lois said as she put their things away in their Paris apartment.
"He tried, but Perry kept him busy. He told me that he'd talk to him and try not to give anything away, but steer him away from me at the same time."
"Well, I'm sure he knows by now. If not, he will soon."
"Why?"
"Lucy did talk to me today." She sat cross-legged on the bed. "I told her everything. Or close enough to everything."
"Ah." Clark seated himself in mid-air at the end of the bed, something he'd only recently figured out how to do comfortably. After so many years of hiding everything he could do, the idea that he could do these things was taking some getting used to. For some reason, even though he would heat hot chocolate or boil water for tea or even make a Christmas turkey with his eyes, he'd never really thought to try things like this until they'd been stuck in an impossibly small hotel room in Italy several months earlier. That was one trip they hadn't written up. Maybe they should write a 'Traveling the Planet with Lane and Kent: Top Forty Places to Avoid in Europe' column. "What did she say?"
"She asked how you felt about it and said she'd wondered if we'd flown off to some tropical island after she was asleep because she never heard us. Either that or we were a lot quieter than Mom and Dad had been." She shuddered. "I'm glad she's the one who shared a wall with them and not me. I have enough trauma to deal with without that on top of it. I mean, I heard them once or twice when I fell asleep in her room, but she told me once that it rare the first time around but was an almost nightly occurrence after they remarried."
"Isn't that a good thing, to an extent? That they were together regularly?"
Lois shrugged. "I don’t know. They only did after they fought and they fought all the time. I would much rather have had sexually frustrated parents who didn't fight constantly those last couple of years."
He nodded thoughtfully. "I guess that might have been preferable, but parents who had a healthy love life but didn’t fight would probably have been better."
"As long as neither one of us had to hear it."
"True. Anyway, I told her to talk to Alice and she said she was going to." She picked at the blanket. "Clark, I've been thinking about something."
"What's that?"
"We have more money than we know what to do with, right?"
He laughed. "Oh, I'm sure we could find a way to spend it all if we really wanted to, but yeah."
"What if we put the money from my parents into a fund of some kind to help pay for school for both of them and help with whatever other expenses they have? Help pay for the wedding and as long as they stay in school, help with that, and once they graduate they get all of whatever's left."
"Well, it's *your* money. Yours and Lucy's that is. Not mine."
"Well, you put everything from your parents into both of our names last year – officially anyway. How is this different?"
"Well, I don't have any siblings to share it with and we didn't have everything else then either."
"True."
"We don't need it. I don't have any problem giving it to them and now that you're over 21, it's all in your control anyway."
"Then let's do that."
"Sounds good to me." He floated over to the bed. "But I think we need to get some sleep."
She nodded. "I think we do too."
"Hold still."
She closed her eyes and a second later, Clark had moved her under the covers and wrapped her in his arms. "Good night," she whispered.
"Good night."
*****
"Lois, do you know where Lucy and Jimmy are planning on going for their honeymoon?"
Lois looked up from where her head rested on his chest. One of Clark’s hands played with her hair as it did so many times. It had been a week since Jimmy proposed and she'd talked to her sister nearly every day since working on wedding plans. "I think they're staying at the Lexor for a night and then taking a week off, but spending it at home. Why?"
"Why is that?"
She shrugged. "Budget constraints, I guess."
Clark looked thoughtful. "Something you said the other night made me think. What if we got them a night in the honeymoon suite at the Lexor as a wedding present?"
"Okay, but I don't know that they really care as long as it's clean and has a bed."
"Still. They're only getting married once. I'll call tomorrow and see if I can get it for them, but what if we sent them somewhere else for the rest of their honeymoon?"
"Like where?"
She could feel him grin. "Their very own deserted island."
She looked up at him in surprise. "What?"
"You said that Lucy thought we flew off to a deserted tropical island somewhere right?"
"Yeah."
"So why don't we find one? I'll go find an island in the Caribbean or somewhere and I bet I could build them a little hut that would keep them dry and a bed out of something and stuff and fly them there the day after the wedding. I could check in with them a couple of times – prearranged of course."
Lois laughed. "Prearranged would be a good idea."
"Or somewhere off the coast of Spain or North Africa so I can hear them if they need anything and scream loud enough. Anyway, they wouldn't have to stay at home. I'm sure it would be fine, but I'm also sure that getting away might be really nice too."
She nodded thoughtfully. "What if we surprise them, though? Just tell them that we're taking care of arrangements but to pack a swimsuit and clothes for a warm climate?"
"Sounds good to me." He hugged her a little tighter. "And maybe we can use it someday, too."
"Someday. And we can stay in bed all day but since there's no electricity, we'll have to do something besides have a movie marathon." She paused. "Someday."
"Someday that sounds great. Think they'll go for it?"
"Free honeymoon? We would have, wouldn’t we?"
"We did, as I recall."
"What would we have done if Aunt Louise hadn't sent us to the hotel?" Lois asked thoughtfully.
"Spent the night in your bed at home. Or tried to. I might have ended up on the floor."
She laughed. "It was a little small for the two of us, wasn't it?"
"Oh, I think we'd do better with it now – we're more used to being close to each other and know how each other sleeps and how we move in our sleep and stuff like that, but then... You needed the room to feel secure more than you do now, I think. I know you still *like* the room and you like the option of having more room, but I think we also stay closer to each other than we used to. Remember that hotel in Italy?"
She groaned. "Yeah. It's a good thing you can sleep while floating and holding me at the same time. If we weren’t taking that tour the next day that I was really looking forward to, we would have left."
"And you didn't have any problem being that close to me all night – you didn't have anywhere else to go and you were fine."
"I think that had more to do with the state of the room than anything else, but you're right. And Aunt Louise was right. We needed that time together. It gave us something to build on those first six months or so."
"And now we're building on what we had those six months and we're getting there, aren't we?" he asked, slightly hesitant.
"Yes, we are. Soon," she whispered. "I promise. It'll be soon."
"Good," he whispered back.
*****
TBC
