PREVIOUSLY...
Clark was about to start shaking his head. He wasn’t interested in counseling. He didn’t need counseling. And relationship counseling with Mayson would just be... weird.
“...it would mean a lot to me.”
He hesitated. She really had been understanding - far more than he had any right to expect. And she asked so little in return. “Okay, Mayson. So when do we go?”**
“Are you telling me that we’re both about to end up at the same retreat, with our respective partners, for couples’ counseling?” Lois asked nervously.
AND NOW...
* * * * * * * * *
Chapter Thirty-One
* * * * * * * * *
**Clark looked around as they strolled across the campground. Several times since agreeing to this little trip, he’d tried to back out. The problem, he’d been forced to admit more and more often over recent weeks, was that he didn’t love Mayson - knew that he would never love Mayson.
And Clark had never been able to understand people who could engage in casual intimacy. One might be tempted to laugh at that - considering that he’d gone to bed with Lane when they hadn’t even been dating. On the other hand, nothing that had happened between him and Lane had been casual. And, in spite of how things had ended, he didn’t believe it had been casual for her either.
Still, none of that helped him deal with Mayson. He couldn’t take things further between them, and yet at the same time, he enjoyed spending time with her. She was smart and funny. Well educated and able to hold her own in any discussion. Of course, her best asset was that she loved football. Many a pleasant afternoon or evening had been spent in sweats, drinking beer and eating pizza while watching a game. In fact, in many ways, he knew Mayson better than he’d ever known Lane. Mayson was a very welcome distraction to spending his spare time at home trying not to fantasize about what he could never have.
Those fantasies sometimes seemed so real - floating with her above the city, having her tell him he wasn’t alone anymore, even having her tell him she loved him. And without being able to spend time with Mayson, he felt as if he could get lost in those fantasies. Shouldn’t his feelings for Lane begin to slacken over time? Yet he couldn’t keep from feeling that they should be discussing marriage, not dating other people.
Was he using Mayson? He’d pondered that question several times in recent weeks. Maybe in some ways he was - if one considered dating only as a means of determining lifetime compatibility. However, if it was a social convention designed to spend time with a person one liked, he wasn’t. And certainly at first he had hoped that Mayson would eventually displace Lane in his heart. But at this point... maybe this was no longer fair to Mayson.
“You’ll be the bobcats,” their guide said, stopping in front of the doors to one of the cabins.
“Thank you,” Mayson responded, practically skipping up the steps. Unlike Clark, she was obviously excited to be there. Letting out a breath, he followed, taking their luggage with him.
He stepped through the cabin door.
And froze.
There was only one, admittedly very large, bed.
“Oh, relax, Clark,” Mayson said, obviously seeing the look on his face. “We’re both adults.”
Clark blinked. Right. They were both adults. Just because they were staying in a single room with a large double bed didn’t mean that she would be expecting them to be intimate.**
“And did she?” Lois asked. Then, before he could respond, she continued. “Okay. Okay. I know one step at a time. We’ve got to work through these memories chronologically for some reason - and I don’t imagine that she pulled you onto the bed and began ravaging you the moment you closed the door. Although... how she could resist, I’m not entirely sure. Probably just proves that she wasn’t too bright.”
“Lo-is,” Clark growled.
“Okay,” she said as her only acknowledgment of his rebuke. “Anyway, I remember being annoyed when Dan and I got to that first group session.”
**Lois fumed. They were late to their first class. Not that it particularly mattered. Lois believed in these type of programs almost as much as she believed in vampires, Sasquatch and time travel. Counseling. Getting in touch with one’s feelings. Blaming one’s parents for everything wrong in life. Please. Why didn’t people just pull themselves up by their bootstraps? Still, being there early would have allowed her to get a feel for the place, do some snooping before they had to rush off to class. And that was the reason they were there, after all.**
“You didn’t believe in time travel?” Clark asked.
“Before we first met Herb, did you?”
Clark let out a breath. She had a point. “Do you think that means vampires and Sasquatch also exist?”
She swatted his arm.
“Anyway,” he said, picking up on her story, “I remember how I first found out that you were there.”
**Clark sat cross legged on the floor, looking, with the rest of the participants, at the man at the front. Larry Smiley.
“Harmonicity,” Smiley said. “Now put away your Funk and Wagnalls, that ain’t English. It’s what I call a ‘Larryism.’
“Harmonicity is a blend, if you will, of complimentary desires.” Smiley turned to look at a large portrait of an older woman on the wall behind him. “And as my dear mama would tell ya, that’s what nature meant marriage to be.”
Clark swallowed hard. He thought this was a relationship seminar, not a marriage seminar. It would explain, however, why the cabin only had one bed. He chanced a quick look at Mayson, wondering suddenly if this was some kind of set up - to get him thinking about marriage. Or was she as surprised by this as he was? She was looking at Smiley, not giving away her thoughts.
“How ‘bout it, folks? We got harmonicity?” Smiley asked.
Clark’s eyebrows rose when everyone around him began smiling and nodding enthusiastically. He’d always believed in self-help seminars and groups, but something was off here. These people were acting cultish. He suddenly smiled as he had a flash of how Lane would react to being here. He could almost see her smirk in his mind. Not that she would be caught dead coming to something like this.
“Well, heck,” Smiley continued. “Then take hands! Smile on yourselves!”
Clark felt incredibly uncomfortable as everyone joined hands. Any moment now, he half expected people would be coming around with the purple kool-aid. A glance at Mayson told him that she was as ecstatic as everyone else appeared to be.
“Mama!” Smiley said, turning back to the portrait. “Darn if I can’t feel it! I feel the harmony. I feel the love.”
Clark’s eyebrows rose. This guy most definitely had an Oedipus complex. It was as creepy as everything else about this place.
The sudden commotion coming from outside the door was a welcome relief. Like a door had been opened and a breath of fresh air had been let into the room.
“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” a man said.
“Of course not,” a woman responded. “You’re a man. Looking at a map would violate some sort of man-code.”
Clark’s head jerked up. He knew that voice.
“Would you relax? We’re a few minutes late. It’s not like the world’s going to end.”
The door opened and Clark froze as Lane swept into the room, bringing unexpected color and sanity to the loony-bin. She’d cut her hair. It looked good. Really good. His eyes drifted down the tantalizing line of her neck that the new haircut revealed, visions planting kisses along every inch of the surface dancing through his mind.
Then Scardino pushed past Lane to enter the room and Clark felt as if he’d been hit by a Mac truck.
“Sorry we’re...” Lane’s voice trailed off when her eyes met Clark’s.
“...late,” Dan completed for her since she suddenly appeared to have lost the power of speech.
“Male and Female Hawk,” Smiley said. “And not a moment too soon.” He gestured to the crowd gathered around, indicating that they should come further into the room. It seemed to take Dan’s hand on her arm to finally allow her to break eye contact with Clark. Her eyes drifted for a moment to the woman sitting next to him before she looked away.
Had something happened that he hadn’t heard about? This was a marriage seminar, after all. So had she and Scardino...? Had he known what it felt like to suffer from heart contractions, he’d have sworn that was what he was feeling now.**
“I was thinking something very different when I spotted you,” Lois said.
**Of all the stupid luck. Kent was obviously onto this story, too. Although why he’d chosen to come here with Mayson instead of his own partner... Now that didn’t make a lot of sense. On the other hand, having his own personal D.A. around might be handy once he broke the story. Not to mention what other things Ms. D.A. might be doing for him in one of those small cabins with the large beds.
No. Lois was definitely not going there. She didn’t care what Kent did in that large double bed. She didn’t. Not at all. Just as long as he stayed out of hers. After all, she had Dan now. She reached out and took Dan’s hand. Not that Dan was going to be doing anything for her in the large double bed in their cabin. But if Kent wanted to believe that they were making wild monkey love all night, that was just fine with her. In fact, she might just get the urge to engage in a little spontaneous screaming tonight, just to let Kent know that she no longer cared about him, what he did or who he did it with.
Of course, Dan would certainly be surprised if she started to scream as if suddenly in the throws of ecstasy while he was sitting in a chair on the far side of the room reading a book. ‘Yes! Yes! Yes! Harder! Harder! Harder!’ She giggled - only then realizing that for some reason the entire group had been sitting in silent meditation.
“Larry!” one of the women said, her hand going up. “Female Hawk is giggling.”
Suddenly, everyone was looking at Lois.
“Female Hawk,” Smiley said. “Honey, this is serious business. This is no time for giggling.”
Lois suddenly spotted a name tag on one of the employees. ‘Kathy.’ Michelle’s sister had said that Michelle had mentioned a Kathy.
“Female Hawk, did you hear what I said?” Smiley asked.
“Huh?” Lois looked back at Smiley.
“Here we speak what I call ‘blunt speak,’” Smiley said. “And that’s a... what?”
The woman who’d ratted on Lois raised her hand again.
“Yes?” Smiley asked, gesturing to the woman.
“A Larryism.”
“Right you are, Female Lemur. And, Female Hawk, bluntly speaking, you need a change of attitude. Maybe you need a time out.”
Lois looked around at the group. They were all staring back at her. Well, all except one. Kent had his head down and seemed to be trying not to laugh. His efforts affected her. She giggled again. At least one other person here seemed to appreciate the insanity of the situation.
“Oh, yes, Female Hawk. You definitely need a time out. Step outside and don’t return ‘til you’re singin’ with the choir.”
Lois quickly rose to her feet. “Really?” she asked. “Do I have to? Shucks.” She could see Kent’s shoulders shaking in silent laughter and she had to fight to keep from joining him. Turning quickly, she rushed from the room, barely getting the door closed behind her before bursting into laughter. That had to be one of the most ludicrous experiences she’d ever had.**
“What made you laugh?” Lois asked.
“Well, just before you came in, I was wondering how you’d react to Smiley’s techniques. I kept thinking that you’d find it amusing, so when you laughed...” He shrugged. “After you left, Mayson jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow. I guess you weren’t the only one who noticed I was laughing. But unlike you, I didn’t get a time out. Guess I’m just more likeable.”
Lois smacked his arm in retaliation. “Anyway, getting that time out gave me an opportunity to talk to Kathy and do some snooping around.”
“Just like it did in our reality. Has it ever occurred to you that there are now two realities now where you got a time out? Do you think that signifies something?” Clark asked, grinning.
“I think it signifies that I have a problem with insanity,” she responded immediately. Her grin then faded. “I was surprised, though, at how much Dan seemed to get into it.”
“What do you mean?”
**Lois was busy writing up her notes when she heard the door open. She looked up to see Dan enter the cabin. The slammed door made her eyebrows jump into her hairline. It was so out of character for Dan.
“What’s up with you?” she asked.
“You didn’t come back.”
“What?”
“After your time out, you didn’t come back.”
“So?”
“Look. The only reason I agreed to come on this little undercover operation of yours was that I thought we might be able to benefit from some couple’s counseling. And then... you walked out of the seminar and never came back.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lois responded.
“Are you telling me that you honestly don’t think we have a problem?” Dan said. “It’s been six months since we started dating, and still all I get from you is ‘I’m not ready.’”
“Are you saying that the only reason you’re here is because you think this is going to make me sleep with you?” she asked in disbelief. “And you expect that to change because of some nutcase who says things like ‘harmonicity’ and ‘larryisms’ and orders adults to take ‘time outs?’”
“We’ve got a problem, Lois. And if you don’t see that...”
“Don’t you mean ‘if I don’t sleep with you...’ Which, by the way, I don’t see as a problem.”
“I’m not just talking about our sleeping or not sleeping together. I go to kiss you - and you turn your cheek to me as often as not.” He let out a frustrated breath. “So I suppose that means you aren’t planning to go to the one on one counseling I set up with Larry later today.”
Lois was about to tell him he was crazy if he thought she was going to spill her guts to that nutcase, when she hesitated. “Oh.” She thought for a moment more. “That’s a great idea. Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Lois suddenly said.
Dan narrowed his eyes. “Why do I get a bad feeling about this?”
“Relax. I’ve just got one or two questions I’d like to ask Smiley. Do you think that’s his real name?”
Dan sighed. “Why do I get the feeling your ‘questions’ don’t have anything to do with our relationship?”**
“Now, that is interesting,” Clark said. “Mayson dragged me to one of those sessions, too.”
**“Come in! Come in, Male and Female Bobcat!” Smiley said, gesturing Mayson and Clark into the log cottage. Bear skins lined the wall. Bookshelves were filled with leather bound books. A fire was burning in the fireplace.
“This is very cozy,” Clark said nervously. At least during the group sessions, he could blend into the background. Now that he was front and center, he really didn’t think this was a good idea.
“Well, don’t just stand there like a bump on a log,” Smiley said. “As my good mama would say, furniture is meant to be sat upon.”
“Uhh... look. I’m not sure this is necessary,” Clark said. “I think the group sessions are good enough.”
“Male Bobcat, God is good - but never dance in a small boat,” Smiley said.
“Huh?”
“I think what Larry is trying to say is that it’s better to get help now than to wait until it’s too late,” Mayson said. As she spoke, she tugged on Clark’s arm, pulling him towards an overstuffed couch.
“The little lady has it right. As my good mama used to say, God helps those who help themselves.”
With a sigh, Clark took a seat on the couch.
“Now, Female Bobcat. What do you think is the main barrier preventing the two of you from achieving harmonicity in your relationship?”
Clark watched Mayson shift uncomfortably. “Well, he doesn’t seem to want to be intimate with me.”**
“Have I told you lately that I love you?” Lois said, giving her husband a kiss.
“What brought that on?”
“You not sleeping with Mayson.”
“How could I? I was in love with you.”
“It’s interesting, though. Because Dan and my meeting with Smiley started off in much the same way.”
**Lois curiously studied the titles of the books lining the bookshelf. Most of them appeared to be counseling or self-help texts - the type of book she avoided with a passion. If only she could spot a text on the idiot’s guide to kidnapping, she’d be all set. After all, this guy was just crazy enough to be behind the disappearance of so many couples in Metropolis.
“Well, don’t just stand there growing roots,” Smiley said. “Come in and take a seat.”
With a sigh, Lois joined Dan on the overstuffed couch.
“So, Male Hawk, what do you see as the main barrier to the two of you achieving harmonicity in your relationship?”
“Well, Lois seems to have some barriers in regards to intimacy and I can’t seem to break through them.”
“Oh great,” Lois mumbled under her breath.
“So what do you think the reason is for these barriers?” Smiley asked.
“I don’t have barriers! Just because I don’t want...” She cut off her words. No. They were supposed to be married. So she couldn’t exactly admit that they weren’t sleeping together. Or that she had no desire to sleep with him. “I just don’t think that a couple’s relationship should be defined by what happens in the bedroom.”
“I have no argument with you there, Female Hawk,” Smiley said.
Lois let out a breath of relief. She really didn’t want to talk about sex with either of these men.
“But problems in the bedroom are usually symptomatic of problems in other areas.”
Oh, great.
“So let’s get into it then. As my dear mama used to say, admitting you have a problem is half way to a solution.”
Lois fought the urge to roll her eyes. Was this guy anything more than a cliche factory?**
“So how did you deal with the sex problem?” Lois asked, looking over at her husband.
Clark rolled his eyes. “Well, Smiley had a... slightly unique approach.”
**“I have just the thing for you,” Larry said, rising from his chair. He left the room for a moment, and when he returned he was holding a brown paper bag. “Reach in and take one.”
Clark and Mayson both did as instructed, each pulling out, much to Clark’s surprise, a fortune cookie.
“Okay, now what I want you to do is to read your fortune. And after the fortune, add the words: ‘in bed.’”
Skeptically, Clark waited for Mayson to open her cookie.
“The next full moon brings enchanted evening... in bed.”
“Well, now,” Smiley said. “According to my calender, the next full moon is tomorrow night.”
Clark swallowed hard when he saw the look of ecstacy on Mayson’s face.
“Go on, son. Read yours,” Smiley said.
“Look, I...” Then, seeing the expectant looks on Mayson and Smiley’s faces, he opened his cookie. “You will soon take a pleasant and successful trip,” Clark said.
“Add the final phrase,” Smiley instructed.
Clark hesitated for a moment. “In bed,” he said.
“Good!” Larry clapped his hands together. “Well, folks, I have another couple to see, but I think we’re well on our way here to achieving... What?”
“Harmonicity,” Mayson said enthusiastically.
“Right you are, Female Bobcat.”**
“What about you?” Clark asked.
“Well, we never actually got quite as far as the fortune cookies.”
“Oh?”
**“This is crazy,” Lois said, rising to her feet. No way did she intend to discuss her parents’ sex life with Smiley. Or with Dan for that matter.
“Female Hawk,” Smiley said. “You’re heading down a one way street.”
“That’s good then, because I’m only going one way.” Having said her piece, she stormed towards the door.
“Does she always have such a problem listening?” she heard Smiley ask Dan as she slammed the door.
“I don’t have a problem listening,” Lois muttered to herself as she marched in the direction of her cabin. “I’m just choosing to ignore what you have to say.”
She got half way to her cabin when she came to a sudden stop. “Damn!” she exclaimed. Dan had got her so side-tracked that she’d forgotten to question Smiley about Arnold and Michelle. She turned back around, but it was obviously too late. Dan was coming out of the cabin. There was no way she could slip the questions casually into the counseling session now.**
“Wait a minute,” Clark said. “Didn’t Mayson and I run into you and Dan when we were leaving the session?”
Lois cringed. “Now that you mention it...”
**Not exactly paying attention to where she was going, Lois plowed directly into a man’s chest. And not just any chest. She knew this chest. She knew the way the muscles rippled when she moved her hands across its plains and valleys. She knew the sounds that emanated from that chest when its owner was in the throws of passion.
She quickly stepped back. “Sorry,” she mumbled, not meeting his eyes. She didn’t need to. She knew who was standing before her.
“Kent,” Dan said pleasantly. “I thought I saw you earlier.”
Oh, god. They weren’t actually going to have a conversation, were they? Kent and Ms. D.A. and her and Dan. No. This was just all wrong. “I think Smiley’s expecting us,” Lois said, hoping to end this encounter now before this whole situation got any more awkward.
“Oh, he’ll wait a minute,” Dan said. “So who’s this?” As he spoke, he looked at the woman beside Kent.
“Mayson Drake,” Mayson responded, holding one hand out to Dan while slipping her other through the crook in Kent’s arm.
“Dan Scardino,” Dan replied.
Mayson’s eyes turned towards Lois. “I didn’t know you were married, Lois.”
“Uhh...” Her eyes flicked to Kent. He was obviously listening.
“Oh, we’re not married,” Dan said. “Not yet, anyway. So I take it you two...”
Lois felt dread rising in her chest like waves pounding on the rocks. It hadn’t even occurred to her to wonder if they were married. But in that one moment, it felt as if the storm was about to crash in around her, drowning her in its turbulent waters.
“No... well not yet,” Mayson said.
And suddenly, the seas calmed. But... what did ‘not yet’ mean? It was the same thing Dan had said. Still... those words could mean almost anything.
“So are you enjoying the sessions?” Dan asked.
“Very much. Larry Smiley certainly gives you a lot to think about,” Mayson said.
Lois fought the urge to roll her eyes. What did Smiley make Mayson think about? Harmonicity? Blunt speak? Larryisms?
“I like the new haircut.”
Kent’s softly spoken words caused Lois’ eyes to finally connect with his.
And time froze.
“Well, I suppose we should...” Dan said, gesturing to the door to Smiley’s cabin.
Lois quickly broke eye contact with Kent - suddenly wondering how long they’d been staring at each other. She quickly shook herself free of whatever spell had overtaken her when her eyes had met Kent’s. “It was nice seeing you. But Dan’s right...” Without completing her thought, Lois slipped past the ‘happy couple’ on her way to the front door of the cabin. Suddenly, meeting with Smiley seemed the lesser of two evils.**
“So what happened when you got back to your cabin? Did you sleep on air - the way you did when we went to Smiley’s retreat?”
“I never told Mayson I had... unique abilities. For some reason, I just had this feeling that if she knew, she wouldn’t be nearly so accepting of me.”
“Even in this reality?”
Clark nodded.
“You still didn’t answer my question, Clark.”
Clark shifted in his chair. “What question would that be?”
“What happened when you got back to your cabin?”
TO BE CONTINUED...
