Thanks as always to Beth, Mary Beth, and Carol!
From Chapter 12:
With a sigh, he got up. He could not deal with the agony in those cries. He moved toward the larger bedroom and moved over to the closet. He had helped Superman build the secret compartment, so he had no trouble opening it.
He wondered if this was a mistake. He pulled one of the suits out and using the spinning thing that Superman had showed him earlier that day, he spun into it.
He looked in the mirror. Not quite right. He took his glasses off and pushed his hair back. There. He did not look exactly like Superman since he was younger, but he doubted anyone would notice the subtle differences.
Chapter 13:
When Clark landed on the Smallville farm, it was four in the morning, so he was not surprised to see that the only light on was in the kitchen where his mother was up making breakfast.
She took one look at her son as he stepped into the backdoor and abandoned the eggs she had been making to move over and engulf him in her arms. “Are you alright?” she asked.
“It was awful,” Clark said, going with the emotion that was at the fore of everything he was feeling. “I don't know how he does it. I don't see how I'll ever be able to do it.”
“Martha, are my eggs burning?” Jonathan asked as he entered the kitchen. “Superman, what are you doing up?” he asked, taking notice of the other person in the room.
“Oh, shoot!” Martha said, moving back to the eggs which were indeed burning. As she moved away, Jonathan got a closer look at Superman and realized he was mistaken.
“Clark? What are you doing, son?”
“Clark?” came the sleepy voice of Superman from the doorway. If she had not been so worried about her son, Martha would have giggled. Clark was wearing the suit and Superman was wearing Clark's pajamas.
“How do you do it?” Clark asked, despondently.
“Why are you wearing that?” Superman said, ignoring Clark's question as his tired brain tried to work out what was going on.
“There was a fire in Suicide Slum and there were families trapped inside some of the apartments. I remembered you saying you were going away, but I wasn't sure where you were or what I was supposed to do while you were gone, but I couldn't listen to those cries.”
Clark sat down heavily. “I don't know how you do this.”
“Was it bad?” Superman asked, deciding that maybe the conversation on Clark staying Clark could wait for now. He knew he was the only person in the entire world who could really understand what Clark was going through at the moment.
“I waited too long. There were five families and I only managed to save one,” Clark said as the tears fell onto the table.
Martha moved to sit beside him, wrapping an arm around him. “If you hadn't gone, no one would have been saved.”
“But if I had gone earlier…”
“Clark,” Superman said gently. “I know it's hard right now, but those people you saved – what you did means the world to them. What you did was enough.”
“I can't do this,” Clark said. “I don't see how I'll ever be able to do this.”
Superman moved to place a hand on his back. “You will be able to do this, and until then, I'll be here.”
Clark shook his head, not convinced. “It's too hard,” he said, mostly to himself. Something was niggling at him, some long forgotten memory, but he tamped it down. He did not want to remember.
“No, it's not, but it takes some getting used to,” Superman counseled him.
Clark shook his head. “But why? Why is it so hard? It's not like I've never helped out before.”
Superman smiled slightly, “Yeah, I can't explain it, but Superman is different. He's more visible and that means people respond to him more, but once the fear of being recognized goes away, being Superman is freer. You can do more to help when you're not trying to hide in the shadows.”
“I want to be able to do this myself, but…” Clark said, trailing off as he could not seem to focus on just one reason why he was finding this difficult. Briefly, he wondered if he would find it as difficult if Superman were not here – if Superman was providing a crutch for him to lean on, but he was too tired for such thoughts right now.
“Why were you here tonight?” Clark asked. There was no malice in his voice, just confusion.
Superman moved to sit across from him and explained what had happened with Luthor earlier.
“So, you listened to him?” Clark asked, confused.
“Well, I needed to. I didn't want to impact the timeline and it was what I did in my universe.” Superman tried to ignore the fact that his visit to Lois yesterday did not exactly fit into the original timeline. He just assumed that if he went too far off track, Herb would show up.
“Oh,” Clark said. “So, I probably was not supposed to fill in.”
“No,” Superman said gently,
“But what am I supposed to do?” Clark asked. “I can't just listen to those calls for help. How did you do that without answering them?”
Superman sighed, “It was hard, but it's only for a few days, and I just kept thinking about Luthor's words. They scared me.”
“And now?” Clark asked, wondering how this man went on to become Superman permanently if he felt that way.
“I realized I was wrong. That disappearing didn't accomplish anything, but it took a few days.”
“So, while you pretend to work that out again, people have to die here?” Clark asked, anger seeping into his voice. “I can't do that.”
Superman smiled slightly. Maybe this would be much faster than he and Lois had feared. “Clark, I feel like I need to do things the way I did in my life to preserve the timeline, but I'm not controlling you. If you'd like to go out, please do so.”
Clark said nothing in reply, just got up, walked to the porch, and flew away.
************************
“You need to be careful, Clark!” Jonathan was nearly shouting at him now. “This behavior… it's admirable that you want to help, son, but you can't keep doing this.”
“Dad, stop worrying,” Clark said, his voice calm. He was not sure why his father was so upset. Nothing bad had happened.
“I can't stop worrying. You're my son and I love you,” Jonathan said, his voice gentler now.
“But nothing's going to happen,” Clark insisted. “Mom, tell him.”
Martha shook her head. “I'm sorry, Clark, but I agree with your dad on this. We're not telling you to stop, just to be more cautious.”
“Fine,” Clark mumbled, desperate to end this conversation. They were worrying over nothing. It was just because he had not told them what he was doing. How he was going out and helping others when he could. This morning, though, he had not realized how long he had been gone. Of course they had worried when he had not come down for breakfast.
He had not meant to keep it a secret, but somewhere the time had never come to tell them. His father had been so freaked out when he had let them know he could fly. Somehow this had caused an entire lecture on keeping his differences hidden, of how if anyone had ever found out they would dissect him like a frog. As if that was possible.
Now that they knew how he was helping, though, he wished they would understand. He was fine. Nothing he did seemed to hurt him. Why did he need to be so careful? He was invulnerable.
************************
Lois sat at her desk watching the monitors in the newsroom sadly. She needed something juicy to work on or preferably a visit from Superman.
“Fire at Beach and 9th,” Perry shouted as he exited his office. “Lane, Kent, get down there.”
“Isn't that the site of the new elementary school?” Clark asked as he and Lois jogged to the elevator.
“Yes,” Lois said, remembering. “The one that was supposed to have been built with all state-of-the-art equipment. Today was their first day open.”
Standing by the elevator, Lois glanced at Clark. He looked weird. Twitchy. What was with him?
“Lois, I just remembered, I forgot my… my thing. I'll meet you there,” Clark said, moving back to the newsroom.
“Your thing?” Lois called after him, but Clark did not respond.
************************
As soon as Clark heard the elevator, he raced for the stairs and ran to the roof. A quick flight home to change and he could get to the fire in just a few moments.
Again, he checked the mirror and adjusted his hair, dropped his glasses on the dresser, and decided he looked close enough to the "real thing'.
He was at the school just a few minutes after Lois had left the newsroom, although she beat him there and he spotted her red blazer as he flew in. Onlookers cheered for him as he landed, but he paid them no heed, racing into the school.
A firefighter came up to him, “On the third floor, Superman. There's a classroom of children who are stuck.”
Clark ran up the stairs and using his x-ray vision, quickly found the classroom. Smoke had already made its way in and some of the children were already unconscious, others looking sleepy.
Clark made quick work of moving the children, carrying them two at a time. Moving away from the ambulance, he moved back to the firefighters. “I think we have it under control now, Superman, but thanks for the help.”
Clark smiled despite the fact that he was feeling more than a little discouraged at the sad shape of the children. He imagined it was not always like this – sometimes Superman managed to get there in time, but this was still much harder than it had been when he would help at opportune moments during his travels.
With a last glance at the ambulance, he flew home. Once he landed, he moved quickly, knowing that he did not have time to feel sorry about getting to the school later than he would have liked. He showered quickly, changing his clothes, and flew back towards the school. Half way there, though, he realized he had forgotten his glasses.
By the time he made it back, Lois was gone.
************************
“Look, Kent,” Lois said as he walked past her desk. “You want to be my partner? Act like it. You can't go disappearing like that for no reason. Where the heck where you?”
In the face of her anger, Clark found it hard to speak. “I'm sorry?” he said, but for some reason it came out as a question.
“You're sorry?” Lois parroted back. “You're sorry? No, Kent. Sorry doesn't cut it. You can't really expect me to put your name on this story. You never even showed up at the school.”
Clark sighed. “I am sorry, Lois,” he said, sounding sincere this time.
“I don't care,” Lois said, turning her back on him. “This type of behavior is not acceptable.”
************************
“Where is he?” Lois asked, “It's been three days.”
“Maybe whoever was after him, scared him off,” Jimmy suggested.
Lois, who had been doodling, put her pencil down with force. “I refuse to believe that. Superman is no coward!”
No one said anything in response, but then Lois turned to Clark, “Clark, you're friends with him. Where did he go? Why did he go?”
Clark looked at her, his eyes sad and tired. It had been difficult trying to sleep through the cries for help the last few days, but he just could not go out again. He felt like both times he had tried to be Superman he had failed, both times he had not managed to help everyone. Plus, each time, he had this feeling… of foreboding almost. He was not sure what it was, but it felt easier to stay home. “I'm not sure, Lois,” he said, hating the fact that he had to lie. Especially as he was getting increasingly frustrated with Superman for hiding out. Superman clearly did not have a problem being Superman, so what was he doing? Did he really have to repeat everything that he had done in his timeline? Things here were not exactly the same – if they were Clark Kent would be Superman.
“Kent, Third and Walnut. Drive by shooting,” Perry said, sticking his head into the conference room.
“I'll come with you,” Lois said as Clark got up.
“Like hell you will,” Perry replied. “I'm still waiting for the piece I assigned you yesterday on the revitalization of Centennial Park.”
“It's not going to happen, Chief,” Lois said. “They can't agree on any plans.”
“I don't care,” Perry insisted. “It's news. Now git.”
With a sigh, Lois followed Clark out of the newsroom and glanced at him longingly as he got his jacket on. “Want to switch?” she asked, hopefully.
Clark cracked a smile. “No, thanks.”
************************
Clark wished he had taken Lois up on her offer. He had heard the screams from the shooting before Perry mentioned it, but he never would have believed it was this bad. That family was completely destroyed.
Lois was one of the few people in the newsroom when Clark came back. “You okay?” she asked, taking in the slump of his shoulders.
“A fifteen year old boy is in critical condition, his mother is in shock, his brother can't stop crying. No one's talking, although there were witnesses, and the police said they've had half a dozen like this in the past week.”
“Sounds like a job for Superman,” Lois said sadly.
“You think he would have been able to stop this?” Clark asked.
“Not necessarily. He can't be everywhere at once,” Lois said.
“Then what good is he?” Clark said, hating the anger he felt, but Superman had probably been watching television when that boy was shot. What good was it to preserve the timeline when it led to children being killed?
“What he can't do doesn't matter, Clark,” Lois said. “It's the idea of Superman that's important. Someone to believe in. Someone to build a few hopes around. Whatever he can do, it's enough.”
Lois got up, “Good night, Clark,” she said as she walked out of the newsroom.
Clark thought about what Lois had said for a few moments. What Lois said made sense. Even if Superman was not there every time, just knowing he might be there when you needed him was enough. Maybe? No, not yet. It felt so hard, and maybe it would not have if he did not have Superman to fall back on, but he did. However, while Clark was not sure he was ready to don the suit full time yet, he got it now, in a way he had not before. It was not just about helping people. It was about giving them hope. Deciding he could write up the story later, he followed Lois out of the newsroom and headed straight for Smallville.
************************
“A fifteen year old boy died today because you wanted to preserve the timeline,” Clark said as he entered the farmhouse. The Kents and Superman, who were eating dinner, looked up at him in surprise. “And Lois said something interesting that I thought you'd want to hear. She said that it doesn't matter what you can do, it's that you're there that's important. It gives people something to hope for.”
Superman smiled. “She's right, and I'm sorry about the boy, Clark. I really am. I know it must seem like it was silly to listen to Luthor, but I really do need to keep things as consistent as possible.”
He got up and washed his plate. “Let's go home, Clark.”
************************
After saving the little girl from the falling billboard, Superman flew over to Lois' apartment. He knew he should not, but he felt like she should hear his appreciation of her words from him directly. He ignored the fact that he had not gone to see his wife after this event. The truth was that he missed his Lois, so much, and seeing this Lois lessened that a little. They were so similar in some ways.
Lois looked up with delight when she saw him floating outside her apartment. “Superman!” she exclaimed. “Come in.”
“No, thanks,” Superman said, deciding at the last minute that a brief stay might cause less disruption in the timeline. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?” Lois asked.
“I talked to Clark. He told me what you said. It made sense and so I've decided to return to Metropolis.”
“You did?” Lois said, her joy apparent.
“Yes,” Superman said. “Good night.”
“Wait, Superman!” Lois cried. When he turned around, she continued, “You're returning. It's big news. Can we talk about it for a few minutes?”
Superman smiled at her. Lois, always the consummate reporter. “I've already talked to Clark, Lois,” he said gently. “He's written up the story.”
“Oh,” Lois replied, dejectedly. “I guess that's fair,” she conceded.
“Yeah, I think it is,” Superman said. “But I'll be seeing you.”
Lois smiled at him slightly, “Yes. Good night, Superman.”
“Good night, Lois.”
