Last time:
Lois
"Hey." Clark looked at the hamper. "What're you doing?"
"I picked up a couple more things at CostMart," I told him, more than willing to let him manhandle the hampers inside.
"Was that the errand you had to run?"
I hesitated slightly. I wasn't sure I was ready to share the pictures of my baby with Clark, no matter what he'd done for me. Finally, I told him an abridged version of the truth. "My doctor called and said she could see me this morning. I went to the hospital to see her first."
"Your doctor called you?" he asked, sounding skeptical.
"She was a friend of my mom's. Dad called her this week."
"Ah." He set the second hamper down. "Ready to get all this put up?"
I nodded. "I think that's everything then. I mean, I have no idea what else we might need."
"Well, we'll see, I guess," Clark said as he started emptying the hampers.
"Yeah," I said. "We'll see."
*~*31*~*
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
It was our third night in our 'new' apartment.
The plane with the rest of our European tour group had been delayed and wasn't going to get in until late. Very late.
I was glad. Under other circumstances, I would have met Lana at the airport, but I didn't think that was a good idea. I'd left her a message saying I'd talk to her in the morning.
"I left Joe a voice mail," Lois said suddenly from her side of the bed.
I rolled until I was facing her, but her back was to me.
"I told him I was going to see him in the morning. I want to tell him in person."
"Have you talked to him at all?"
"No."
"I left Lana a message telling her I'd see her in the morning, too," I told her.
She didn't say anything for a long minute. "Well, maybe we can walk over together."
"Maybe." I sighed. "We probably should."
"Probably." She took a deep breath. "Are you going to be able to let her believe that you're the father of my baby?"
I was silent until I heard her breath hitch slightly. "I have to," I whispered. "If I don't..." My voice trailed off.
"Yeah. I'm going to tell Joe the official story."
"That's probably the best plan."
"Good night," she said.
"Good night." I closed my eyes but knew sleep would be difficult that night.
"And Clark?"
"What?"
"I meant what I said the other day. I understand if you want to keep seeing her, really I do, but if you're serious about protecting me and the baby at the same time, please be discreet."
I didn't say anything and before long her even breathing told me that she was asleep.
We didn't talk much as we got ready the next morning. Lana hadn't called, but she wouldn't know where to call. I'd purposefully locked the door to our old dorm room from the inside so she wouldn't be able to get in and see that Lois and I had moved out.
I knew I should probably hold her hand or something as we walked across campus without speaking, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. I was glad that Lana's window didn't face the direction we were coming from. We still didn't speak as Lois poked at the up button on the elevator. We got in and she punched the 'three' button for Joe's floor and the 'six' for our old one.
The door slid open on the third floor and she paused before exiting. "I'll see you in a bit." She didn't wait for me to respond before she left the elevator.
I slumped against the wall. This wasn't going to be easy, but I had to remember the look on Navance's face when he threatened Lois and the baby - what he'd said when it had been just me and him.
All too soon, the elevator doors opened. I pushed myself upright and headed down the hall, hesitating before I knocked on Lana's door. I listened carefully and sighed when I only heard one heartbeat. Linda wasn't back yet. That was good.
And it didn't sound like Lana was asleep.
I took a deep breath and knocked.
The door was thrown open and Lana flung herself at me.
I wrapped my arms around her and buried my head in her shoulder, knowing we were having very different reactions to this meeting. I could tell that her heartbeat had sped up and I knew she was excited. We were saying hello.
On the other hand, though, I knew that we were really saying good-bye. At least for now.
"What's wrong?" she whispered. "Where were you? I knocked on your door last night but you didn't answer."
I sighed and moved back, heading further into her room as she closed the door. "I wasn't there."
"Where were you?" I could hear fear in her voice. "What's going on?"
"Lois and I had to move." I knew I should just tell her – rip the Band-aid off – but I couldn't. It was going to break her heart.
"The housing people made you?"
I sighed. "Something like that."
"But if they found out you two were roommates, why did they make you move? Shouldn't they just have made her?"
"They didn’t find out we were roommates." I stared out the window. I couldn't look at her.
"What's going on, Clark? I don't understand why, but I'm scared."
My head hung and I took a deep breath before I spoke again. "We didn't move because they found out we were roommates. We moved because we got married."
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I knocked on Joe's door and waited for an answer. It was a long minute before it opened. It didn't surprise me that Joe was still asleep.
"Hey!" He grabbed me for a hug and I buried my head in his shoulder, unable to stop the tears. "What's wrong?"
I didn't say anything, but instead clung to my best friend. His arms tightened around me and he just held me for a long time. Finally, I moved back, carefully keeping my left hand in my pocket and wiping my face with my right. "Sorry," I said.
"It's okay. But what's wrong? What happened to you and Clark? You guys just disappeared. Someone even speculated that you two were the ones in Latislan."
I tried not to show my shock that someone had made the connection. "It's a long story. Basically, we got stuck in another country and I didn't have my passport."
"Ah." He sat on the bottom bunk. "That doesn't explain why you're crying though."
I sat next to him, close but not touching. I took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."
He didn't say anything for a long minute. "What?"
"I'm pregnant." I wiped at my cheeks. "I don't want you to think that I cheated on you or anything like that. I didn't go out and sleep with someone else when I told you I wouldn't sleep with you. That's not what happened."
"Was it at the frat party?" he asked quietly.
I hesitated. He was right but I couldn't tell him that. "No," I finally whispered, shaking my head. "Clark's the father. We both thought we were dreaming but apparently in the cabin, when we were hypothermic... Our clothes were soaked and the power was out. I built a fire and got our clothes off because Clark was practically unconscious and it was so cold... We were under the blankets and somehow... in the middle of the night... I brushed it off as a dream. Clark said he'd had a dream about Lana..."
I couldn't look at him. "I'm so sorry, Joe."
He stood and started pacing the room. "Wow."
"Tell me about it."
He paced for what seemed like an eternity, thinking. Finally, he stopped and looked at me. "Marry me."
"What?" I was confused. "Why?"
"You're my best friend. I love you, maybe not quite like that, but I do and I could. Easily."
"It's not your baby. Not your responsibility."
"What if I want it to be? We said we were going to try again. Whenever I've imagined myself having a family, you were always there. I never admitted it to myself, but you were."
"It's so sweet of you to offer..." I wasn't sure what else to say.
"Say yes. We'll get married and we'll raise the baby."
I smiled a small, sad smile at him and tried to joke. "You just want to get in my bed."
He grinned at me. "The thought crossed my mind, but you know me better than that."
"I know."
"And it's not like Clark's going to marry you. Is he even acknowledging that this is his baby?"
"That's the other thing I have to tell you."
"What?"
I took a deep breath. "We got married in Europe. He wanted to do right by me and the baby."
He looked sucker punched. "What? You married him?"
I nodded. "He's the father of my baby," I whispered. I finally pulled my left hand out of my pocket to show him the wedding band.
"Oh, Lois." He moved to sit by me and wrapped an arm around me. "This isn't going to be easy for you, is it?"
He surprised me. I'd expected him to be mad or hurt, not concerned about me. "No, it's not."
"Are you sure you really want to be married to him, though?" he asked, rubbing my shoulder. "He's in love with Lana."
"I know. It's not going to be easy, but he promised he's going to help take care of us and all that."
"Will he be faithful to you though?"
I hesitated. I couldn't tell Joe that Clark didn't have to be. "I think so." I rested my head on his shoulder. "Will you still be my friend, though? I think I'm going to need you."
He kissed the side of my head. "I'll always be your friend, Lo."
"Thanks, Joe."
"And if you change your mind, if you and Clark decide not to try to make it work for whatever reason, let me know. I'll be here for you."
"Thank you," I whispered, wondering why Joe couldn’t be the father of my baby. At least I would know that he wasn't running off with another girl. He'd never cheated on any of his girlfriends or me. Ever. And if I was married to him, I probably wouldn't be just about the only woman ever to give birth while essentially still a virgin.
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
She stared at me for the longest time. I wasn't able to look at her but I knew that was what she was doing.
Her voice was strangled when she spoke. "What?"
"Lois and I got stuck in another country and she didn't have a passport and we had to get married to get her home," I whispered, hands in my pockets as I turned around and leaned against the window.
"So why are you still married to her?"
"It's not real, but we have to stay married for a while," I started, but I couldn't finish because her arms were around me and her lips were on mine.
And then I kissed her again, as though my life depended on it, because in some ways it did. I wasn't quite sure how we'd gotten to this point, but we had. I'd told her that I was married to Lois and the next thing I knew she was kissing me.
And I was kissing her back.
My tears mingled with hers and I could taste the salt on her lips. "I love you, Lana. More than anything." I meant the words. I did. Would she wait for me? It would be five years before we could safely divorce – before that psycho couldn't try to claim the baby as his own. And by then there would be the baby - a little child involved who would truly believe I was his or her daddy. How could I do that to an innocent child? But how could I hurt Lana like this?
If there had been any other way, I would have found it. We'd tried. The only way to get Lois out of that God forsaken country was to get married.
I pulled her to me and held on as tight as I could. I crushed my lips against hers, trying to sear everything about her in my arms into my brain.
"Can't we be together anyway - in secret? No one would have to know - not even Lois," she whispered.
"I can't, Baby. I love you, but I can't. I promised. I vowed that I would be faithful to her as long as we were married and I can't do that to her or to myself. Or to you. I can't make you the other woman and I can't break a promise like that."
"What about me? What about the promises we made?" Tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"I know, Baby," I said, wiping her cheeks with my thumbs. "I'm so sorry. We had no idea we'd have to stay married. We were going to get it annulled as soon as we got back."
"In my heart, you're my husband. You have been..." Her voice broke.
My heart shattered to pieces as she said it. We'd told each other that for years - that it was just a formality until we'd be together for the rest of our lives. "And in my heart, you've always been my wife," I whispered, barely managing to get the words past the lump in my throat.
"You promised you'd never make love to another woman."
I kissed her again, trying to leave her no doubt where my heart truly belonged. It was minutes before I moved away far enough to whisper, "I'm not going to make love to her, Baby. It's not like that. It's temporary."
"I'll wait for you. If you want me to."
I could hear the uncertainty in her voice. Of course I wanted her to wait. How could I not want her to? But was that fair to her?
"I'll always love you, Baby, but I can't ask you to wait that long for me."
She kissed me this time. Desperate. Hungry.
"Make love to me, Clark. Please. Before you go. Before we never see each other again."
"We'll see each other, but I can't. You know I can't do that. I can't break my wedding vows, no matter what circumstances they were under."
"Aren't you already? Just by being here with me?"
She had a point. One I hated to hear. "I told her I was coming to say goodbye to you. She knows I'm here. She's talking to Joe right now."
"Does she know you're kissing me like this? Like your life depends on it?" She kissed me again, her hands holding my face.
When she finally pulled back, she spoke again. "Did you tell her you were going to kiss me like that?"
Suddenly, I longed for the days when I counted the different types of lip gloss she used. When I wasn't kissing every inch of her face, tasting her tears, trying to memorize it to get me through the next five years. Lois was nice enough, but she wasn't Lana. She wasn't the love of my life. The woman I'd known I was going to marry since I was six. The woman who wouldn't be sharing my bed for the next few years. The woman who wouldn't be having a child everyone thought was mine.
I don't know when I started kissing her again, but I had. My hands were under her shirt, on the small of her back. Nothing I hadn't felt before, but I couldn't stop myself from running them up and down her back, realizing that she wasn't wearing a bra under her T-shirt.
I wanted her.
I wanted to be with her, just once, before my life of imposed celibacy - as opposed to the life of celibacy by choice Lana and I had decided on until after our wedding.
But I couldn't. I couldn't do that. Even if I hadn't wanted to marry Lois, I had. I had promised her my fidelity. I couldn't break a vow I made in a church, before God.
I'd grown up in church - nearly everyone in Smallville did - but I hadn't ever considered myself overly religious. And it wasn't that my wedding vows would have been any less valid in front of a justice of the peace in the middle of a dirt road, but something about saying them in a chapel in front of a chaplain before God took it to another level.
And I just couldn't break that vow.
With a groan, I pushed her away.
"I can't do this, Baby. You have no idea how much I want to, but I can't." I crushed her to me, one more time, kissing her again. After long minutes, I pushed her away. I leaned my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to see the tear tracks and the anguish written on her face. I finally released her and turned to walk towards the door. I paused with my hand on the knob. "I love you, Lana. I always will. And I'm so sorry for what I've done to you." I couldn't look back at her. My resolve would break and I couldn't do that. "I love you, Baby," I whispered again.
And I left.
*****
TBC
