Once again, a huge thank you to the awesome-est betas ever, Carol, Mark, and Beth!
From Chapter 46
She sat outside in her car looking at the lights on inside. She needed to knock on his door, but somehow, now that she was here, the fight had gone out of her. She was feeling less angry and more hurt.
He had let her think he had abandoned her. How could he do that? She thought they were friends. Didn't he know how much of a sore spot this was for her?
Sighing, though, she realized that she was being unfair. Clark did not know that this was an issue for her. She had never told him – how would he know?
With a sigh, she opened her car door and walked up the walkway to Clark's apartment.
Chapter 47
Clark watched LNN's coverage of the assassination attempt in silence. Superman was off doing a night patrol. He had let Clark know that if Lois noticed the make-up, she must not have wanted to mention anything in front of Linda. However, he did not think she did as she had not looked at him funny or given any other indication that she thought he looked different. Clark was not surprised. Right now, the make-up barely changed the way Superman looked.
He was fairly happy with his rescue of Secretary Wallace. It was hard to tell as the cameras had been far away, but he did not look noticeably nervous on the footage they showed on LNN and none of the anchors mentioned anything about awkward behavior. Luckily, the press had been far more interested in speaking with Wallace than with Superman, so he managed to avoid speaking to the press yet again.
The knock on the door surprised him, even more so when he used his x-ray vision to see who it was. Lois had been cold and aloof all afternoon. He had tried to go up to her in the newsroom and explain what had happened, but she had brushed him off. It had not helped matters when Linda appeared and they discovered that she had gotten her name on Clark's article. Lois was understandably more than a little upset to discover that the byline read “Clark Kent with special assistance from Linda King” rather than the more standard “Lois Lane and Clark Kent.”
Not that Lois was unaware that she had not gotten to work on this story, but unsurprisingly, that had not made her feel better.
“Hi,” he said shyly as he answered the door.
“Why didn't you tell me?” Lois asked as she walked inside and the hurt in her voice broke Clark's heart. “Why didn't you tell me you hadn't really quit the Planet?”
“I wanted to, Lois. Really, I did. But you just weren't being objective about this and Perry thought it would be best that you not work on it.”
“I thought you had abandoned the Planet,” she said to him. “Perry, Jimmy,… me,” she added at last in a voice so soft Clark needed to use his super hearing to hear it.
“Lois,” Clark said, his voice nearly as soft as hers. “I'm so sorry. I never did, really. I…”
“Linda said you defended me,” Lois said. “She said you asked her to stop bad mouthing me.”
Clark nodded. “You're my partner. And my friend. Nothing is going to change that.”
Lois took a seat on the couch. “Did I ever tell you that my dad left without saying goodbye?”
“What?” Clark asked, wondering what this had to do with Linda.
“When my dad left my mom, I was there. I was in the living room. He passed right by me. You know what he said?” Lois asked him. Clark did not answer, afraid to interrupt her. Instead, he sat down next to her and took her hand in his. “'Turn that racket down',” Lois said softly. “I had the television on and when my dad left us, all he said to me was that I had the television on too loud.”
Clark used the hand he had in hers to tug her towards him gently. He wrapped his arms around her. “I'm so sorry,” he said.
Lois did not say anything, but after a moment she pulled away. “Remember Chad?” she asked him. “My first boyfriend?”
“Of course,” Clark said, still not sure where all this was going.
“We were pretty serious,” Lois told him. “We were going to get married.”
Clark nodded his head.
“We were planning to go to college together. We were going to live in the same apartment – Lucy and I were going to share a bedroom, "cause Chad didn't want to leave her alone with my mom anymore than I did.”
“What happened?” Clark asked quietly when Lois stopped speaking.
“Before we started college Chad's grandfather got sick. He needed round the clock care, but his grandparents couldn't afford it. So, Chad offered to go out and help them. We thought it would last a semester or so and then he'd come back. He wouldn't have had any trouble making up the classes.”
“But he didn't come back?” Clark guessed when Lois got quiet again.
“He did,” she finally said, her voice very soft again. “It took a year, and we only saw each other once, about a month after he left, but his grandfather made a remarkable recovery and Chad came home.”
Clark decided to stay quiet again when Lois stopped. Within moments, she took a deep breath and spoke some more.
“His parents picked him up at the airport and we decided that I wouldn't go as we wanted a more private get together. He was coming over on his bike…. He was hit by a car on his way over.”
“Oh, Lois,” Clark said softly, but she kept speaking.
“When I saw him at the hospital, he looked okay. Bruised and battered, but okay. And he was going to be okay. He promised me that he was going to be okay.” Lois swiped angrily at the tears falling down her cheeks. “Early on, we'd been together maybe a month or so, Chad went on a rock climbing trip with his dad. He had a bad fall off the rock. Nearly killed himself, but he was lucky. Some guy nearby caught him before he hit his head. I remember when I saw Chad in the hospital, he said to me, "Remember when I fell during the rock climbing trip? I'm indestructible, baby.'”
“But he wasn't,” Clark said softly, guessing where this was going.
“They made us go home. Told us that he just needed to rest. That he was fine. He told me he was fine and promised again that everything was going to be all right.”
He had lied. How could he have lied? He promised. Several times he had promised. And it had all been lies. He had promised… he had promised that he was going to be fine. He had looked at her with clear eyes and smiled and…
It was hard to comprehend. Nothing made sense. He had looked so well. So… healthy. The doctor said something about internal bleeding, but she had not really heard the explanation well. After the doctor had not let them back into Chad's room without taking them to a private waiting room first. After he had said those awful words - I'm sorry - she had sort of tuned out.
How did this kind of thing happen? It just wasn't fair.
He had promised he would never leave her without at least talking about it, and he had done so. She knew, or at least some part of her was aware, that it was not his fault, but that was small consolation. Even if he had not meant to, he had left her.
“He promised he wouldn't leave me, but he did it anyway,” Lois finished her story softly.
Clark pulled her to him again, rubbing her back in slow circles.
“I'm sorry,” Clark whispered to her softly. “I'm sorry for what happened to Chad and I'm sorry that you thought I was leaving you, too. I wasn't, Lois. I really wasn't. I can't promise that I'll never leave you, but not by choice. Really, Lois. You're my best friend.”
“You're mine, too,” Lois admitted softly.
************
Superman touched down lightly on the balcony. Glancing inside before he landed, he had seen a strange sight. Lois and Clark were sitting close together on the couch, arms wrapped around each other. His super-hearing had picked up the deep breaths reminiscent of sleep.
Just what was going on here? He could not remember this happening in his universe. On the other hand, it was clear that things were not the same as he remembered. He had seen the article on the cover of the Planet and Lois' name was not on it. How had Clark managed that?
With a sigh, Superman floated into his room so as not to disturb the couple on the couch. Sometimes things here were mind-numbingly similar to his life and other times they were so different he was unsure how these worlds could possibly be on the same path.
Lois walked beside him on the way to the restaurant. Their footsteps matched step for step. Clark knew he was being silly, but these little things gave him hope. Maybe tonight she would admit that Dan was just a diversion, that she wanted her relationship with him to get more serious.
Not that he was sure she would do that. First off, Lois Lane was nothing if not stubborn. For another, he deserved her flaunting Dan in his face. If he could just explain to her that he was not trying to create this distance between them… He just did not feel ready, though. He knew it was his fault, his insecurities, and he even knew they were stupid, but he just could not do it.
Lois was less likely than anyone he knew to run off screaming at the idea that she was dating an alien – particularly when that alien was Superman. She had never been anything but accepting of Superman's differences and there was no reason to think she would react differently to Clark Kent when she found out that he shared those differences.
Of course, when she found out that he shared those differences because he was Superman, she might be less pleased. There was little that bothered Lois as much as someone keeping a secret from her. It was a double-standard, but she freely admitted it. It was okay to keep secrets from the people around her, but they must be completely open with her.
Besides, the truth was the double standard did not exist anymore, or at least he did not think it did. Lois was nothing but open and honest with him now. Particularly since he had been shot in that club earlier this year, she had been different.
He knew that she deserved to know his secret and the only reason he could even fabricate for not telling her was that he was scared. While he was not sure exactly what he was scared of, the truth was that he was scared. The thought of telling her made his heart thump wildly and his hands break out in a sweat – physical signs that he normally never had to deal with.
“Are you okay, Clark?” Lois asked, linking her arm through his.
“I'm fine,” Clark lied, smiling down at her. This was what it was all about. None of the rest of it mattered to him. Being here like this with Lois, just being close together, that's what he wanted for the rest of his life. If he could just tell her the truth, maybe he could even have it.
Superman sat up in bed, surprised. The memory itself was not that surprising as he had wondered when he saw them together on the couch if Clark was going to tell Lois his secret sooner than he had done in his universe. Still, like the other day, something was off about this memory, but he could not determine what it was. The sound of her heels hitting the pavement seemed right, her linking her arm through his was also right. Even the conversation – he was pretty sure that was right, too. What was it that was wrong with this memory? He knew it was silly, but it was driving him crazy.
************
“Morning,” Clark said sleepily as Lois woke up.
“Did we spend all night on the couch?” she asked him, blushing slightly.
Clark looked at the clock. “It's nearly seven, so yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sure it wasn't very comfortable.”
“Actually,” Lois said in surprise, “I feel great.” She grinned at him before adding shyly, “Maybe it helped to talk last night.”
“I'm glad,” Clark said, his voice soft and gentle.
Lois stood up and stretched.
“Do you want some coffee before you head home?” Clark asked.
“That would be great,” Lois said. It was weird. She should feel shy and awkward, but somehow after their talk last night, she felt completely comfortable here.
“Do you mind if I turn the news on?” she called into the kitchen.
“Go right ahead,” Clark called back, and Lois moved over to turn on the television. As Lois would expect, like her, Clark had it on LNN.
“In his last circle, the pilot used up all but enough fuel to complete the landing,” the morning anchor was saying as Clark came into the living room with two cups of coffee.
“What's going on?” he asked.
“A plane in Paris. At Orly. It's about to make a crash landing,” Lois explained.
“This just in,” the newscaster continued. “The famed Man of Steel from Metropolis is flying alongside the stricken airliner.”
“I didn't know Superman helped outside of Metropolis,” Lois said.
“I think he does, but not often,” Clark said. “I guess he caught the news of this before we woke up.”
“How did he not wake us up?” Lois asked. “We were in his living room… I mean, your living room, but… well, you know what I mean.”
Clark shrugged, “Super quiet powers?” he joked. “I guess he floated around the apartment so we wouldn't hear him.”
Lois nodded as she took a sip of her coffee.
************
Two days later Lois was still feeling sort of strange about Superman's help of the plane in Paris. Since then, he had saved a sinking ship in Brazil and a busload of children in Africa. On the other hand, he had not been seen at all in Metropolis. That seemed more than a little bit odd.
“Clark,” she called when she saw her partner enter the newsroom.
“Morning, Lois,” he said as he put his things down on his desk.
Lois walked over and her voice quiet, she asked, “Have you seen your roommate around?”
“What?” Clark asked looking at her with alarm. He took a fast look around, though, and no one was listening to their conversation.
“Superman's been seen on nearly every continent but North America in the past few days. Doesn't that strike you as a little odd?” she asked.
“It does,” Clark admitted, “but I'm not sure what's going on. I haven't seen him for days.”
“You haven't?” Lois asked, surprised by the answer.
“No. And it's weird. He's told me before when he was planning to be out of town for long periods of time, but this time it's like he just disappeared or something. Maybe he's on vacation?”
“And he didn't mention that to you?” Lois asked.
Clark just shrugged.
************
“Hi, Mom,” Clark said as he landed on the porch. He and Superman had agreed to come out every Tuesday night to talk about how they were doing in terms of Clark looking more comfortable, maybe adjusting Superman's make-up – in general, just check up and make adjustments in their attempts to be more alike.
Of course, given Superman's disappearing act, Clark was not at all sure he was going to make it here today.
“I'm not sure Superman is coming,” he told his mother as they entered the farmhouse. “He's been gone the last few days.”
“I've been here,” Superman said, entering from the living room.
“You were here?” Clark said confused. “Why didn't you tell me you were going to be staying here?”
Superman smiled. “I was going to, but the morning I left, you and Lois were all snuggled up on the couch together. It didn't seem like the right time.”
“What were you doing snuggled up with Lois?” Martha asked, her eyes glinting with pleasure.
“She was upset. She came over to talk,” Clark said.
“Is she all right?” Jonathan asked, and Clark smiled. His dad did not say much, but this comment alone made it clear he liked Lois.
“I think she's okay now. She was hurt that I left her out of the Star thing.”
“Yeah, what happened with that?” Superman asked. “Didn't she find Perry in the apartment when she dropped by?”
“No,” Clark said confused, but then he realized – in Superman's universe, he would not have had a roommate to blame the extra cup on. “I told her the tea cup was yours and she stopped searching.”
“Oh,” Superman said, realizing that that made sense. “So when did she find out that you hadn't actually left the Planet?”
“Linda told her just before you pulled them out of the freezer.”
“She must have been tickled pink to learn of it that way,” Superman laughed.
“I guess she must have been angry at some point,” Clark admitted, “I mean, she seemed angry when we were at the Planet, but by the time she came over to talk to me, she was just hurt.”
“Surely she understood,” Martha said.
Clark nodded, “I think she did. It's just… Lois has some abandonment issues and my leaving the Planet without talking to her first sort of played right into them.”
“Abandonment issues?” Jonathan asked.
“When her dad left her mom, he didn't say goodbye to her. She was in the house, too, but he sort of ignored her,” Superman supplied.
“Well, not ignored her exactly,” Clark clarified. “She had the TV on and he told her to turn the volume down. But that was it. So, between that and Chad…”
“Who's Chad?” Martha asked.
“Her first boyfriend,” Superman said. “He died during a rock climbing accident. Although, I always got the impression from my Lois that they weren't that serious when it happened. So, she was upset, but not that upset.”
“Chad didn't die during a rock climbing accident,” Clark said confused. “Lois mentioned something about an accident rock climbing. But Chad was fine. And they were really serious – they planned to get married. But Chad was hit by a car right after her freshman year of college. I guess he felt okay afterwards and when she saw him in the hospital, he promised her he would be okay, but he died of internal bleeding shortly afterwards.”
“Oh, that poor child,” Martha said.
“No wonder she has abandonment issues,” Jonathan said softly.
Superman shook his head. “This is definitely not what happened in my universe. My Lois dated Chad, but they'd only gone out a few times before he went on a rock climbing trip with his dad. I don't know the details, of course, but Lois said he fell off the rock and hit his head. He was unconscious for a day or so and finally just sort of drifted off.”
Clark shook his head. “She said they were very serious. They were even planning to live together in an apartment with Lucy during college.”
“I wonder why Chad didn't die here?” Superman pondered.
“Lois just said that some guy caught him,” Clark said.
“Someone caught him when he was falling off the rock?” Superman said in disbelief. “Wouldn't that have crushed the guy?”
Clark paled. “Maybe. But not me.”
“What?” Superman asked.
Clark did not say anything at first. He was not sure. Could it really be? Was it really possible? It was an awfully big coincidence, but then again… Maybe? Finally, Clark sighed and said, “I think it was me. I saved Chad during his rock climbing accident.”
