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Reluctantly Engaged
By Bethy
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After stopping at the grocery store for some power food -- double chocolate fudge ice cream, a twelve pack of cream soda and watermelon bubble gum -- Lois headed home to think. Again.
From what Perry said, it sounded like his advice would be to go tell Lex she couldn't marry him. He offered no nuggets of Elvis wisdom as to
how she should tell him, though.
But she couldn't just say no based on what Perry thought. She needed to go with what she thought. What was best for her. How was she supposed to know what that was?
She needed to talk to Clark.
No, that was out of the question. Clark had always had a grudge against Lex, for who knew what reason, and there was no way she could expect him to be rational about this. Plus, well...she got the feeling Clark had a bit of a crush on her. And she didn't want to cause him pain. Of course, if she did end up marrying Lex, there was no way around hurting Clark. But that was still in the future. If she decided to turn Lex down, Clark didn't need to know anything about it. At least not until it was over and done with and firmly in the past.
Besides, what was she thinking? She didn't need him to tell her what to do. Lois dug the ice cream scoop harder into the frozen carton to punctuate that thought. She'd gotten along fine in all the years before she'd met Clark and, seeing as how they tended to butt heads on half the decisions they made as partners anyway, she was perfectly capable of making her own decision without him even now.
But it would sure help to talk to him.
Lois shook her head. No. She was not going to go running to Clark.
After setting her ice cream bowl on the kitchen table, she pulled out a pad of paper. It always helped her to write things out. For some reason, seeing things in print seemed to make them more concrete and easier to connect. She decided to start with the question Perry had asked her.
Did she love Lex?
No.
Away from Perry's penetrating gaze, she admitted the truth. She didn't love Lex. She admired him, yes. She respected him, both as a businessman and as a philanthropist. But love? She had to be honest. No, she didn't love him.
Well, wasn't that her answer, there? What kind of marriage could they have without love? Admiration wasn't enough to base an entire lifetime together on. Because if she got married, it
would be for a lifetime. After what she went through as a kid, there was no way she would ever even consider getting a divorce. If she got married, it would be for keeps.
But Lex loved her. Wasn't that something? And she could grow to love him, couldn't she? Or maybe...maybe marriage without love would be better. Then it would hurt less if it didn't work out.
What was she thinking? "If it didn't work out'? What kind of attitude was that? If she thought that way, they would be doomed to failure! And, if nothing else were true, she knew this: Lois Lane was not a failure.
She scraped the last vestiges of chocolate from the bowl. Nothing. That's what she had. Nothing. Nothing to help her decide. Nothing to tell her what she should do.
If only Clark...
NO!
She took a deep breath to calm herself. No, she was not going to call Clark.
His mother on the other hand... Now that was an idea. Clark's parents had been married for a long time. And they seemed really happy together. Really, really happy. Maybe Martha would have some advice that, unlike Perry's, would actually help. And besides, she'd said that Lois shouldn't hesitate to call her, anytime.
Suddenly remembering the time difference, Lois glanced at the clock. 2:17. Oh, no problem. Her decision made, Lois went to find where she'd stashed the Kents' number.
*Ring.* *Ring.* *Ring.* After three rings, Lois started to worry that they weren't home. Or, worse still, that she was about to interrupt something. Maybe she should just hang up. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe--
“Hello?”
“Martha?” Lois said in a hurry and instantly berated herself. Of course it wasn't Martha -- that was a man's voice.
“No,” he answered pleasantly. “I'll get her for you. May I ask who's calling?”
“Um...”
Bad idea, Lois, bad idea. “This is Lois. Lois Lane. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Clark's--”
“Of course we remember you, Lois! How nice to hear from you. How are you doing? The big city still treating you right?”
“Uh, yes. Yes, the city's great.”
“Well, here's Martha. Nice to talk to you, Lois.”
“You too.” Bemused, Lois waited for the phone to change hands. She called out of the blue, after no contact in months, and he acted like he talked to her every day. No wonder Clark turned out to be so nice.
“Lois!” Martha's voice sounded very pleased. “What a nice surprise! How are you doing?” She lowered her voice conspiritorially. “Clark hasn't done anything stupid, now, has he?”
“Oh, no! Clark's fine. I'm fine. Everything's just fine. I just wanted to--” To what? Now that she actually had Martha on the line, Lois had no idea what to say. If it were anybody else, Lois would just blurt it out. Actually, if it were anyone else, Lois wouldn't even be bothering to ask for help in the first place. But for some reason, she really wanted Martha to respect her. And something inside her said Martha would never respect her for considering marrying a man she didn't love.
“Lois?”
“What? Oh.” Lois realized she had just gone silent, with no explanation. “Sorry.”
“Are you okay, Lois?” Martha sounded so sympathetic and sincere that it was all Lois could do not to cry.
Well, here went nothing. “No, actually. No, I'm not.”
“Oh, honey, what's wrong?”
“Lex proposed to me last night and I don't know what to do about it.”
“Lex Luthor?” Lois heard the uncertainty in Martha's question and could've kicked herself. Of course, Clark would have told his parents his reservations about Lex. Now she was sure this had been a stupid idea.
“Yeah,” she mumbled, embarrassed and wondering how she could end this conversation quickly and still save face.
“Oh.” Lois could just see Martha blinking in surprise, trying to figure out what to say.
“Never mind, I shouldn't have called you.”
“No! No, Lois, it's fine, I was just surprised.” Instantly Martha seemed to change gears and focus on trying to help Lois. “You say you don't know what to do about his proposal?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. So when does he expect an answer?”
“Um...that's kind of part of the problem.” Lois could turn her face turning red. She really didn't want to admit to Martha what an idiot she'd been. “I sort of didn't tell him anything. I was so surprised I didn't know what to say and he took that as a yes and I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't sure without it sounding like a slap in the face and so I didn't say anything at all.”
“Oh.” Well, at least Martha didn't state the obvious about her "pickle' as Perry had done. “Well. That does make things a bit more complicated, doesn't it?” For some reason, that didn't sound judgmental at all.
“I guess my first question is, "what do you wish you had told Lex?' If you hadn't been so surprised, I mean.”
Lois sighed. “I don't know. It was all too sudden. I mean, we've only been really going out for a couple weeks and even then it was more like a society thing than a real courtship. At least, that's what I thought.”
“So do you love him?”
Here was the moment of truth. Now Martha would tell her what an awful person Lois was. “No.” Lois's voice was so small she could barely hear herself. But Martha understood her anyway.
“You know, Lois,” Martha said thoughtfully. “Love isn't the most important thing in a marriage.”
Huh? “What do you mean?”
“I'm not saying it's not important at all, because it is, but it's not
the most important thing.”
“I'm--I'm not following you, Martha,” Lois said with a little laugh to try to cover her discomfort. “Sorry.”
“Oh, no, I'm the one who should be sorry, honey. I'm probably not making much sense. Let's see if I can explain this better...” Martha paused in thought and Lois fiddled with her phone cord. Even if Martha couldn't help her with her decision, just talking to the older woman was comforting somehow.
“Okay, I've got it. When I was in high school, my favorite teacher, who also happened to be my favorite babysitter from when I was little, told me, "Martha, if you only ever listen to one piece of advice in your whole lifetime, listen to this: Marry your best friend.'”
“Marry your best friend?”
“Yes! Don't get me wrong, romance and love certainly have their place, but marriage is so much
more than that. It's about commitment and respect and laughing together and crying together and snuggling in your pjs on a cold winter's day and challenging each other and talking and arguing and living life together. And who better to do that with than your best friend? Am I making any sense here?”
“I think so. But...what about...um...”
“Sex?”
Lois bit her lip and almost laughed. “Yeah. That.”
“That's why I said love and romance have their place,” Martha said with a laugh. “You do need to have some physical attraction. But remember, when you're old and gray like me, what you're really going to want is someone who understands you and someone you can talk to. And if you still sneak off behind the Dairy Freeze to neck every now and then, so much the better.”
“Martha!”
“What?” Martha sounded innocent. “I may be old, but I'm not ancient!”
Lois laughed. “Okay. Thanks, Martha. You've been a big help.”
“You're welcome, Lois. Call me anytime you want to talk, okay? Not just when you have a problem.”
“I will,” Lois said softly. “Thanks.”
“Oh, and Lois?”
“Yes?”
“One more thought before you go. I know it's hard to picture your far off future, but try for just a minute. Picture yourself in fifty years. What do you want to be doing? Who do you want to be doing it with? Is that person Lex? I think the answer to that question will help you answer
your question.”
A shiver ran over Lois. She knew the answer to that question immediately. “Okay.” She hung up and then realized she hadn't said good-bye. Somehow she knew Martha would understand.
But she had the answer to her question. In fifty years, she didn't know for sure what she'd be doing -- she doubted she'd still be in investigative reporting, simply because it wasn't feasible -- but she knew right away who she wanted to be doing it with.
And it wasn't Lex.
“But I don't
love Clark!” she protested aloud.
So? another part of her countered.
You don't love Lex, either, and you were considering marrying him.And Clark was already her best friend. And she already talked with Clark, and laughed with Clark, and cried with Clark, and argued with Clark, and respected Clark. And he challenged her in a way no man ever had, not even Lex. Lex paid her compliments all the time, but suddenly they all rang hollow.
When Clark praised her, it was honest. It was true. And when he challenged her, it wasn't to belittle her, but to help her improve. Or keep her safe from one of her fool-hardy schemes. Not that she always listened, but at least he meant well.
She was comfortable with Clark. And yet, he still managed to excite her. And, as much as she tried to deny it, there was definitely physical attraction there. All she had to do was remember the glimpse she'd gotten that first morning she'd picked him up and he'd been standing there in nothing but a towel. Oh, yes, definitely physical attraction. Their subsequent kisses -- for cover, of course -- and contact only served to confirm that.
She didn't have any of that with Lex. Oh, so there was a little bit of excitement, but that was mostly because he purposefully set out to impress her with his riches and his charm. She wasn't excited by
him. And she definitely wasn't comfortable with him. Sure, she could talk to him one-on-one in a way few other people could, but there was still that subconscious feeling that he felt superiour. Little wonder since almost everyone he dealt with was employed by him in some way or another. But Lois didn't relish dealing with an inferiority complex for the rest of her life.
Making that decision seemed to free something deep inside her and she wanted to sing out her joy.
Better yet, she wanted to go find Clark.
To tell him she loved him. Funny, the thought of baring her soul like that should scare her, even terrify her, but it didn't. This was Clark. This was her best friend. She hoped she was right about him having a crush on her, but even if she wasn't, even if it took a while for love to grow on his side, well, she could wait. Because now she knew where her heart lay and it wasn't with the owner of that giant rock in her purse.
~~~~{~}~~~~
Lois didn't allow herself to think as she parked her jeep and hurried towards Clark's door. If she allowed herself to think, she'd probably come up with some reason to back out of doing this and she didn't
want to back out.
Doubt assailed her as she lifted her hand to knock. What if he thought she was crazy? What if he laughed in her face? What if he was only interested in being friends? What if he--
The door opened.
“How do you feel about me?” she blurted.
He looked so adorable in his cut-offs, t-shirt, and bare feet. She'd probably caught him in the middle of doing his housecleaning or something. That was another advantage to falling in love with Clark -- he made up for all of her deficiencies. Not that she had many, of course. But he was domestic, where she was not. He was patient, where she was not.
Now she only hoped it wasn't also that she was in love, where he was not.
“How do I--feel about you?” She thought she caught a flash of yearning in his expression before he could hide it. Could it be? Was she right that he had a crush on her? Was there a chance that he could...feel more than a crush? She hardly dared let herself hope.
“Yes.” She tried to keep her expression as bland as possible even as she barged into the apartment. If she was totally off base, she didn't want to make a complete fool of herself. “How do you feel about me?”
“Lois, you know you're my best friend. What is this about?” Clark sounded so confused. He closed the door and followed her to the couch, where she plopped down. He remained standing.
What she really wanted was to get a confession from him before she told him her side, but now she realized that was probably asking too much. After all, she had told him not to fall for her, way back when they'd barely started working with each other. And she'd made things plenty clear along the way that she was
not willing for anything more than partners and friends. And
she had been the one going through the agonies of soul searching this past day, so this was forefront in her mind. It wasn't in his.
“This is about us,” she finally said in answer to his question.
“Us?”
“Yes. Us.”
“Lois, I don't understand.”
“I know you don't,” she said, frustrated. “I'm getting there.” What was wrong with him? Didn't he know he was supposed to read her mind, figure out exactly what she was talking about and swoop her up and kiss her? Her irritation at her own foolish expectations caused her to snap, “Would you sit down? My neck hurts, craning up to see your face.”
Warily, Clark sat down on the furthest edge of the sofa.
“Us.” She searched for how to say it.
“You already said that, Lois,” he reminded her.
“I know.” She fiddled with the zipper pull on her sweatshirt. “Well, basically, I'm wondering if there could be an us.”
“Lois, you aren't making any sense.” Clark ran a hand through his hair, making it look tousled and messy. And gorgeous. “There
is an us. We're partners. We're the best reporting team at the Planet since Norcross and Judd.”
“No, no, no.” Lois waved her hand impatiently to brush that off. “
Us. As in, us, romantically, us, a couple. Could there ever be an
us?” Well, there. It was out. And now that it was, she wanted to hide. She held her breath and looked anywhere but at Clark. If there was any semblance of rejection in his gaze, she wasn't sure if she could handle it. All of a sudden, the love that she recognized before intellectually slammed into her, full force.
She
loved Clark.
With all her heart, with all her being. He was more than a date, more than a boyfriend, he was her
best friend. Someone she could spend the rest of her life with and never be bored. Someone to talk to, to fight with, to cuddle with, and, yes, to neck with behind the Dairy Freeze. He was someone who could be a companion, a life-mate, a friend
and a lover.
Hesitantly, Clark asked her, “Do you mean that, Lois?”
She shot a quick glance over at him as he continued talking. He was leaning forward, elbow propped up on his knees, staring intently at her.
“I mean, are you serious?” he continued. “This isn't some joke, or dare, or weird, twisted idea of a prank or--I don't even know what?”
“Of course not!” Lois replied, indignant. “Why would I do that?”
“I don't know, Lois. But you've got to admit, this is kinda coming out of nowhere here.”
She paused, considering. He did have a point. After all, she'd been out on a date with Lex just last night. She'd been seeing Lex consistently for a few weeks now, as well as mooning over Superman. Clark must think she was the most fickle of creatures. He didn't know she'd been doing nothing but fighting with her thoughts and emotions and analyzing her feelings and desires for the past twenty hours.
“I know,” she whispered. “But I was talking to your mom--”
“
My mom?”
“Yes, your mom,” she retorted.
“But why--?”
“Would you just let me get on with the story, Clark?”
“I'm sorry! I just don't understand why you were talking to my mom.”
Lois sighed. Was she really going to have to go through all of it? It was too embarrassing. It was too humiliating. It was too cruel to tell him she only realized she loved him because another man proposed to her.
“Tell you what, I'll tell you
after I finish with the important part.”
Clark looked like he was trying to figure out the loophole in that agreement and then acquiesced. “Okay, you were talking to my mom and...?”
“Thank you.” She nodded primly and was pleased to see him crack a small smile. “Anyway, I was talking to your mom -- getting advice for a decision I had to make.” She saw Clark open his mouth,
knew he was about to ask what the decision was, and then he thought better of it and closed his mouth. Good.
“And she asked me what I saw myself doing in fifty years. And, more importantly, who I saw myself doing it with.”
She looked directly into Clark's eyes, hoping he was able to see the sincerity, the depth of her emotion. “And the first person, the only person, that came to mind was you.”
Clark's expression softened and she saw him look at her with such tenderness as she had never seen directed at her before. “Me?”
“Yes, you.” She wanted to look away, to laugh, to deny the importance of this moment, but she couldn't. “And when I realized that, I realized I loved you. Not as a brother, not as a friend, but as the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
It was almost comical to watch Clark's eyes widen in shock. Well, since she'd already bared her soul about as much as she could, a little more daring wouldn't hurt any. Quickly, she scooted across the couch, somehow ending up on her knees, facing him. She placed a hand on each of his shoulders and leaned in towards his face. He didn't back away, but he didn't do anything to encourage her either. Slowly, giving him plenty of opportunity to break contact should he choose, she moved closer.
She'd kissed him before. He'd kissed her. But this was different. This wasn't a ploy, this wasn't a cover, this wasn't a good-bye. This was Lois Lane kissing Clark Kent, the man she loved.
As her lips met his, her eyes drifted closed. Nerves filled her and she prayed that he'd respond. With a soft groan, he did, wrapping his arms around her to pull her in closer. She let her hands slip off his shoulders to slide behind him, one running through his hair while the other made tiny circles on his back.
For a moment, their souls touched.
Then Clark pulled back. Fear flooded Lois. What if he was just responding to the physical? He was a man, after all. Or maybe he was taunting her, throwing her declaration back in her face. No, this was
Clark. He would never do something like that to her.
He just sat there, searching her face for...what? What was he looking for?
“You really mean it, don't you?” he asked.
“Yes.” She nodded. This moment became the most important in her life. How he responded would decide the course of their partnership, their relationship.
“I don't know what brought this about,” he said, “but I don't think I care.” With a deft motion, he flipped her so she was sitting on his lap and he followed what had been the most extraordinary kiss she'd ever experienced with one even more beautiful.
Because in the midst of this one he murmured, “I love you, Lois.”
Surprised, overjoyed, she pulled away from him. “You mean it?!”
He crooked a smile at her. “Lois, I've known for a long time that you're the one I want to be with fifty years from now. A hundred years from now. For the rest of my life.”
She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. “Thank God.”
He kissed her again. “Thank my mom.”
She laughed and snuggled closer to him. “Yes, definitely, thank your mom.” Lois sighed happily, content in the closeness she shared with Clark. Her fingers intertwined with his and she leaned her face up for another kiss only to find him looking down on her. He looked as happy as she felt.
“You know what you need to do?” he asked her.
“No, Clark, what do I need to do?” she said back. She was so blissful that he could ask her to fly to China and bring back dinner and she wouldn't care.
“You need to kiss me again.”
She was happy to comply. After another round of fantastic kisses, Clark murmured playfully, “You know, you never did tell me why you were talking to my mom in the first place...”
Lois just laughed and kissed him again. “Later, Clark. We've got more important things to do.”
The End!
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