Last time:
Clark
Lana.
I hadn't let myself think about her like that in a long time, but a sudden vision of her in front of a fireplace came to me. She wasn't wearing anything then as I looked down at her. I closed my eyes and tried to will the image away. When I opened them again, instead of Lana in front of the fire, it was Lois lying there with me.
Would I ever not be conflicted about this?
She was saying something else.
"I'll go get a few things, maybe even a maternity gown or two since I have a couple months left."
I nodded. "Sounds like a good idea, I guess."
"At least we have a place to go," she said quietly.
"Yeah." I looked around. "There's not much left. I can do it fast if you want and then we can load the truck and head over in the morning."
She rolled awkwardly and then slid under the covers. "Good night."
"Good night," I said, but knew it would be a while before I slept.
*~*57*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
Most of what we'd brought from the dingy, little apartment on campus was either put in storage or given to charity. Most of what we kept was put in the closet of what was going to be our new room. We kept enough clothes and such for a week in my old room. Daddy thought that was how much longer it was going to take.
The new bed and sheets and all of those things had already arrived and once the doors were put in the rooms would be painted and new carpet put in, we'd move in. Of course, one thing on our agenda the week after Navance left was to go baby shopping. Clark and Vicki and I were going to hit some of the baby stores and get a crib and all that stuff.
*That* was going to be a fun day.
I'd get to waddle around and pretend to be in love with my husband who was *not* the father of my baby. And in the end we'd have some great baby stuff and I'd have swollen ankles and a sore back.
I soaked in the big tub that I'd practically swam in when I was little. When I was practically a prune, I climbed out and wrapped myself in the big bath sheet to dry off. I put on my favorite pair of Capri pants and a nice shirt.
Daddy had asked if I wanted to have anyone over, but I couldn’t deal with it. I missed my friends – I missed Joe still – but I couldn't deal with the pretense in front of people who knew me that well. Dad and Vicki and Ollie and their kids were bad enough.
I waddled back into my bedroom and spent a minute looking at the pictures on my dresser. Mom and Dad. Me and Mom. Me and Lucy. Mom and Lucy. Me and Mom and Lucy. All four of us together.
I had hoped that it would help me pull myself together, but instead I found tears filling my eyes and I gasped as the baby kicked up into my lungs. I picked up one picture and stared at it. It was Mom holding me the day I was born, Dad sitting next to her on the bed. They looked so happy.
I wondered if Clark and I would be able to pull off that look the day this baby was born.
I sighed and put the picture back.
They were downstairs waiting for me by now, I was sure.
Happy birthday to me.
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
The new room was done.
And it was going to be our first night in it.
I breathed a sigh of relief. We wouldn't be living right next door to Sam anymore. Okay not *right* next door, but close enough. We'd have our own climate control and security for those three rooms was tighter than the rest of the house. Every entrance to the second story east wing had a security keypad on both the inside and outside of every door and they were to be kept shut at all times. The upper floor already had its own climate control – there were several different zones throughout the house and that was just one of them.
Sam had contracted with his friend to update security all around the property, including guard dogs and patrols as necessary until the nightmare was over.
Lois and I both had panic buttons we could push if we ever felt the need. They were to be kept on our persons at all times. The nanny would have one, too. The baby would have a bodyguard just about any time he or she left the house. Lois had several panic buttons she could wear – a pendant or a hair doohickey or a watch or even a pair of earrings. I had a couple – a watch was the main one. We each also had one that we could keep in a pocket or purse and another on our key rings – they looked like mini-flashlights.
Every time I thought he might be going a bit overboard, Navance's words came back to me and a cold chill would pervade my entire body, right down to my bones.
Lois' birthday 'party' had been earlier that night and one of Sam's 'gifts' had been that our room was done early.
Even though I knew when her birthday was, I was being petty and since she hadn't gotten me anything for *my* birthday – I pushed the thought that I'd never told her when it was to the back of my mind; she'd never asked either – I didn't get her anything either. When I'd gotten puzzled looks from the rest of those gathered in the *actual* dining room that had been festooned with balloons for the occasion, I'd stammered and said I'd left it upstairs and would give it to her later.
Ollie had given me a knowing wink at that.
It made sense they would think that Lois and I would have our own... celebration later, an... initiation of sorts for our new room.
I used my speed to put all of our clothes away and to organize the closet. There were two built in dressers in there.
Lois came in as I finished my clothes and the clothes of hers that I was comfortable with. She mumbled a 'thank you' and took over the rest of her things.
I stretched out in one of the chairs and propped my feet on the ottoman, clicking through the channels until the TIVO asked if I wanted to change the channel to record the season finale of NCIS.
I hit pause, knowing Lois would want to watch it in a bit.
I headed to the veranda and sat down, staring over the barn towards the New Troy National Forest.
I glanced inside to make sure Lois was busy before I took the picture out of my pocket and stared at it.
Me and Lana at the fair last summer.
I'd put it away when we moved out of the dorms, but I'd unpacked my summer clothes and had come across it, along with several others of the two of us.
I missed her.
So much it hurt.
I closed my eyes and could still see the words written on my computer screen.
~><~><~
Clark – I don't need a ride back to Metropolis. I’m driving my car and Tim's coming with me. Now I understand why you two weren't 'completely dressed' after the first time and why you wanted to have your cake and eat it, too. With *her* being the 'cake' and *me* being the 'too'. I can understand why you'd want to 'make love' to me even though you can do whatever you want with your *wife*. Why wouldn't you want to enjoy it all while you can? You thought you could get me into bed and because it would be good, you'd get to have both of us. I'm not foolish enough to believe you wouldn't have had sex with her, too. That's probably all the two of you did in Europe after the 'wedding'. Well, Tim's always been half in love with me and waiting for the day we broke up. When he heard you'd gotten married, he emailed me and we decided that we were going to go out this week. We've chatted online for months and this week we did and it was everything you and I always thought it would be, but you already knew that didn't you?
I'm still not sure I believe that *she's* really having *your* baby, but you know what? I really don't care. Sleep with *her* all you want. I sure as hell plan on sleeping with whoever I feel like from now on. I guess I just don't see the benefit of waiting until marriage anymore. I know you said you wanted me to wait for you but you never said how long I was going to have to wait.
If I wasn't worth waiting for, don't flatter yourself into thinking that you should be.
Call me if you decide to divorce her because what we've shared for years is worth trying to recover.
Lana
~><~><~
I could hear the sarcasm in the last line. I knew that was the reason I'd been so distant from Lois since Smallville. She'd been closed off, too, but at least I knew where she was most of the time. The best she could do for me sometimes was guess.
I didn't know how many times I'd committed to do better; to be her friend, to help support her and the baby, to be a better husband even if we weren't a 'real' couple behind closed doors. I was still failing miserably.
Part of me wished we could afford a place of our own without worrying about security. The latest letter had come just a few days before and, once forwarded to the State Department, we'd received a call from the FBI wanting to help with security. Sam had told them that there was no need to burden taxpayers or stretch the FBI's already thin resources when he was capable of paying for the best security, but that he would appreciate it if they would work with the men he was hiring whenever necessary. The FBI man had breathed a sigh of relief at the decreased demand on his people and promised cooperation when the situation called for it.
Lois had left our new room a while earlier. I stared at the picture of me and Lana for another minute then went back inside.
On the bed was a gift-wrapped box.
I picked it up and turned it over in my hands, not noticing as the door opened.
"It's a late birthday present," Lois said. "I'm sorry I missed it."
I shrugged. "It's okay." I glanced up at her, but that was it.
Apparently, she'd decided that this was the night to do the whole 'we're married' pajama thing. In that second, I noted that she was wearing a black satin gown that fell to nearly the floor and that she had a matching robe wrapped around her. She was reaching for her bathrobe and she put that on as well. She was probably as uncomfortable with it as I was, but it was necessary.
Was it possible that she was expecting some reaction? After all I'd told her that it was possible that we'd... I made myself think it. Make love someday.
I decided that I needed to move another direction with my thoughts or I'd be back to thinking about Lana and Tim.
"You didn't have to do this," I told her as I turned the present over in my hands again.
She shrugged as she sat on the love seat. "I didn't think to ask when your birthday was. Your mom told me, but I didn't have a chance to get it until recently."
"Well, thanks."
I moved to the chair before I opened the wrapper and then the box. I stared at it. "Is this a first edition?" I reverently picked up the copy of 'To Kill A Mockingbird'.
"It was my mom's. She loved that book and I know it's your favorite, but I noticed you didn't actually have a copy of it, so..." She shrugged again.
I looked in the box again. "Two copies?"
"One to read," she said as though that it explained it all.
"What?"
"The one is a first edition and you probably won't want to read it to preserve the quality. It was actually my Grandma Lane's. She got it when it first came out and gave it to Mom when she and Daddy got married. He doesn't really care for it so when I asked him if I could give it to you, he said he'd be delighted that someone in the family would enjoy it again."
"I'll have to thank him."
She grabbed the TIVO remote. "Do you mind if I watch NCIS?"
I shook my head. "No. Go for it. I'm kind of looking forward to it myself." She'd gotten me hooked. But she was better at figuring out whodunit before it was revealed on the show than I was.
We watched as Tony and Jeanne faced down the drug crazed sister of a man who'd died while body packing heroin. With Abby's help, Director Shepard realized her long dead father had been in her home. And Gibbs and McGee tried to find out who at Homeland Security was after the Director.
"Wow," Lois breathed as the shot ended on Tony in the car with Jeanne and her father, the arms dealer known as 'The Frog'. "I did *not* see that coming."
"Me either," I said as I stood up. I set the books on the built in bookcase on the wall by the closet. "Thanks again."
"No problem," Lois called after me as I headed towards the bathroom to get ready for bed.
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I breathed a sigh of relief as Clark closed the bathroom door behind him.
He hadn't seemed to notice the nightgown I was wearing.
I wasn't sure which reaction would have made me happier – noticing and having some sort of revulsion on his face or noticing and having... not revulsion on his face. Given how huge I was, I certainly wasn't feeling attractive. I had to admit that I always felt better when I dressed nice and the nightgown actually *did* make me feel pretty good.
I thought not noticing was probably the best option.
I hung my bathrobe up in the closet and tossed the matching black robe over the chair in the corner. I was so glad that we were going to be sleeping in the super king size bed.
Separate zip codes while we slept was a good thing.
As close together we were at the apartment, or even in my old room, just served to remind me that he was my husband in name only.
It wasn't like I wanted him to... drop the towel, but wouldn't it have been better to be married to someone who actually liked me? He'd said several times that the biggest problem Lana had with me was that I was pretty. I certainly didn't feel very pretty, but some reassurance – even if it wasn't completely sincere – would have been nice.
As I curled up with the body pillow Martha had sent home with me, I tried not to wonder what it would be like if Joe had married me instead. He'd never made any secret that he thought I was attractive and that he wanted to do a lot more than make out someday.
I sighed and willed myself to sleep as I heard the shower start in the bathroom.
I didn't know how much later it was when I woke up, but when I did, it took me a minute to realize what it was that woke me.
There was a hand resting on my stomach, caressing it for lack of a better term, and there was something warm on my neck.
I wanted to turn my head, but instead I found my head falling to the other side to allow Clark greater access.
It took a minute – given the extremely pleasant sensations – for me to come completely to my senses.
"What are you doing?" I whispered, even as I ran a hand lightly up his arm.
He looked me in the eye. "Do you want me to stop?" he whispered back as he kissed his way down my neck and across my shoulder.
I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I wanted this – badly.
I settled for tugging on his arm until he was holding himself above me.
Careful not to rest his full weight on my stomach, he lowered himself until he could kiss me and I ran my hands up his arms, over his shoulders and my fingers tangled in his hair as we shared the most intimate kiss I'd ever been a part of.
An unfamiliar sound came out of the back of my throat, as he worked his way down my jaw and to the other side of my neck. I ran my fingernails down his back, wondering if he could even feel it.
"That feels so good," he murmured into my skin.
"You can feel that?" I asked, breathlessly.
He didn't say anything as he shifted to lie next to me and he ran his hand over my abdomen again before he lightly grasped the back of my thigh and turned me towards him.
I pushed him over onto his back and – being mindful of my stomach – began running my hand over his chest as I kissed *my* way down *his* neck, nibbling on his ear before moving towards his shoulder.
"That feels so good, baby," he practically groaned.
I slowed my hands for a minute. He'd never called me 'baby' but he'd called Lana that all the time.
"What?" I finally whispered, my lips still mere millimeters from his skin.
"I said that feels so good, Lana."
I stilled completely and the arm he wrapped around me pulled me closer. "What's the matter, baby?"
I pushed against him with all the strength I could muster. "Get the hell out of my bed."
*****
TBC
