To the awesomest betas ever – Carol, Mark, and Beth!!
From Chapter 54
“You. Everyday. Lois, I'm in love with you. I think I have been from the first moment I saw you.”
Lois tried to school her features. She did not want to hurt him, but that was unavoidable. Pulling her hands gently from his grasp, she stood up. “I love you too, Clark.” One look in his eyes, and she could tell he already knew where she was going with this. “You're my best friend and the only partner I've ever actually liked working with. But… I don't think of you that way. I'm so sorry.”
She willed herself not to cry. She was hurting horribly, but she knew Clark was the one who was allowed to be angry and hurt here, not her.
“And Luthor?” he asked quietly. “Do you love him?”
She had to look away from him. His eyes were so full of pain she could not look at him. “I don't know,” she admitted. She almost smiled when she realized what had happened. They were having the conversation she had desperately wanted to have. She would not have thought it was possible after his admission. “I'm attracted to him,” she said quietly. “But I don't know if I love him.”
“So what are you going to do?” he asked.
Lois gave a half laugh. “I still don't know. I need to talk it over with someone else first.”
“I don't know where he is,” Clark said in a strangled voice.
Lois nodded, finally asking timidly, “If you see him, though, you'll let him know?”
Clark nodded, but Lois turned away when she saw the tear slip down his cheek.
Chapter 55
Clark sat on his couch trying not to feel anything at all which was not all that hard in his current mental state. It was certainly preferable to what he had done when he first got home – which was picture Lois marrying Lex Luthor.
He wondered if Superman had told his Lois he loved her when she was considering marrying Luthor. He had hoped the answer was no – until Superman told him that his wife had accepted Lex' proposal, he had assumed Lois would say no in the end. He had hoped that his desperate plea would change things. What if he was wrong? What if she still accepted Lex' proposal? Given her response to him, it certainly seemed likely that she would say yes to Luthor. It was not like Superman was going to date her – which was clearly the only thing Lois saw as standing in the way of her accepting Lex' proposal.
What if she still accepted Lex' proposal and the part that was different here was that she actually went through with it?
“Oh, hi.”
The voice startled him and looking up he was surprised to see Superman standing in front of him. He had not heard him land. He had not heard him come in from the balcony. From Superman's hello, though, he got the impression that Superman had not noticed him either. They were quite a pair.
“What's wrong with you?” he asked. He blushed as he realized how harsh that sounded.
“I'm okay,” Superman said, but Clark did not believe him and after a minute Superman seemed to realize this. “I'm a little homesick. But I'll be okay.”
He took a seat beside Clark on the couch. “I take it that you told her?”
Clark closed his eyes. “So, you did that, too? I had hoped that I was doing something different. Something that would lead to a different result.”
“I'm sorry,” Superman said.
“She wants to see you,” Clark said softly. “I suppose this happened in your world, too?”
“Yeah,” Superman said, his voice soft and Clark could hear the sympathy in it.
“What happened when you did?” Clark asked. Then he shook his head. “Forget it. I think I'd rather not know.”
Superman said nothing, respecting his request. “I should go get this over with,” he said.
Clark nodded, but did not watch Superman as he took off.
***********************
Superman flew towards Lois' slowly. He felt badly for Clark. He could remember with aching clarity how that rejection had felt – how helpless he had been, how worried he had been that she was going to say yes to Luthor.
Over sympathy for Clark, however, was a more selfish emotion. Fear. He was afraid of this Lois now, of her power over him. She had erased all his memories of his wife and seemed to have made herself comfortable in his wife's place in his mind.
“Clark,” she said to him. “When you were gone…” she paused, the words seeming to be hard to say. “When the other Clark was here… It was hard. He was so much like you and you weren't here and…” Tears fell down her cheeks, but she paid them no heed.
“Lois?” he asked her, his voice gentle.
She took a deep breath, clasping his hand tightly. “You may be gone a long time, and she is going to be a lot like me.”
“What are you trying to say?” Clark asked.
“It's okay… I'll understand if something happens.”
Clark laughed at her. “Don't be ridiculous, Lois. There is only one you. No matter how much like you she is, she isn't you. You are my wife. The only Lois for me.”
Superman smiled. This memory at least was clear. The Lois there looked like this Lois, but the words – that was a real memory. It was almost amusing that the only memory this Lois had not completely stolen was about her.
He approached Lois' window and saw her sitting on the couch in her nightgown.
“I heard you wanted to see me,” he said as his feet touched down.
Lois got up with a small gasp and turned to look at him. “Yeah. Let me just put a robe on,” she said.
Superman nodded. He would not make the rude lead-lined comment here. He would just listen to her talk and he would leave. He would look at her as little as possible.
She was breathtakingly beautiful. Her nervousness was making her look fragile and Superman longed to be the person to take care of her. What was he doing?
He thought back again on the conversation with his wife. He had been so idealistic then, so full of convictions, and he had had no idea how hard this was going to be, how long he would be here, and how much this woman would be like his wife.
“Did Clark tell you?” Lois asked. “About Lex?”
Superman nodded his head. “Yes, he told me.” He did not want to talk about this. He needed to leave. Seeing her was just too hard.
“Superman,” she said, coming over to place her hand in his. Superman gasped. He had not expected her to touch him. He did not want her to touch him. This was hard enough without any physical contact.
"I can't do this,' he thought and he started to put voice to the words, but Lois spoke first.
“We've been friends for a long time,” she said. “Nine months maybe? I don't know. But long enough that I know you. And you know me.” She gave a nervous laugh and took a step towards him.
Superman took a small step back trying to create some distance, but Lois followed him. This was different than the speech he remembered. Of course, this Lois had a different relationship with him. Still, things were essentially the same which mean the awful part was still coming.
“Superman, I love you,” she said simply. “I have loved you for a long time.”
He closed his eyes tightly. He needed to get out of here. He needed to create more distance between them. He took another step back, but Lois followed again.
He knew what was coming, or at least he thought he knew what was coming – that awful “If you were an ordinary man” line - and he knew what he was supposed to do, but it suddenly felt too hard, and it was so easy to do the thing he knew was wrong, but he so wanted to do. “Lois… I love you, too,” he whispered before his lips met hers.
***********************
How could he have done that? He kissed Lois. How could he have kissed Lois? Worse, it had felt wonderful. He wondered if it was better than kissing his wife, but who knew? The memories of that were so far gone that he had no hope of recovering them.
Still, how could he have done this? Clark – what would Clark think? How could he do this to Clark? To Lois? To his wife? It was just wrong on so many levels.
He headed for Clinton Street, but before he got there, he turned around. He could not face Clark yet. He wanted to go to Smallville, but how could he? What would he say to the Kents? He could just imagine the scene:
Sorry, Martha, Jonathan. I just stopped by as I had a bad day. What made it bad? Well, see, you know how I've been missing my wife? I forgot to mention that when I've said I've forgotten what she looks like that I actually still have memories of her. Only it's this Lois in the memories. Yes, the Lois your son is in love with.
Oh, yes, it's very sad. And it makes things complicated "cause Lois thinks she's in love with me. And she told me so today. Oh, yeah, I knew she was going to. My Lois did, too. What did I do? In my universe? Oh, I told her that there were things she didn't know about me and I flew off.
Was she hurt? Of course, she was hurt.
Should Clark go pay this Lois a visit? No, I don't think that's necessary. This Lois isn't hurt. Why not? Oh, well, instead of flying off, I kissed her. Yeah, I think she's probably feeling okay right now.
No, going to Smallville was definitely out. Certainly Asia could use another patrol right now, right?
***********************
Lois sat in her new office taking things out of the box of belongings she had brought from the Planet. She could not believe she was starting a whole new life now. She was working at LNN. She was working in television rather than print. Best of all, though, she was dating Superman. Not that they had talked about the specifics or anything. He had flown off right after he kissed her. There must have been some sort of emergency, although it was a little weird that he never came back.
Still, he told her he loved her and he kissed her. She could certainly be patient enough for him to have time to discuss where they were going to go from here. After all, being with Superman required lots of patience. He would often have to fly off and take care of emergencies, but he was Superman. You could not really blame him for that.
For a moment, she wondered – was it possible that she should not really consider this her job now? Would the offer disappear after she had a chance to see Lex and let him know that she was going to have to say no to his proposal?
She shook her head. Lex offered her this job because she was highly qualified, not because he was hoping to marry her. It would be fine.
She took out the book of Superman clips – pictures of him at rescues, all the stories she had ever written about him, and smiled. She could not believe it. She had never thought she stood a chance with him. She knew she was special to him – he had told her that. Still, he was Superman. She was not sure he even had feelings like that for Earth women.
She could not wait to see him again, to kiss him again. Her future had never looked so bright.
***********************
Lois looked around the table. Perry looked happy – she never would have expected that. Although, the excess alcohol may have helped with that.
Even Jimmy and Clark looked happy, although she suspected that was partly at seeing Perry happy. The belly dancers probably did not hurt, either. They had really barred no expense for Perry's retirement party.
She had not shared her news with anyone yet, so none of them knew why she was so happy. She was not ready yet, though. It was big news, maybe even bigger than Lex' proposal. She wanted to get the timing just right. Plus, she had to be selective about who she told. Being Superman's girlfriend was the kind of news that got you in the paper. It also put you at risk for being used as a bargaining chip. She was not worried about that – Superman would always manage to get to her, she was sure, but she did not want to make things more complicated for him.
“Here's to the Daily Planet,” Perry interrupted her musings.
“No more deadlines,” Jimmy added.
“Just think, Chief. Maybe now you can plan that trip to Graceland and actually go,” Lois smiled at him.
Perry did not hear her, though, as at that moment a belly dancer danced right in front of him and he got up to dance after her as she moved away.
Clark laughed at the sight and Lois sighed happily. “So much for Perry not having a good time,” she said.
“Has anyone talked to Jack?” Jimmy asked.
Lois shook her head. “I haven't had a chance, but I talked to Lex yesterday and pleaded his case. I know he's innocent. Lex agreed to get him a lawyer.”
“Jack's met with him,” Clark added, although he avoided looking at Lois while he spoke. “He seems sort of… I don't know. He's not Jack. He seems ready to admit defeat. He doesn't have a lot of confidence that Luthor's lawyer is going to get him off.”
“I'm sure he will, Clark,” Lois said, the tiniest edge to her voice. Why was he always so negative recently? “We know Jack is innocent and if Lex got him a lawyer, I'm sure it's a good one.”
Clark said nothing, but gave an exasperated sigh. “Can I have a word, Clark?” Lois asked. She wanted to give him a piece of her mind, but she did not want to do so in front of Jimmy.
Without a word, Clark got up and walked towards a dark, quiet corner of the restaurant.
“What is your problem?” Lois said angrily when she reached him.
“You really don't know?” Clark asked, and Lois was surprised to see the anger in his eyes. The hurt from yesterday was still there, but he looked more angry than hurt right now.
“Lex got Jack a lawyer. What else are you expecting him to do?” Lois asked, trying not to raise her voice.
“Oh, I'm not surprised he got Jack a lawyer,” Clark retorted. “It's perfect. It makes you feel like he does things for you and helps your friends – both of which go a long way towards turning your maybe into a yes, and it allows him to control Jack's fate.”
“Why would he care about Jack's fate?” Lois asked completely, skipping his remarks on how it might make her feel. She did not want to tell Clark she was turning down Lex' proposal yet. She did not want him to think it was because of his wild accusations – it was not. She knew Lex was a wonderful man. He just wasn't Superman.
“Because if he can get Jack convicted of the bombing there will be no further investigation and no one can turn up evidence that Lex was responsible.”
“You think Lex is responsible for the bombing?” She was incredulous. Was there no end to the things Clark would blame on Lex?
“Well, I don't have any proof, but yeah, I do,” Clark said.
“You are a madman, Clark. This is ridiculous. I hurt you. I get that. And I'm sorry. But you need to end this vendetta against Lex.”
“I plan to.”
“When?” Lois asked pointedly, even though she could tell he had been about to say something else.
“When he gets everything he deserves. And for the record, that does not include you. And it's not sour grapes or something like that, Lois. The truth is, my feelings for you aside, you are way too good for Lex Luthor.”
With that Clark stormed off, leaving Lois staring after him. That was sweet. Sort of. She was not sure if she wanted to strangle him or kiss him.
***********************
“Must be nice having a free car and driver at your disposal,” Jimmy said as they exited the party.
Lois did not say anything. It was nice. Still, she felt guilty using it since she was going to tell Lex tonight that she was not going to be able to marry him. She had told him she did not need the car, though, and he had insisted. Since she did not want to talk to him about the proposal over the phone, she agreed. She did not have a good explanation for why she did not feel right using his driver without telling him. It was just easier this way.
“Maybe I can drop you off at home?” she suggested to Jimmy. “You, too,” she included Perry in the offer. They were really not on the way to Lex', but it was the least she could do, right? Plus, it would give her a few minutes more to enjoy the luxury before she gave it all up.
Not that she was having second thoughts. Being with Superman was better than anything Lex could offer her. Still, cars with drivers and maids and cooks were nice, too.
“Really? Thanks, Lois,” Jimmy said with his usual youthful exuberance.
Perry did not answer, but Jimmy tugged on his arm and Perry came willingly. He had had a little too much to drink and was singing Elvis songs at the top of his lungs.
“Clark?” she asked. She and Clark had not spoken for the rest of the evening, but both had stayed until the end of the party, wanting to be there for Perry, so they had walked out together.
Clark gave her a withering look. “It's not free,” he said in reply.
“What?” Lois asked. He really was going off the deep end.
“The car,” Clark clarified. “It's not free. Trust me, Lois, with Luthor there's always a price.”
Lois sighed to keep from reviving their argument in front of Jimmy and the driver. Perry did not count, since it was unlikely he would remember much of this tomorrow. “Are you coming or not?” she asked him.
“Not,” Clark said. He leaned into the window to say goodnight to Perry and Jimmy and walked away.
***********************
“So, how was the retirement party?” Lex asked her as she entered the room.
“Painful and funny,” she said as he came over to engulf her in his arms.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “I wish I could do something to help.” Lois backed away. “Is everything okay?” he asked her.
Lois moved to sit on the couch. “I've been thinking about… the question you asked me,” Lois said nervously.
Lex sat down. Lois could tell he was eager to hear her answer, but he was trying to be patient. He took her hands in his. “And?”
“Lex, you're an amazing man,” Lois said. “You're kind and smart. You're generous. I mean, even aside from the obvious wealth, any woman would be lucky to have you.” Lois was surprised. She had not thought she was being terribly obtuse about where this was going, but Lex was still watching her eagerly, looking pleased at her words.
“But… I don't think I can marry you,” Lois said softly.
For a moment, Lex said nothing. She could tell he was surprised. Lex probably did not get told no frequently. Then the words seemed to sink in. Something weird flashed across his face, before the expected disappointment crossed his features.
“Well,” he said, letting go of her hands and standing up. “I'm…” he paced, clearly at a loss for words.
“I really like you, Lex,” Lois said. “I'm just not…”
“Is there someone else?” Lex cut in. “Mr. Kent, perhaps?”
“Clark?” Lois asked confused. “No, we're just friends,” she said ignoring the little voice in the back of her head that was screaming "Friends! He's in love with you, idiot!'
“Or Superman?” Lex asked.
“Superman?” Lois asked, stalling this time. No, she probably should not tell Lex about Superman. “Does Superman even date?” she asked instead, but she could feel she was blushing. “It was just… I'm sorry, Lex, but as much as I like you, I'm not in love with you.”
Again something flashed across his face quickly, but then he turned away. “Well, I have to admit to being a bit disappointed.”
A bit disappointed? Not that Lois wanted to hurt him or anything, but that seemed like an understated response to someone saying no to a marriage proposal. Clark had not asked for anything and yet he had been clearly crushed when she told him she did not return his feelings. Yet Lex, who wanted to marry her, was only a bit disappointed that she had said no. Was he trying to save face?
“I'll have Mrs. Cox show you out,” Lex said as he picked up his phone.
Mrs. Cox came to the doorway in an instant. “Ms. Lane will be leaving now,” Lex said.
“Lex, I really… I'd like to be friends,” Lois said, but he did not reply and after a moment of awkward silence, Lois followed Mrs. Cox out.
***********************
Superman hovered outside the window. He was not sure what would happen – what the implications of his kissing Lois were. He had been curious, sort of, to see whether she would still accept Luthor's proposal. She had not. He sighed. Maybe something good did come out of the kiss?
Somehow, he was not sure Clark would feel that way.
***********************
Lois opened the door to her apartment. The ride home was weird. Lex had told his driver to take her home, but she felt even stranger using the car than she had before she rejected his proposal.
She sighed. That was weird. She was glad it had gone well – not that she could imagine Lex making a scene, but it was still weird. She wished he had not ignored her before she left.
And the expression on his face – she had seen it twice, both times so briefly she was not sure she had not imagined it. Would she have imagined it twice, though? It was the same look he had given her in New York when she did not agree to stay the night. It was … anger was not the right word. It looked more like… barely controlled rage.
Did that make any sense? Lex always seemed so polished. Was it all just a veneer?
She was not sure, but she knew someone who thought they knew the answer. Whether or not he was right, she did not know, but it seemed like perhaps she should talk to Clark about Lex. And this time, she should hear him out.
