Thanks again to my awesome betas – Carol, Beth, and Mark!
From Chapter 60
“Clark hates me,” Superman said quietly, not ready to believe their words.
“Oh, nonsense!” Martha said. “I've known that boy since he was in diapers and he barely has the ability to hate anybody. Except maybe Lex Luthor. But not you, Clark. Not you.”
“He's hurt,” Jonathan said. “And it's not surprising, is it? I think he thought you were going to sweep in and take Lois from him when you first got here. He's been waiting for this. And then when you didn't do it, he started to think you wouldn't. So this surprised him.”
“And he's a little upset that you're ignoring Lois,” Martha added gently. “But he doesn't hate you. You're his friend, Clark. Really. He's closer to you than we've ever seen him with anyone besides Lois. He's just…waiting for you to do the right thing.”
“Talk to Lois,” Superman said and the Kents both nodded in agreement. “But I can't,” he said. “I've tried. Twice now. Both times I haven't gotten anywhere. She kisses me and I forget who I am.”
“Well, then, drink up,” Martha said, pushing the glass of buttermilk closer to him. “It sounds like you need all the help you can get.”
Chapter 61
Lois paced her living room. What did he mean Superman was not who she thought he was? Of course he was. Who else could he be?
Clark was the one who did not know Superman, clearly. Clark thought he could chase Superman away, but he could not. Superman was happy here now. Right? He had her and…
But Clark had not been working to get Superman to leave on his own. Superman was doing something, be it make-up or something else, to make himself look younger. Why was he doing that?
And if he was so happy with Lois, why was he avoiding her?
She sat down heavily on her couch. Was Clark right? Was there something about Superman that she did not know?
***********************
Superman flew to Lois' trying to keep the discussion with the Kents in his head. He needed to keep his distance and let her know they were not dating.
He took a deep breath as her window came into sight.
“Who are you?” she asked before he was even fully inside. Her voice was harsh, but he was surprisingly unhurt by the tone. She was not his Lois. He could see that now.
Suddenly, with an aching clarity, he could tell the small, subtle differences, and with a longing that was nearly palpable, he desperately wanted his Lois, with her heartbeat that was so like this woman's but not exactly the same. With her short, sexy hair that this woman was not yet sporting, and with his eyes closed, he could see her in a way that he had not been able to do for months.
When he opened his eyes, this Lois was still looking at him coldly. “Who are you?” she asked him again.
Superman took a deep breath. “I can't answer that for you. I wish I could, but I can't. You'll find out someday and I suspect it will be someday soon.”
Lois regarded him coolly. “Get out,” she said, her voice quiet.
“We need to talk first,” Superman said and he felt the detachment he had had in the beginning, the detachment he had been missing for weeks. He wanted to laugh with joy, but he was afraid that would not be the way to let Lois talk to him. He could not leave yet. He had really messed things up in this universe and he needed to fix them.
“I don't have anything to say to you,” she said coldly.
“That's okay. You can just listen to me,” Superman said. Lois glowered at him, but did not say anything.
“First, I want you to know that I do care for you. Very much. But kissing you was a mistake. I should not have done it. Neither should you. You're in love with someone else.
“Lois, I think you're scared,” he said before she had a chance to interrupt him. “You considered marrying Luthor not because you loved him, but because you didn't and that meant he could never hurt you.”
Lois gave a humorless chuckle. “I guess you didn't read the articles on who he turned out to be.”
Superman gave a small smile, “Yes, but you didn't know that. You thought he would not be able to hurt you. And you were interested in me because you think I'm perfect and thus I can't hurt you either.
“I'm not perfect, Lois. I'd like to be, but I'm not.
“Being in love is a risky thing, Lois. I know you've been hurt before, but I think this time things will work out fine if you just give him a chance. I'm not saying that everything will be perfect, but I do think you'll be making the right decision.”
“So, that's it?” Lois asked, her voice still cold. “You're breaking up with me and pushing me towards Clark. I'm not in love with Clark!”
“I never said you were,” Superman pointed out. “I said you were in love with someone else. You said it was Clark.”
As he should have expected, Lois was not happy to have him point this out to her. “Clark lied to me. I can't trust him. And as it turns out, I can't trust you either. I don't know what the two of you are doing, but I intend to find out.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I know Clark has been taking over your Superman duties and you're doing something to look younger so he can do that. I don't know why you're trying to leave Metropolis, but I think between that and having a real identity for Superman, this could be Pulitzer news.”
She knew? How had she found out? “You are not that type of reporter, Lois,” Superman said. “If you were, my address would have been plastered all over the Planet months ago. You'll get a Pulitzer one day, but it won't be for exposing all of Superman's secrets.”
“Get out!” she said again and this time, Superman decided to do as she asked.
Superman nodded at her, but before he left, his voice soft, he added, “He needs you, Lois. He has a secret so big it's destroying him and he wants to share it with you. Please try to help him.”
***********************
“Hi,” he said as he landed softly.
“Hi,” Clark replied. “Lois recognized me. I did a rescue earlier today and she recognized me.”
“I know,” Superman said. “I mean, I didn't know the details, but I saw her. She told me she knew.”
“Did you two kiss and make-up? Or was she not even angry at you, just at me?” Clark asked bitterly.
“I'm so sorry, Clark. I… I lost my head for awhile. No, we didn't kiss and make-up. I told Lois that it was a mistake. For both of us. I'm not in love with her. I admit that I thought I was for a while. I just sort of… well, you don't want to hear it, but it was a mistake.”
“I do want to hear it,” Clark said, looking at him earnestly. “Please help me to understand.”
Superman smiled. Martha was right; Clark did not hate him. Maybe he could salvage this and they could even be friends. It would be weird to be friends with someone he never saw, but it was far preferable to leaving here still arguing with Clark.
“Okay,” he said sitting down. “I've been… feeling homesick. A lot. I didn't want you to know as I didn't want you to feel like I was pushing you to let me go home. And I didn't know that things would come to this.
“Anyway, I started spending more and more time thinking about my life in my universe, trying to remember what it was like. But I couldn't remember. More and more of my memories were hazy rather than clear. Most particularly memories of Lois. It started with memories where she just looked weird. The rest of the memory was okay, but she looked like this Lois. She had her hair – you may remember that my wife has short hair - or something like that. Then her heartbeat was different. Your Lois and my Lois have slightly different heartbeats, and the Lois in my memories started having the heartbeat of your Lois.
“Then, though, things got worse. Lois started acting weird in my memories. They weren't really memories at all – they were more like bizarre daydreams. They'd start off with something from my old life, but then Lois would be this Lois. Like I had a memory of Lois getting pregnant with Emily where I admitted that I had never really thought I could have children.
“Now that I remember better, my Lois was very caring and felt badly that I had had all these doubts. In my memory, though, she pegged me with questions about my Kryptonian heritage.”
Clark smiled. “That sounds like Lois.”
“Yeah,” Superman smiled, too. “Anyway, I don't know – I guess when Lois told me she was in love with me, it felt too hard to do what I was supposed to do. And it felt so easy to kiss her. I know it was wrong, I knew it then. But it all felt so overwhelming.
“And the other times, Clark, I really intended to let her know we couldn't be together, but I… I still felt this huge aching hole in my chest, and being with Lois soothed that slightly. I still thought I was in love with her. So, when she kissed me, I wanted to tell her no, but again, it was just too hard.”
Clark nodded and Superman prayed that this was working. Clark understood what he had been going through and would forgive him.
“Clark, you need to know,” he continued, “I never intended to hurt you. I feel so awful about what this must have been like for you and for Lois. I know I hurt you both, and I'm so sorry. If I could do anything to make it up to you…”
“You've spent nine months taking care of calls for help so I could get up the nerve to do so myself. You don't owe me anything,” Clark said.
“I don't deserve for you to understand and forgive me,” Superman said softly. “I know that. It's something I want more than anything, though. I've never had a close male friend before – someone like you who is really just a friend.
“I won't lie – I've spent a lot of the time I've been here focusing on the bad parts and how much I miss my wife and kids, but… I realize now, that when I leave here, I'm going to miss you. Your friendship has meant so much to me.”
“Me, too,” Clark admitted as he stood up and moved over to give Superman a hug.
“Thank you,” Superman said softly.
“Thank you,” Clark said. “Really. Having you here really did help. I think I'm ready now. I mean, at first it was just because I was angry and wanted you to leave, but that's not the case now. I think I really am ready.”
“What are you going to tell Lois?” Superman asked.
Clark shrugged. “The truth, I guess. She's already guessed most of it.”
“Speak of the devil,” Superman said and Clark followed his gaze to the door. Using his vision to look through it, he saw Lois approaching.
“Is she here for you?” Clark asked.
“I doubt it. She kicked me out of her place before. She's probably here for you,” Superman said. “I'll go out and do a patrol while you talk.”
“Thanks,” Clark said as he made his way towards the door.
***********************
“So, who is he?” she asked as she walked past him into the apartment. Clark stared at her blankly, so she clarified. “You said he was not who he was pretending to be, so who is he?”
There was a pause and then in a voice so soft, Lois was not sure she had not imagined it, he said, “He's me.”
“What?” That did not make any sense. How could Superman be Clark Kent? She had seen them together. Superman looked different than Clark. Well, they looked amazingly alike, but not exactly the same. It just did not make any sense.
“Sort of. Could you sit down? It's a long story and the two aliens from another planet is only part of the weirdness,” Clark said.
She wanted to tell him to just tell her what was going on. She was so angry at him for lying to her, but looking at him she could not do that. He looked so sad, so pained. With a sigh, she sat on the couch. “Okay, I'm listening,” she said.
“Superman is me. Really. Sort of,” Clark said.
Lois nodded waiting for this to make sense.
“Okay, maybe we should start with Superman's history. He was born on the planet Krypton and his parents sent him to Earth on a ship because Krypton was exploding. He landed in a field in Smallville, Kansas and was found and then raised by Martha and Jonathan Kent.”
Lois could actually feel her eyes get wide. Were they brothers?
“The Kents named him Clark Kent and as he grew, he discovered he had some strange abilities,” Clark continued.
“After college, he decided he wanted to see the world, but the more he was out in it, the more he realized there was a need for the type of help he could provide. One day, he got sick of moving around and hiding who he was. So, he moved to Metropolis and got a staff job at the Daily Planet.”
“What?” Lois interrupted. When had Superman had a job at the Daily Planet?
“I know. Just hear me out,” Clark said. “He was there for a few days before his partner, Lois Lane suggested that he bring a change of clothes to work.”
“You're telling me that I was Superman's partner,” Lois said.
“Not quite. The idea of bringing a change of clothes to work brought Clark to the idea of a costume and one day about a week after his arrival in Metropolis, he flew in and saved a space station and Superman was born.”
At least this was a part of the story Lois could understand. Still, she did not understand where he was going with this.
“Then one day, about a year after he was in Metropolis…”
“Superman's been in Metropolis for more than a year?” Lois asked confused.
“Yes. Just let me explain,” Clark said, giving a small smile at her prodding.
“About a year after he was in Metropolis, Superman discovered that H.G. Wells had actually built a time machine. He's flown in it.”
Suddenly, Lois started to understand. “He's future you?”
“Not quite. Wait? You're okay with this?”
“What? That there are time machines. I've kissed a man who can fly,” Lois said. “Actually, I've kissed two men who can fly. Time travel doesn't seem so surprising compared to that.”
“Right,” Clark said, amazed, “So, it also turns out that the time machine can be used to move between universes. There are lots of parallel universes where things are similar, but different. Superman is from a different universe. He was sent here to help me.”
“Help you with what?” Lois asked.
Clark took a deep breath. “Let's jump to my history for a moment. Like Superman, I was born on Krypton and raised by Martha and Jonathan Kent in Smallville, Kansas. But unlike Superman, when I started to fly, I decided to start helping people.
“I was stupid about it, but I started doing something like what Superman does now, only I didn't wear a costume.” He stopped to take a deep breath. “When I was in high school, I was coming back from a trip in Europe when I passed a boy about my age falling off a rock in Quincy Quarry near Boston. I flew down and saved him.”
“Chad?” Lois asked, her voice very soft.
Clark nodded. “Superman's Lois also dated Chad. But her Chad died during the rock climbing trip because Superman was not doing rescues yet.”
Lois nodded. This was a lot to take in. “So what happened?” she asked.
“I kept helping, but one day I was caught on tape. It was foolish and my parents kept telling me not to do it, but I thought I knew better. I thought nothing could hurt me.”
“But something can. Kryptonite,” Lois supplied.
“Well, yes, but I didn't know that until Trask found it a few months ago. But there are other things that can hurt me. The guys who found me, I think they were predecessors of Bureau 39. They wanted to run tests on me, see what I could do, make sure they could control me.”
Lois gasped and unconsciously she reached out for Clark's hand.
“To make sure I cooperated, they kidnapped my father,” Clark said, his voice soft. “They beat him up pretty bad. But they didn't have kryptonite, so I could save him. In doing so, though, I caused a fire and they died.”
“Oh, Clark,” Lois said, unconsciously moving closer to him on the couch.
“I was so afraid of helping after that. I traveled after college, too, but I was so afraid of being recognized. I moved all the time, even more than Superman did. Every time I did anything super, I moved so I couldn't be recognized. No one could trace Clark Kent and thus Martha and Jonathan Kent would be safe.
“And I planned to do the same thing in Metropolis…”
“Thus the request for freelance work,” Lois breathed. “And I was so awful to you…”
“You weren't awful and you didn't know. Anyway, I… well, I fell in love with you almost as soon as I met you, and decided I wanted to stay. So, I just wasn't going to help. I was just going to be Clark Kent, farmboy from Kansas.
“I was afraid, though. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep to that. But then right as I was accepting a full time job offer from Perry, Superman showed up.”
“So you could be Clark Kent full time,” Lois said as realization dawned.
“Yes. But he can't stay here indefinitely.”
“He has a life somewhere else,” Lois realized. “Oh my… Does he have a girlfriend?”
“He has a wife,” Clark said gently. “Her name is Lois Lane.”
“He…,” Lois could not finish her thought.
“I know it's all very surreal. But it's true. I met her once. He's married to the Lois Lane in his universe and they have two children. He didn't mean to hurt you, Lois. He just… he was homesick. He's only seen his wife once since he got here and you are so much like her…”
Lois smiled. “So, we made the same mistake.”
“What?” Clark asked.
“Superman thought he had fallen for me because I reminded him of his wife, and I thought I had fallen in love with him, because…” She could not really say it out loud, could she? She had to, though. Clark had given her everything he could. She had to go the rest of the way. “Because he reminded me of you.”
“What?” Clark asked, clearly shocked. “But… but I thought…”
“He was right. He said I'm afraid of falling in love with you. Because of what happened in my past. And it's true. I've had lousy luck with men – both awful guys like Claude and Lex and nice guys like Chad.
“Thinking I was in love with Superman was safer than admitting that I was in love with you. I thought he couldn't make any mistakes and then he couldn't hurt me. And he was Superman, so he'd never die and leave me alone.
“But Superman said that I should be willing to take the risk with you and if he's married to his Lois Lane, then maybe he knows what he's talking about.”
“Do you mean it?” Clark asked, and Lois could see he still did not believe her.
She moved closer to place both her hands in his. “I love you, Clark Kent, and not Clark, the reporter, but Clark the good, kind man who is my best friend and closest confidante. If you were a superhero, flying around in tights to save people, living a super-powered life, I would love you just the same. Can't you believe that?”
He looked at her with wide eyes for a few minutes before asking, “You're not angry? About lying to you.”
“You are clearly scared of your own skin,” Lois teased. “We'll need to work on that. But no, I'm not. I won't tolerate it anymore. I mean that, Clark. From this moment on, I expect you to be one hundred percent honest with me. But I'm ready to move forward.”
Clark looked at her like he still did not believe her so she moved forward until her lips had nearly touched his. She could not do it. It was too hard to kiss him. What if she was misreading the signs and he did not want to kiss her?
He moved forward the smallest amount and their lips touched. It was incredible. Lois smiled against his lips. Kissing Clark was better than kissing Superman. She felt connected to him in away she never had with Superman.
She closed her eyes and lost herself in the kiss. They were finished talking. Talking was overrated.
