Last time:
Clark
My head was swirling. She'd been thinking all of those things? And I didn't have a clue?
She swiped at her eyes. "I hadn't planned on telling you all of that, but I can't live like this anymore. The medication helps. A lot. I feel more like myself and I can deal with life and it's not as overwhelming. It doesn't take the problems away or anything like that, but it makes them more manageable. But I still can't live like this anymore. And I know some sort of car accident or whatever really wouldn't have helped any of you – not really. I realize that, while you might be better off without being attached to me, Christopher needs his mom and Daddy needs me more than he needs the money he'd save on security."
"I wouldn't be better off if you were in a car accident," I told her. "I wouldn't have you in my life anymore and I'd miss you and the little boy everyone thinks is my son wouldn't have his mom and I'd have to explain to him – for the rest of his life – why he doesn't have either of his biological parents and try to convince him that I love him regardless of what his DNA says."
She ran her fingers over her cheeks and a second later, I had her in my arms. I held her close to me as she cried against my chest. I rested my chin on her head and tightened my hold on her slightly. "I'm so sorry, Lois. I'm so sorry I had no idea."
I kissed the top of her head as her arms went around my waist, clinging to me as the tears continued to fall. One hand found its way to her temple and gently stroked her hair.
"I *do* love you, Lois," I whispered. "Maybe not like I should love my wife, but I do love you and I would never want anything to happen to you and not just for Christopher's sake. I can't imagine my life without you in it, in some role."
I didn't know how long we stood there, but it felt like something finally shifted in our relationship.
Like we were finally friends again.
And maybe something more than that.
*~*71*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
If I could stay here for the rest of my life, that would be okay. In Clark's arms. Safe.
Loved.
He'd said he loved me. Even if it wasn't quite like I'd always dreamed my husband would love me.
At least he didn't hate me. Despise me. Loathe me. Detest me.
I could live with that.
For now, at least.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"For what?" I asked. "None of this is your fault."
"It's my fault for not paying more attention, for not knowing that so much was wrong. For not being there for you. For not being your friend, if nothing else. I don't know how many times I've promised myself that I was going to do better but..."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not. I wouldn’t have married you under those circumstances if I'd been given the choice, if there had been any other way, but I did. I promised to love and honor and respect and protect you, in sickness and health and all that other stuff. I pledged to you my life and my fidelity. I haven't done a very good job keeping those promises. I mean, I haven't cheated on you or anything like that – not since I kissed Lana, I mean. And I know I shouldn't have done that." I could feel his voice rumbling deep in his chest. "But the love, honor and respect stuff..."
"It's okay," I told him honestly. "Neither one of us expected this to last more than a couple weeks. I don’t think either of us really meant what we said. I mean, I knew I wouldn't cheat on you, for instance, but I also figured it'd only be two weeks – how much time would I have to cheat on you? I mean not that I would, but you know what I mean." I sighed. "You didn't mean it long-term anymore than I did." I closed my eyes and reveled in being held close to him. This was what I'd dreamed of my whole life – being held like Daddy had held me, like he'd always held Mom. I still didn’t *need* a man for anything, but this was nice. Very nice.
"That doesn’t matter," he said quietly. "I still promised all those things to you and I haven't done a very good job."
"Neither have I."
"I haven’t made it easy for you." He held me a little tighter. "I haven't been around and when I have been, I've been sullen and angry and... distant and everything else but what you've needed me to be." His hand started to stroke my hair again. "I can't promise you that we'll end up with some fairy tale, story book marriage, but I *can* promise I'll do my best to be your friend again. I know I've said that before but... I promise I'll do my very best to do better."
"Thank you," I said, holding him a little tighter.
"Is there anything I can do for you right now?" he asked a minute later. "Something I can do while we're here."
Two things sprang immediately to mind.
I wasn't sure I'd actually be able to ask him for either one.
"What is it?"
"What is what?" I asked back.
"There's something you want to ask me."
"How do you know?"
I could hear the smile in his voice. "Your heart rate sped up."
"You listen to my heart?"
"Sometimes," he admitted.
I rested my head more fully on his chest. "I'm not sure how I feel about that." I took a deep breath and asked for one of the things I wanted. "Would you take me flying?"
"What?"
"You know, like you did on the farm after you told me about yourself."
"Ah."
I quickly backtracked. "You don't have to."
"No, it's not that. It's that I've never really flown with anyone but my parents and we probably don't want to go while it's daylight."
"I know. I was thinking after dark, maybe."
He hesitated slightly before I felt him nod. "Sure. We'll go flying tonight."
"Thank you." The other request would wait until later.
"What do you want to do?"
I shrugged. "Whatever you want."
"Poker rematch?"
I smiled. "I kicked your tuckus, Kent. Are you sure?"
He laughed. I'd forgotten how much I loved his laugh. "You make a good point. What do you want to play? Scrabble?" he asked hopefully.
I groaned. "No. Friends SceneIt?"
"Sure."
I didn't want him to let me go. I wanted to stay here, in his arms.
"I'm sorry," he told me again. "I really am. And I do want to make it up to you."
I finally moved back to look at him. "I know and you will. I don't know how yet, but I imagine it'll take lots of flying time and breakfast making."
He smiled, one of his old smiles, the ones he used to give me sometimes before we got married. "That'll help make up for me being a cad the past year or so?"
"It's a start," I said with a shrug, still not wanting to let him go.
He pressed his lips against my forehead.
"Things'll be better," he told me. "You'll see."
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
Thoughts were flying through my head. I'd been so relieved – more than I would have ever anticipated – when she reiterated a bit earlier that she'd never been suicidal. It was bad enough to think that she'd truly believed that the world would be a better place without Lois Lane – Lois Kent – but...
I noticed again how well she fit in my arms. Her head was just the right height to put my chin on.
I'd asked if there was anything I could do to help and I really expected her to say something about... making love or something like that. But she hadn't and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Even if we did need to work to make things better between us, I just didn't see that happening.
And then she asked me to take her flying.
I'd hesitated before I agreed. The flight I'd taken her on in Smallville was the furthest I'd flown anyone that wasn't my parents – the only time I'd flown anyone but my parents. But I'd agreed.
And so, after dark, I was going to take her flying.
She pulled away from me and rested her hands on my chest. "I didn't mean to get your shirt all wet."
I looked down. Sure enough, there was a big wet spot on the front of my shirt. I smiled at her. "It's okay. Really. If a wet spot on my shirt is the price I have to pay for holding a beautiful woman in my arms for a little while... well, I'm willing to pay that."
She ducked her head and blushed as I said that.
"Hey, look at me." I tucked a finger under her chin and lifted her face. "You are beautiful, you know that right?"
She shrugged. "I'm not bad, I guess."
I kissed her forehead again. "You are." I meant it. She was. She was attractive and, even if I didn't want to fly her off to bed immediately, I could acknowledge that.
She swiped at her cheeks. "I'm sure I look fabulous right now."
I chuckled lightly. "You've looked better," I conceded. Her eyes were red and blotchy and I was sure she was going to have a headache before long. "Do you want some Ibuprofen to help ward off the headache?"
She nodded. "Thanks."
"You get the game; I'll get some medicine for you." I squeezed her lightly before letting go. "Are you hungry?" I called as I headed towards the kitchen.
"Not really," she called back. She opened the big cabinet that held all the movies and games. "Friends SceneIt must be at home," she said with a sigh.
"Pick something else, then. Your choice." I poured a glass of milk and shook three pills into my hand.
She sighed again. "Nothing's jumping out at me."
"A movie then?" I asked as I walked towards her.
"Sure. Whatever you want."
I looked at the selection. Something like '50 First Dates' or 'Meet the Parents' might be fun, but was a romantic comedy the way to go? I grinned suddenly. "Lethal Weapon marathon?"
She groaned. "Sounds good to me." She took the cup and medicine from me, knocking them back.
I dug the four DVDs out and headed towards the TV as she shut the cabinet. "You want a fire?"
She hesitated. "I'm sorry for what I said last week," she said a moment later.
"What?" I had no idea what she was talking about.
"The keeping me warm thing. It was uncalled for."
I shrugged. "All you did was ask a question."
"Still..."
"So do you want a fire?"
She laughed. "Unless you're planning on keeping me warm, then yes, I do."
I rolled my eyes, sticking the DVD in the player before zipping off to build the fire. I hesitated as I turned back to the room. Lois was curled up on the couch, pulling a blanket over herself. I headed to the big chair we shared on Christmas. "Come 'ere." I held my hand out to her as I passed the couch. She looked puzzled but took it and I tugged until she stood up, grabbing the blanket. I led her to the chair and sat down, scooting all the way back and pulling the ottoman a bit closer with my foot. "Have a seat."
She gave me an odd look, and I couldn't really blame her. I couldn't remember the last time we'd – voluntarily – sat close together or something. Only when there were others around. After a second, she shrugged lightly and we situated ourselves in the chair. She pulled the blanket with her and we snuggled underneath it. I picked the remote up off the table and turned the TV on before pushing play on the DVD remote.
Given the overall state of our relationship, I was surprised at how well we seemed to anticipate each other's moves or needs. When her arm started falling asleep from being pressed to tightly against me or when my leg started to go numb. That was something I'd never noticed. I was invulnerable, but my leg could go numb?
When we first sat down, I kept my arms on the arms of the chair but before the first movie was over, I had one arm wrapped around her and one hand resting on her knee. I wasn't quite sure how that had happened, but somehow it felt right.
Didn't it?
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
My leg was burning through my pajama pants.
Where Clark's hand was on my knee.
We were sitting in the chair, almost like you might expect a couple to be on their anniversary, but that mystery couple would probably have less clothes on.
"One down," he said as the credits started to roll. "Ready for number two?"
I nodded. "I need to go to the bathroom first, but yeah. Go ahead and put it in." I managed to stand up, Clark's hand steadying my waist. I raised my arms above my head and stretched and yawned before heading towards my – our? – room. When I came back out, Clark was back in the chair and looked like he was waiting on me. "Do you want a snack?" I asked, heading for the kitchen.
"What're you having?"
I shrugged. "Popcorn?" I started to dig the popcorn maker out of the cabinet.
"Don't mess with that. Just pour some in a big bowl and bring it here."
I glanced at him, puzzled. "Okay." I poured some kernels into a bowl and headed over to him.
"Have a seat," he said, holding an arm out to me.
I did.
He took about a third of the popcorn kernels out of the bowl and set them on the table. I watched as he stared intently at the bowl. Suddenly, the kernels started popping and a minute later, the bowl was full.
"Wow," I whispered.
"Pretty cool, huh?" he asked with a grin.
I nodded. "What're those for?" I asked, pointing to the ones on the table.
"Scoot up a bit."
I complied and he picked up one of them.
"Ready?"
I nodded.
He threw the kernel into the air where it popped mid-flight and then he caught it in his mouth.
I rolled my eyes. "Show-off," I muttered.
He laughed. "That's one way to put it." He tugged me back towards him. "One of the ways I learned to control this heat vision doohickey was by popping individual popcorn kernels. I tried to focus it enough to pop the kernel but not burn the wood around it." He shook his head slightly as he pulled the blanket up around us. "I nearly burned the farm down a time or two. Once – when I was twelve, I think – I thought I was good enough, but instead I set the carpet in the living room on fire. Mom was... not happy."
I giggled. "I bet." I was quiet for a minute, thinking. "Do you think your kids will have the same powers?"
He sighed. "I don't know that I can even have kids. I mean, I'm not human. I look human, my body seems to work like a human's – with a few extras – but I don't know that I can actually get a human pregnant, much less that she'd be able to carry the baby to term and all of that, without it taking an incredible toll on her."
"Are you and Lana planning on having kids?" I asked, not looking at him.
He nodded. "We had been," he said slowly. "But I hadn't told her all of this yet. It's possible that we would have decided that it wasn’t worth the risk or something."
I hadn't thought about all that. "Well, regardless, you have Christopher now. He'll always be your son and I'm sure Lana's baby will end up loving you as much as he does his dad, too. I know they're not your biological children but..." My voice trailed off.
There was a long silence.
"What?" I finally asked.
"Mom didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"Lana was in a car accident in early December. She's okay, but the baby... The baby didn't survive."
I gasped. "What? That's horrible!"
He nodded behind me, his arm tightening slightly around me. "Mom said she's devastated, obviously, and so is Tim."
"Wow," I whispered.
"Mom told me about a month ago. The accident wasn't bad, and Lana was fine, but I guess the placenta separated from the wall of the uterus or something like that, Mom said. She actually delivered the baby – a girl – but she was too little to survive for very long. Mom said Lana actually got to hold her for a few minutes before..." He sighed. "I figured Mom had told you, too."
"No. She hadn't." I sighed. "I'm sorry. You would have had two kids once this is all over but..." I shook my head, trying to imagine what it would have been like to hold Christopher for a few minutes, knowing that he wouldn't live very long and I just couldn't. "I can't imagine what she must be going through," I told him. "Or you. She would have been your step-daughter in a few years." Another thought occurred to me. "Did you go see her?" I asked quietly before I could stop myself.
"No," he said in equally quiet tones. "I thought about it. Part of me wanted to, but I think I was probably the last person she wanted to see and I knew I shouldn’t go anyway."
When had I turned towards him so that he was practically cradling me, my head against his chest, one of his hands brushing my hair gently off my temple?
"I'm still sorry I got you in this mess," I finally told him. "I'm sorry your life isn't what you expected it to be."
"You're safe. Christopher is safe. Those are the most important things."
"Lana is hurting, though. She wouldn't be if it wasn't for me. And even then, I think that deep down she probably wishes you were there for her."
He sighed. "She has Tim and her folks. You were right when you said I'd betrayed your trust when I told her Christopher wasn't mine. Regardless of what my plans, your plans, Lana's plans were this time last year, I married *you* and you two are my priority, no matter what."
I thought maybe I was finally starting to believe that.
I thought maybe *he* was finally starting to believe that.
And that was a relief.
*****
TBC
