A couple of notes before I get to the next chapter. First, my apologies. I did intend to post this yesterday in keeping with the promised schedule, but I ended up not online all day. I'll be posting the next part tomorrow anyway.
I won't be posting after tomorrow until Monday, December 1st as I'll be busy with the holiday weekend here in the states. One of the things I'll be looking at over the weekend, though, is whether I can keep up the posting schedule I have right now. My writing has taken a serious slow down and while I'm posting every other day, I'm writing chapters in closer to 5 or 6 days. (At this point, it's been a week since I sent my betas the last chapter I wrote, and I haven't even started the next one, so clearly it will be much slower than the 6 days I was hoping for.) So, I may slow down posting a little bit and then pick it up again when I finally finish this. I shouldn't have more than five or six chapters left to go, but I'm having such trouble getting them out recently.
As always, a huge thank you to my betas – Kelly, Carol, and Beth!
From Chapter 8
“I'm sure he is and I mean it, Lois. If you want me to tell him, I will, but…”
“But you're not ready yet?” I asked, feeling a sigh coming on. How much longer did I need to keep this from Chad? No matter what Clark said, I didn't feel right telling Chad this secret if Clark wasn't comfortable with it. But I also didn't feel right keeping it from Chad. I wished he would just be comfortable all ready so I wouldn't have to deal with it.
“I'm not,” Clark said softly. “I'm sorry.”
I nodded my head. “Can we make a time to re-evaluate?” I asked, afraid that if I let this go, I would eternally be keeping a secret from Chad.
“That seems more than fair,” Clark said. “How about next week?”
“Sounds good,” I said, although I didn't really mean it. It sounded okay – better than no date or six months from now would have been. But I was ready to end this now.
Chapter 9
“You have a minute?” Clark asked me shortly after I came in the next day. He had been here at daybreak and had written up a Superman story, so I guess he had had a long night.
“Sure,” I said. I was feeling a little better about things today. I still hated the idea of keeping secrets from Chad, but I also knew that Chad would understand. This wasn't a secret like someone having an affair – this was a secret that could put people in danger, and at this point, Chad and I were probably close enough to Clark to be on that list.
Certainly, I was the person most associated with Clark in the public eye. That was a bit weird actually. I know it's just because of our jobs, but it did seem like I might be in more danger if this got out than Rachel. Not that it would take much digging for someone to find Rachel – most people around the newsroom knew Clark had a girlfriend who still lived in Kansas and those that were closer to Clark like Perry and Jimmy actually remembered both her name and the name of the town Clark grew up in. Given that they also knew she was sheriff, I doubted it would be hard for someone to find her.
Still, that took some leg work and some trickery to get the information. All you needed to do to know that Clark and I spent a fair amount of time together was to read the paper or see the ads. Not that either of those would indicate that we were friends aside from colleagues, but the way Superman acted that probably wouldn't seem that important. He would clearly rescue me regardless of how close we were. Well, actually, I knew he would, but from a criminal's perspective or whatever.
I followed Clark into the conference room and as soon as I shut the door behind me I said, “I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't be pushing you for things you're not ready for.”
“No,” Clark shook his head. “I'm sorry. I… I never meant to burden you with this, and I certainly don't want to come between you and Chad. I… I talked to my parents last night.”
“About telling Chad?” I asked.
“Sort of,” Clark looked out the window. “I never really told them that I had told you.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, to be honest, they weren't all that happy about it. Not that it's anything against you.”
“They don't know me,” I said.
“Exactly. I mean… they trust my judgment, but this is still hard for them. They've been worried my whole life about this secret getting out and now I've gone and told someone who is not part of the family and has no reason to keep it. I mean, I actually think that's not true. You're my closest friend in Metropolis. I don't think that's exactly a secret. And since the average criminal can't fly with the ease I can, you are a lot more accessible than Rachel. But they just…”
“It's okay, Clark,” I said, putting a hand on his arm. “I understand.”
Clark nodded. “Mom also thought that given how long you've known, I should tell Chad,” he said quietly.
“What?” I was surprised. They didn't want me to know, but they thought Chad should?
“She said as important as the secret is, it shouldn't be as important as your wedding vows and if I didn't want Chad to know, I never should have told you.”
His words made me feel badly. I agreed with Martha, but it wasn't exactly fair, was it? Clark saw me for hours every day. We had had time to develop trust in each other. I knew Chad was trustworthy, too, but it was fair that Clark was still not sure. Even with all the time they spent together, it still dwarfed the time he spent with me.
“Clark, I meant what I said yesterday. I don't want to make you uncomfortable…”
“No,” Clark interrupted. “That's not fair. It never has been. Keeping this secret is making you uncomfortable. Mom's right. I knew you were married when I told you. I should have considered that and it's not like I don't like Chad or something. I just… I don't really know that I'll ever feel ready to tell him.”
I nodded my head unsure what to say.
“Can I ask you one more favor?” Clark asked. I nodded and Clark quietly asked, “Would you tell Chad? I know that's not fair, but… I don't know. I thought it might be better.”
I nodded again. I could understand that. “Okay,” I said. I still felt awkward about this. It was clear that Clark was still uncomfortable with the idea of Chad knowing, but if he was always going to feel that way, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't keep this from Chad forever. It was just too hard.
************************
Chad was working that night; the virus was still taking its toll on the hospital, so he was in the ER again. This meant I couldn't tell him about Clark until the morning. The thought ruined my night. First of all, I was nervous about telling Chad I had kept a secret from him at all, but to do it when he had been up all night did not seem like the best possible time.
Still, I didn't want to wait any longer. I wanted to get it over with. So, armed with more thoughts on what I was going to say to him than I wanted, I settled into bed for the night. I lay there for several hours, just staring at the ceiling. He would understand, wouldn't he? What if he didn't? Had this been a mistake? Should I have taken Clark up on his offer to tell Chad when he first told me?
I finally fell asleep amid these thoughts and was startled awake when I felt Chad get into bed. “Morning,” he said.
“Morning,” I replied, wishing he would be a little quieter so that I could fall back to sleep. Then I remembered why I was so tired and got up more fully.
“Can we talk for a few minutes?” I asked Chad. “Or are you too tired?”
“I'm okay,” Chad said, sitting up. “Is everything okay?”
I played with the edge of the sheet. “I have something to tell you,” I said nervously.
I felt Chad put a warm hand on my back. “What's wrong, honey?” he asked. “Just tell me. I'm sure whatever it is, it's not as bad as you think.”
“I sort of…” I clearly had not done a good enough job practicing what to say to him last night as I could not find the words to do so right now. “There's something I haven't told you.”
“Are you sick?” Chad asked, the concern in his voice evident. It made me feel even more guilty.
“No, I'm fine. I just… it's not really my secret.”
“Wait,” Chad said and there was an edge to his voice that worried me. “This is a secret? How long have you been keeping it from me?”
“A couple of months?” I guessed.
Chad got out of bed, a sure sign that he was not happy. “You have something you've been keeping from me for a couple of months?” he asked, the edge more pronounced now. “I thought…” he stopped and took a deep breath. “Lois, I thought we promised to always be honest with each other.”
“I know,” I told him and I did know, but surely finding out your partner was an alien was an exception, right? “But…”
“But what?” Chad asked and there was no mistaking he was angry now. “There is no explanation that could make it okay for you to keep anything from me this long.”
“This wasn't…” I had no idea how to finish that sentence. What had I been thinking? I should have just told Chad this when Clark first told me.
“Wasn't what, Lois? What could possess you to keep a secret from me this long?” Chad asked, nearly yelling now.
I closed my eyes hoping the words were imprinted on my eyelids. “It's just… Clark…”
“Clark?” Chad asked. “You told Clark whatever it was and you didn't tell me?”
“It's not like that…” I said, but Chad cut me off before I could explain that it was Clark's secret not mine.
“How... what could you have been thinking? Keeping a secret from me but sharing it with Clark. It's like… it almost feels like you're having an affair,” Chad said, his voice soft. He sounded so hurt I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get him to understand.
“It's not… it's not anything like what you're thinking,” I said.
“So tell me what it is like, Lois,” Chad said, but before I could, he continued. “You know what? I don't think I want to hear it right now. I'm going to sleep on the couch!”
I lay back down not sure what to do. Tears were streaming into my ears, but I didn't even bother to push them out of the way. I lay there for about ten minutes before I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to talk to him; I had to make him understand.
I padded downstairs in my bare feet. Chad was lying with his legs falling over the arm of the couch, but his eyes were wide open.
“I'm so sorry,” I said quietly.
“It doesn't matter,” Chad said quietly and with such lack of emotion that it worried me.
“What doesn't matter?” I asked.
“The secret. Whatever it is. It's not the secret that's important, Lois.” He sat up on the couch, but stared at his hands rather than me. “It's the fact that you thought there was something you could share with Clark and not with me. What does that say about our marriage? Or your partnership with Clark?”
“Clark and I are just…”
“Don't patronize me, Lois,” Chad said. “Don't tell me that you're just partners or just friends. You kept a secret from me that you shared with him. Something you trusted him with that you kept from me.”
I couldn't seem to stop crying long enough to explain anything.
“I just…” Chad stopped speaking, but when he did speak again, he picked his head up to look at me. “I don't even know what to do with this information, Lois. It's so… surprising. I knew you were close to Clark and I thought he was a great guy, so it didn't really bother me. But now I think it should have.”
“No!” I insisted through my tears. “It's not… Clark and I are not… I love you!”
“I know you do,” Chad said softly. “But there's more to our marriage than that. And I would have said that trust was one of the cornerstones, but you've taken that away.”
“Chad…” I pleaded.
“I need to get away for a few minutes. I'm going for a walk,” Chad said without responding to me. I watched him walk upstairs and come down a minute later wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
“Your alarm is going off,” he said without looking at me. “You need to get ready for work.”
If it was me, I would have slammed the front door behind me, but Chad wasn't like that. He closed to door softly.
I went upstairs to shut my alarm off, but made no move to get ready for work. I couldn't go to work like this. I had to fix things with Chad. Somehow, I had to make things better even if I didn't know how.
************************
I sat downstairs waiting for him. This time I knew what I had to do. I had to just blurt out Clark's secret before Chad had a chance to get upset again. That and keep my fingers, toes, and any other appendages available crossed that once he learned the secret, Chad would understand.
I tried to keep taking deep breaths, sure that if I started crying I'd never get the words out.
He was gone for about forty-five minutes which meant he was trying to avoid me. Clark and I had a meeting at the DA's office this morning and I would have been long gone if I was going. As it was, I had not had the energy to call Clark, so I called into my voicemail and left him a message from there letting him know he should meet with the DA without me.
When Chad came back, he barely glanced at me. “I thought you'd be gone by now,” he said.
I took a deep breath. This was it. Rather than being drawn into a conversation about why I was home and how sorry I was, I just had to tell him. I could suddenly understand how hard this must have been for Clark. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and it wasn't my secret. But then again, Clark didn't have his marriage hanging in the balance when he told me.
“Clark's Superman,” I finally said. Chad was on his way upstairs, but stopped at that.
Without turning around, he asked, “What?”
“It wasn't my secret. It was Clark's. He's Superman,” I said again. “And he didn't ask me not to tell you, but he clearly wasn't comfortable with it and it made sense. He didn't even know you at the time. I'm the only person besides his parents who know. But I've wanted to tell you and I only agreed to keep it from you if Clark would agree to get to know you so that I could tell you someday. Chad, I'm so sorry. I realize now I should have told you right away even if he was uncomfortable. At the time, though… I'm just so sorry.”
Chad had turned around and came down the stairs to sit beside me on the couch. “Clark is Superman?” he asked quietly.
I nodded my head. “I don't think… I think it was supposed to be a secret. Well, I mean, it is a secret, but I don't think he had intended to let anyone but his parents know.”
“Rachel doesn't know?” he asked, clearly trying to get his head around this.
I shook my head. “He's sort of… I was going to say he's weird about it, but that's not really true. It's more like he's scared of it. He seems so worried that she'd be repulsed if she knew the truth.”
“But doesn't she know that he can fly and whatever else he can do?” Chad asked.
“No, he hasn't told her. He said he'll do so before he proposes, but just can't right now. He's afraid of what her reaction would be.”
Chad turned to look at me for the first time. “So, what made him tell you?”
I shrugged. “I don't think it was any one thing. He didn't have anyone else to talk to – he had had a bad day and was thinking about quitting. He was worried his parents would be disappointed in him and… I think he just needed someone to talk to and I was the only one he knew here in Metropolis. Well, that and I sort of bullied it out of him.”
I saw a ghost of a smile on Chad's lips and knew we were going to be okay. “Of course, you did,” he said.
“You should have seen him, Chad. He just looked so upset.”
“So, he was going to quit being Superman?” Chad asked.
“Or Clark. We never discussed exactly which he was thinking of,” I said.
“What happened?”
“To make him want to quit or to make him change his mind?” I asked.
“Both, I guess,” Chad said.
“Well, like I said, he'd had a bad day. It was only the second or third day since he had invented Superman. He saw a little girl getting raped by her father.”
Chad groaned.
“Yeah,” I said. “I think he just didn't know how to deal with that. As for why he didn't quit? I'm not sure if he really meant it. It sounds like it's always been a problem for him not to help people when they're in trouble.”
Chad shook his head. “I can see that, and still… it must be so hard sometimes.”
“Yeah. So, I set him up with the coordinator at the Rose Program at the hospital,” I told Chad.
“The one that helps victims of violent crimes?” Chad asked. “Clark is volunteering for that? Does he not need any sleep?”
“I think he needs less than we do,” I said. “But he's not volunteering. Superman went through the training to learn how to deal with victims. And I also got him hooked up with a program that social workers at prisons go through to learn how to deal with criminals.”
Chad placed his hand on mine. “Clark is lucky to have you.”
“I'm so sorry,” I whispered. “I wasn't trying to… keep you out of the loop or forge a relationship with Clark. I just… he needed me and… if you'd seen his face you'd understand, I think, why I just couldn't tell you until he was ready for you to know.”
Chad nodded his head, moving closer to me on the couch. “I know. I can understand how this is different than any of the types of secrets I was thinking of. I can see how you wouldn't want to tell me until he was ready. I'm sorry I wouldn't listen to you.”
I shook my head. “You shouldn't apologize "cause I was finally ready to talk and you weren't ready to listen. You're right. We promised to always be honest with each other and I didn't do that.”
Chad gave a slight chuckle. “Well, when we made that agreement, neither of us thought we'd ever meet an alien or… what is he exactly?”
“He doesn't know,” I said. “His guesses are alien or "science experiment'.” Chad shot me a look of surprise, so I explained. “Those are his words, not mine. Like I said, he has a lot of issues with this.”
Chad tilted my head up to place a kiss on my lips.
“I'm glad he felt he could talk to you,” he said. “I'm sure he needed that. And I'm honored that he was willing to share that secret with me. I really am sorry for getting so upset at you this morning. I guess I was more tired than I thought.”
“No more secrets,” I promised him.
Chad smiled. “Until the next time you meet a man who can fly?”
“No, I mean it. Next time, I'll tell you anyway.” I laughed knowing the chances of there being a next time were pretty slim.
