Last time:
Lois
He reached out and turned my head so he could see my face. "I told her I was happy."
My eyes left his. "Are you? Or did you just tell her that?"
"I am happy," he said quietly. "I have a good life for just finishing my sophomore year of college. We're friends again. Christopher is great. We live in a great house and have virtually no expenses. Do I wish things were different? Sure. Do I wish that he wasn't after you two? Of course. But I *am* happy."
He wished things were different. He wished he were married to Lana was what he meant by that. I believed him when he said that he was happy, but I would bet money that he thought he'd be *happier* with Lana.
"I'm glad," I finally whispered and I was.
I was glad he was happy.
I was sorry he'd sacrificed five years of his life to protect us.
I was sorry he was going to be a part-time dad to Christopher once this was over.
I was sorry Lana might decide not to take him back after everything that happened.
I was sorry he hadn't been able to tell his parents the whole story and that they were going to be hurt when they realized that Christopher wasn't really their grandson – though I doubted genetics would actually matter given their history with Clark.
But I was glad he was happy.
*~*77*~*
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I blew up another one of the balloons and tied it off. "Where do you want this one?" I asked Lois.
She shrugged. "Wherever you want. I think we've got about enough."
I taped it to the back of one of the chairs. "How's that?"
She looked around. "Looks good."
It wasn't officially a 'party', but rather dinner with birthday cake. My parents and Granny Kent were on their way in from the airport with Ollie. Vicki was making barbeque chicken cups and loaded mashed potatoes in the kitchen. The boys were finishing up their chores and Jimmy would be here any minute, with Billy and Serena in tow.
As though on cue, the front door opened. "Hello?" called Jimmy.
"We're in the dining room," Lois yelled back.
A few seconds later, the three of them traipsed into the dining room.
"Nice place," Billy said wryly. "What're you guys slumming it with us for?"
Lois rolled her eyes. "Just because my dad has money and lets us live here while we're in college doesn't mean we don't have to work."
"That's right, Princess. No spoiled rich girls allowed around here," Sam said as he walked in the room carrying Christopher. He set him carefully on the floor and we watched him take a few tottering steps before he plopped down.
I could almost see him shrug it off as he decided crawling was faster anyway and he headed towards his toys on the other side of the room.
We all laughed and Lois introduced her dad to Billy and Serena. A minute later, my parents and Granny pulled up with Ollie and the rest of his family joined us. A couple of the security guys were there too – as 'friends of the family' again. It wasn’t that we thought security needed beefed up, but these guys were with us – or at least Christopher, whoever he was with – most of the time so it was only fitting they were at his birthday dinner.
I'd managed to pull my parents to the side to let them know that not everyone knew the whole story about Christopher and the security and all that.
A lively time followed.
Christopher smashed his cake up good and it was soon all over him and his high chair and the table and he even managed to get some in Lois' hair. By the time he'd been wiped down and 'opened' a few presents, it was nearly his bedtime.
Hugs and kisses were given to him by all and the rest of us broke out the board games as Jessica took him upstairs for a bath and bedtime.
We played a variety of games before everyone said their good-byes and headed for home. I gave Mom and Granny hugs and kisses before they headed upstairs to the apartment.
Dad and I headed out to the deck while Lois headed upstairs.
We leaned on the rail as I waited for him to start.
"Everything's okay?" Dad finally asked.
I nodded. "Think so. We can't find any connection from Navance to anyone who might do anything here. It was a couple of pretty scary days, though."
"I'm sure it was."
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you guys sooner," I finally said. I hadn't told them until about three days after the situation started.
Dad shrugged. "There was nothing we could have done except worry and you had other, more important, things on your mind." He sighed. "That wasn't what I was talking about though."
I waited for him to go on but he didn't. "Then what were you talking about?" I finally asked.
"You and Lois."
"We're doing good," I told him honestly. "Things are a lot better between us."
"That's good. But are things just better or better?"
I sighed. "Things could be better still. But they're getting better all the time."
"We've noticed. You two seem a lot more... comfortable with each other. You were trying hard before but, to those of us who knew you really well, it was pretty obvious that something wasn’t right."
I stared out at the dark pasture for a long time before I spoke again. "On our anniversary, she told me she wanted a divorce," I finally said. "Said she couldn’t do it anymore; it was too hard and not even for Christopher's sake..."
Unless they'd done more research, they didn't know about the stipulations Navance put into place after we left Latislan. We hadn't told them. We'd let them believe the official story and they, of course, had no idea that he wasn't my son. They didn't know that he could be at even more risk if Lois had gone through with it.
"What happened to change her mind?"
How much to tell him? "I refused. I told her I wanted this to work, and not *just* for Christopher's sake. She... told me some of what she'd been dealing with while we were both kind of living our own lives – things I should have seen and I would have if I wasn't still *so* absorbed in what might have been. I asked her what I could do to make things better for her, right then and that was when she asked me to..." I looked to make sure no one was around. "...take her flying and we went to see you guys. Basically, we – and by that I mean me, really – made a commitment to making things better between us and it's been working."
"But you're still not her lover, are you?"
I shouldn’t have been surprised at his bluntness, but I was. Caught off guard, I wasn't sure what to say, so the first thing that came to mind came out my mouth. "What makes you say that?"
"When a man and a woman are that intimate with each other, it shows in everything they do. They look at each other differently. They touch each other differently. You two still put on a pretty good show – and I'm still not entirely sure why you feel the need to do that, but I get the feeling you won't tell me anyway except that you want to convince everyone that your marriage is all it should be – but it's not the same as if you were in the spot you are now in your relationship and lovers as well."
Maybe he had a point. I didn't really remember enough about my parents from before and after the wedding to know if they looked at each other differently. I *did* know they waited until they were married to have sex, but the engagement was only a couple weeks long and the whole courtship – when they were generally accompanied by a five-year-old – was only a few months.
"Take your friends from work. They're not – not yet. They're in love. They're engaged, but they haven't crossed that final threshold yet. Obviously, I don't know if they're waiting for their wedding or what, but you can see it when you watch them. They want to, they want each other, but they haven't. Not yet. It's just not there with you and Lois."
I sighted. "You're right," I finally said.
He chuckled. "Oh, I know I'm right. It was your mom who put me onto all this and you know how often she's wrong."
"Never."
"Less than that, I think."
I smiled at that.
"What's the problem?" he asked. "She's a beautiful young lady. She's the mother of your son. She's your *wife*. The only thing she's not is Lana."
I didn't say anything.
"Are you still in love with her?"
"I saw her the day the whole thing happened with Christopher." I sighed. "I still miss her."
"Miss her or *miss* her?"
I shrugged. "I'm committed to Lois, to my son, to my marriage. I'm not going to cheat on her."
"Oh, I know you're not going to do that," Dad said flippantly. "If you ever did, your mom and Lois would have to draw straws to see who got to skin you alive, even if you and Lois aren't at that point yet. Besides, your mom and I raised you better than that."
I wondered what he'd say if he knew I'd kissed Lana after I was married to Lois; if he knew I'd told her I desperately wanted to make love to her.
I knew what he'd say. They'd both be very disappointed in me.
Dad caught me off guard when he spoke again. "An affair doesn't have to be physical, you know. And physical affairs don't just mean sex. Any kind of physical interaction with another woman in a way that should be reserved only for a spouse. Kissing. Other touches. Even hugs can be. It's going to be different for most people. Some people are... touchers and they don't think twice about touching someone of either gender and never even realize they're doing it. For others, though, there's an... intent there that makes it inappropriate. So two people in the same hug or same interaction could see things differently."
He sighed. "And there's emotional affairs where a person shuts their spouse out emotionally and has those needs met by someone else. That can happen with no physical contact at all, but there can also be a... mental affair, for lack of a better term. When a person, in his or her mind, would rather be with another person. I'm not saying this is what's going on with you – or that it ever would – but to use you as an example... If you're married to Lois but spend all your time wishing you were with Lana – thinking about Lana – your mind isn't where it should be: with your wife."
I wanted to tell him that it didn't matter if my mind was with Lois or not. Hers wasn't with me. I wasn't sure who it was with – if anyone – but our marriage wasn't typical in so many ways. And I couldn’t tell him that it probably didn't really matter if my mind was on Lana regularly as long as I didn't let it get back to the point it had been the first year of our marriage.
"So what's holding you back?" he finished. "Is your mind still somewhere it shouldn't be?"
I didn’t really want to answer him and breathed a sigh of relief when the door opened behind us.
We turned to see Lois holding Christopher. "Someone's looking for his daddy," she said. "He's so over Mom at the moment."
I smiled as he reached for me. He didn't say many words yet – though he babbled all the time; he got that from Lois – but 'mama' and 'dada' were in his repertoire. I held out my arms to him. "Hey, big guy. How come you're not asleep?" He immediately rested his head on my shoulder as I held him to me.
"I think he's on a sugar high. He still smells like cake even though he's had a bath." Lois cinched the belt of her robe a bit tighter. The nightgown and robe both fell nearly to the ground, but I knew she was uncomfortable in them in front of me, much less my dad.
Lois yawned. "If you've got him, I'm going to bed."
I nodded. "I got him. We'll go for a walk or find a rocking chair or something and I bet he's asleep before you know it."
She turned to walk inside. "I won't know it, Mary. I'll be asleep."
"Mary?" I called after her, my eyes on my son.
"Yeah. Mary. Mary Poppins."
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I could hear Clark laughing behind me and a second later, Jonathan joined him. I wondered what they'd been talking about, but I wasn't about to ask. Somehow, I figured it had to do with our relationship.
Way deep down inside somewhere, it bothered me a bit that Christopher preferred Clark over me sometimes. I knew that was just how it was – all kids favored one parent over the other from time to time and now it was Clark's turn. Christopher and I had been practically inseparable when I was home for months, but that was because I was his main source of nutrition.
I shook myself.
That was a dangerous path and I knew it. I knew that if I let myself, I'd slip into a depression over the perceived rejection by my son – and the still real rejection on certain levels by my husband – even though I was on medication that helped most of the time. There was still a very real need for me to be on the look-out for what I'd taken to calling 'triggers' and avoid them.
The rejection – or perceived rejection – was one of those.
I made my way back through the house and wondered if Martha was planning on trying to corner me into having the counterpart to whatever conversation it was Clark and Jonathan were having.
I hoped not. I didn't really want to deal with that. Martha was wonderful but still too perceptive for my good. She knew, I was sure, that things were better between us but I was also sure that she knew that things weren't... where they should be for a happily married couple. I had no desire to try to deflect those questions.
I punched my code into the keypad next to the door and went back to our room. I slid back under the covers and 'accidentally' left one of the extra pillows in the middle of the bed – a sure sign that I didn't want Clark anywhere near me in the middle of the night. He did it from time to time too, I was sure, though I'd never actually seen him. It wasn't *always* me that moved the pillow there. I curled up with the body pillow and sighed.
I reached down and tugged the covers over me.
One year down.
Four to go.
*****
TBC
